Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding Attack on Titan, I just like it. I like it a lot.
As it had been since that first cold night, Mikasa's inscrutable gaze inexorably found itself drawn to Eren, who at the moment was sitting across the mess hall of the Survey Corps' headquarters; the boy's shock of chocolate brown hair settled over his forehead, his normally expressive emerald eyes pensive and far away.
Mikasa couldn't help the slight furrow that settled onto her brow, worry worming its way into her mind as it so often did when it came to Eren. Recently she could at times barely recognize him as the aggressive and headstrong boy from years before, always so intent on rushing ahead of Armin and herself, never looking back as he ran ahead heedless of their attempts, of her attempts, to catch up.
The soldier girl who was worth a company of men and women had lost count of the times she had to pull him out of the fire, because he just never thought to do anything but throw himself headlong into the blaze, consequences be damned. Where else could Eren ever be but in the middle of it? When they were young she had found his passionate need to dive into life endearing, more than endearing she would say, but endlessly exasperating.
But then they were no longer young, the illusions of peace she had tried so hard to resurrect sundered to ash, and they were at war. Eren was at war, with the world and everything in it it seemed, including her.
For so long she could do little but watch him from afar. She could never get to close, never reach out to him because his fire lashed out at anything he thought would threaten his self-imposed mission. So for years she trailed behind him, in body and mind, always waiting and observing; protecting him from the world and himself. It earned her a few burns of course but his anger always receded before her. He was just as bound to her as she was to him, even if most of the time he was too caught up in his troubles to see it.
Now things had changed, as they had when Shignashina fell, and Mikasa was no less at a loss. A part of her was relieved that he was less quick to anger in recent times, his temper which had bubbled beneath his fierce countenance since before she knew him seemingly reigned in (not extinguished of course, that would be a far worse consideration) and she especially noticed he rarely snapped at her now, and those few times were little more than slight rebukes. Rebukes she understood, objectively at least, because she knew he needed his room to breath, to flourish under his own sun and she accommodated him as best she could.
But as much as the impassive girl would have like to attribute this to simple maturation, the shedding of the untempered youth for the steadiness of manhood, she knew that was not entirely the case.
Mikasa would admit to herself that she had become fond of parts of this new Eren, who treated her with a gentleness and care that she could only liken to those cherished old memories that she wistfully reminisced on in the small hours of the night, when for so long he had seemed lost to her, dwelling in perpetual anger and hate; trapped in the shadow of that Titan who had stolen away his mother.
The girl who had promised Carla to look after her reckless young son, however, grew increasingly troubled over the broken and jagged parts of Eren that surfaced more and more as time went on and the losses and pain mounted.
She knew physical trauma was nothing to him. He had suffered injures grievous enough to kill any normal human several times over. He had been hurt time and again, by enemies and friends alike, even having his own limbs cut away and despite how much it worried her, she knew he could withstand anything that wouldn't kill him.
She could withstand it even though it twisted inside her with heartache and pain for him to know that the hands that now sat idly before his lost gaze were not the ones that shielded her with innocent embraces from the nightmares of her past as children, not the ones that gave her treats his mother had baked for her son and young ward and not the ones that had held her hand as he led her home after that last night as an innocent little girl. The ones that killed for her.
No, she knew he could bear the physical costs of his station, and she would be there to protect and mend him as best she could.
It was the betrayals and deaths and the cruel revelations that she feared, because Eren was never one to restrain himself in the face of life and each blow was like an attack on his soul.
Her Eren was a creature of freedom, who longed for the world as it was meant to be. He was meant to be unburdened by the fears and doubts of those who surrounded him, and she would feel all those things for him in his stead; she feared that the hateful truths of the world might sap him of the beauty of his soul, so powerful and good. Because what could a single good person's strength compare to the the unbridled cruelty of this existence? Already she could see its' greedy, consuming fingers struggling to gain control of him and it pained her to know that, try as she might, she could only do so much to shield him from its grasp.
She would trade places with him in a heart beat if she could, but fate had decided that he would bear the burden he shouldered even now.
The world was cruel...but beauty could still be found, hidden away.
Those familiar green eyes turned to her then, suddenly aware of her stare. If Mikasa had permitted it, embarrassment would have overtaken her at being caught in her unabashed gaze, but instead she only allowed a small smile to cross her lips at his questioning look.
The half oriental had long reached a point in her life where she no longer denied the flutter in her heart in matters concerning her childhood friend and it very much fluttered when he smiled right back, because it was not one of his occasional toothy grins, which she still appreciated all the same, but something even rarer than that. It was a simple, small and gentle curve of the lips like hers, unburdened by intent and created only for those quiet moments that they sometimes shared where the world seemed to fall away for her and only the one she held closest to her heart remained.
Sometimes she wished for more, that he could feel for her as deeply as she felt for him in the quiet beat of her heart and sometimes she imagined that he did. But as he quietly waved her over, she could see his cares fall from his face as he looked upon her, that ever present frown and furrow falling away to reveal bright and gentle eyes, even if only for a short time, and it was enough for Mikasa to know that for as long as she could, she would give him everything she had as she watched over him, content at his side.
Because he deserved it. Because she loved him, in all the ways a person could love another. Because beyond all the scars and the sadness he now carried in his wonderful evergreen eyes that she could see as clear as day he was still Eren to her, and these things were now as much a part of him as his fury and determination and life and she treasured all of him, unreservedly.
Then as she sat next to him, a single glimpse of that soft peace she sought for so long blooming over the plain wooden table they now shared together, she allowed herself to submerge all her worries and doubts into the welcoming warm seas of his eyes, putting them away for just a moment, and indulge in the simple pleasure of his presence.
This was how it was meant to be. He was Eren, and he was her strength. She was Mikasa, and her place was with him, until whatever end that awaited them availed itself, and when that time came she would stop and smile at him and he would know.
He would know that everyday spent next to him was a day she never regretted, and each second they shared was a time Mikasa would have given all of herself to him. Everything, if only so he could smile back at her in that instant, just as he was doing now. His cares would slip away from his handsome face and for just that moment every great and beautiful thing he was made of, all the parts of him that transformed the world into something more than it could have ever hoped to have been otherwise, would belong only to her, just for a moment. Her moment, to lose herself forever with him.
A/N: A little something I wrote while struggling with work and a hectic home life. This thing pretty much wrote itself, let me know what you think.