Disclaimer: I do not own Les Miserables. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. If I were JK Rowling, Sirius would not be in Azkaban – he would be with me.
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And now I'm all alone again,
No where to go, no one to turn to.
Without a home, without a friend,
Without a face to say hello to.
But now the night is near,
Now I can make believe she's here…
It's been four months. I used to keep track of the exact date, but gave up about a week ago.
That was the night I suppose the dementors got a little "carried away".
But they aren't even the worse part of this place. I can deal with the fear and the memories they feed on.
It's not the memories that keep me going – It's pretending. Pretending the people I love are here...
... Pretending she's here.
On my own,
Pretending she's beside me
All alone,
I walk with her 'till morning…
She sits beside me, telling me stories, holding me close to keep out the bone-chilling cold.
Sometimes, I can even imagine the prison walls will melt away, and we will wander around the streets the way we always used to. She will laugh, and her hair will blow in the breeze, making her look like my own little angel.
She will laugh and turn as she teases me for not being able to keep up with her as she runs into the distance.
Without her,
I feel her arms around me,
And when I lose my way,
I close my eyes and she has found me…
She will hold me close and tell me how nothing will ever keep us apart, reassure me that she will always be there beside me.
With her near me, none of the pain or the cold or the heartbreak can get to me. When I'm with her, I'm not in pain, I'm not cold, and I'm not heartbroken.
On the contrary, my heart is fluttering like it used to as a schoolchild, so filled with joy, so in love.
And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to her,
But although I know that she is blind,
Still I say there's a way for us…
I know she's not here, don't for one minute – one second – think I've forgotten that.
She's long forgotten me, I know that as well.
She never dared to keep faith in me, never dared to trust that I would stick by her. I can't help but dream she will realize someday – realize everything she's wrong about and come to tell me so.
I love her, but everyday I'm learning.
All my life, I've only been pretending.
Without me, her world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known…
I've been losing faith in those dreams every day.
She's got the whole world ahead of her. I've got a prison cell, where I sit pretending she will remember me.
She will move on, find someone new, and start life over again. If she hasn't already, that is.
She will be happy – she will have that happy life, like the one we had once planned together.
I love her…
But without me – she will be perfectly happy without me.
I love her…
And I will sit here, always loving her.
I love her…
But little did Sirius Black know, a woman sat, thousands of miles away, thinking of the man she had lost - the man who had left her.
The man she had always and would always love…
…even if she would only love him alone.
But only on my own…
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