"I'm really an idiot!" James Potter muttered to himself angrily, stomping towards the Astronomy Tower.
It was past 10 in the evening and he'd been looking for Lily Evans. After wasting about 5 minutes asking around the Gryffindor Common Room, he realized what time it was and knew where Lily was.
"Of course that's where she'd be, you know that Potter!" he told himself again. He could now see the staircase leading to the Astronomy Tower.
He was mad at himself for not realizing it sooner. He knew who much Lily loved looking at the stars; he knew that since they were in fourth year when he followed her under his invisibility cloak.
He was sitting dejectedly in front of the common room fire. Lily Evans had turned him down. Again.
I thought girls love it when boys sing them a song professing their love. He thought bitterly. He saw that happen in a few muggle films that the he and his best mates had watched over the summer. The other Marauders teased him about his choice of summer activity, but he just waved them off. He had to get new ideas to get Lily to finally go out with him.
I guess that's because Lily's no ordinary girl. He sighed. The moment that James had started singing with his voice magnified to five times its usual volume and moving towards her, Lily fired a Tripping hex at him momentarily stopping James. When he got up again, she was right in front of him and yelled at him that she would never ever go out with a big headed toe rag like him. To make her message clear, she cursed his head to swell three times it usual size, and then stomped off.
His hand when up to his head, back to normal now. He hadn't gone to Madame Pompfrey, he knew that it would go back to normal eventually, so he had just hid under his invisibility cloak until the spell wore off.
He was about to go back to his dormitory when he heard footsteps. James turned around and saw a sight that surprised him. It was Lily, silently making her way towards the portrait hole. She looked to the fire, and James tensed. It was only when she looked away when he remembered that he was still invisible.
Lily Evans was not the type to go wandering the castle past curfew; that was the Marauders, so why was Lily Evans, model student, sneaking out. He made up his mind the moment she was out of the common room.
Giving Lily a minute's head start he followed her. He was a little worried that she'd disappear, but was relieved to find the end of a cloak rounding a corner.
He continued following her. He had no idea where she was going, until she saw the staircase to the Astronomy Tower. James didn't know what she going to do there.
Following her up to the staircase, he suddenly thought that maybe she was meeting somebody there. The thought repulsed him. He had gone out of his way to make it clear to everyone at Hogwarts that Lily was his, and so far everybody got the message.
But what if somebody was brave enough to try? He thought angrily. He decided that if Lily was indeed meeting somebody there, he would make that person's life at Hogwarts unbearable. How dare he cross James Potter!
But all of these thought vanished when Lily opened the door. He looked left and right and saw no one. So he went back to wondering what she was doing there.
He was standing at the dark corner, careful not to make a sound. It was so quiet there. Lily went to sit just under the window where the faint light of the moon touched her face.
James felt butterflies in his stomach when he saw this. She really was beautiful, especially now with her face so peaceful, her green eyes showing only happiness, and not the rage that James saw earlier when she hexed him. He wondered if Lily could ever look at him like the way she looked up at the stars.
From inside her cloak, Lily took out a bag where a telescope was hidden. She took it out and looked through it, adjusting every now and then. From her bag she also took out a small notebook. She began jotting down notes as she peered through her telescope, muttering to herself sometimes. James saw the way she looked; happy, peaceful, and beautiful.
After 10 minutes of this, Lily just sat there, staring up at the stars, reaching out her hand and pointing with her index finger, as if tracing the constellations. James sat down too, admiring how lovely she looked.
She really was the most beautiful girl he has seen. Not just because of her soft red hair or her piercing emerald eyes. She was beautiful because she was brave. Brave to stand up for herself, to stand up for others when the Slytherins start making comments about mudbloods. Beautiful because she was so smart, always the top of the class, always raising her hand whenever a question was asked. Beautiful because she was so real, she wouldn't change herself for anybody, she wouldn't change anything about herself. And mostly beautiful because she's Lily Evans. She was perfect, and James loved her.
James started at that. He didn't know if Lily heard something, but she looked back. She saw nothing as he was still invisible, but started packing up her telescope and notebook, and walked out of the Astronomy Tower. James didn't follow her. He just sat there, thinking about what he realized just now.
He loved Lily Evans. He didn't just like her. He loved her. He was already in love with her but didn't realize it until now.
A smile crept up to his lips until it grew to a large smile. I love Lily Evans, and I would never give her up.
James reached the Astronomy Tower now, a little breathless. He wasn't tired of running and climbing all those stairs, he was breathless because he was so nervous. Could he really do this? He ran a hand through his already messy hair and walked in.
Pushing the door carefully, he peeked inside, and a familiar scene welcomed him. It was Lily, sitting near the window, hand on a telescope, while the other was jotting notes on her notebook. Her hair fell to her face, but James didn't care, she was beautiful in any way.
He cleared his throat and Lily looked up. She stared at him and they were silent. She gestured for him to come inside with a gesture of her hand. She patted the floor next to her, and James sat.
He was still quiet, unsure of how to start this. He couldn't believe how ironic this feels, he had spent almost five years asking her out every chance he got, and now that he was about to say he loves her, no words came out. Luckily, Lily started it.
"James…how'd you know where I was?" she asked. She wasn't looking at him, she was back to staring up at the stars.
"I…" he sounded a bit hoarse. He cleared his throat and started again. "I know how much you love it here, especially at night."
She nodded, but he could see a faint smile. "Well…I wouldn't be able to look at the stars in the morning now could I?" she hadn't asked how he knew.
He was glad that she was joking a little. It made him less nervous.
"Yeah…they're really beautiful." He said feebly.
"James? Why are you here?" She asked, and he could feel his face growing hot.
Now or never.
"Lily…do you…remember what happened…last night?" he started.
"Yeah…" she said softly. Lily was looking at him now. That did not help at all.
"Do you remember everything?" he asked again.
"Yes." She replied.
"Okay…so…what'd you think?" he asked her carefully. He didn't want to prod her.
She looked thoughtful. James was expecting an answer, but was surprised when she asked him a question.
"Do you mean it?" she asked, her emerald eyes still on his face.
"Are you asking me if I meant what I said…that I…that I love you?" he asked, his face was growing hotter and hotter under her watchful eyes.
She just nodded.
He took a deep breath, conviction coursing through him.
"Yes Lily. I meant it. I still do." He added the last part.
"Why?" he was surprised at her question.
"What do you mean?" it was his turn to ask now.
"Why do you still love me? I put you through hell James." She muttered. "I turned you down every time you asked me out. I even hexed and insulted you. I humiliated you numerous times in front of everyone at Hogwarts. So why would you still love me even after all that? I don't get it James."
James was staring at her. She looked like she was about to cry again, as if it hurt her to say that.
She looked guilty.
At that moment, he already knew the answer. He found the answer right there in that very room. Three years ago.
"Because I love you Lily." He said. His tone was serious but gentle. "Always have, always will." He added.
"But…but…I did all those horrible things to you. Said all those terrible things. Why would you still…?
James cut her off.
"Lily, you asked me earlier how I knew you were here." She nodded slowly. Confused at his sudden change in topic.
"Well…when we were in fourth year, after that 'singing incident', you know when you made my head swell up three times its normal size?" he asked. She winced at the memory, and he regretted having to remind her, but it was important she understands this. She asked why, so now he was going to tell her.
"I was in the common room, by the fire, that night. I was…well-hidden." He said carefully. He didn't know if it was right to tell her about the invisibility cloak just now.
"Anyway, I saw you leaving the common room and I followed you." She looked startled at this. "I followed you all the way here, to this very room."
"I saw you doing what you were doing earlier; looking at the stars, jotting down notes about them. You looked so peaceful and happy." He smiled at the memory. "I also saw you just staring up at them, tracing the constellations and smiling to yourself. You looked like you want to reach them and cup them in your hand. You were so beautiful."
"The faint moonlight lit up your face. I saw how beautiful you are. I saw everything beautiful about you. Your expressions, your features, everything. And then I saw all the things that the naked eye can't. I saw your bravery, your cleverness, your simplicity." He looked at her again, her eyes unreadable. "I told you, I saw everything that made you beautiful."
"That's when I realized that I loved you, Lily. I must've loved you even before, but I always thought that was just infatuation. Maybe I was a little scared to admit it." He thought back. "Anyway, when I realized that I loved you, I also said to myself that I would always love you, and that I would never give up."
He sighed a little. "And that's why I still love you Lily. I said I would never give up. I would endure everything; every insult, every rejection, even every hex because I love you."
He stopped now. James looked at Lily, trying to read something in her green eyes; she seemed to be thinking over what he just told her.
"But why did you seem uninterested in me when sixth year started?" Lily asked him. "I mean…not that I mean anything by that…you just changed then…that's all." She flushed at this; she thought that she had offended him.
James smiled again, to show her that he wasn't offended. "Well…the change would've come on anyway I guess. A war's approaching Lily, so I had to grow up, I knew that when we got out of here, I would fight, and I couldn't be much use if I still remained an arrogant toe rag."
"Sorry about that." She said.
"It's alright." His smile fell then. "Also…Voldemort killed my parents that summer, so I knew I had to grow up, to fight him."
"Oh James…I'm so sorry." She said. "I didn't know about that."
"It's alright, Lily. It's over now." He said. He reached out to put his hand on hers. She didn't flinch.
"You asked me why I seemed uninterested. That wasn't the case, Lily. I just decided that maybe you really can't like me the way that I like you. I decided that the best course of action was just to be your friend and hope for nothing more. I wanted to be friends with Lily. I wanted any kind of connection with you aside from being housemates."
Lily nodded at this. She seemed to understand everything now. James just hopes that she understands how much she means to him. How much it would mean for her to return his feelings.
They were still silent. Lily went back to looking at the stars.
"James…I didn't hate you. Even when I shouted at you or hexed you. Maybe I really disliked you, but I never hated you. Oh, maybe I did hate you after that incident in fifth year, but I hated almost everybody back then, so maybe it doesn't count. Anyway, sixth year began and I saw that you've changed. I saw the arrogant toe rag" she wrinkled her nose. "Change to a mature young adult. When we became friends…when I saw that you could be really sweet and kind, well that got me thinking a little. You started catching my eye at random moments and I started appreciating you a bit more, that's when I felt guilty of all that I've done. I also felt guilty for feeling disappointed when you stopped asking me out and treating me as you did everybody else. I knew that anybody would stop liking me after all that I did to you." She sighed.
"And then…and then you said something to me last night." Her voice was a whisper now. James strained to hear. "You told me you loved me, and left after that. I guess that was right by the way. I didn't know how to reply, but…but I felt elated when you said that. I felt really happy James." She put her other hand on top of his.
"I guess that's when I realized that I loved you too." She smiled softly at him.
James just sat there, a shocked expression on his face. When Lily saw that, she started shaking him a little.
"James? James? Are you alright, James?" she was getting worried.
"Could you…say it…again?" his eyes looked unfocused.
Lily took a deep breath, and smiled at him. "James Potter, I, Lily Evans, love you."
That brought James back. He looked at her green eyes. He saw the same happy expression that they held three years ago, and knew that everything that she said was true.
James held Lily's hands on both of his now and locked his hazel eyes on his beloved green eyes and whispered, "I love you too Lily. I love you, I love you, I love you!"
He was ecstatic. He pulled Lily to her feet and hugged her tight. James was half laughing and half crying, he didn't care how he looked now. All he knew was that he was happy. He couldn't believe how happy he is right now. He looked at her face and saw that she laughing, a wonderful smile on her face.
Lily Evans loves him. Him, James Potter. Lily Evans loves James Potter. Really and truly, and everything was perfect.
He couldn't wait to tell the other Marauders about this.
Special Mention to MSupernatural :)