We're not scared.
Her hands are all over me and the blanket's wrapped around us and it's dark and the trees outside are slapping violently against the glass and I'm thinking back to all the times that she stared for just a few moments too long and I'm realizing that it really did mean something, after all, and that I must be stupider than I ever thought for never noticing before that nobody else's best friend stared after them like she did.
Her heart's beating out of her chest against my hand.
She's shaking and I'm wondering vaguely why it is that she always shakes when she's around me. She always tries to be still but she just gets all stiff and she starts to shake and I wish she would for once let her guard down and realize that I hurt everybody around me but I won't hurt her and I hate everybody around me but I care about her and I'll hold her up and I won't let her fall.
I'm wondering if this is really happening.
Her lips taste soft and sweet and they're shaking with the rest of her body and it's cold outside but we're in our own little world under our blanket where the cold can't touch us. We're safe under here and we're safe when we're together and we're safe as long as we have each other.
She's like something evil, reaching up to grab me and never letting me go.
And she still won't let go. She's never let go and all of these years have gone by and I'm sure everybody must've known that I love her but she didn't know. She's held onto me for so long without even trying and she didn't even know how close she held me to her side. I don't even know how long it's been but I can't remember a time when she hasn't been there and I can't remember a time when my every vacant thought filled within moments with thoughts of her.
Everybody always says I grew up to be such a beauty.
But nobody ever notices her. She was beautiful when she was a little kid and she was beautiful when she was just a little tween and she's still beautiful and maybe that's why nobody ever notices anymore--nothing's changed. She started out beautiful and beautiful she stays. I changed from the little tomboy I was when I was little to a girl who wore skirts and played soccer and field hockey and basketball and knew how to put on basic amounts of makeup, and I still was a tomboy at heart, but somehow they find the nerve to say that I'm beautiful and never say a thing about her.
I wish I could know everything going through her heart.
She's the most mysterious person I've ever met. I can usually read anybody and I can usually know what anybody's feeling but I've never understood anything about how she works. She's on a whole other level than anybody else I've ever met and I don't know if I love it or if it scares me. It's probably both, actually, but I don't know which one is stronger.
This is like all the good days times a thousand.
Everything else until right now feels so wrong that simply calling it wrong would be being nice about it. It's funny, because I thought that right was supposed to be something that just was until now but everything I've been feeling is wrong and I've been feeling it for so long that I'm just used to it by now.
She's the most perfect girl I've ever seen.
All the times she's hugged me a little too long or I've turned to stare at her and just found that she's staring at me too make sense now and I'm realizing how stupid I am for never picking up on any of this any sooner.
She's looking at me.
Christ, she's looking at me and her eyes still make me melt the same way they did this first time I ever saw her. My insides melt and my outside freezes up and I never really know what to do so all I can do is look back at her.
"Sorry.."
Sorry? I could've sworn I started it, but now that I look at us she's the one hovering over me, so I guess it must've been her and I was just thinking about it, but I've got my arms wrapped around her and she should know at this point that I want this just as much as she does.
"Carly, shut up and kiss me,"
--
It's short. It's not very good at all, and it's really vague.
Ick. I was just writing this to try and get back into my whole writingness thing, and I don't really like how it turned out at all, but I may as well put it up.. We need more Cam in this section. D:
And yeah, I know I never said anything other than 'she'. I did that on purpose. :o