It had been two days since she had left the space between ELuvihans. Since her vehnan had told her with his own lips that he was indeed the dread wolf. In lue of all of her Dalish heritage, the information had come with a staggering blow. And as an ex-lover..she was not sure which was worse. Slumping in her chair she stared at the war table, pieces scattered across the service with precision and thought. She could see marks where daggers had pierced the map. Her world had changed so much over the last couple of months, going from the first of her clan, to the leader of the Inquisition, falling in love with a wise apostate, losing him to secrets. Once again bringing the inquisition to arms and then losing her love once more to the reveal of those secrets that had taken him in the first place.
Propping her head in her hand, here in private she had no airs to keep, no image to present to her soldiers or pictures to match for nobles. Here she could sniff, allow tears to slip over her cheeks unbidden, and knees to touch her chest. Her heart, ever beating still continued to ache within her breast. But between battling Corephyus, fixing the mess from the civil war, the breach, the Qunari assaults, the revelation of the up and coming plague. But nothing seemed stay fixed. And, since she missed him. That was the thing that she had been avoiding the most. The love of her life, who had helped her take down a wannabe god, had been the reason the darkspawn had gained such power and now he wanted to destroy the world he had just helped to protect.
She had gotten the feeling before, suspicious. She had pushed away and ignored such fears, but that was no longer an option. She had fallen in love with a vain man. A selfish man. A guilty man. A lonely man. Desperate to correct past transgressions, to make up for what he saw as mistakes. And she, she was vain, in thinking that she alone had the draw to capture and persuade an elven god. She was selfish to enter into yet another war beneath a single pretense; to save the world when in truth, half the reason was to save her own heart. Guilty in her lies and tiresome of her interactions with said god. And above all, lonely. Her loneliness throbbed from deep within, sobbing, scratching, scrambling the body, mind and soul. Staring at the war map, in a dying candles map she was more than aware that 'The real world is not about happy endings. It's about taking the life you have and fighting like hell to keep it' but like hell would she allow herself not to have her life a happy ending.