Title: Late Night Musings
Disclaimer: No infrignment intended, The Office doesn't belong to me, otherwise- naw, I won't even go into it.
Summary: Pretty much what the title suggests, only Pam's doing the musing. And this is short-ish.
Spoilers: Phyllis' Wedding.
A.N.: Instead of working on the next installment of my current WIP His and Hers, I wrote this instead. Well, actually, I finished this story I began after I finished watching the episode P.W. (Does anyone notice a pattern?) An I'm probably going to add another chapter to this, but only if you guys want it. Anyway, enjoy.

Pam didn't usually stand around in front of a mirror in just her underwear, but she also didn't make a habit of going home with her ex-fiancee, so it seemed fairly reasonable to continue as was.

They don't match, she reflected. Her bra was a pleasant blue with her knickers a dark green. Had she known the articles of clothing were going to see the light of day (or the light of Roy's Budweiser lamp) she would have dressed more appropriate.

Still now wasn't the time to look back, the future was most important. Forget that the fact Roy repeatably chose his friends instead of her, didn't understand her passion she had with art, had no clue of the humor she was capable of, how she never felt truly beautiful in his presence because he was always staring at other woman, and commenting to her about them as if she was just a good buddy who would like that sort of thing.

She should just forget about all that, because he had changed. He apologized for his past indiscretions (sorta), he cared about her art (mostly), he held her tightly when they'd danced (who wants to sway?) And he hadn't gotten angry when she told him to stop earlier, that she didn't want to rush into things. Instead Roy had just rolled over on their his bed, and fallen asleep.

There's only one problem, Pam thought despairingly, was this moving forward or back? Was she with Roy right now (or in his bathroom to be precise) because she wanted to, or was she tired of being alone?

It was so hard going to the wedding solo, watching a replica of her own wedding taking place, seeing Roy all gussied up, flirting with her, trying so hard. Harder than when they were dating, engaged. And watching Jim and Karen together, comfortable, and realize Jim could be happy with another woman. That? That was hard. But that couldn't be the reason for me jumping into bed with Roy, could it?

Pam grabbed onto the sink's surface, her knuckles turning as white as the counter, as she tried to muddle through her thoughts, feeling all of a sudden too hot and surreal. Did she go home to Roy's because of Jim? Am I using Roy as a substitute for Jim? Pam had a sudden urge to splash water on her face, but the simple act seemed like too much, so she instead sank to the ground. Resting her head on the sink, trying to remove the painful thoughts from her head.

It didn't work.

All of a sudden it was too much, sitting in her old bathroom, her old fiancé in the other room, awake in the middle of the night, wondering if she'd made a wrong decision in her past that made her end up where she was. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, felt so stifled, so broken, she needed to get out. She needed air. She needed to breathe.

Pam groped blindly for the doorknob, only managing it turn it after the fourth try. Spying a shoe turned up-side-down Pam heard Roy's comfortably familiar snores, and she stopped jamming on her right shoe on her left foot while searching for The Dress. I could just end this. I could just take off the shoe, lay down next to Roy, fall asleep, and continue everything as was. Snuggle up to his warm body after so long in the cold.. I could just- Her thoughts floated off as a picture of Jim flashed in her mind, and with the other thoughts that followed. His warm hands, searing kiss, make-your-stomach-clench laughs. Pam turned away from Roy's sleeping form, and spotted her Dress-that-was-supposed-fix-everything-and-fit-so-perfectly. Blindly stuffing it over her head as her hand groped for her left shoe, Pam made a resolution. She would not go back to Roy. She would get Jim. No matter how long it took, she would fix things. Spying her wrap-around, at last(!) Pam was dressed.

A pen and paper weren't hard to find (in the exact same place as before) and with a few quick worded cliche's (I'm sorry, It's not you, It's me, etc.) Pam was out the door and into the cold. It was so refreshing, so free after the stifling feeling she's just been in, Pam whooped, and then promptly blushed, thankful that no one could hear her.

As Pam began the thirty-seven minute walk it would take to make it to her apartment, more excited than she should be by the prospect of stepping foot into work on Monday, she decided that maybe this was good. This one mistake, now she knew for sure not to make it again.

1. Review or else!
2. Else what, I'm not quite sure of, but my sister just got back from Marines Boot Camp, so that may have something to do with it.
3. And I'm not kidding. I don't think.