Chapter 1 Didn't want to know

After the huge disappointment of Smash's ending I decided to write my own ending and turn things right although it wasn't too easy due all the things that went so wrong. (Karen and Jimmy & Derek and Ivy) This is my first fanfiction thing so be merciful but I would like to get some feedback and comments. I think I'll add a song to every chapter and put a link to it if you can find it from youtube but you can at least find all the songs from Spotify. I mean the songs to be listened while reading the text, but if you want to concentrate on the lyrics you can listen to them separately because they're meant to add something to the story. The part that concerns the song is marked between these: [B] [E]. Lastly I don't speak English as my native language so be understanding if something sounds funny. Hope you enjoy.

"I feel nervous. It's weird isn't it? I mean I have done this many times before and I still feel nervous", Karen said straightening her clothes.

"It's fine. Many actors and actresses get nervous after thousands of performances. Besides you're going to be amazing up there", Ana said and nudged her playfully.

"I guess so and I always feel better when I'm on the stage", Karen said and Ana smiled.

"It's your last evening with Hit list so break a leg", Ana said and Karen stepped to the stage to face the bright lights.

Later at Table 46 Karen was standing among the other members of Hit list. She couldn't believe it was her last day with them. Of course she would see them again but working with them had been so great. Everybody else was chatting and laughing but somehow Karen felt a bit sad.

"Hello darling" familiar voice said and Karen turned to face smiling Derek.

"Hi Derek" she greeted cheerfully forgetting her sad thoughts.

Derek kissed her lightly on the cheek and ordered his usual.

"You were great as always" Derek said lifting the glass to his lips and Karen smiled at him.

"You're not going to add that your direction made the show even better?" Karen asked mockingly.

"Well that's obvious. I won a tony for it", Derek replied and Karen felt a hint of disappointment. She hadn't won, Ivy had. She shook the thought out of her head. Ivy deserved it and besides, it was amazing to even be nominated for her first role at Broadway.

"So what are you up to next?" Karen asked and Derek shrugged his shoulders.

"I have a project if they're going to hire me."

"Of course they are. It's like you said, they judge the work not the man. And you did the right thing after all", Karen said.

"Right thing…" Derek sighed and took another swig of the whiskey. "About that, I heard that the kid turned himself in. Maybe he's not so immature after all", Derek pointed out and Karen sighed.

"What do you even have against him? He's a good person."

"And I'm not? Ok, you don't have to answer that" Derek grinned and Karen shook her head smiling.

"You are a good person if you want to be. Maybe that goes for Jimmy too."

"And you like him so you're not exactly the person to judge" Derek joked and Karen nudged him playfully.

"I'm going to take my words back, you're the meanest person on the face of this earth", Karen laughed and Derek smirked.

"So I'm worse than all the terrorists and criminals?"

Karen smiled. Derek was fun to talk to, well at least when he was in a mood for it. Sometimes he was a pain in the ass but he was still one of her best friends. It had took time to get to know him but he really wasn't so bad that most of the people thought. He just didn't care what other people thought of him or at least hadn't. He had changed after the scandal with Daisy.

"Karen?" Derek asked and Karen looked at him.

"Sorry I was just thinking about stuff. Did you say something?"

Derek looked at her for a moment and said: "I was asking if you had a next project to work on."

"I don't know yet. I've been asked to join a lot of shows but I still don't know what to do. None of them really inspire me but it's work and it's just amazing that I already have so many offers", Karen replied.

"You should have many offers, you're Karen Cartwright after all. But I was thinking that I would add another offer to the pile. The project I was working on is still casting stars and we're in need of three lead actors. The producers and writers thought of you and Ivy for the two main characters so I thought I'd ask you", Derek said and ordered another glass.

"Me and Ivy? Well maybe it would work. We wouldn't be competing for the same part this time. Is it a musical and what it's about?" Karen asked.

"It is and I think the idea is something like dealing with all the things we do for love. It sounds cheesy but it wasn't so bad", Derek grinned and Karen smiled at him.

"Well if it's ok with Ivy, I'm in."

"I asked her this morning and she said the same thing. I think it's settled then, we have our stars. I'll tell you more about it when I have all the papers before me", Derek said drinking yet another glass.

"Sure. How things are going between you and Ivy? To be honest I was a bit surprised to hear you were back together but she seems to make you happy", Karen said and felt that little feeling of disappointment again. Why did she feel like that? It was great that Derek might finally settle down, for a while at least.

"Well yeah, I guess she does make me happy", Derek said and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well I'm glad to hear that. I'm going to head home now. You'll call me about the role tomorrow?" Karen asked and stood up.

"Yeah, I will. Wait I'm going to walk you home", Derek said and followed Karen.

"Good night love", Derek said and kissed Karen on her forehead, pulling her a little bit closer like he always did.

"Night Derek", Karen said smiling.

Karen tossed her purse on the table and noticed a missed call. She didn't recognize the number so she played the voicemail.

"Hello, this is Tom Wilson from Lincoln correctional facility. I'm calling about Jimmy Collins so please get back to me as soon as possible."

Karen couldn't believe what she had just heard. Why would they call her? She was going on her regular Thursday visit tomorrow. Karen dialled the number and got through after a while.

"Hello, this is Karen Cartwright. Am I speaking with Tom Wilson?"

"Yes hello, you were listed as a contact for Jimmy Collins, is that right?" a deep voice asked.

"Yes I am. Is there something wrong?"

"I'm sorry but Jimmy Collins has been taken to a prison hospital. He overdosed and his state isn't looking great but he'll get better."

"What?" Karen almost shouted and sat down shocked. "How can he have drugs in prison?" Karen asked and the man replied: "It's not very usual but it happens sometimes. Usually we find the drugs quickly enough but this time we were a bit too late. You can meet him tomorrow at the prison hospital. I'll leave you the address."

"Okay." Karen wrote down few lines still a bit confused. She thought that Jimmy would have been smarter. Why on earth would he do drugs in prison? Stupid, stupid, stupid… Didn't he think about anything?

On a back of her mind a small voice said: "This is exactly what you feared, isn't it?"

Irya's playground: I didn't want to know. Not so great version on Youtube: watch?v=rDzuQAWNY5M

[B]

Karen went to shower early next morning. She hadn't slept at all. She really cared about Jimmy and loved him. She didn't know if she was in love with him but she really loved him. It had seemed like he had wanted to make a change, so what had changed? It was probably true what she had thought. Jimmy was a good person when he wanted to be.

The visiting hours of the hospital began early and Karen walked there desperately clinging to an umbrella.

"Like I didn't have a bad day, of course it has to rain", Karen mumbled to herself and shook the drops from her umbrella in the lobby of the hospital.

"I'm Karen Cartwright and I'm here to see Jimmy Collins", Karen said to a tired looking receptionist.

"He'll walk you there" the man said and pointed towards a heavy built man standing in a uniform.

Jimmy lay down on the bed and he smiled when he saw Karen. Karen just sat down next to his bed and looked at him.

"Explain" Karen said harshly and Jimmy sighed.

"Come on Karen. It was nothing serious. I was going mad and I needed something to cheer me up", Jimmy said and Karen screamed: "Nothing serious? You could have died!"

"Karen…"

"I can't take this. I thought you had changed, that you would be wiser but you're just as immature as Derek said you were!"

"Oh great, pull Derek into this. Your great, handsome British director. I should've known you were with me just because he wasn't available", Jimmy shouted back and Karen felt so frustrated.

"Why do you feel so jealous for him? I chose you because I loved you and I still do but this isn't working. You said you wanted to be better and I believed you but here we are. You haven't changed a bit. This isn't working unless you do something about yourself."

"You know what Karen, this is who I am, so if you can't love me like this, don't love me at all. Maybe this was for the best. It's over", Jimmy roared and Karen stepped back. She turned away without saying a word, without a tear.

"Karen wait", Jimmy pleaded but she didn't want to go back. Jimmy was right, it was who he was and she couldn't change him.

[E]

Karen heard her ringtone.

"Hello?" Karen answered the phone without watching who called.

Her voice trembled and a confused voice asked: "Karen?"

"Oh, hi Derek", Karen said standing in the rain with a closed umbrella in her hand. She felt so empty, not broken, not yet. It would have been easier just to cry.

"Are you outside?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, I was… I was on a walk", Karen said. She didn't want to tell about Jimmy, not to Derek, not now anyway.

"In that weather? Oh, never mind. About that role, could you come here now?" Derek asked adding the address.

"Yeah, sure", Karen said and opened her umbrella. She didn't want to get any wetter.

"Okay, see you here" Derek said and hung up.