HPNL Disclaimer:
Fluff, Slight homosexual activities, angst.
ENJOY!
As I Listened To 'Say You Like Me'
Harry stood on the railing that outlined the top of astronamy tower, his hand loosely gripping a pole less than a foot from him, watching the ground below as it seemed to sink deeper and farther away. He watched as students that didn't want to spend lunch in the Great Hall meandered over the pavement, chatting happily. Their faces were cheerful enough to let Harry offer a faint smile to no one in particular. He wanted to think that their lives were simple; that he was the only one in the entire school with problems. That he was the only one with enough of them to ache this badly. Unfortunatley, he was smart enough to know otherwise. There were kids down there struggling. They were hoping, and waiting, and hurting, just like Harry. But at the same time, it wasn't just like Harry. There was no one down in that courtyard that truly understood what everything he'd suffered was like. Losing his parents before he got a chance to know them, growing up thinking you were useless, then suddenly finding out you weren't, and that the fate of someone's life rested on your back.
That was what got him the most. The entire Wizarding World had waited eleven years for a hero, and he had to be that hero. He had to do what was expected of him, and any toe out of line threw a schoolfull of angry, dissappointed scowls. It was hard living when everything was scrutinized.
It was hard being a hero.
He stared at the ground with soft green eyes, the bags under them accentuating the curse green colour Harry so hated. He sent a glare to nothing, reaching up to hold his face. Those eyes that reminded him each time they were reflected back into his face, as if throwing into it the fact that they both ressembled his mother and her demise. Irony had made hime bitter.
"Maybe I should jump..." He comtemplated, but dismissed it after a moment. He wasn't a coward. His upbringing had made him strong, he had struggled through hell. There was no way on the Gods' dark Earth that he would ever throw all of that hardship away. He had worked for his life. The ants talking cheerfully below him had no idea what that had been like.
"Harry?" Came a shaky voice behind him. Harry knew that voice. It was one of his closest friends; Dear, sweet, beautifully innocent Neville. Harry took his time in turning around, not wanting to see the dissappointment in his gaze, becuase God knew what Harry would be assuming had he found Neville like this. It would devastate him.
"What are you doing? Get down from there, you could fall!" He rushed out, hurrying forward. Harry smiled as the taller boy picked him up by the waist and sat him on the floor. He stared up at Neville when he had his balance, the other boy towering a good 6'4", an entire 10 inches above Harry himself. The once dwarven boy had grown into a strong man, having lost his baby fat somewhere during the summer before their fourth year.
"Were you worried for me, Nev?" Harry asked quietly, smiling up at the other boy. He brought a hand up to brush his bangs away from his eyes.
"Worried? Harry, you nearly killed me! What were you thinking?" Neville breathed out, kneeling to Harry's height. It wasn't as demeaning as it should have been, Neville on his knees so he could talk with Harry face to face. It was almost endearing. Harry almost didn't notice Neville's hand on his arm.
"I wasn't going to jump, you silly wizard." Harry said quietly, his smile never fading. "I would never-
For some reason, he found himself unable to finish his sentance. He stared into sincere Hazel eyes and almost vomited at the sheer emotion in their depths.
"You scared me, Harry." He gave a flat smile, obviously trying to make the situation a little less deep. Neville never really was one for a scene, opting for either inaction or someone else taking control. Atleast, when he was unsure of something. This made Harry puzzle, because in all their years of friendship, Neville had never been unsure of him before. What had happened? Then, something else occured to him.
"How did you know I was up here?"
"I was looking for you and Ron told me you had gone up here for some quiet." He chuckled. "I wasn't really sure if I should bother you, I hope you don't mind my company."
There was something about the way he had said it. The nervous, unsure, questioning way he had forced out that last bit that had Harry leaning forward and hugging the poor thing.
"I never mind your company, Nev."
He could feel heat pouring off of the shy boy's cheeks, and grinned. The grin, however, soon faded. The things he had felt up on the ledge forced their way to the forefront of his thoughts and he tensed. The worst part was that he was sure Neville had felt it. Still hugging, Neville moved them so they were both sitting on the floor, Harry in his lap.
"Harry?"
He held tighter, and said nothing.
"Harry, what's wrong?"
"I'm... I'm really scared, Neville."
Neville took a deep breath, Harry feeling the warmth of the exhale, and gently pulled Harry away from his embrace. He held Harry's shoulders and stared directly into his eyes, his own burning with concern and... something that made Harry want to cry and smile at the same time.
"Of what? You can tell me..."
"I'm just... scared... of not wanting to do it anymore."
Those eyes so full of warmth watered slightly, and the two boys stared at eachother. All of those thoughts and feelings of Harry's swirled around his head, and he couldn't help but think of Neville. Poor, sweet, beautiful Neville. His parents had been taken away from him, as well. He grew up in abuse just as Harry did, though not as severe. He had been a nobody to so many people, but had then become a Hero. And Harry knew so well how hard being a Hero was. Suddenly, all he wanted was to take the bigger boy into his arms and hold him.
And then he was being kissed. His mind couldn't fully comprehend the soft pair of lips moving in the gentlest way against his own. Arms were holding him in place, massaging his head and back, the most affectionate motions he'd ever experianced. He found himself returning the kiss, hesitant. It was only seconds before it was broken, and the moment was dulled.
"I've wanted to do that for a while, you know." Neville whispered, his eyes hazy and Harry could swear he was glowing in the dullness of the world. At that moment, he could only see this other boy. The only one he'd know that could possibly understand. That he could relate to. He found himself crying.
And Neville was fussing, his hands hovering with lack of knowing where to go.
"Harry! Merlin, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't know it would upset you- oh gosh, I-
Harry laughed and threw himself at the other boy, hand clasping his neck as he fought to hold onto the other boy. He knew he was snotty, and he hoped Neville wouldn't hate him for kissing him like this. The other boy seemed to not even notice, and returned the kiss full force, his own laughing sob making itself known. Before they knew it both boys were crying and snogging at the top of Astronomy Tower, looking as if they'd never let go.
"I love you, Harry." Neville whimpered, burying his head into Harry's shoulder. The words somehow stung and filled him with an indescribable warmth and gave him a jolt of desire all at once. He didn't know how to respond to the admission and settled for carding his hands through feathery brown hair.
"Why were you looking for me earlier?"
After a moment of confusion, Neville blushed and hid his face, drawing a giggle from the smaller boy.
"I was coming up here to ask if you wanted to go play chess. Dean and Seamus are lording their wins over everyone, and you know Ron's sick, so no one could really say anything without being shown up. Everyone knows how awesome you are at Chess, so I thought..."
Harry rolled his eyes and pretended to be put out, heaving himself up and holding out a hand for Neville. The other boy took it, but with their height difference it was rather difficult.
"I suppose I could offer my services for a while." He sighed dramatically, chuckling and holding out his hand. After a moment of surprise, Neville took it and the two started down the stairs.
Looking back, Harry thought it hilarious that Neville had to think Harry was suicidal to admit his feelings. But really, he wasn't complaining.
Alright, Cheese ending xD So, lots of meaningless fluff! Hope you enjoyed, and if you did.. You should totally review. I'm really speech orientated, and insecure, so constructive criticism is loved, but not as much as flattery xD REVIEW!