Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
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She still remembered the pain of the burn on her skin. Over her, the scars were still perceived. She only could see milky colour, how if it has snowed. She hated all this purity and the antiseptic appearance of the hospitals. From her arm sprouted a tiny tube that kept her alive. And she also hated to feel so useless. Couldn´t cry, couln´t irritate, that´s was all what she receive just for living in a cruel world.
With only 7 years old, Hanji Zoe had had the horrible experience of seeing her fathers dissapear from her life. Due to collect staff for a field research. But for Hanji, it seemed just a way to decimate the population for avoinding the famine.
The fateful day came. There was an attack against the camp where she have been designed to live next to other families. They were so hungry and exhausted that barely could run. It started a fire where they kept the gunpowder for the cannons. People ran away terrified while the flame extended cleverly.
The young girl looked everywhere looking for theys parents. Where were them? Why weren´t they looking for her? Instinctively, she run towards the fire, just for making sure they weren´t looking for her in that troublesome zone. She felt how ulcers began to appear on her skin.
It hurt too much. A man pushed throwing her to the ground. Another woman stepped on her arm. She try to sit up but the pain in the arm was too intense. She felt a little flame scratching her skin. Her legs didn´t respond, being grabbed for the embers. She was begining to lose consciousness when she heard a strong neigh.
The horse stopped a few metres from her. A soldier had left the group of investigation for helping the citizens going away. He picked up her and mounted in his horse carrying her quickly from there.
Hardly any words on her throad, she managed her sigth up ready to see the face of her rescuer. He was a young boy. Maybe 17 years old, blond hair and blue eyes. No dude, a newly graduate. And he risked his life for saving her?
Withouth realizing, her eyes burst into tears. Drowsiness of her upper extremities didn´t allow her to hide her face, covered with blood and mud. So pathetic she was, she had no clue about her parents, and also didn´t know why she had to suffer that. Only could leave that the frustration of those fateful days flowed across her eye sockets.
He noticed it and wrapped her thightly aganist his chest, comforting her. Until she lost conciouness. Her eyes didn´t open again until lots of time later, in a room which wasn´t her own enclosed of purity and immaculate furniture.
She stayed in that hospital hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month. Year after year.
Every weeks, on the boy´s days off, he went to visit her. There was something different on him, but she liked it, he never gave her toys or dolls how any other adult would have done. Just books. Loads of them. He want she grew being wisdom and smart. Just wanted she could manage by herself withouth needing an adult.
After some time, she understood what happened to her parents. According to the squads which were there to help the citizens, they run on the opposite direction and nobody saw them never more. If they were alive or dead …... was a mistery. She just only could think that they left her in the lurch. Since that day abandoned any smile on her face. Even though, it was something she has never needed.
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After 2 years, the little Zoe began to leave her warn nine years old. At last, she has been released from that hospital. The excesive purity and cleanliness riled her. Because of being an orphan, she had to live in a orphanage until 18. That was all she had. Her only option.
That idea didn´t pleased her at all. Then, considered another option. During those years she had hated the army for obly her to leave her home. Her family, her quiet and calm life. Everything. But... if she joined the army she could live there and being next to the young corporal who saved her. That one she admired so...
"It is a total madness!" interrupted "They won´t admit somebody so young between their ranks. The minimun age for joining is 13, Hanji. You know it, if you want to join, wait a pair of year more".
"Erwin, I don´t want to be a white elephant anymore. All those years in the hospital I understood what I want to do. I know it seems imposible, but... I am pretty sure you must now a way to help to enter"
"B-but... I don´t want you be in danger" the girl stared at him withouth winking. There was no doubt about her words. "Maybe... there is a solution. If they see that your knowledges can be interesting to develop, could accept you"
"Like... an exam?" asked focusing her eyes hardly.
"Y-yes. The government always needs inteligent pawns who know how perform scandalous manoeuvres" muttered while caressed the rebellious lock of hair of her fringe "Although, It ´d mean to humiliate being their puppet, are you capable to do it?"
"I prefer this than rotting here inside".
There was no needing to think about that and took that test withouth further delay. To prove her worth, refuted constanly the old theorys about titan´s clasification, even naming some class more recently discovered, which had anormals abilites.
The jury who heard her investigations was surprised for the wisely of the little girl, didn´t doubt to accept her in the army. She has enough abilities to became one of their toys. And also to became one of their dangerous enemies, it was better to carry her on their own interests. She was awareness of that fact, but didn´t matter about that. Wasn´t that what she would have to live if she stayed inside? Outside she could inhale the authentic aroma of the fresh grass, the stagnant rainwater. She didn´t mind have no chilhood. Didn´t need it. She has already lost it on that fire.
When still remained some days for her joining between the troops, so temporaly she has been trasladed to he room where rest her good friend, Erwin Smith. Of course, nobody should know it. strict rules on the army prohibited to live with females. Stupid rules with no sense.
That day, as other nights, she got in bed ready to read a new book, but several minutes later her eyes began to itch. The writing were blurry. Shade. Fatigue maybe.
No doubt, her sight has been damaged with the embers which reached her skin, and reading just only became it worse. Resigned, she went to bed withouth read. The young cadet, who was looking at her at that moment, noticed her problem and thougth about how bothersome it would be for her. Smiled and caressed her head while thinking in a pleasant solution.
The joining day, Erwin gave her first pair of glasses. Simple, with the lens sligthly rounded and no frame. Possibly they belonged to any other person because didn´t fit her head, instead of this, they were ligthly big.
Filled by happiness, hastened to try on, but, when she run to look on the mirror, she noticed they moved too much. That could became a gross problem in the training. Cleverly she tied some leather scrunchies and joined among them getting a robes perfectly interweaved which hold to her head withouth moving. No more fear for that, they weren´t going to fall. She was ready to be one more, an authentic soldier.
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Dust and sand, that would be all her company during the years which last the training. Nothing more than dust and sand.
Meanwhile she walked towards the queue of the new troops, she realized about she was much more younger than most of them, being severals years younger than the majority. But maybe, thanks to her prominent height, she could conceal that fact.
For her, the uniform seemd incredible, covering completely all the scars which had not yet disappear, and never would. She tied up her hair. She had let it grow, but now shorter would be more confortable. She placed her glases and adjusted to her head.
She was ready, anything more should delay her. With that thougtht on her mind, she reached her queue. The ceremony was boring. Couldn´t stop yawning facing the poorly capacity of the instructors for motivanting their future soldiers. But also, didn´t seem really interested on that, only sheeps which would die soon. Rigth after, sharing out the barracks.
First, women. She was afraid about the idea of sharing room with older girls, who could mock of her youth. Began to share out one by one. First the older recruits and managing those who behave a rich descent, enough important as for going ahead the others. Having their future already decided. And finally, the last one, the furthest. Who would be her new roomates? But, once she reached the platform they only gave her a big bag and waited for the rest.
Just only another woman more appeared. A young girl with silver hair who also wore googles. No name more. They would be the only women in that team. Almost could laugh until one´s side ache thinking on that. But she wasn´t amazed.
Half of mankind feared go out, and the other half were sick or hungry. Barely there were enough brave people as for risking to die horribly during what remains of their lives.
Some of them dreamed with being heroes. Others just only wanted to live sheltered and have food. Most of them wanted to get a promotion for living comfortably and withouth worrying. But her... only a though bother her head.
"Live to be free"
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Her new roomate, called Riko Brzenska, was a girl with almost 13 and occidental features. Exactly as quiet and serious as her, which for the little Zoe was fantastic. No need of comunication between them.
She hasn´t joined there for making friends, didn´t need their company. During the nigths, ligthed the oil lamp which was next to her bed and learnt all things that, because of her poverty, couldn´t before. The time was necesary, and wouldn´t waste it.
Days passed and practices were every day harder. The harness was too tight on her torax causing severe abrasions on her little breasts, which had began to grow.
With sacrifice and exhaustion, passed the first month. Her roomate showed especially fed-up cause of her glasses. During first weeks they broke constantly, those acrobatics manoeuvres were a pain in the ass if you need help to see. The crystal wasn´t resistant enough and, besides that, fall off easily.
Too many time going to the training withouth seeing practically anything. Every day she passed with them, finish trowing out them abruptness on the basket.
Hanji noticed it and explained her about the simple and witty gadget she has invented to alleviate this weakness. During the time she had been there, had developed another type of glasses with a stronger frame round the lenses for avoiding suffering too much hits.
Both, gathered enough rejected harnesses. Maybe belonged to some casualties on any mission. wasn´t anything that should worry them. Just needed the material, under the yoke where they lived, coerce for being reserved was something unnecesary.
"Woah, Zoe. You are a genious. I am not surprissed why you were accepted so young" a panic wave dealed her bones.
She didn´t thougth that her short age could have broke into the squad. Probably would lose the respect of all of them if they found out.
"You knew it?"
"All us knew it. But it is forbidden to comment under any circunstance. For them you are a promising soldier and we musn´t disturb you. By the way..." began to talk while walking towards her bed "Maybe this will be useful for you...soon..."
Half-closed her eyes with curiosity and observed that her roomate offered her, a kind of cloth really clean.
"What´s supossed I have to do with...?"
"Don´t worry. I´ll be with you when happens and will explain you all you must now. Now is not necesary you think about that"
"Understood" lied withouth understand too much yet "In any event, Riko, there´s something I wanted to ask you. Doesn´t it hurt your chest cause of the fastening? I have wounds for that"
"Of course... But...you are still growing, must be worse for you. You should ask for any tipe of shirt tights for avoiding that pression. It could deform your chest if you continue on that way. With a new and tight shirt surely your chest won´t grow so much but...Is that anything you really mind?"
She thought on that for a moment, if she bandaged her chest while it was still growing, would grow less than should, to be flat. But, did it really matter? Wasn´t important. Why would she want to have big boobs? Just only other obstacle for her formation.
Months passed by, and bit by bit met the rest of the promotion. She didn´t know that never come back to see the majority of them. Most of the graduates of her generation would died barely cross the walls for the first time. She would be one of the few survivors.
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Graduation. Her heigth was appreciabily tall for her age. Her breasts had any new growth as concecuence of the opressing shirt. And her mind was more bright.
She got to be in the top ten. So she could choose the troop she want to join. If she chose the military police, would live the rest of her life withouth any worrying. Maybe drinking, playing and eating exquisites until she died cause of coronary thrombosis.
But no, she made out, through the lens in front of her eyes, where she wanted to go. The reflect of the sun on them and the mist cause of the warm morning couldn´t hide her authentic aim.
She traveled in time, 5 years to the past. That young soldier, the badges on his arms were two wings crossed. Inspiring and encouraging.
The survey corps was known for the lacking number of suicidals who joined them. That just guaranteed a foreseable death. But she knew that standing behind the walls couldn´t neither help anybody nor surmise the mystery behind that colossal and sickly figures. Nor be able to revenge her parents.
When she entered in the recon corps, she found herself in a familiar situation: she was the only new woman on those troops. Her old friend Riko, had decided to join the stationary guard. No doubt, a few psychopatic joined hers.
And that mission that would change all. Her mind, her previous thougths, that strange day. She had been half and a year in that division. She was directed under the command of a leader. She departed next her dear and old friend Erwin, who now held a powerfull position as a squad leader. His abilities have let him fly high.
And surely, still higher.
They reached the settled zone. It was the first time she saw that misterious forest with colossal threes. Until now, she only could explore in regions close the walls. Prevention for trainees, it was all the explanations she received from her superior.
Boring, really boring. Barely had the chance to split her enemies and stare at them stoically behind that odd halo of smoke.
Separating her troop, began to explore the zone, attacking all the titans she found on her way. Can kill those powerfull figures make her liberating still more her rage held back. Obviously, she knew that her anger shouldn´t be expoussed so quicly, but her thirst for blood roared on her veins. And, failed the cut, cutting the head of the titan withouth attacking its weak spot. The head fell to the ground makind a muffled sound. The body fell following the head.
Perplexed, she descended down the threes until reaching the zone. She had to cut that weak spot fastly or it would regenerate. One of the hook of her wires dropped making her fall over the head and making it move.
"Eh?" the touch when she fell over the head was unusual, and it seemed strange to her that her little body could have generate any type of movement on it.
Withouth expecting any type of reaction she hit gently the base with her leg. It moved again. Charged by curiosity and disdain, kicked it with lots of strength, making it flying out.
It was so weird. Come back to shoot the hooks and repeat that experiement some times more. The same result. Why were they so light?
She searched in her pocket for a worn-down notebook. Grabbed a tiny lead of pencil and wrote about this new discovery. Strident noise of a cannon interrupted her thoughts.
Time to come back, and she had to fasten joining her group. In the middle of the way she met his old friend. When she prepared to talk, he gave her a sound slap.
"Zoe, you can´t move away your mates. It´s still more dangerous to confront the titans alone than in a team" she lowered her ashamed face for desobeying the orders "By all ways," changed the subject when saw the mortified expression of her "I am glad you are okey. You are the only female member in that sector, besides of being the youngest and I was worried about something could happened to you"
"I can take care of myself very well. I killed 5 titans with no help, in addition..." remembered that instant minutes before.
"What happen?"
"Erwin... when I kicked the head of that titan it flew up as it didn´t weigh anything. It was ... amazing! Do you think there´s some reason for that?" suggested a huge and emotive smile "Do you believe that its gaseous composition is that generate all the smoke? For that reason always appear suddenly? Or maybe...?"
Erwin looked at her surprissed while she summarised about she had just discovered with loads of happiness. She had already gone out in expeditions before, although never to that conflictive area. Allways they kill a titan, she showed that dreadful expresion on her face and eyes. But now, the girl who was standing next to him, just smiled.
"Wow, you finally smile. I was waiting for so long to see your smile" how many time had he met her? 5, 6 years maybe? 7? It was a so distant memory that he couldn´t imagine the angst that supossed rear next to a child who didn´t show emotions.
Hanji blushed instanly. Yes, she had decided to get away all emotions from her face, get away all femininity from her personality, just to dedicate enterely to the investigation. Although she had to regconize that, can progress in the figth for mankind made her happy.
The man caressed her head in signal of approval. Since he rescued her, that man had became her platonic relationship. She knew perfectly, that her for him was just a child, so never made illusions. He awakenend her the power of the personal growth and the constant efforment. For her was enough seeing his big and kind smile.
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Years passed by with no rest, taking part each time more in investigation works. Regarding how all her mates die. Those who entered with her, old recruits, new ones. There wasn´t anything on her hands she could do for avoiding all those deaths.
It was so exasperating not finding any type of tactic to progress. The world was getting complicated. Could feel that each thing she learnt lead her to discover still more concepts. But never enough.
With 16, while glancing over some books on her captain´s office, somebody knocked the door. It was required to report the squad leader about a young cadet who would join the next days to the ranks.
She has heard about him. In only a month and a half, could be fluent in the 3D gear, so his training stopped immediately and proceeded to instruct him in more interesting tactics. Another puppet for the army.
An arm like this couldn´t be wasted between the inexperienced cadets. The process of desicion about where would finish that soldier had been incredibly arduous. The boy, apparently, had some criminal records. Robery, fraud, assaults, verbal agressions. Even, some still more serious.
He abandoned the institution which cared him with barely 12 and had perpetrated large robberys for surviving. And the last of them had been the enough serious as for be sent to join the ranks, with the objetive of being modelled on their ideal and discipline him. He was thoroughly known for everybody for the day of his enrolement . When the instructor asked him about his distric origins, he refused to answer and kicked the instructor on his inner thigh. On this way he earned the respect and the fear of the rest of the troop.
For that reason, for being so terribly troublesome, they weren´t sure about if he would obey when it was necessary. So the final desicion was posted him to the survey corps. At least, or that was what the high autorities thought, if he kill on or two titans on his way even if he didn´t obbey orders, he wouldn´t be so useless.
Of course, squad leaders seemed reluctant to had him on their units. The only one with enough courage to accept him was Erwin Smith. Hanji was a bit uncomfortable facing the idea of having between her mates somebody so troublesome and dangerous.
"Well" cleared his throat interrupting her thoughts "Tomorrow I have to pick up this dodgy boy. Shall you go with me?
"O-of course, I´m dying for seeing that famous mankind´s arm"
"I am pleased for hearing that, because of the increased number of members, you will see yourself forced to share barrack with him".
"What?" actually she was de only woman who lived in that powdery barrack. Some women had joined her troop during the years he had been at the service of the army. Nevertheless, most of them had died and another certain percentage had given up that squad. Now she was living alone in that huge living space.
"Don´t worry, I will move miself to that place. It´s just that, despite that our unities are not very larges, we forced the soldiers to live under low conditions. If I continue increasing the numbers of cadets in the same rooms, their quality of life could be seriously affected, and as a consecuence, their efficiency in the battle"
Hanji was perplexed facing the rational thought of her superior. No doubt, oblying the soldiers to living as cattle only would increase in a peculiar revolution and a possible riot. And, in addition, if he moves himself from the men´s barrack, could enable cadet´s relaxation. Less vigilance and more posibilities for having night meetings. Although those meetings were still blurry for her inocent childish mind.
"In addition..." resumed "Being this new recruit so complicated I don´t know what would happen if I force him to share room with other people. I prefer to have him under my vigilance as close as possible and withouth he can damage anybody"
"Of course, Erwin. That´s very inteligent! Very well thought!"
"And, I will need your cooperation to repress him" whispered laughing.
That phrase only could cause that Hanji burst out laughing echoing in the room. If she had know that had to treasured those memories of happiness, never had left them go out her mouth. Unaware everything what will come nearer some years after. The end of her peace.
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Next day, she wore her uniform as good as she could. Buttoned up her shirt and looked herself in the mirror. She still wore that old supporting thigth on her breasts. She had became in a woman, but nobody could realize that.
So many moments of confusion, overtaken thanks her friend. Other mates with who she shared room. People whose names dissappeared next to their bodys in that huge pile where they used to burnt up the corpses.
And now she was preparing to meet another cadet more. Another name more. Another cadaver in a few months. Maybe luckily, years. Or that was what she tought. For her he would be only another person more for who would leave a flower in that gloomy garden placed on the rear part of the principal building.
Looked again her figure and ajusted still more the harnesses on her torso. That would produce new marks, that ones she was used to see. But any little detail was that keeped her alive, in contrast to the fallen ones.
Would that boy be enough clever to predict that?
They reached the principal office. After talking with a pair of big bosses, they were directed to the guardroom. As always, go down those moudly and slippery stairs. How many month withouth cleaning that zone? Or even, withouth restoring the cells?
To be under arrest was a offense and a shame, that was clear. For that reason she avoid troubles all those time, or at least she tried not to be discovered. But there were more reasons why she didn´t wanted to sleep in that claustrophobic prison.
Sickening smell. There, only were destinated the scum, the most dangerous. The worst. Even there weren´t a minimun conditions of cleanliness or respect for those who stayed on that rooms during an undefined time.
Most of them, urinated on the corners. Intense and sour smell. Criminals, murderes, mafia members. All class of individual passed over there, but, soldiers? What class of affront had commited the famous hope of makind to finish there?
She had her answer soon. The young cadet had fougth the night before. Leaving unconscious his mate only for a bad comment. The enough offensive for abusing him.
They went down those narrow treads where the smell was more and more strong; swallowed saliva imaginating the face of that guy. When they reached the enter of his cell found 6 soldiers watching over the door. "That´s must be a joke", thought.
A huge metal lock and some chains along the perimeter. Even, the men who guarded him looked much more stocky than the majority. Selected previously for his guard.
Never matter how good soldier he was, that was exagerated. Erwin got closer the iron bars and put the key onto the keyhole. From there went out a tiny boy with a serious and penetrating sigth. No threatening at first sigth.
Briefly, he remembered herself, before recovering her faith in makind. They boy looked her for a while, until Erwin intervened again.
"My name is Erwin Smith, since today you belongs to my squad. I introduce you one of your new squadmates and my right-hand: Hanji Zoe" directed to her "Hanji, he is Rivaille"
Never forget that day in her whole life nor all she would live next to him.
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Thanks for reading the first chapter. And I hope you like it! If I see that english readers like the story I will continue translating. I must advert you that the original one (the one I wrote in spanish) is filled with war and battles, not much cuddles and romantic scenes. But centered on levihan story. I apologize again for the possible mistakes.