That Is All, Telephones and Misconceptions
Summary: The power goes out during a meeting. The nations talk about the history of the telephone. Misconceptions are cleared up. A modern day one-shot that will cause you to learn something if you read it.
Disclaimer: All historical information (including the random stuff) is courtesy of The Phone Book by Ammon Shea. Also, I don't own Hetalia.
X
"Alright everybody! Listen up. The meeting went great but we can't leave until we get the all-clear from my boss to head out so feel free to talk until then," said America to the small assembly of nations.
"Honestly, being treated like children to ensure that we get our work done. And with those awful ramifications if we don't comply. What is the world coming to?" England said. His comment set off a tidal wave of talking and the din in the room became unintelligible with all of the overlapping conversations.
"Well if somebody could only stay on task - "
"It's not my fault those drinks were spiked!"
"I am ok with being stuck here like caged animals. I like seeing all of you."
"I hate this."
"Is there any food left at the buffet table?"
"Why should I care what he says when - "
The lights cut out.
All talking stopped.
The rushing air of the AC unit halted and the blades of the oscillating fans peppered throughout the room slowly petered to a halt.
The occupants sat in stunned silence before the shouting started. Exclamations of horror at the room's increasing temperature and the lack of power were hurled at everyone before all attention was focused back on America.
"Curse your small towns America" was the general census amongst those in the room.
"Hey that's not fair! You all loved my small wintery Olympic community so I though why not spread some of the good feeling by hosting someplace off the beaten path. This is so not my fault. It's hot out. It's just a brownout. Everybody calm down!" said America.
"This is horrible! Now we will be stuck in this dreadful room until the power comes back on because we can't get the phone call to leave!" said France.
"And thanks to that mobile phone prank you pulled last month, America's boss won't take any of our calls," added Russia.
A collective groan of despair went up at the ridiculous conditions they found themselves in. It wasn't long before even the most heated arguments had to simmer down due to the heat. Suit jackets were rapidly discarded and sleeves were rolled up. It was an hour of pitiful melting before America perked up and left to use the bathroom down the hall.
He came back 30 minutes later with an old phone.
"America-san, where did you get that?" said Japan.
"Well, this is an old building so I figured I might do some poking around and see if I could find a rotary. Sure, it's horribly old but it doesn't require power to use – just the phone jack. It still works and it is going to save our bacon!" said America. Despite the heat, he was smiling ear-to-ear and brandishing the phone like it was a major award.
The nations who had swarmed him to chew him out for being gone so long parted to let America get to the phone jack. If there's a will, there's a way, and America had found a way for their collective salvation.
"Now we wait," America said once the phone was connected. He promptly sat down on the floor next to the phone (the cord to the wall was short). Several others pulled up chairs as if their anticipation and attentiveness would shorten the time spent left in the room. "Thank goodness for good old Bell!"
"Wa, but America – It was one of my people who came to you that invented the telephone," said North Italy. That certainly drew everyone's attention. It was a brutal honesty that many did not expect and most had never even thought to question. But North Italy did not take it back when he got many curious looks.
"Can we please not start with this," said America. " I already have enough on my plate with Elisha Gray's 1876 caveat. I'm sick of the whole Gray vs. Bell dispute. Adding a third clamant is just too much."
"But this is nothing like that at all! Bell borrowed from Gray's information with help from the patent office to get his device to work, but our Italian had it all before then," said North Italy. "Antonio Meucci had the telephone caveat in 1871 and renewed it every year. Just because he ran out of money to renew it in 1875 does not mean he was not the first. He might not be my person anymore, but I still like to look out for them, for old times sake."
The others were stunned at North Italy's display of telephone history and knowledge. Everybody like to take care of those that had left for other lands but this seemed way to detailed to come out of the blue from North Italy. America just held his head in his hands at the accurate reminder that his citizens routinely ripped each other off.
"That is a highly specific account, North Italy-san," said Japan.
"Germany helped me figure it out!" said North Italy. "We were talking on the phone the other day and I said I was glad my people had figured it out but he said that a German did and we looked it up to see who was right. I don't remember what the German invented though."
Heads swiveled over to Germany who was trying fight down a blush at being called out and failing miserably at it.
"Ah, yes, well," said Germany before clearing his throat. "In 1861, a German inventor, Johann Phillip Reis, did develop a telephone."
"No way Germany," America cut in. "There were tons of lawsuits because of that. I remember. In fact I vividly remember that you could not talk though Reis' phone. The whole thing was a legal nightmare for me anyway."
"Actually you are all wrong," said France. "The true winner of this debate is my Jean-Francois Sudre. It was 1820. I beat you all. Although I will concede that this telephone was normally called a Solresol." France and his smug attitude had the floor only a fraction of a second before England's scathing reply kicked in.
"You're having them on. That system is nothing like what we've been talking about!" said England. "Sudre's system didn't even use electricity. It just attached letters to a note in a diatonic three-octave scale. It was just an odd musical code. Nothing more."
"You must really like me England," said France. "To know so much about my little early telephone system that had dictionaries in 8 different languages. Your royalty loved it too. Stop lying to yourself and embrace your feelings for me."
"No way!" said England hastily. No one batted an eyelash when he moved to push France away. "I only know because there was a time when it looked highly likely that your military was going to use it. That is the only reason why I granted the man an audience with the King and Queen back then. Strategy. Only."
France gave a pained look at the rejection but all the others were used to England's burning tongue and paid the harsh words little mind. This was just about as normal as any gathering got for them (although the added twist of the brownout was much unwelcome).
"I'll concede to North Italy but all you others are crazy," said America after a short while. His attention was back to being firmly rooted on the old phone. His concentration on the object was so intense that he had inadvertently influenced others into looking at it as well. "Bell had to deal with almost 600 lawsuits. It was a nightmare. But that's history, right?" Alfred mumbled.
North Italy was about to respond when the phone rang. Everyone lurched forward with bated breath hoping beyond all hope that this was their call – their ticket to freedom.
America scrambled to pick up the phone and gave a shout of relief at hearing his boss's voice. He started clamoring on about the brownout that his boss would have had no way of knowing about because of its small, local scale and how he was a hero for finding an alternative means of communication without ever leaving the building because they weren't supposed to do that and how they had gotten all their work done just like they said they would and that the policy of holding them until the call was just stupid and horrific and awful and that was where England snatched the phone away and began relaying the protocols so that they could leave. The phone was dutifully passed around as each nation did their part flawlessly so that escape was possible. When the phone was handed back to America he was given the go-ahead and everyone split.
America was just hanging up the phone when he felt a tap on the shoulder. He turned to see North Italy looking at him with a hopeful expression.
"You'll set the record straight then?" he asked.
"What?" said America.
"The telephone. You'll set the record straight then. For Meucci."
"Oh, I said I would. Didn't I? I'm the hero and I stick to my word." America flashed North Italy a smile that was promptly returned.
"This calls for a pasta celebration!" said North Italy. He grabbed America's arm and drug him out the door talking a mile a minute about where they could go to eat their celebratory meal. Neither had noticed that the lights and fans had come back on.
X
Omake
"Alfred you never listen to anyone about anything! Don't eat the cake – that's all I asked. But here you are, eating the cake," Canada said. He shot America a disapproving glare.
"That's totally not true Mattie! I so listen to people," America said around a mouthful of Canada's death-by-chocolate cake.
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Just a few weeks ago I got the House of Reps to correct an error about the inventor of the telephone. I save people. One small confusion at a time." America's smile would have been better received if his pearly whites hadn't been stained by chocolate bits. It also didn't help his case that the situation was completely different.
"Oh Alfred, everyone knows that Alexander Gram Bell invented the telephone," said Canada. "I should know – he lived in Nova Scotia for much of his life."
"No. Wait – but I … dammit! I just can't win at anything!"
X
A/N: Canada you troll.
In June 2002, the House of Representatives conceded "if Meucci had been able to pay the $10 fee to maintain the caveat after 1874, no patent could have been issued to Bell." Two weeks later the Canadian government asserted that Bell was the true inventor of the telephone.
A caveat is a statement of intent that a patent will be filed soon.
That is all, the title of this piece, is considered the proper closing of a telephone conversation according to the Connecticut District Telephone Company in New Having's November 1878 phone book.
All historical information (including the random details) is courtesy of The Phone Book by Ammon Shea. The brownout is a plot device but the information about rotary phones is accurate.
Lastly, in my headcanon a nation using another nation's human name indicates a close personal relationship between the individuals representing that nation which is why during a meeting of nations no humans are present. (It would be too awkward for them to be so informal/touchy-feely with other nation representatives that they are indifferent to or do not like.)