Disclaimer: Sadly, none of these characters are mine, but any mistakes are. This is my first try at writing in first person, so please forgive me if it doesn't make much sense.

"Let's talk."

He is smiling at me as he closes the door and I very suddenly come to the realization of what I have just done. I do want to have 'the talk' with him. In my mind and in my heart I rationally know I desperately need to do this. But why did I pick now… here in my office. If I am honest with myself, which lately has been an all too constant battle, I said 'let's talk' because I saw for one tiny second the flash of hurt in his eyes when I replied 'I don't need you for that.' I am suddenly afraid that he doesn't know that in fact I do need him. I need him for so many things that at times the thoughts are overwhelming in my head. And when I am overwhelmed I don't often make the best decisions for myself. I put my wall up and I push everyone away. That is what I have done in these last five months as far as Andy is concerned. I have focused so much of my thoughts and attention on Rusty and Stroh. I have pushed my own needs to the farthest depths of my soul and in the process I have hurt the one person, the one man who I trust with everything that I am. And yet he has been there, oh so patiently waiting for me. I sometimes wonder why? Why does he take what very little that I have been willing to give and still just wait for me, as if we have all the time in the world.

"Sharon…Sharon"

I look up and realize that he is now sitting in front of my desk and calling my name. How long was I caught up in all these thoughts running through my head?

Shaking my head, "Andy," I catch his gaze and smile softly at him. "I'm sorry…I…my mind just wandered off for a second."

"It's fine Sharon. I understand." His voice is softer than before, but still firm. " So, as I was asking before…what do you need me for?"

He holds my gaze and his smile is soft as he asks me his question once again. I search his eyes and I see concern and sadly, I also see doubt. My chest begins to feel tight and I know it is my turn to speak, but I'm not sure how to say everything I need to say. I pull myself away from his gaze and glance out through the open blinds and into the murder room trying to calm myself.

"Andy," my voice catches before I can continue and I quickly stand, turning to look out the back windows of my office. My back is to him now and I feel this will somehow make speaking easier for me, but I am sadly mistaken. "I'm sorry." My voice is barely a whisper. "Andy, I thought I could do this here…now…but I can't. Not in my office. I do need you…I hope you know that. I just can't…not now."

I hug my arms tight around my body as I stand there waiting for him to speak. I've only had to wait for mere seconds and it is agony. What must it feel like to him, waiting all this time for me? His voice is soft, a deep tone that I don't think I have ever heard before. "Sharon, I understand completely and I won't push you. Not now, not today. Can I ask you just one more question before I go?"

I hear him stand as he makes his request and still not trusting myself to speak, I nod my head in affirmation.

"Will you let me drive you home tonight when you are done here? I can see you are exhausted and I'm not going to pressure you to talk to me. I just want…I need to make sure that you are okay."

How does he know exactly what I need, even when I don't know myself? "Yes." My voice sounds gravelly to my own ears. "I would like that."

"Okay. Good. I'll be ready whenever you are."

I stand there my back still to him until I hear him open my office door and close it behind him. I let go of the breath I didn't realize I was holding and sink into my office chair.

An hour and a half later I finally open my office door and let him know that I am ready to leave. I think the paperwork took me twice as long as normal, but today is anything but normal. My concentration is impaired to say the least. I have my jacket on one arm and my purse on the other as we walk to the elevator. It is very quiet and we are the only two people in the elevator at this time of night. We are standing a few feet apart as the elevator starts to descend. Without even thinking I step closer into him, the need to feel close to him, stronger than it has ever been. He reaches out and rests his hand on the small of my back and I can feel the tension begin to fall away from my shoulders. As the elevator doors open, we step out.

"Your car or mine?" he asks.

"Yours is fine. I will worry about getting mine later."

His hand remains at my back as we walk together to his car. Ever the gentleman, he opens the passenger door and waits for me to get settled before closing the door and moving around to his side. He folds his long body into the driver's seat and cranks the car. Before he can back out of the parking place I turn and place my hand on his arm.

"Andy?"

He looks at me questionably, "Can we…go to your place first instead of mine?"

The shock of my request is evident on his face, but he quickly replaces it with that lopsided grin that I love so much. "Yeah, if that's what you want. You're okay leaving the kid alone at the condo? Well, he does have his detail I guess."

"I spoke with Chuck a few hours ago. I…I made the decision to cancel Rusty's security," my voice is barely a whisper, but I'm sure he heard every word I said.

He quickly turns in his seat to look fully at me. "You what? Sharon, are you sure? I mean…I didn't know…"

"It was the right thing to do. I can't keep lying to him and I can't stop him from living his life. I have to let go…I have to let go of so many things…" my voice cracks before I can stop it and I feel the fortress I have built around myself beginning to fall. "Andy, I can't talk…" I turn and look out the window, willing myself to keep it together.

He reaches over and takes my hand in his, his fingers entwined in mine. "Close your eyes and just rest until we get home."

Turning back to him, I smile softly before resting my head back and letting my eyes close. The next thing I know I startle awake at the sound of a door closing. As my eyes open, I feel the car door beside me open as well. I can't believe I slept the entire way to Andy's house. He is kneeling beside me and I feel him unfasten my seatbelt. "Hey sleepy head, you ready to go inside?"

He takes my purse and jacket before I can make a move to gather either. As we walk towards his porch, his hand moves around my waist pulling me closer into him. Once inside he puts my purse and jacket on the entry table. "I'm going to go change. If you want I can find you something more comfortable too. It will be too big, but at least you could relax."

"That sounds nice." I sit on the sofa, gladly removing my heels as I wait for his return. Mere, minutes later he is back in jeans and a soft grey t-shirt.

"I left some sweats and a t-shirt on the bed for you. They have a drawstring so they should work okay. Would you like some tea? I also could order that vegetable fried rice we both like."

Standing, I walk around the sofa and move to stand in front of him. Before I lose my nerve, I quickly wrap my arms around his waist and pull him to me, my head resting on his chest. He automatically wraps his arms around me, pulling me even tighter. "Thank you Andy. I really don't know what I would do…" Sighing, I slowly push away from him, not yet wanting him to see the tears beginning to sting my eyes, and retreat down the hall to his bedroom.

I pick up the sweats and LAPD t-shirt he has left for me on the foot of his bed and make my way across the room and into his bathroom. I've only been in here a few times before but I love the charm of Andy's bungalow, especially his bathroom with big shower stall and claw foot tub. I quickly remove my clothes and change into Andy's sweats. The t-shirt comes almost to my knees and I roll the pants legs up and secure the drawstring as tight as possible. I stare at myself in the mirror; I do look tired I admit. But I haven't really slept much in the last few months. I try but my mind won't let me, the darker the night and later the hour, the more my thoughts spin out of control. It is the only time I can let myself lose the tiny thread of control that I am hanging tightly on to. My face feels dry and my makeup to heavy and thick. I take a bath cloth from the basket at the foot of the tub. Running it under warm water I begin to remove the offending makeup. If I am going to bare my soul to Andy, it might as well see the real me as well.

As I walk back into the living room, Andy is at the door paying the delivery man. The food smells wonderful and for once, I feel like I may be able to enjoy eating. My tea is on the bar waiting for me and I take the cup and walk over to the sliding door to look out into Andy's back yard.

"I hope you are hungry." He says from behind me and I turn to look at him. I can tell immediately he is surprised that I removed all my makeup.

"The real me," I smile.

Reaching up he gently cups my cheek, "beautiful, so very beautiful."

"Andy."

He reaches for my hand and pulls me towards the bar. "I hope you are hungry."

"I am, but there is something I need to do first."

He lets go of my hand, and looks at me with a puzzled expression. Smiling, I step closer to him. Rising on my tip toes, I reach up and place both my hands on either side of his face. "I should have done this long before now. I hope you can forgive me for making you wait." I touch my lips to his, gently at first. I feel his arms snake around me, lifting me even closer, and the warmth of his body intoxicating. I tug at his bottom lip seeking entry and finally I taste his sweet lips. His hands are in my hair now, pulling me deeper and deeper into him. Our tongues dance and I can't suppress the moan building from deep inside me. He sits me gently to the ground and leans into me, our foreheads resting against each other.

"Hi" he whispers.

"Hi" I smile, unable to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. He reaches down and gently wipes them away with the pad of his thumbs.

We sit at his small kitchen table enjoying our dinner, while talking about nothing and talking about everything. He moves from holding my hand to caressing my check to resting his hand on my thigh. And every touch, every caress makes my heart feel just a little bit lighter. He gently wipes my tears, knowing how much I hate to cry in front of people. But this wall I've built so carefully around myself doesn't belong here between Andy and me. I know this now, and even though the fear still hides in the corners of my thoughts I know that being here, being with Andy is right where I belong. It won't be easy at times, we both agree on that. But nothing worth having is ever easy.