"Do you miss me?" she whispers tracing her index finger across the cold, hard stone.
.
They're reunited at the funeral.
She spots him standing alone staring off into space.
It hits her then, that if Fred were alive they would be standing together.
She walks up to him cautiously and puts a gentle hand on his arm.
He doesn't say anything just nods at her.
"Hey," is all she can think to whisper and it sounds so out of place.
"Hi," he whispers hoarsely.
They stand in a comfortable silence, her looking up at the grey sky, him looking down at the ground.
"Do you miss him?" she finally asks.
And as soon as she's asked the question she wishes she could take it back.
He surprises her by smiling. "Yeah," he whispers, "I do."
"Me too," she murmurs tears beginning to stream down her dark cheeks.
He puts his arms around her and lets her cry on his nice new robes.
And it's all so wrong because she should be the one comforting him.
.
They go on a walk later that night fingers intertwined.
"It's not fair," he finally says. "It should have been me, you know? It should have been me."
"Don't say that," she says squeezing his hand.
"But it's true," he says ripping his hand from her grasp. "I just… I don't know what to do without him?"
He looks at her hopelessness, and sadness all apparent on his face.
She's not sure what comes over her than, but suddenly she's kissing him, and it's passionate and needy and nothing like the sweet, and loving way she used to kiss Fred.
And then they've apparated into his bedroom, and they're both taking of their clothes.
And it's all happening too fast.
And she just wants it to stop, because oh god, oh god, poor Fred.
But she can't tell him to stop because they both just miss him so much.
.
Once they've finished she starts to cry.
And he doesn't say anything to calm her down because they both know how fucked up the situation is.
.
She shows up again a few days later.
And then he shows up at her house a week after.
And then the two of them become a regular occurrence.
.
"Love me, like I love you," Fred whispers. He's inches away, she can feel his breath on her skin.
She tries to say something back, but nothing comes out. I do, she wants to say, but her mouth won't open and he's getting farther and farther away. I love you, she screams but no words come out.
He disappears.
She wakes up screaming, and the wrong twin comforts her.
.
"Do you love Fred more than you love me?" he asks one day, even though he already knows the answer.
"Yes," she replies simply. She pauses for a moment. "Do you love Fred more than you love me?"
He smiles sadly. "Yes."
.
She thinks sometimes they both might be dead inside.
They'll hold on to Fred for as long as it takes, even if it destroys both of them.
.
"You whispered his name while you were sleeping," George says. She stays quiet. "You do it quite a lot."
She listens for the sound of heavy breathing. "You do too."
.
"I'm pregnant," the words taste bitter.
He swallows. "Okay." He holds out a freckled hand and she takes it.
.
They never actually talk about it, but they name the baby Fred.
It's just one of those things that goes without saying.
.
Somewhere along the lines of the baby and moving in together they get married.
She thinks it's more to make Mrs. Weasley happy than anything else.
.
He drinks a lot and works a lot. She takes care of the baby.
She thinks they may be the most fucked up family ever. "I'm in love with you're father's dead twin," her eyes fill with tears as she feeds the baby another bite of some disgusting looking mashed up food. "I love your daddy too," she whispers, just as something like the sound of glass shattering, comes from upstairs. "Sometimes."
.
She ignores the red liquid seeping through all of his shirts, and takes the baby to his grandma's.
She finds his knife once in their bathroom underneath a few towels. She thinks about confronting him, than decides against it. She puts the knife back.
.
"You're letting him die," Fred whispers into her hair. "Don't let him die too."
She wakes up to the sound of a whimper coming from the bathroom.
She thinks about blood, and death, and George, and Fred.
She goes back to bed.
.
"I love you," she says one night while they lie next to each other.
He's quiet for what seems like an eternity. "I know," he locks his eyes with hers. "I just wish it were enough."
.
She thinks sometimes they might be able to be happy.
And than her heart starts to ache some more, and she starts to dream some more.
And George starts to hurt some more, and bloods not so easy to wash out of shirts.
(so it's a good thing their wizards)
.
They get better at hiding and hurting,
And sometimes she even fools herself into thinking that things might be okay.
.
Fred Weasley
1978-1998
Beloved son, brother, and friend.
She thinks his headstone leaves out a lot about him. How he was a lover, and a jokester. How he died too young, and was his twin brother's best friend.
"I miss you," she whispers.
.
If you didn't get this, which you probably didn't cause it's all over the place, the beginning and the end happen at the same time. Not sure where this came from. Felt like writing some angst. Sorry this came out. Kind of took this from two different stories I was writing so sorry if this is awful.
If you're going to review PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write something other then I like this, or I don't like this. Explain what you liked and didn't like. I love hearing your thoughts they help me improve. Thanks for reading!
Also I stole this title from a line in a beautiful poem by W.H Auden.