A/N: Hey everybody! I've been wanting to post this one for a while, but I hadn't gotten around to it until today. I haven't decided if I want it to be a oneshot, or if I should make it a few chapters. Let me know what you think!

I do not own South Park!

Wake up. Go to class. Eat. Sleep. To some, Kyle's daily routine would be desirable. He got to live the college life, staying up as late as he wanted, going wherever he wanted, eating whatever he wanted. To Kyle, it was his own personal hell. The reason behind his miserable existence could be summed up in two words. Eric Cartman.

Kyle swore that he must have committed some horrible sin to end up with Eric as his roommate. He was constantly making fun of him and verbally abusing him. It was okay though, because Kyle found a way to get back at him for it. It was the perfect plan. Kyle would prove to the world that Eric Cartman was not the only one who could hurt him.

It didn't make him happy to harm himself, but it sure as hell made him feel a lot better. It was Kyle's only solace. It was perfect, for a while. Then one day, everything changed.

-

Kyle sat cross legged on the floor of the bathroom. Cartman was off at some frat party, and wasn't due back for hours. It was the perfect time for Kyle to escape. He lifted up the floorboard and pulled out his box of supplies. He gently opened the lid and pulled out his blade, paper towels, and a small bottle of bleach.

He was always careful. Every time he cut himself, he made certain that he didn't leave any evidence. He knew that if Cartman ever noticed, he would hold it over Kyle's head forever. The jokes about him being "an emo piece of shit" would flow nonstop.

Carefully, Kyle laid the paper towels down in front of him. He slowly flipped open his blade, and closed his eyes. He cleared all of the thoughts from his head relating to anything but the pain Eric had caused him earlier that day. It made this justifiable.

Kyle reopened his eyes, and calmly started cutting. The first line hurt the most, but after that Kyle started to zone out. He planned to cut himself six times total, one for every comment Cartman made about Kyle being a filthy Jew.

He started on the second line, then the third. When he was just finishing up the fifth cut, he heard a loud bang. Startled, he jumped off the floor,practically impaling himself in the process. Kyle gasped as he yanked the blade out of his forearm.

"Hurry up fucktard, I have to take a piss!" Cartman shouted from outside the door. Kyle blanched, realizing that Eric was home hours early. "J-just a sec..." He stammered distractedly. He was frantically scrambling to clean up the bloody mess he had made. He shoved his shirt sleeve over the cuts and threw his supplies under the floorboard.

When Kyle opened the door, he found himself face-to-face with Eric.

"Move, fatass," Kyle grumbled. "I can't get out if you don't move..." Cartman rolled his eyes and pushed past Kyle into the cramped bathroom. As he did, he unknowingly brushed up against Kyle's fresh cuts.

Kyle cried out in pain. Cartman quickly turned around and muttered "The fuck was that for?" Choosing not to answer, Kyle wriggled out of the bathroom and towards his room. His roommate had other ideas though.

"Oi! I'm talking to you! I said why the fuck did you make that noise, Kahl?"

Grimacing, he just shook his head and continued to walk away. Cartman jogged over to Kyle and grabbed his arm to prevent him from leaving. Kyle screamed and fell to his knees. Surprised, Eric let his grip loosen. "Leave me alone!" Kyle pleaded. "I'm fine!"

With fire in his eyes, Cartman sunk to the floor next to Kyle and lightly rolled up the bloody sleeve. He examined the five shallow cuts, then what could only be described as a stab wound. "What is this?" He whispered. "The hell is this Kahl? Are these the only ones?" Kyle hesitated, and nodded his head.

"I don't believe you." Cartman stated. "Take off your shirt." Kyle's head snapped up. "What?!" He exclaimed. "I'm not taking off my shirt! Fucking weirdo..." Angrily, Eric grabbed the hem of Kyle's shirt and yanked it off his small body.

Cartman stared in shock. Crisscrossing his slender hips were at least fifteen or twenty more of the small lines, though these ones were healed. "How long?" Cartman inquired. "H-how long what?" Kyle stammered in reply. "How long have you been doing... This!"

Kyle avoided making contact. He wouldn't bother to answer Eric's question. Kyle didn't know how Cartman would react to hearing the truth, and he didn't exactly want to find out. "Kahl, you have to go to the hospital. These are going to get infected! Don't be fucking stupid..."

"No! No hospitals... Please." Kyle replied in alarm. There was no way anyone could find out about this. He didn't want to be remembered as the guy who cut himself. Cartman growled and tried to pull Kyle to his feet. He wouldn't budge.

"I won't go! I won't, I won't..." Kyle shouted as he started to sob. He wished he could keep it together in front of Eric, but the thought of anyone knowing about what he was doing sent him over the edge. He was certain that if he went to a hospital, somehow his parents would find out, and they would never speak to him again. "I.. You can't.. They'll.." He gasped as he frantically tried to gulp in air. Crying always made his asthma act up.

Cartman was starting to get scared. He had never seen Kyle like this before, and he didn't know what to do. "How can I help? Do you need your inhaler or something? Kyle, please!" He pleaded. Kyle was too busy sucking in breath to answer, so Cartman ran to the bathroom and started searching for the little silver tube he had seen only in pictures.

While he was looking, he noticed that the floorboard was loose. Thinking that Kyle's inhaler might be hidden there for some reason, he lifted it up, and dropped it in shock when he saw what the hiding spot was really for. Gingerly picking it up again, he examined the contents of the small space.

Inside, there were a few different kinds of blades, along with a bottle of bleach and a roll of paper towels. One of the blades and a handful of paper towels were covered in blood. Cartman pulled everything out, and threw it all in the trash in disgust. When he turned back, he noticed Kyle kneeling in the doorway, still struggling for air. His small hand was pointing to the window sill.

Eric grabbed the inhaler off the one place he hadn't looked, and rushed it over to Kyle. Within minutes, his breathing was back to normal. "So." Cartman paused. "Stand up." Kyle started to panic again. If Cartman tried to make him go to the hospital, he would- "We're not going anywhere, I'm just gonna clean you up." Kyle tried to protest, but Eric's glare shut him up.

He stood shakily, and slid onto the counter. Kyle silently watched as Cartman pulled various items out of the cupboards. When he had assembled everything he needed, Eric focused his attention on Kyle's injured arm. He methodically started wiping his cuts with a damp cloth. "Why do you do it, Kyle?" He asked after a few minutes.

He didn't reply, and Cartman's anger flared. "I'm talking to you, asshole. You owe me an explanation." Kyle grimaced, and finally answered. "You..." He said quietly. Cartman blanched, hoping he had heard Kyle wrong. "What did you just say?" He asked, deceptively calm.

"You." Kyle repeated. "It always you. Every time you say something about how I'm a 'stupid jew' and you want me to 'go back to my mommy, because I obviously can't handle being in the real world'. Don't you ever think about how that might hurt me? How maybe, I actually take those things seriously?" His anger was starting to bubble up inside him. All of the years of keeping quiet were finally being released.

"Do you even remember half the shit you say to me? Like the first time you realized we were stuck in a dorm together and you told me to go kill myself? Well I thought about it Cartman! I seriously considered it! But then I thought, 'Why should I let someone who means so little to me decide when my life ends?' So instead of killing myself, I just started cutting. Not for you, for me! I do it because it's the only thing that I can really control in my life. You are NOT the only thing that can hurt me, Cartman. I can hurt me too."

Cartman stared, open mouthed. "I-I didn't..." He started, then changed his mind. "Sorry I asked..." He tried to continue cleaning Kyle's arm, but was pushed away by the red head.

"No. I can do it myself. Just... Go." Kyle whispered, looking down.

Eric walked out of the bathroom without protest, shutting the door softly behind him. When he got to his room, the tears he had been holding in started slipping down his face. He hated himself for making Kyle feel that way. The worst part was, he didn't think he could stop himself from treating him like that in the future. He spent most of his life blocking out any feelings other than loathing towards Kyle, and he didn't think he could change now.

Kyle, still in the bathroom, sank down against the door. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head into his arms. Once the first few tears escaped, he couldn't stop the sobs from violently wracking his small body.

When there were no tears left to shed, Kyle curled up into a ball on the floor of the bathroom and fell into a light and fitful sleep.

He could only hope then when he woke up, Cartman would be gone and he could end his pain once and for all.

A/N: Hope you liked it, please reviewwww. Let me know if I should do more chapters! ~heart heart~