Author's Note (spoilers btw)

Hey, this is the first fic i'll be posting on this account! I've had a ton of past accounts, and they all show my slow evolution on myself and my writing skills. This is my first, real SNK fanfiction too, so yeah ^^

I thought i'd start this account off with a one-shot. A simple One-shot. one that I strangely haven't seen much of during my browsing of fanfics through my lifetime. Basically, it's just my version of Marco's death, on how he died.

This is more of a wordy story than a dialog thing. Really the only character in this is Marco, many mentionings of Jean, and a sighting of a certain black-haired titan. Just Marco, his freckles, and his thoughts. I also gave him an extra (eternal) injury.

Jean is mentioned like a whole fuck-lot in this. Like a lot. He's kind of in it... But.. Not really? Ehh... I'm a sucker for Jeanmarco

Plus, just by the way, Marco says his own name (and last name) in his thoughts a lot. Don't get confused by that, it's just simply Marco addressing himself without saying 'I'. I also say my own name in my thoughts if i'm really panicked, so, meh.

So if I got anything wrong with this I apologize ^^ I'm just kind of throwing this out here as my first SNK fanfiction, and my first one on this account. Okay, here goes~ (rated T for gore and swearing I guess)

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Oh my God.

This was a stupid idea, a foolish, stupid idea. Shit, no, I really shouldn't have come here. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just... They need him a lot more than they need me, I needed to do that. But, Jean needs me. I don't really fancy dying either. Titans are scary, too. Really, really scary. Even though i'm a soldier, they can really rattle you up... Hah...

But no, I need to be brave. I didn't say goodbye to anyone yet, I need to lead the titans away from Eren, I need to kill off a few, then I can go back. I can go back and see Jean, and all of my friends. I can go 'home', and go to bed. Then I can talk to my friends, and Jean, and see Jean and tell Jean i'm happy to be alive and... Oh.

But for now I have to be brave. Ohh, I have to be a coward will get me nowhere, I have to be brave.

With a swallow, I forced my locked legs to move. I could see them, their disgusting faces. Their jaws agape, eyes beady. And I could see Eren, getting ready to position that bolder. Was this going to work? I really hoped so... If I do die today, I don't want it to be for an unsuccessful reason.

My stiff legs only went so fast. they felt numb, and cold, and as I started running they slowly warmed up into a sprint. Next, my arms started to work. My fingers fumbled upon the blades, and I patted them for good measure, before my fingers curled successfully and pulled the blades out. I was shocked by their weight, which was odd, I probably forgot all about their size in my frozen state.

You have to be brave, Marco, be brave, be brave... You can do this. Do it for your friends. Do it for Jean. Do it for the sake of humanity. Be brave, be brave, be brave...

My eyes clenched shut as the hissing of my gear kicked up. My feet no longer hit the roof of the now abandoned home, and I felt myself drop briefly, until the gear growled and moaned until I was lifted into the air.

Now, that's odd... Usually all my gear makes is a hiss from the friction...

I really didn't have all that time to think about that, though. The rush of wind blew in my face, until the force of wind calmed. My gear would grow quiet every time it shifted, but would kick and moan when it pulled me. But I couldn't think about that, oh no, titans. Titans were scary, and big, and just... I tried to act like they didn't bug me, but I was scared of them. Everybody was scared of titans. Maybe not Annie or Mikasa, but, eh...

My feet were inches above the next rooftop, and I could feel the two forces interact and my feet drag, so I pushed my gear forward again and went higher. My hands started to sweat, and I gripped my blades tighter, I didn't want to drop them. I didn't want to lose any of them, even if I had backups. I didn't care, I wanted to be in perfect condition to face the titans.

Here we go. Be brave, you have to, you have no choice but to be. Fear is not an option, Bodt, fear is not an option...

I felt my heart rattle as I saw one. It turned to face me, and it's beady eyes locked with mine. It knew I was there, and it wanted me, but I wanted it, as well. To take it down in one deadly swipe sounded easy, I had done it before. If I just spin around it, i'll be fine. The gear shifted around my thighs once again, and it swiftly pulled my body towards the predator.

With one, final encouraging thought, my blood finally started to fill with the correct adrenalin. Not the fearful kind, but the true anger feeling of 'lets do this for humanity!' I felt as though I was truly gripping my blades now, not just as if they were glued onto my numb fingers. My body felt less robot, and more human. Ah, thank god, now I can do this...

My feet went first as I swerved around the giant's head, my body soon following. I'm so glad I found this fun, some people found using gear sickening, even though those people had gotten over their sickness by now, it's still much easier using the gear with a positive outlook.

With a exceloration of my muscles and a grunt to let out some of the stress in my upper body, the blade was swung.

I smiled a little, seeing I had struck it correctly. But my surge of pride ended with its roar of pain, and another titan spotting me. This'll be much easier, because i'm ready now, i'm really ready. With a quick, slightly dizzying mid-air flip to get out of the way of the hot smoke starting to come from the titan I murdered, my body blast forward, along with the annoyed grumbling of my gear.

Two more hit. Two more down. I was pretty good at this, wasn't I? I could hear the other's, now, I was close enough to hear them, and occasionally see them through the rows of homes and titans. I wonder if a few of them were watching me, imagine that, if they actually saw me as a rolemodel. That would be cool, but really, everybody should stick to their own thing... Oh, what am I thinking? I'm killing titans right now, not giving people a pep talk! Stick to your priorities, Marco!

Sometimes I really forget that i'm good at killing titans. Too frozen in my own fear to realize that I can kill a good handful without getting tired. But now, I feel better. But, titans are still scary. Every time I get too close to one of their faces, I get nervous.

Another slash. One more down. As I continued gliding through the air, I wasn't as sure if I had killed it. Looking back was risky, but I really didn't give a split second decision about it, and did. It was a quick look back, my head just tilted to the side, and my eyes fluttered to look at the titan behind me. My eyes looked so far back, as I didn't want to turn my head to much for some unknown reason, it hurt the corners of my eyes. I just wanted the other titan fall, just as I thought. I smiled a little, until of course, I looked forward.

"Shit!"

Quickly I forced my body and gear upward, letting out another grunt as the sudden impact of the wind and the sight in front of me made my body tight. Looking back was not a good idea, a terrible, awful idea. That face, oh god, that horrible face... Those small eyes, that mouth pushed up into a permanent smile, matted brown hair that fell on the top of it's face in chunks, grey skin... This one had a bony, small nose, that looked brittle like it would crack in half upon touching it, but once my foot hit it, it felt rock hard. My gear hissed again, and I kicked it's nose in a desperate attempt to try and get away. To my relief my noisy gear lifted me over it's forehead in time to miss a giant hand from grabbing me.

Oh jesus, that was close... Don't ever do that again. Be more careful.

But my relief was gone as soon as I stopped in mid-air.

It felt like forever, actually. It was probably only a split second that I stopped, but a million thoughts went through my head as it happened.

Wait, what's going on? Why did I stop? Why did you look back, Marco? Why aren't I moving? Why am I... Oh.

It has my gear.

The painful realization shot an overwhelming sickness through me. It had my gear. It's giant, rough hands had grabbed the wire that normally propelled me through the air and away from my death, but now it was only stopping me from having any chance of living.

I was only capable to let out a mangled cry as I suddenly felt a yank at my body, and was quickly thrown downward. Strangely, it didn't bring me to it's mouth as I thought it would've, but maybe my body shattering upon forcefully crashing into the grounded sounded like an even worse fate. It was quick, but painful. The jerk was so strong I felt like something was squeezing my chest, and tying my throat together to have no sound come out. The fear was gone, replaced by the human instinct to escape.

I would have rather stayed in that tight, falling state instead of hitting the ground, though. Then I had a chance to scream. Then I had a chance to hear my shoulder bones crack. Then I had a chance to be horrified.

I don't want to die.

The scream that left my lips in response hurt, but it was nothing close to what I felt shooting through my shoulders. They had taken the full impact, as I had landed in such an awkward position. It felt like ice, cold, cold ice. Beyond a numbness, though, it burned. But it was a different burn. I could feel my bones shattering, i'm a dead, dead man. Shit.

The titan that had thrown me though seemed to ignore me now. It knew I was done for.

I really didn't think for a few moments. Just let screams and moans of pain leave my lips, uncaring of the beasts around me who could end my life. It hurts so bad, fuck, it burns. It burns like it's cold, though, as I said before. Like instead of blood pumping my veins, it felt like liquid nitrogen. The rest of my body felt so oddly unaffected from the impact, it made the pain worse. All I could do was arch my back and squirm the rest of my uninjured body from the pain. My eyes started to hurt from closing them so hard.

Eventually my voice gave out. It got hung out something and instead of a scream I let out a raspy, choked whimper. I realized the pain wasn't the only thing I needed to fear, something other than instincts kicking in. I quieted myself.

Shit, shut up, they might hear you...

I'm not dead yet. I'm not dead yet.

I layed there. Stranded, on my back, panting. I took deep breaths, trying to think about my situation with a clear head, trying not to be distracted by the pain. Oh, the pain started to sting and ache like something I had never felt before, but, thinking about it would only make things worse. Thinking about it will only make things worse. Thinking about it... Will only make things... Worse.

No, ah, Marco, cut it out. Don't think about it. You need to get back to your friends, you're not done yet. Maybe someone will spot me and help me out. I'm pretty well known, after all... Oh, if Jean finds me, that would be nice. He'd be much gentler than some stranger, since we really knew each other. Also, Jean was born in Trost. He probably knew the place well.

I liked Jean. I don't know why, really. Well, I did, but he had done some shitty things... Hah, I remember that time back in the mess hall where he slapped my back so hard I jumped and my drink got all over my face... Jean's special. But I like him. He could be really nice, sometimes. He really was a great leader, but, I'm really the only one who thinks so...

And, if I die here, with nothing to say before I go, what will Jean do? I need to make it back for him, or at least tell him to forget about me. If I did die, I didn't want him to forget about me, but he had to, or else... Well, I don't want to make him miserable. At least for him. I don't really want to die, either. I have two big things to motivate me.

I wasn't sure if I could get up. I wanted to try, but, could I even move my arms? Were my arms and shoulders screwed up forever? I didn't want to push myself up, as the ice-cold pain would most likely return, but, either that or die.

I was strong enough to not use my arms. I had to arch my back a little, and I had to let out a moan to release the tension in my ankles. The gear that had been pulled on looked as if it would no longer work. The wire hung out, and I knew obviously, that wasn't good. It looked like an easy fix if you had the right tools, but, I didn't have the right tools. Plus the wind wouldn't be good for my shoulders.

Standing up was dizzying. And I stood to calm my head, before gently, but quickly walking forward. It hurt, bad, any shift my shattered bones took sent pain down my body. But I had to get out of here, I can slow down once I get somewhat hidden in the allies. I have a better chance of survival if i'm hidden between houses, as most of the titans are focused on Eren.

I felt all pressured and nervous. I took quick, but yet gentle steps, trying not to shift my shoulders. I need to get out, I need to get out, but I need to be gentle with myself. I don't want to hurt myself further. I hope this isn't permanent. Oh, I need my arms. I really, really need my arms. Ah, Marco, cut it out, you're making yourself cry... I was too afraid to wipe the tears from my face away, too afraid to move my arms. I sniffed weakly. Don't cry, Marco, don't cry... That's the worse thing you can do right now. My vision started to blur, and I weakly raised an arm to finally wipe my tears. It hurt if I moved my upper arm, but everything below my elbows seemed to be fine.

I finally made it to a group of homes. If I can get back to the wall, i'll be safe. But will they let me through? Do I have to stay behind? Oh no, i'm starting to feel bad.. I don't want to die running away. Shit, shit, i'm no coward. I don't want them to think i'm one. No, I have to be doing the right thing, i'll only slow someone down if they try to aid me... I can't help this cause anymore. My blades are gone, my gear is broken, my shoulders are shattered, I'm in immense pain and possibly suffering from internal bleeding. I can't do anymore to help.

My feet began to slow. I was tired already, something is obviously wrong, other than my broken shoulders. And I started to stumble. My feet started to either pick up too fast, or stay on the ground for too long. Maybe i'm just dizzy, still. I hope i'm just dizzy. Deep breaths started to leave my mouth, and it felt as if something was slowly being lowered onto my throat. But, my chest didn't offer easy breathing, either. It hurt. Tight.

As I limped through the street, I realized these were some of the symptoms for eternal bleeding, which Armin and I had talked about in the past. Armin told me if you weren't eaten or had your arm bitten off, it's a good plan to know what injuries you have to tell if its serious or not. So, he had told me about injuries and stuff, so, this was clear to me.

No, no, no, no... This is bad. I cautiously pulled back my jacket, trying not to move my lower arm, checking my shoulders. The bruising had already begun. It was light purple and splotchy. This is bad, bad, bad bad... I can't stop now. No matter how tired I am, I have to get help. I can't stop.

What if I do die? What if they discover my corpse, far from the battle, and call me a coward? I'm not a coward, at least, I don't think I am.. I'm a commander of a squad, shouldn't I be back there? Despite my injuries? I know i'm not much help, but I could still do something. I don't want to be a coward. That's exactly what i'm doing right now, running away. I can't run away... I shouldn't be running away...

I turned.

Slowly, though. Not in thought, but to save the pain as I would probably hurt myself in the act. I need to save my energy for the situation i'm awkwardly throwing myself at. I forced myself to walk less-stumbly, though.

Was I really thinking of walking away? I at least have to try. I don't want to die a coward, nor do I want to live a coward! I didn't limp. Even though it hurt no less, I didn't limp.

And soon I was at that opening. Staring at my death. Yes, I was probably going to die. But, that didn't seem to scare me anymore. Dying bravely sounded like enough of a goodbye. It was a message to my friends to not give up. I didn't fear it anymore, I didn't feel anything but a strangely comforting sickness, and the pain and tightness in my shoulders and chest.

Screams and roars filled the air. I cared and I noticed, but they didn't scare me. Unsettled me a little, but didn't scare me. I felt a little relieved, actually. Maybe charging to my death was the answer. I'm surprised a titan hasn't stepped on my yet.

I don't know why but I started to run. I don't even think I processed it, but before I knew it, I was running. Hah, It hurt like hell, but I was doing it anyway. I couldn't stop, either, as if my legs were programed to run. And, before I knew it, I was running towards a girl. A little blonde one, at that. Not Annie or Krista, someone I recognized but didn't know personally. But that didn't matter if I didn't know her, someone knew her, someone loved her. Some almost sickening feeling of caring for this girl took over. She was in pain, much like I. She lacked an arm, and was crying. Real crying, give-up-on-hope crying. Adding a few hopeless helps in between.

It's okay, Miss. I'm here. I won't let you die. You have friends to return too.

As I had spotted her, so had a titan. She saw it, too, but refused to move. I didn't think bad of her, I saw a child in her place. A child with no one to run to. We all break every once in a while, especially in a situation like this. Thats okay, it's human instinct. She didn't have time to realize what I had time to realize.

She then noticed me, finally as I dived in front of her. Not really dived, but, I halted and slid a little. My whole body ached, but the warmth pumping through it made me feel better. A lot better. I got one glimpse of her facial expression before I turned to face the beast lunging towards us, and it might've been the best thing i've ever felt in my entire life.

I didn't know her, but she really looked like she admired me in those few moments. She looked overwhelmed, but yet she had such a look of comfort and incredible happiness in her eyes. Like she would be okay. And it felt like fireworks.

I only had a few moments to tell her the millions of words I wanted her to hear, and I only had a few moments to pick out the select two things out of that million I would say. I chose something... Rather obvious.

"Run while it's distracted with me, okay?" Despite the heat pumping at my body, I stayed gentle. I didn't want to make her feel defensive by yelling.

She sniffed. "Okay."

"And, if you have the chance," I tried weakly holding my injured arms up, trying to conceal the girl behind me, "Tell Jean kirschstein that i'm okay, and to forget about me. Forget about Marco Bodt. Tell Jean Kirschstein that Marco Bodt's okay."

"Y-yes sir, thank you," It was quite, but urgent, and I could feel her leave me. Ah, i'm glad she didn't put up a fight... I was going to die today, anyways. In that moment, though, I felt amazing. Like the best I had ever felt in my life. I saved someones life. Without me distracting the titan it would have went after her and easily caught her. But, it didn't. I made a difference. I saved a life. I saved her life, and even if she died still, she got to feel loved and comforted and be alive for a few more minutes. I saved her.

I died as somewhat of a hero.

My eyes fluttered closed.

/**/**/

Hm...? Oh.. Well. That's... Oh, ew, gross... Ugh... Am I dead yet? I.. I can't really tell. Well, I'm somewhere in between there...

It was a weird feeling. Not having half of your body connected to you. Well, not really half. Oh god, ew, I can feel where the teeth cut into me, ew ew, ew... Ugh, this is not the time to be a baby... Should'nt I be screaming or something? I just feel really gross, kinda numb. No pain. Isn't this what girls feel like when they're on that blood thing or whatever? Annie told me about that to scare me..

Everythings all... White. I can still see where I am, but, it's all white. Kinda misty. I'm just stuck leaning against this wall. There's no urgency in my soul, actually, I feel kind of... Happy. Calm. Just gross. Ew, I was bitten in half, and I can feel it, but it doesn't hurt. Am I dead? What's going on?

My one eye blinked. Was it my body that was blinking, or was I blinking? Hey, I'm happy, and i'm just telling myself to be confused. Because I can't just be okay with the fact i'm frozen in place and bitten in half, but feeling no pain what-so-ever. Is this what being dead is like? Or am I dying?

Then, I swallowed. And twitched. And blinked.

But I felt both eyes, this time. Just not one.

I wiggled my shoulders, no pain. Both shoulders. I looked down, and there was no signs of bruising. A smile cracked across my lips. I could feel all my muscles working to create it, the muscles on both sides, and it made my smile bigger.

I got up on shaky legs. A sense of overwhelming peace washed over me, and even though I looked back and saw my corpse, still in half, and I knew I was very much dead, I felt happy. Very happy. Not hop around happy, but that happy you feel when plans you really don't want to go to get canceled. That kind of happy.

I visited Jean.

I knew I had to go, but, one last time. I had to see him one last time. Make sure that message got across. And it did. Jean couldn't see me, but, it was comforting seeing him. Even better seeing him change for the better. I knew that message got across, as I saw the girl who I saved, and even though I couldn't save her arm, her boyfriend was hugging her tight when I saw her. And it felt great.

And I looked at Jean for a long time. Knowing this was the last time i'd see him. But, it was okay. I mean, I'd miss him, and I'm sure he'll miss me but.. We'll be okay. One day i'll see him again.

Before I left I uttered the quiet words of "I'm proud of you." Jean looked at me when I said that, though. And he focused his eyes on mine. I felt a little twinge of happiness in my heart as he smiled at me. Something gentle, though. I thought if he did see me, he would tackle me or something, but, he just smiled. Maybe he realized I had to go.

I left. I really, truly left. Somewhere where there is no titans.

Somewhere where we're free.

/**/**/

AN:
A little cheesy, I know. Ehh, I worked hard on this! thIS FANFIC IS FULL OF CHEESE

And it's wordy, really wordy. If you read through this whole thing I love you like a lot.

Reviews are amazing and i'll love you forever if you leave one. Constructive criticism is welcome of course.

Well I hope the cheese and wordy-ness didn't get in the way of this, hope you may be enjoyed ^^