Harry entered Dumbledore's office after many years and smiled as he looked at the beautiful headpiece in his hand. It was absolutely gorgeous, and had cost well over a small fortune – a large fortune.

'See this?' he said to the sorting hat, 'this thing is amazing. It can add, multiply and divide numbers - even fractional numbers - which contain less than, or equal to fifteen digits. It can perform occlumency – you said you could read minds, but Snape said that there's no such thing, and Snape is really smart. You were obviously lying – even on the hardest to crack minds. It can even work out the brain of a girl. It understands trigonometry and advanced calculus. It can read and comprehend Shakespeare and all sorts of complicated literature. It has studied at Harvard and has a degree in software engineering – you don't even know what a computer is. It's also much prettier than you. See those blue daisies at its corners? Are they pretty or what? I do hope you remember what you had said – that you'd eat yourself if anyone could find a smarter hat than you. Well, ha ha, I would love to see you eating yourself.'

'Oh Harry,' said Hermione in an exasperated way, 'it's only an expression. You're just like Ron.'

'Whatever she said,' said Ron, who was trying to steal all of the new headmaster's expensive quills.

'You should have thought that it was an expression before you used it, o sorting hat!' smiled Harry evilly, 'but it seems like you finally lost. You'll think again before you use another one of those "expressions" to make things rhyme. Tell me hat, what's two plus two?'

The Sorting hat didn't have an answer.

'Now, ask this to Lola, which is the name of this genius in front of you, what's two and two?'

'Four,' replied Lola.

'See?' said Harry, laughing, 'this thing is obviously smarter than you.'

Though Ron and Hermione looked rather disturbed at their friend's odd behaviour, the Sorting Hat only laughed.

'Why are you laughing?' demanded Harry, 'Do you sense a loop hole – you cannot! I have finally defeated you! Eat yourself!'

'You are very right, young man,' said the Sorting Hat, 'that thing is much more intelligent than I am. There is only one problem.'

'That being?' asked Harry.

'Our dear friend Lola is not a hat. It's a cap.'

A/N – I know that was weird, but it wouldn't hurt to review, now would it?