Harry woke up in his new bedroom. It was Slytherin's gift to muggleborn students. The Chamber of Secrets.
Draco walked in.
"Hey Harry, are you a girl yet?" he asked.
Harry stepped on the annoying rabbit, and it died.
"Now Draco's dead, I can drink loads of alcohol!" the little first year said, before turning into a stag and running into the lake.
Professor Binns looked sadly at the dumb stag, and turned him into a seventh year Hufflepuff. "Damnit Binns!" the girl said, before transfiguring herself back to a boy. He changed the water in the lake to alcohol, and drank it all. Harry Potter staggered into potions, earning a detention from Percy Jackson, the new potions teacher. Hermione also destroyed his soul by giving him the Dementors' Kiss, right when he least expected it.
"Damn Hermione! I love you!" Draco shouted, before snogging an apple.
*THE END*