AN: I was watching an interview with some of the creators of the show and they say Daryl is really numb and doesn't feel much after Beth's death so this is focusing on him feeling again (hence the title)
Its been sometime.
I don't remember what it's like to feel.
I'm hallow.
Is this what the walkers feel like? Do they just keep walking and going not really knowing what's going on?
I feel dead. Maybe i am.
No one understands. But then I'm used to that. Ain't no one been through what I have.
The only person who could know what I've been through is Maggie and she's far worse than I am.
Beth is dead. And i can't feel it. And I hate it. Carol said I need to make myself feel it. Feel the pain. But I can't. I've tried. I hurt myself with the hope of that jerking me back. It didn't work. I still can't feel her death.
I felt it when I saw her body fall. I felt it when I had to carry her out but somewhere along the way I stopped feeling it.
I did love Beth. She was a wonderful person. She saw goodness in me. Goodness I didn't know was there. She didn't deserve to die.
I walk and walk. I hunt because that's what's asked of me. If I didn't do it who did? Its good through. Its something that's familiar.
We've been walking for days now. Were beaten. Starving. The heat is making the animals travel to find water.
"Daryl?" Rick says catching my attention. I turn and look at him and see him looking off at a small trailer.
I take my crossbow off my back and slowly walk towards it with Abraham by my side.
Opening the door I look inside and see were in a small livingroom. There's a couch, a beat up TV, a lamp, and a small coffee table. The place is clean. Means someone's been living here. I look toward Abraham and see he's been thinking the same thing.
I nod toward the right side of the trailer that he takes and I go to the left.
I walk down a short hallway that reminds me of the rv. The first door on the right holds a small bathroom. The next a small closet. At the end is a bedroom its about the size of two cells. A twin bed is pushed in the corner. To the right of me is a small dresser with a TV and a potted flower on it. Next to the bed is the closet. I slowly walk towards it and yank it open. A few t-shirts hang in there but that's it.
I wonder where the person who's been living here is when I hear glass break and Abraham yell.
I run out of the room. It doesn't take me long to get to the kitchen and see Abraham wrestle a women to the floor. I see the bottle that she must have hit him with because blood is flowing from a fresh cut on his forehead. Next I look at the women and take a step back when I think for a moment it's Beth because she has her blonde hair. But then she looks up at me and I see she has sharp gray eyes. Not the blue that Beth had.
I lift my crossbow up as Abraham lifts her up. She's small but toned with muscle. And while she may have Beth's hair that's where the similarities stop. Beth was a country girl with her cowgirl boots and blue jeans. This girl was not. She wore tight black pants with a form fitting blue hoodie and thick combat boots.
"Who are you?" I ask as I take a step closer.
"I should be asking you that! You're the one who burst into my home uninvited!" She says taking a kick at me when I reach for the knife that's on her side.
Its at that moment Rick walks in. Judith isn't with him which makes me think he must have left her with Carl.
"Who are you?" Rick asks walking right up to the women.
"Who are you?" She asks back a bite to her voice that makes me raise my eyebrows. Rick looked menacing most people wouldn't dare to be snarky with him.
"I asked first. Now either you answer of we're gonna have a problem" Rick says quickly sidestepping the kick aimed at him.
"Fuck you" she snaps. "Get out of my house and we won't have a problem"
I want a laugh a little at her bravery. Here she is with Abraham holding her arms and two men in front of her with guns while she is weaponless but still she manages to try and sound threatening.
"You been following us?" Rick asked.
"What?"
"Have you been following us?" Rick asks repeating his question.
"Are you stupid? I live here. You people are the ones who barged in here." She says.
Rick nods to Abraham who let's the women's arms go.
She rubs her shoulders that no doubt hurt.
"I apologize." Rick says moving to put a hand out. "Rick Grimes"
She looks at his outstretched hand and slowly reaches out and shakes it.
"Carolina Murry" she says. "You people do this often?"
"We've had a rough couple of a day's. Were a bit on edge." Rick says.
"Oh." Is all she says. "There more of you?"
"Yes. The rest of them are outside" Rick says pointing out the window where the rest of the group can be seen clearly.
Carolina raises her eyebrows as she takes in the sight of all of us.
"Wow" she says. "Is that.. Is that a baby?" She asks confusion and shock on her face.
"Yes." Rick says.
"How long you been here?" I ask putting my crossbow on my back.
"Few months" she says turning to look at me. "Why?"
"Know of any lake or river? Were low on water" I say.
"Nah the last flowing river dried up a few days ago. I was getting ready to leave myself because game here fled" she says.
"Damn it" Rick says rubbing his face.
"I'm sorry" Carolina says. I turn and see she's talking to Abraham.
"Its alright" he says pressing his hand to the wound.
Carolina walks over to a cabinet and after rummaging around in it takes out a first aid kit.
"Here let me patch it up" she says. Abraham sits on the only chair in the room as she works.
"Do you have any baby food? Or something soft enough for her to eat?" Rick asks turning from the window to look at her.
"Um I have some preserved peaches" she says after she's done with Abraham. Walking over to a backpack that's laying on the ground she pulls out a medium size jar and hands it over to Rick.
Rick looks at the jar and relief floods his face. We all know why. Its been sometime since we've had baby food little asskicker has been living off berries and acorns. These peaches will be the first thing she's been able to eat that won't upset her stomach.
"Thank you" Rick mumbles still looking at the jar.
"Your welcome" Carolina says. "I'm sorry. I wish I could offer more for your little girl but I'm low on things for baby's to eat."
"This helps." Rick says holding up the jar.
"We'll leave you now." Rick says as he starts to walk toward the door. "Thank you and once again we apologize for just barging in here"
"Its ok. It was nice meeting you Rick" she says.
We all leave. I give her a nod goodbye and she returns it.
. . .
"We should have asked her to join us" Abraham says a few hours after leaving Carolina's house.
"Whys that?" Rick asks.
"She knows how to survive. She'd be a great help I think" he says.
"Well were too far away to go back now." Rick says.
"Some of us could. Can meet up later" he says.
"Why you so interested in getting her back here?" I ask.
"Just a feeling were gonna need her is all" he says.
"Were not splitting up" Rick says and at that the decision is final.
I'd much rather have Carolina stay away. She doesn't look like Beth but her hair reminds me of her. And of the pain I no longer feel. Though I did feel something. It was short but still for a moment I felt a little bit of happiness.
Seeing Carolina strong and willing to fight did something. Don't know what but it did.
"Maybe she was the friend?" Glenn asks.
"Nah she said she wasn't following us. Seemed pretty pissed that we accused her of it to." I say.
"Doesn't matter now" Rick says looking up at the sky.
We all looked up and at that moment the sky broke and water poured out.
I looked at the ground and waited for the joy to come. But nothing. I wanted to feel. Even if it was pain. But nothing came.
Thunder crackled off in the distance and we all looked up and saw the swirl of black clouds. All of us born in Georgia knew what that meant. A storm was coming and a big one.
"There's a barn!" I shouted as the thunder started booming at a deafening level.
I had found the barn a little after leaving Carolina's house. It was small and smelled like horse shit but it'll hold.
We all ran in it finally getting out of the rain.
. . .
Finally felt something. Anger.
Rick said we were the walking dead. But we weren't. I would not be.
I was pacing the length of the barn. Restless. It was too damn small in here. I looked toward the doors and upon walking up i saw them.
Walkers. Hundreds of them from the look of it.
I quickly grabbed the side of the doors and forced them closed but the wind was pushing too hard and it was making it hard to keep them closed. I looked over in shock when I saw Maggie next to me. Together the two of us tried to keep the doors closed and one by one the group came. Together we made it through the night.
. . .
***Carolina POV***
Fuck I think as another branch hits me in the face. It's been happening all day.
That damn storm tore apart my trailer so now I'm left walking on foot.
I sigh and sit down on a fallen log relishing in the smell of crisp clean air. I grew up in the city of Detroit and the closest you got to fresh air is opening your window if you were on the top floor. Having the woods to call as my home I'm still in awe over the clean air. And now after the storm it's clean and wet.
It's like the animals know it's safe to come back now. I've been lucky and caught a rabbit. Being a city girl my skinning is pretty crappy but I make due.
I've just made my first cut when I hear a rustle of leaves to my left side.
Standing up quickly I turn and get ready to strike at the walker but to my utter surprise a man walks out. Holding his hands up the man stops walking since i've drawn my gun on him now. Knifes will work for walkers but people are different.
"Who the hell are you?" I ask.
The man is in what I'm guessing his late 20s early 30s. He has a pack and wears a weather proof jacket with tan khakis as well as perfect hiking boots.
"I mean you no harm. I promise." He says.
"You been following me?" I ask.
"Yes" he says. "Wait wait I promise I mean you no harm." He quickly says when my finger twitches towards the trigger.
"Why? For how long?" I ask.
"Since you left your trailer." He says.
"Why?" I ask again.
"We saw you talking to Rick's group." He says. "We've been following them for some time and were curious as to why they let you live"
"We?" I ask as I quickly look around searching for more people.
"It's just me. My companion he went to speak to Rick's group." He says.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because we want to offer you a chance to audition to come and stay at our camp" he says.
I squint my eyes. I was a lawyer before all this so I can tell when a person is lying. But also being alone for the past year makes me a bit rusty. Still the man seems to be telling the truth. I lower my gun and see a look of relief flash across his face.
"Ain't interested" I say.
"Please just hear me out." He says.
"No. I ain't going to another camp" I say.
"It's more like a town." He says. "I have some photographs if you'd like to see. Though the picture quality isn't good."
"Why me?" I ask. "Why do you want me? You don't know who I am. I could be a killer"
"We've been watching you. You gave a jar of food to someone else is baby. Someone you had just met. That doesn't sound like a killer to me." He says.
I stay silent. While the idea of being with people again does appeal to me I don't think I can handle it. I've been on my own for a year now and the most human contact I've had is this man and Rick's group. Being around people again brings on some anxiety.
I sigh and rub my head.
"Let's see the pictures then" I say.
An hour later and Eric and I were sitting down talking about Alexandria. He's told me about how there are fences all around and how I would be safe there but I'm extremely doubtful. I've been to the so called "safe zones" and they've all fallen. What makes this place so different? When I voice this to Eric he simply says I'll have to see for myself. He also tells me about his partner Aaron the one who is talking to Rick's group.
Also that Aaron is his boyfriend. When Eric asked if that bothered me I simply shook my head. I didn't really care about people's sexual preference. Eric smiled at that then told me that most people even now had problems with it.
After a meal of rabbit and a can of beans we started off towards where he says Aaron is speaking to Rick's group.
"So what did you do before all this?" Eric asks.
"I was a lawyer." I say.
"Really? What did you specialize in?" He asks.
"Divorce." I say.
"That must have been stressful" he says with a laugh.
"Oh you have no idea. The custody parts were the worst." I say.
"What was-" he starts but is cut off by the sounds of walkers.
I grab Eric's arm and together we start to run. As we're running I pull my knife and take out the walkers that get in the way.
I think we're in the clear when Eric screams. I turn and see that he's trapped under a rock. I run forward and become swamped by walkers. Finally I pull my gun and start taking out walkers.
. . .
"Let me see your ankle" I tell Eric. We had managed to get to a small town and were now hiding in a old building.
Eric's ankle is swollen but has an extremely bad sprain but luckily it's not broken.
"How do you know what you're doing?" He asks.
"I payed my way through law school being a EMT" I say while I finish wrapping up.
"That's convenient" he says with a slight laugh.
"How bad does it hurt? Scale of 1 to 10." I say.
"Um 7" he says.
"Ok" I say as I reach into my pack and pull out a bottle of aspirin. I give him two and he lays back closing his eyes.
I'm cleaning up my meager medical supplies when I hear a door bang shut and people talking. I look toward Eric and see he's already awake looking towards the door.
"I got it" I whisper grabbing my gun and walking towards the voices.
"How do we know they're going to know to come here?" A woman's voice asks.
"We don't we just gotta hope" someone else says. I about ready to jump out when i hear a baby whimper.
"Shh Judith" a boy says.
My mind instantly flashes to Rick's kid. He never said the baby's name but this could very well be his group.
"Here. We still got the food from Carolina" another voice says. Even if he hadn't said my name I would know that voice. I want to laugh.
It is Rick's group.
"You make a habit of this?" I ask walking out to meet the group.
I raise my hands as the man with the crossbow lifts it up. He stops short though and a snort leaves him.
"You sure ya ain't following us?" He asks as he lowers his crossbow.
"Hey I was here first." I say smiling a little. I look over at the rest of the group and see confusion clear on their faces. I realize the. that the only person who knows me is the crossbow wielding man and the one with the orange mustache.
"Let me introduce myself. I'm Carolina" I say.
"Your the one from the trailer" a women with short Brown hair says.
"Yup." I say.
"How'd you find us?" Crossbow asks.
"I wasn't looking. The man I'm with. He's injured. We were able to make it here." I say.
"Eric?" He asks.
"Yeah. Is Aaron with you?" I ask. "Eric said he was talking to your group"
"Got separated." He says. "What were you doing with Eric?"
"He was convincing me to go to the safe zone with him" I say. "We got swarmed by a herd. Eric's ankle is messed up"
After a short silence I tell them I should check on Eric and if they'd like to join us they could.
I walk in the room where Eric is lying and see a look of relief cross his face as I walk in followed by Rick's group.
"Pain meds kick in?" I ask sitting down next to him.
"Yeah. I'm getting sleepy." He says.
"That's OK. Go to sleep. I got your back" I say.
He nods and after adjusting his ankle falls asleep.
. . .
"So what's your name?" I ask Crossbow. He looks over at me and raises his eyebrow but doesn't say anything.
"It'd be nice to know so I don't keep calling you crossbow " I say.
"Daryl" he mumbles.
"It's nice to formally meet you" I say. He just shrugs and goes back to watching the window.
I look over at Eric and see he's starting to stir. He opens his eyes and looks over at ms giving me a small smile.
"I have a flare gun." He says. "It's incase something happens like me getting hurt. So Aaron knows where to find me"
"We should shoot it" Daryl says. "The rest of the group will know where we are."
"I agree" I say and Eric hands me the flare gun. I'm getting up to walk towards the door when Daryl stops me.
"What?" I ask. He just holds out his hand.
"I can do it" I say stepping around him.
I'm outside and after shooting off the flare i turn and raise my eyebrow at the sight of Daryl standing there.
"What? Did you think I wasn't gonna do it?" I ask.
"It's my groups life right there. Wasn't gonna let a stranger put it in danger." He says.
I nod. I can understand his untrust of me. I walk back in but he stays behind saying he's gonna wait till Rick gets here.
Back in the room I learn the names of everyone.
It's about an hour later when rick returns. He give a small laugh as he sees me but otherwise doesn't make a move to care.
After a short discussion we all agree that come tomorrow morning we will all together go to Alexandria.
. . .
AN: this is going to be a two shot. I'm writing this for the sole purpose of wanting to practice my one shots so I can offer them to devoted readers:) hope you enjoy.