In the Year 3527
Post-coital pillow talk:
"So how long has it been this time?"
"Eight-seven years, give or take a month or two."
"Huh. What've you been up to?"
"This and that. Spent a few months in jail."
"What happened?!"
"The Doctor."
"Figures."
"Yeah. Well, you know the Doc; we stumbled into the middle of some political intrigue in the Kangkamankian royal palace, he stuck his nose in where it didn't belong and pissed off the wrong Royal Princess. She threw us in the dungeon and left us there until she realised that the Doctor was right. She released us, let him help out and then banished us from the country."
"Huh."
"What about you?"
"Teacher."
"Really!?"
"Yep. Professor of Studies in Ancient Peoples and Civilisations at the Pooneh College of Anthropology for Oxford University on Ghoddoosi."
"Wow. Impressive."
"Beautiful planet, Ghoddoosi; it's almost all primeval rain forest, the majority of which has never been touched by human or alien."
"We should go on holiday there sometime, if you don't mind going back?"
"Well… we should probably wait a few decades."
"Why? What did you do?"
"I got involved with the mother of one of my students…"
"You didn't! You?"
"Yes, me. Why is that so hard to believe?"
"Cos you don't do things like that, or at least you didn't."
"Yeah, well, I did."
"Well, I'll be damned. I'm proud of you!"
"It wasn't all my fault you know, I think you've rubbed off on me."
"So, what happened?"
"Turns out she was the wife of the Dean of Admissions and when her husband found out about us he challenged me to a duel – a real, old-fashioned duel!"
"What did you do?"
"At first I was going to go ahead with it; I mean, what could it hurt, right? Then I found out he already had six kills under his belt and I decided I didn't want to be lucky number seven, so I thanked him for the offer and used my trusty vortex manipulator to pop back here to the ship."
"I'm glad I got you one of your own."
"You and me both."
"So, what was she like, the wife?"
"Actually, she was quite the promiscuous harlot. It was all a game they played to keep excitement in their love life. She'd cheat, he'd shoot, they'd shag."
"Huh. I think we do it better."
"I agree. Going our separate ways when things get stale means when we get back together again, no matter how long we've been apart, it all feels brand new."
"Speaking of which, I'm ready to get back together again, so to speak."
"Yes, I can see that. There's a lot to be said for your rapid recovery time, I must say!"
"Stop talking and kiss me, Jones, Ianto Jones."
"Yes, Sir!"