*disclaimer*
Okay so I got this idea from reading fics by Bellamort500 (you should check them out, they're hilarious) so most of the credit goes to her/him.
Dear CloneClub,
I don't know why, but lately you've all been doing very strange things, so it seemed like a good idea to lay down some rules.
1.)You are to all stop referring to Rachel as Patchy the Pirate, even if she does have an eye-patch now.
We don't really care, but honestly we're all sick of hearing Rachel complain about it.
2.)Cosima and Delphine are to stop having relations in Felix's apartment.
Especially not in his bed. Again, this doesn't come from us.
3.)You are all to stop saying 'Helena strikes again!' every time you see a death in the news.
Unless Helena did actually strike again.
4.)Cosima is not allowed to have a puppy. That woman can barely take care of herself properly, let alone another lifeform.
5.)Cosima is to stop beggin for a puppy, because the answer is always going to be no.
6.)We don't care if you're a full-grown woman who can make her own decisions, because you tend to make bad ones.
7.)Donnie is to stop complaining that he thinks something is going on between his wife and Beth Childs.
It's true, but no one wants to hear you whine.
8.)No one is allowed to burn down the houses of people you dislike. You know who you are.
9.)Cosima is not allowed to buy a Furby and mentally abuse it just to 'see what happens'. The other clones think that Furby would've murdered you.
10.) Everyone is to stop mailing Deangeles sci-fi movies. That woman is suspicious enough of us as it is. Now she thinks we're aliens. Good going, Sarah.
11.) Alison is to stop waving guns at her sisters when they spill sunflower seeds on her floor.
12.) No one is to attempt to separate Rachel from her windows. She hates you all enough as it is.
13.) I'm not sure why anyone thought it would be a good idea to get Alison and Rachel high, but that is to never happen again, even if it was to 'help them bond'. We still haven't cleaned up all of the feathers in the East Wing.
14.) Cosima is to stop drunk-dialing Rachel at three in the morning singing Dancing Queen. This comes from Rachel, not us.
15.) You are all to stop having ship wars. Half of your ships aren't even canon, and you're all supposed to be adults.
16.) No one is to attempt to withhold red Jell-O from Helena. I don't know why any of you thought that'd be a good idea, but there were three deaths and four injuries that day.
17.) Rachel and Sarah are not in love, and would appreciate it if the Club would stop talking about their 'sexual tension.' Even if we all know it's true and they're in denial.
18.) We all know Alison and Beth are having an affair, but could you all please stop teasing Donnie about it? We have enough complaints from everyone as it is.
19.)Cosima is not allowed to disown her sisters for not liking Harry Potter, even if they do deserve it.
20.)Furthermore, the rest of you are not allowed to disown Cosima for making endless Harry Potter references.
21.) Also, Cosima is to stop using Harry Potter references as pick-up lines on Delphine. This doesn't come from us, but from Delphine, who doesn't understand them and is frankly a little scared of the series now.
22.)Nobody knows how many gumballs Helena can fit in her mouth, and nobody wants to.
23.) You are all to stop sending Helena after your enemies. She is a person, not a weapon. This comes from Sarah.
24.) Beth is to stop whining about how Sarah called her basic for that Friends box-set she has. Get over it.
25.)Cosima is to stop having a nervous breakdown every time she sees an angel statue. That show is fiction, and the Weeping Angels are not going to get you.
26.) We don't know who was responsible for that purple monkey at Dyad, and frankly, we don't want to know. Just don't do it again.
27.) Becoming a pimp is not a good career choice and you should let that idea go immediately. You know who you are.
28.)'I CAN DO WHAT I WANT' is not a good response when we ask you to stop capturing the pigeons from the park and drawing all over them with Magic Marker.
29.)Furthermore, you are not allowed to capture pigeons and draw all over them with Magic Markers. We're not sure why this really needs to be a rule, but you all continue to surprise us.
30.)You are not allowed to use your clones to make it look like you can travel in time. That's scary and confusing for all the strangers you involved in that.
31.) You are also not allowed to impersonate each other, no matter how good you think you'd look with dreadlocks, or how much you want to see Alison dressed like a punk rocker.
32.) 'This is bullshit' is not what you say when we forbid you from trying out for the NFL. Not a one of you could make it playing pro-football, and you all just embarrassed yourselves when you tried. Maybe Tony could, but he's the only one who knew better than to try.
33.) Sarah and Tony are to stop drawing fake beards on Sarah's face and letting people think she's Tony, no matter how good you are with the make-up, and no matter how many people actually believe it.
34.)Tacos are for eating, not for head wear. Cosima.
Sincerely,
Dyad.
I don't know if I'll continue this or not. Maybe if I get enough new ideas. We'll see. Please review and tell me if you liked it or not.