Raziel's Fall

Summary: The future is full of endless possibilities. There's no way in telling which future is going to happen .But to some, things are just a little clearer, a little easier to read.

Raziel sees the possibilities that lay ahead of them and he knows he can't sit back and watch it all happen. He has to do everything he can to save his family and to keep safe the one thing that means more to him than anything else in existence.

No matter the cost.

It was no real wonder that they came for him while Gabriel was gone. Raziel wasn't surprised. He had known something was coming for a while now. Much as they tried to keep it from him, there wasn't much that he didn't see or didn't know. His network even amongst his own kind was far and wide and information had a way of finding him even if he didn't seek it out. Little Spider, Gabriel called him sometimes, likening him to the spiders on their Father's earth, spinning his webs with threads fine as silk, only he didn't catch food in there – he caught information.

This information had come to him and bits and pieces. Nothing of any real significance to anyone else except for him. With each new piece, gradually Raziel had put together what was coming, and he'd been able to prepare.

The mission that sent Gabriel to earth hadn't come directly from Raziel – but it might as well have. A whisper here, a word there, a little nudge in the right direction, and his brother was sent on a mission that would keep him away, even for a short time. Long enough for them to do what they were going to do. Long enough to keep Gabriel safely away so that he wouldn't interfere; wouldn't be hurt.

They didn't bother to mask their presence. Raziel sensed them coming and looked up from his book in just enough time to watch as Raphael landed, with Zachariah at his side, wings splayed wide in all their glory. It was a sight that had sent many a lesser angel to their knees.

Raziel arched an eyebrow at them. "Can I help you, brothers?"

"I believe you know why we are here." Raphael said. As usual, he didn't waste time. Once, he had been a softer spoken angel, gentle and kind, one of the best of them. The War had changed that. The War had changed them all. Lucifer's Fall had left many damaged but none more so than the other archangels. Raphael especially had changed. Almost more than Michael.

Behind him, Raziel's wings lifted and fluttered in a gesture that was almost the same as a human smirking or shaking their head. "Yes, I imagine I do." Casually, he marked his page in his book and then closed it, laying it down with care. Then he turned once more and looked up at his brothers. One stood tall and proud, with a coldness to his grace that hadn't once been there, while the other stood back a ways and watched with a calculated glee that left Raziel slightly ill. He chose to focus on Raphael; he was the one leading this charade. "Just as I imagine we both know that whatever 'crimes' you've come to me with are nothing more than illusion, dear brother."

"So it was illusion that had you countermanding our orders to the garrisons? Illusion that went into the vault of souls where we are expressly forbidden to go?"

Raziel's smile grew a little. "No. Those were me." Of course they were. There was no way he was going to allow an entire garrison to go on a mission that would've resulted in their death, simply because it was a garrison full of those that would not support what Raphael was planning. Not that they knew this was what was happening. Not that they even knew of Raphael's plans. What mattered was that Raziel knew, and he wasn't going to allow it. He wouldn't let his brothers and sisters be slaughtered. Too many had been lost already.

As for the vault of souls, well, that was a different story entirely, and not one that Raphael needed to know. He didn't need to know about the little seraph that Raziel had found in there, claiming to be drawn by the light of a soul. He didn't need to know about the little Thursday's angel that already many thought of as 'too different' or 'too strange'. Raziel adored him, as did Gabriel. There was no way that Raziel would hand him over for trouble now.

"Let us not play games here, Raphael." Raziel said. He pushed up to his feet, his true form rising to a height that towered over almost every angel. His wings went wide and high behind him for a brief moment before curling in against his back. His grace was humming with the energy of what was going on and the knowledge of what was to come. "We both know that neither of those are the reasons you're here. No 'rebellion' brings you to me. You may have told yourself a tale of my behavior and how we cannot afford any angels who might Fall as Lucifer Fell, but you and I, we know better. We know what this is truly about."

This had nothing to do with anything that he'd done. This wasn't because of any 'rebellion' on Raziel's part. Michael and Raphael could claim differently but Raziel knew better. He knew what this truly was.

They feared him.

They feared the secrets he knew, the things that he had been privy to at their Father's knee, the information he gathered, the wisdom he'd obtained. If knowledge truly was power, than Raziel was well armed – and he was a threat. A threat to everything that they had planned, and one that they couldn't allow to stay.

"Your fancy words won't do you any good here, brother." Raphael told him. In his hand, his grace coalesced into a familiar form, one that should never be drawn against one of their own. An angel blade. "Your fate has already been decided."

"And in doing so, you've sealed your own." Raziel warned him. He drew his grace in close and tight and wrapped his wings around himself. The moment had come – there was no more putting it off. He'd already waited too long. Any longer and he would risk Gabriel returning right when he could not afford him to. I'm so sorry, brother.

Staring right at Raphael, at the brother he had once loved and trusted, strength filled Raziel. This was right. This was what he had to do. "I'm sorry it had to be this way." he said softly. With a cry that echoed through the Heavens, the archangel Raziel did what few angels – and no archangels – had ever done before.

He gathered his grace and ripped it out.

And then, he Fell.

Gabriel had never flown so fast in his entire existence. Not when delivering a Message, not during the wars – never. Yet as soon as he felt the explosion of Raziel's grace echo through the Host, he spread his wings wide and took flight with all the speed he'd been granted as the Messenger.

The mission lay forgotten behind him; what did it matter? He'd known even as he'd gone that this was nothing important. Leading a patrol down to Earth, scouting the hint of a rumor of rebellious angels. Now as he flew hard and fast he feared that the trip had been more than just some punishment for something he might've done.

His flight took him straight to Raziel's little corner of Heaven where he liked to come and hide with his books. A little office that so few knew about and that only the archangels came to visit him in. Gabriel had spent many an hour sitting in here with him and watching as Raziel would look through his books and write down a few things here or there. Compiling his secrets, Gabriel liked to tease him. Tugging on the threads of the webs he wove.

Finding Raphael and Michael there in the center of what looked like one cataclysmic explosion was like a fist straight to Gabriel's grace. He landed and stared around him with open horror. Raziel's office - it looked destroyed. Like one of the storms that sometimes plagued the earth had somehow ripped through it and destroyed everything inside. The books that Raziel had so loved, the papers he'd painstakingly compiled, were destroyed. There were piles of ash here and there and others that still looked to be smoldering. All of it, destroyed, and Raziel nowhere in sight.

Gabriel looked it all over and then turned towards his brothers. He ignored Michael; all of his focus was on Raphael. "What have you done?"

"I did nothing, brother." Raphael's voice was cold. HIs wings didn't even flutter behind him. "This was entirely Raziel."

"I don't believe it." There was no way it was possible. No way he would've done this to the things that meant so much to him. "He wouldn't do this."

Raphael lifted his wings a little in a the posture of a soldier. No emotion; cold and empty. It chilled Gabriel to see. There was no time to think on it, though. The next words Raphael said wiped all thought from Gabriel's mind. "He did indeed. I know you felt it, Gabriel. Our brother has ripped out his grace. He has Fallen."

"No!" Gabriel refused to believe it. He glared at his brother and fought to keep his wings from snapping out into a display that would only lead to the fighting he so desperately wanted to avoid. Too many of them had fought already. "Raz wouldn't just leave. He wouldn't abandon us." He wouldn't abandon me. Spinning, Gabriel glared at Michael while pointing at Raphael. "This is his fault. He's been doing something for a long time now, Mikey, and you've been too blind to see it! Now Raziel had to be the one to pay the price."

"Mind yourself, Gabriel." Michael said, voice low and full of warning.

But for once, Gabriel wasn't going to listen to that warning. He wasn't going to back down and bow his head and do what he was told. He'd held back so many times. With Lucifer, with the Wars, with brothers and sisters being lost every day for a battle they never should've been involved in. Gabriel had done what he was told for all of those – but no more. Not for this. Not for Raziel. His sweet little spider. "No, Michael." Those two words rang around them and silenced almost everything. Gabriel held himself tall and proud, refusing to back down under Michael's stare. "We've been telling you for a long time that there's something going on. Time and time again, Raziel spoke to you, trying to make you see that something was going on. Trying to make you see the truth. But you ignored him. The one angel who was entrusted with more of our secrets than any other – more, even, than the Scribe – and you ignored him."

"He was wrong!"

"No, he wasn't. You just refuse to believe that he's right. You're too blinded to see. And I can't sit around and watch it anymore." Those last words rang with a truth that they all could feel. Grief washed over Gabriel and he dipped his wings down, the weight of the moment making them feel heavy. It felt like a part of his grace was cracking and breaking inside of him. All the things Raziel had warned him about, the hints that he'd dropped, things that Gabriel hadn't wanted to believe – he was right. He was right and it was too late for Gabriel to tell him that. They were lost, all of them. It's too late. "I can't do this. I can't stand by and watch you all destroy each other anymore. You've broken apart everything I've ever known and loved. The only thing I had left that was good was him, and you've destroyed that, too."

Michael looked stricken. Despite the Wars and the grief and pain that the oldest of them had lived through, it hadn't taken away his love for his family. It'd changed him, yes, but it hadn't changed that. He knew Gabriel and he could see the pain he was in as well as the resolve that was filling him. "Little brother..."

"No." Gabriel said softly. I'm so sorry, Raziel. I'm so sorry none of us listened to you. "I'm done, Michael. I won't stand back and watch our family fall apart any more than it already has. We haven't been the same since we lost Lucifer. All I had left was Raziel and now he's gone. There's... there's nothing here for me anymore."

One of Michael's wings reached out for Gabriel and that was just too much to take. With the pain inside of him there was no way he'd be able to hold up against any sort of kind touches. Gabriel's wings spread out and he once more took flight.

He put his speed to use now and flew as fast as he could, pushing himself to fly even faster than he had to come here. He flew faster and faster until Heaven was just a blur behind him, and even then he still flew on. He flew until his wings were screaming and his grace was crying out. Only then did he drop to earth.

It was easy to find the vessel he kept hidden down here. The human body was one that Raziel had helped him to make long ago. As Gabriel slid into it, he remembered the first time all over again. Remembered how he'd talked of wanting to go to earth and explore without the constrictions of a job or the worry of protecting the soul inside the vessel. He remembered how Raziel had come to him later and pulled him aside, slipping down to earth through one of the exits from Heaven that no one else knew of, and finding himself in the middle of a forest. There had been a body lying there on what Gabriel learned later was an altar. A body that Raziel had made for him himself.

"How?" Gabriel had asked. He'd been stunned, staring at this vessel that was so perfect for him, one that was made to house him and him alone, and which carried no sign of a human soul inside.

The way that Raziel had smiled at him had made Gabriel's grace sing. He'd brushed their wings in a gesture much like a human's casual kiss and had said nothing before nudging him forward. Gabriel hadn't pressed the issue. Very rarely did Raziel share the secrets he knew. Not even with Michael did he explain everything. To Gabriel he explained more than most, but even then, never everything. Some secrets, he said, were best kept secret.

He'd assured Gabriel that the vessel was his and no one else would ever be able to use it – or even find it. Gabriel had been young enough and still good enough to be scandalized by the idea that this vessel his brother had made for him was warded to not be found by other angels.

Now? Now, he was so very thankful for it.

Gabriel stretched his vessel's limbs out as he settled his grace inside of it. Then he curled every part of him back in. His human body compacted into a small ball as he knelt on the ground of this little sactuanry and gave way to the grief and pain that were cascading through him. Raziel was gone. He was gone. The one good thing that Gabriel had held on to through the Wars, the one who had given him the strength to keep going on, who had kept Gabriel sane after they'd had to lock their brother away – he was gone. Ripped his own grace out and Fell if Raphael was to be believed. Which, Gabriel thought fiercely, he was not.

Raziel had warned them for quite a while now that there was something wrong with Raphael. Gabriel had seen it, too. Their brother had changed and not for the better. But no one would listen. And now, now Raziel had paid the ultimate price. Whatever had happened had to have been bad for Raziel to Fall like that.

Tears poured from his vessel's eyes and Gabriel didn't stop them. He let himself grieve in the human way. The pain inside of him needed an outlet and if he let the angelic side of him show it he'd give away his location and potentially blast out part of the planet in the process. Raz. What did he do to you? Why did I leave you alone up there? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

How long Gabriel knelt there he had no idea. When he finally lifted himself from the kneeling position he'd been in on the floor, he found that the sun was rising. Had it been day or night when he'd landed? He hadn't been paying attention.

Gabriel reached out one slightly shaky hand to press against the ground, ready to rise up to his feet to go and do… what, he wasn't entirely sure. But he was stopped before he could get any further up.

There, on the ground in front of him, lay a folded piece of parchment. It was held closed with wax and marked with a familiar symbol.

Gabriel's symbol.

The air around Gabriel seemed to go still as he stared at that small parchment. When he reached out, his hand wasn't shaking as it had been before. It was surprisingly steady. Both hands were as they held the envelope and carefully broke the seal on the back.

My Dearest Gabriel,

As I sit here putting pen to paper, I still struggle to find the words I want. The words that I need to be able to explain this all to you so that you'll understand what it is that I'm doing. How does one begin to explain something like this when the risk of putting thoughts to paper is too high to chance? I've done everything I can to ensure it will go to you in a place no one else will be able to find it, yet there is too much at stake here to risk any sort of chance.

I suppose I should start with the most important words of all. Ones that I owe you. Little though they may be, they are all I have to offer you now.

I am sorry, Gabriel. I am so, so sorry.

Please know that I never wanted to hurt you. The pain I know this will cause you makes my grace ache. It is only the knowledge of the pain you will suffer if I do not do this that gives me the courage to follow the path I've laid out for myself.

By now I'm sure that you and all of Heaven are aware of what I've done. Word will spread, I'm sure. Much as they'd like to keep it quiet there's no way for anyone but our Father to hide my Falling. It is likely that you're going to hear things about me after this. Stories of the things I've done or the crimes I've committed. Heaven is not going to let me walk away from this. I'll be painted a criminal. No better than Lucifer. They'll make me a fugitive of Heaven and our brothers and sisters will hunt me down. They won't understand the truth of what is going on.

That's fine. I've prepared myself for that. But I cannot leave you like this. More than any others, I need you to understand, Gabriel, that I made this choice. I did this willingly and with full knowledge of what it means. I chose this, and I hope one day you can forgive me for it. But there is so much more here at stake than my own personal safety. I cannot tell you what that is – I can only tell you that I am doing what I know is right. I hope one day you will understand that.

I know that you're going to try and find me. I know that I won't be able to stop you. But when you do find me, and I have every faith that you will, I ask you to be careful. Who you find won't be ready for the knowledge yet of who I truly am. You'll need to be patient with the human version of me, as you were once patient with the fledgling who followed you everywhere and begged answers to so many questions. You'll know when the time is right to reveal the truth.

I won't insult you by asking you to take care of me. You're one of the most possessive beings that I've ever known. I love that about you, Gabriel. I know that you will do everything in your power to keep me safe no matter how I caution you. I only ask that you make sure to keep yourself safe as well. Losing you would destroy me in ways I don't even want to begin to contemplate.

I've seen the possibilities that are in store for us. I see the potential futures laid out before me like so many twisting paths. I don't see everything, you know that, but I've always seen the future with a bit more clarity than any of our brethren. Seeing has always been a talent of mine. The things I've learned, the things I've seen, are too much to put into this letter. I know what's coming our way. At least some of it. And I know what hard road lies ahead. I know some of what we'll face.

To you, I can admit that I'm afraid. I'm terrified, Gabriel. This will not be easy. There will be pain. Not just my own, for I could live with the knowledge of that though it chills me to my core, but for you as well. I would give anything to save you that. This path that I chose will still hurt you yet nowhere near as badly as you would be hurt had I not done anything.

Hopefully, what I do here today will help us all. If my actions today can save you and countless others – humans and angels alike – the kind of pain that I saw, even just a moment's worth, than it will be worth it.

You have always been my strength and courage ever since Father first brought me into existence. Sometimes I think that He made me to be a part of you. With you, I've always been complete.

A part of me will always remain with you, as you will always be a part of me.

Until we meet again.

Ever yours,

Raziel

By the time Gabriel finished reading that letter – once, twice, three times, just to make sure he got it all, to soak in the words that Raziel had penned for him – he was trembling once more. There were so many emotions inside of him it was hard to sort through them all.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Raziel wasn't supposed to be making sacrifice and putting himself in danger to keep Gabriel safe. It was Gabriel's job to protect him and keep him safe. He'd done it so many times. He'd protected the curious fledgling who had asked so many questions and who had loved everyone with an openness that had never faded, not even when Lucifer's betrayal had rocked Heaven and almost broken them all apart. So many had faltered and questioned and worried during the Wars. Not Raziel. His faith had stayed strong and sure and his love for them all had never faltered. Even for Lucifer, his love had never changed. Sometimes, Gabriel thought to himself that their Father had done something right when he'd made Raziel. Better than he'd done with any of them.

Now that sweet angel was putting himself through who knew what kind of pain just to keep the rest of them safe. To save a family that had abandoned him in so many ways, a family that he openly admitted in this letter would soon be hunting him down like some criminal. And he'd done it alone.

Gabriel closed his eyes and cursed himself a fool. The mission he'd gone on today, he was right, it hadn't been punishment. Now that he was looking he could easily picture the trail that would lead him back to his little spider. Raziel had gotten Gabriel safely out of Heaven before he'd begun this plan of his. He'd gotten him away from danger where he couldn't be hurt – and where he couldn't stop him.

To you, I can admit that I'm afraid. I'm terrified, Gabriel.

Those words pulled up the protective and, yes, the possessive parts of Gabriel. The parts of him that had laid claim to the other archangel so very long ago and which considered Raziel his just as much as he was Raziel's. He was scared. He was going to be in pain. And he was alone.

Not for long.

I know that you're going to try and find me. I know that I won't be able to stop you.

Damn right he was going to find him. Grief was shoved down underneath a wave of conviction that strengthened him, both body and grace, and pushed him up to his feet. He was going to find Raziel. No matter how long it took him.

Angels that fell were born into human vessels and lived human lives. There was no way to completely rip out your own grace – it was what made up angels, what made them what they were. Essentially an angel ripped all but the very core of themselves away. That core was enough to act like a human soul. It would body with a vessel just as a soul would upon conception and it would grow and live a human life. When it died, there was no afterlife, no place for it to go. It'd simply float freely until it could be born again.

There'd be no way to tell where Raziel had landed or who he would become once he did. Gabriel wasn't going to let that stop him, though. He'd find Raziel even if it took centuries. This was the only thing left for him, the only thing that was important. There was no more going home for him. Heaven was no longer the home he remembered it being. Home was with the mate that Gabriel had never had the chance to fully bond with.

Whatever was going on, whatever fate Raziel saw ahead of them, they were going to face it together. Gabriel was going to find him and stand firmly at his side through whatever came their way. That is, after he punched him for being so stupid as to leave him behind like this in some idiotic attempt to protect him. Didn't he realize that Gabriel would take plenty of pain if it meant they were together?

It took a few moments for Gabriel to push down the urges to return home and to shut off the part of him that was always connected to home. He shut off the call of his brothers, which had been ringing in his ears since he'd left, and he locked it all down tight. Then he let his wings spread out behind him and he looked out the window of his safe house with determination. It was time to go and find his lost archangel.

In the blink of an eye, he was gone.