Blood is everywhere. Everywhere I turn I hear screams and pleads of help, my head feels dizzy, I turn around to see dead bodies everywhere, people that are dying. People that I could've helped, but didn't.

Rue flashes between my eyes, her lifeless body on the floor, the spear still through her, I run to take it out but then Cato appears. He's on the ground, looking at me, mouthing at me "Help" of course I don't hesitate to stick by Rue, but Cato's eyes dig into me, making me feel guilty. Within a second, Finnick is here. He is being attacked by monstrous lizard mutts. He too, is screaming my name. Then Gale, he is not dying. He's not even hurt. Except, he's crying. But, why? I haven't seen this before. A blonde girl, a bit smaller than Gale, probably the same height as me touches his hand, he jerks away. I don't understand. What's happening? Is this another type of torture? Instead of the constant bodies I see every night. Deaths all caused by me. This is another type of torment, the torment where I see somebody who is alive, but is heartbroken. Hurt. Alone. Afraid. Someone who is better off dead than to be breathing. All because of me. The blonde girl speaks in a hush tone, "She's happy without you Gale." Who, who is happy without him? Gale turns back to the blonde girl, "I know." "So let her go." The blonde girl replies. Let who go? "I can't." his voice is hoarse, he's trying to keep it steady but he can't. But why though? "You can't? How can you not, Gale?" The blonde girl's voice rises "She left you, Gale! You were hunting for both of your families, and what did she do? She ran off with that baker! She didn't appreciate you, did she? She was selfish. You loved her, did you not Gale? You were prepared to give her everything, to run off with her. You got whipped because of her! You and your family's life were in danger because of her! And you're telling me you can't?"

The reality finally hits me.

She's talking about me.

No no no! I want to get out. I need to escape.

But my dreams are not finished yet. They're not letting me go that easily.

Because Prim appears.

And I can't handle it anymore, I can't. It's too much. Too insufferable. I feel claustrophobic.

I need to stop this.

And before I see what happens next, I close my eyes and think of the only way that it all stops.

Scream.

And somebody is shaking me, who is it? Who is trying to help me? Who, aside from all the things I've done, all the pain I've caused, is trying to save me?

The person is shaking me more violently; this time they're shouting my name. I want it to end too, please.

And then my eyes open suddenly, and I see the face of Peeta. Whose hands are holding my arms, still shaking me. I pant, I'm sweating.

And it all makes sense. The only person who understands me, who forgives me is Peeta. He deserves someone that balances his worth. Someone not me.

He pushes my hair on my face behind my ear, "Shh… it's okay, Katniss... I'm here…"

He wraps me around his arms, and I am too shocked to talk yet. But I need to. I close my eyes and hug him "thank you…" the only thing I say every time this happens, and this happens every night. Nightmares haunt me every night, and I can't stop it.

"Whatever it takes to keep you safe, Katniss." He replies and kisses me on the forehead.

I look up to him.

He and the kids are the only ones I have left.

Everyone is gone.

My mum, she left. Along time ago, she left only a note that said four words. "I will find paradise"

I have searched for her, in every district but I have not yet found her.

I'm thinking that she could've immigrated and in the worse times, think she killed herself. To be with Prim. I know that she blames me for Prim's death. Because there's no one else to blame, but me. Everything is my entire fault.

"Make it stop, Peeta…" I squeeze his shirt and bury my face in his abs because that's the only place I feel safe.

"I'm trying, Katniss. I really am."

And for a few minutes, we are sitting in silence, his arms protecting me and me crying on his shirt.

It takes a while for me to get a hold of myself, like every night. This time it takes me longer though, because once I close my eyes I can only see the scene with Gale and the blonde girl repeating.

I have so many unanswered questions. Who is that blonde girl? Is that Gale's wife? Girlfriend?

The word girlfriend makes me twitch, I can't think like that. I don't want to see Gale happy, unless it's because of me. And I guess that's what the blonde girl meant, she was selfish. It echoes in my mind. I feel like someone has pushed me off the edge of "sanity" cliff and into a pool of insanity. And I'm drowning. Drowning in my own madness, anxiety.

The insecurity is killing me.

Where is Gale?

It's been eight years.

Some would think that the dreams would've stopped by now. But not for me. I don't know how Peeta manages it, but falling asleep is my greatest fear.

Is Gale safe? Is Gale alive? Is Gale happy? Is Gale married? Does he have kids?

Does he still think of me? Is he thinking about me like I think about him? Does he have dreams about me? Does he still love me?

Peeta lies me down on the bed and kisses me on the forehead and lies down next to me. "Good night, Katniss."

I don't reply. I just think. Good night? There is no such thing, anymore.

I don't sleep for the rest of the night, because I'm afraid. Falling asleep makes me feel unsafe. Like I've left all my guards down, and I can't let that happen. I can't break down.

I don't even know its morning because of my intense thinking until Peeta stirs and wakes up, he rolls over to me, "You didn't sleep, did you?"

I shake my head and I hear him sigh. I know he's sick of me, he's sick of shaking me every night. He gets up and walks out the door.

I wish I wasn't like this. Peeta doubts. I know he does. This is not the girl he fell in love with. I've become so fragile now. I've changed. And I hate it.

I lie down in bed for an hour until I hear the kids shouting and laughing outside and decide it's time to come out.

I walk out and into the kitchen, where Peeta is making tea and the kids have finished their food and were playing all around the place.

"Mummy!" My two little angels shout at me. They are my miracle and I am forever grateful. I love them so much, even though I was hesitant with it all, I realized that what was there to lose (besides my virginity).

And now, I'm so blessed to call them my kids. "You're up early guys!" I tell them and each give them a kiss on the cheek. My little boy, Storm, who I secretly named after Gale wipes it off quickly. Peeta doesn't know of course, but it's not a big deal or anything. The youngest, Tulip hugs me tight and smiles. Peeta and they are the only ones who manage to make me smile. "You both should get ready. Storm, aren't you with me today?" He pauses for a while and whines "Uh! I'm in the bookshop today?" He frowns and walks off to change, Tulip however tells him off "The bookshop is really entertaining! You get to store books and order them by the author's name! And sometimes Mummy lets me have a go at the counter. It's much better than Daddy's bakery, I always smell like dough afterwards!"

Since it's the weekends, Peeta and I have a full day of work. He works in the bakery, while I had set up a bookshop, it isn't popular. But I like it that way, I like it being quiet, but surrounded with enough people so my thoughts can't suffocate me.

We didn't want the kids to stay at home all alone or with anyone else so we decided that they would have to come with us with work. It wasn't trouble because they're old enough to behave and listen. The order was that Storm would go with Peeta and Tulip would go with me, and then swap around. It was Storm's turn to go with me, and he obviously much preferred Peeta's bakery.

On the week-days however, when they have school, Peeta goes to work half- time while I stay home and mind the kids, get them ready for school, drop them to school and then work while they're at school and then pick them up. Peeta goes home about an hour later they get back.

Once Peeta and I are alone I say "I'm sorry." I say, not just because of yesterday, but for everything.

He places the cup of tea and puts his hand on top of mine.

"What for, Katniss?"

For all the pain I've caused you.

"For everything!" I shout, not because I'm mad at him. But because I'm mad at myself "For every god damn thing I've ever done! You're better off without me…" I tell him, and tears explode. "For all the pain… I never meant to hurt you…"

He pauses for a while until he tells me to look at him.

I shake my head, I can't. It hurts too much. His eyes scream "guilt" all the time.

"Katniss…"

And I look up to him.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me." He rubs my hands, "don't ever think like that again, Katniss! Okay?"

I nod and look away again, and for what seems like I haven't done in a while, I crack a small smile.

"I love you" I tell him, because I do. I have my doubts, but I do love him.

"I know"

Wait, what? Did he really say that?

"What did you say?" I whisper to him, I feel like I've been in this kind of situation before… why does it feel so familiar?

"I said, I love you too, why?" He asks, his eyebrows rose.

"Never mind…" but I can't shake off the feeling… that… why did I think he said I know? Why does it feel so…

Gale.

That's what I said. I said "I know" when he expressed his love for him. I close my eyes, what a stupid and hurtful thing to say to someone who just told you they loved you. Probably the worst thing you can say.

After we have eaten breakfast, Peeta changes and is ready to open up his bakery.

We are all ready and walk together. The bakery and the bookshop aren't far from where we live.

Silence is between me and Peeta while the kids are having a 'discussion' behind us. (Mostly about which job was better)

"How's the business?" He asks, "well, you know… normal. I suppose, its quiet, I like it that way. But it can be busy." He nods, "That's good." "How about you?" I ask "Oh, its busy most of the time."

"What are they about?" He asks, I look at him, "Um… what are you talking about?" I laugh at how unexpected and random his question was. "Your nightmares…" I gulp, "Oh, the usual. Dead people…" I don't mention the part about Gale because I don't want him to think that I dream about him constant or anything. H e nods, "I'd hate to have dreams like that…" he says "usually… my dreams are about" "losing you" I continue for him. He mentioned that once. He smiles at me and squeezes my hand "Yeah. And you don't know happy it makes me feel to know that you're here. Mine. Forever mine. Nothing can change that, right Katniss?" I smile and hug him tight. "Of course, Peeta."

The kids giggle behind us and I stick my tongue at them, playing along.

We have reached our destination and I give Peeta a kiss and Tulip a kiss on the forehead, "Now, you listen to what Daddy says okay?" She nods "And I know you don't like it there, but you make an effort okay?" She nods again, "Okay, Mummy! See you later guys!" And they walk off towards the bakery while I hold Storms hand and walk to the bookshop.

I flip the "Closed" Sign to "open" And sit down for a while one of the couches.

I hear Storm sigh "It's so boring in here, Mummy! Can we do something fun?" He asks. "Well… not really…" I tell him honestly and laugh at his frown, "But, you can organize these book, how about that?" I pick up a pile of books that I meant to organize yesterday but forgot, "Here you go, put them over to that cupboard, do you see?" I say to him as I point to the cupboard with the letter "D" as these books were all written by authors whose last name began with a D.

He nods at me, but I know he isn't satisfied.

After half an hour, Storm makes fun by laying out books on the table for people to read and fixing the kids section, since all the small kids messed up a bit.

I brush the floor and clean everything to make sure everything is presentable.

And then a lot of customers come by, they ask me for a book, I type into the computer and I tell Storm where to get it by pointing where it should be. It takes him a while to get, but the customers are amused by him and find him adorable and get distracted.

It's already been an hour and a lot of people have been in and out, some stay and read for a while (though I tell them that they can only read the book for about half an hour. We aren't a library)

And then, a stranger walks in.

Well, he isn't a stranger.

He's a familiar stranger.

He isn't even that.

He's Gale.

I open my mouth in amazement and shock.

Gale is in District 12? I blink my eyes to make sure I'm not hallucinating or anything, and he most defiantly is here! Gale Hawthorne! My best friend! My partner in crime!

Well, was. But that doesn't matter right now.

He's here!

Except… how come… well, he's not really reacting, is he? It's been three years…why is he acting like… like he doesn't recognize me…

"Hey, can I have…"

I can't handle it no longer, this is Gale! Why isn't he hugging me? Is he mad at me?

I understand… but…

"Gale?" I whisper.

Gale stops talking and looks at me… his eyebrows scrunch and looks at my face for a while.

And what he says next breaks me into millions of pieces. I feel like a spear has cut through me.

"I'm sorry… do I know you?"