We are two people who meet in an ice cream cone thing. We have broken out
of the box of ice cream cones. Crunchy. Note: don't read inserts, these
were done when we were hipped on painkillers. Hahahhahahahahahahahahaha
just kidding
Disclaimer; I don't own Escaflowne, or sadly, Dilly, but I do own Esca-
Folwes, the nasal spray. I also owe all my stocks for the nasal spray. I
also own myself, Katty, and she, my co writer, owns, Rhee. My little
sister also owns polka dotted under wear which she leaves on the floor, and
they have brown skid marks. Ewwwwwwww!
Adventures of Dilly, Katty, Rhee, and Folky in the giant poop ship tooth- thingy that floats.
"Lunch, men. Line up according to hair color." The Zaibach soldiers scramble into a line much unlike you would scramble an egg, contraire to popular belief. "You can't flip an egg more than three times because the centripetal force with pull it apart." Katty, a blond very pale girl, stated from behind the counter. Guimel noticed the new lunch lady.
"Who are you? When did you start being a lunch lady?" he asked.
"Oh I am not a lunch lady. I am not even wearing those stupid hairnets, see?" she rumples her hair. "But if you do that to her..." Katty de- hairnets the closest lunch lady. Katty rumples her hair much like she did with her own. "And look!! Snow!!" The 'snow' lands in the already inedible soup that was supposed to be lunch.
"When what are you doing here, and how did you get on Viole?" Asked Guimel. Katty looks at him for a second.
"First off, I am not on Viole, he's the guy behind you. Second I don't know why I would want to be on him." Guimel looks behind him at the long brown haired slayer.
"How did you know his name was Viole?"
"It says it right here" she points to the nametag. "Hi, I am Viole." Katty smiled after she read it out loud. Guimel looks at Viole's blue- bordered nametag. "Don't tell me you can't read."
"How come I don't have a name tag?!"
"How should I know, I am just not a lunch lady!" Guimel looks hurt and runs off crying. "Next" Katty smiles as she plops the snowed on soup on to Viole's tray. Viole doesn't notice and move to the cashier. Gatty was next. "Hello Gatty!" Katty smiled brightly.
"How did you know my name?" Gatty asked the chirpy not a lunch lady.
"It says it on your name tag, are you illiterate too?" Gatty mumbles something about Dilandau having insisted on having them sewn on so he could remember which of his men he was beating up. Because after all everyone knows that once you've started beating them up they all look the same. Gatty then notice the soup.
"What is that?" he points at the white flecks in the soup.
"Sprinkles!" Katty excitedly explained to the idiot slayer, who believed her. Next was Shesta. Shesta remaindered Katty of her younger brother. She smiled and handed him a sandwich.
"I want soup, with those sprinkles," he timidly stated.
"Oh, you don't want those sprinkles." Kat smiled and waved off the on- the –verge-to-crying slayer. Miguel was last in line.
"Hi Michael!" Miguel looks at her.
"I am Miguel, not Michael."
"Well your name tag states that you are Michael."
"Dilandau got it wrong" Miguel blushes and looked at his feet.
"Poor baby." She lands him another sandwich.
"What about the soup?" Katty looks at the sludge.
"Umm I added something that you won't want to eat. And I wouldn't want to make your life any more miserable, sweetie." Katty smiled. Miguel wondered why the girl instated on acting like an older person. She was his age, he just could tell. He was good with that for some odd reason. Katty smiled and stated out loud. "I wonder what my friend is doing."
Meanwhile...
Bang "What the hell are you doing to my Guymelef?!?!!?!?" Dallet shrieked. A really tall white haired transsexual looked down at the shrieking slayer.
"What is a Guymelef?" The transsexual asked bluntly.
"A Guymelef is the thing you just destroyed, and that one happened to be mine!!!" the stricken slayer cried. The transsexual looked at the Guymelef.
"Oh, I though it was a mobile suit. So where is the cockpit on this thing?"
"It won't help, you have already destroyed it." Dallet points out. The transsexual inspects the cockpit.
"Oh, good I saved you. This is definably a suicide cockpit. If you want I can give you one of my mobile suits."
"Guymelef!!" the brown haired slayer angrily corrects the transsexual.
Insert--- a transsexual is a person with the features of both a women and a man. Not to be confused with a hermaphrodite, which is a person with both of the privet property.
"Are you sure?" the transsexual questioned.
"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in the hanger?" shrieked the stunned Dallet.
"I am Rhee, and someone told me to go to work. They pointed me in this direction. So I came here. I saw this giant mobile suit thing you claim its name is guacamole. I took it a part to see what make it tick. And I found a pink round jawbreaker, it wasn't that tasty." Dallet screams.
"That was a Engerist, and do you know how expensive those are? I can just say good-bye to my mid-life crisis!" Rhee jumps down to Dallet.
"Do you mean I ate something toxic? Don't worry, I have eaten Katty's food more once, and I have a good immune system. But quick get me to the infirmary." As Dallet rushes with Rhee to the infirmary, Rhee states. "Don't worry about your midlife crisis, you're still sixteen and you won't live for much longer." Dallet stares at Rhee.
Mean while...
Katty has heard nature calling, and is searching for the bathroom. She is lost, and has found herself in dimly lit hallway with bunches of doors. There is a light at the end of the hallway. Katty, who we all can tell chose to ignore her common sense thinks.
"If the a light at the end of the tunnel is bad, then a light at the end of the hallway must be good!" Katty excitedly rushes towards the door. She busts into the room, and give the international sign for toilet.
"What the?" a man turns as Katty enters the room. Katty starts jumping up and down.
"I need to go bad!" she says to the dreary guy wearing a cap. "Why are you hugging yourself?" As we all know Katty has stumble onto Folken's lair. Folken points to his bathroom with the metal arm, hoping to frighten her off. She notices the door he is pointing at and rushes to it.
"Thanks," she calls back as she slams the door.
Few minutes later...
"Why do you keep a guy in the restroom?" She asked the mullet man.
"Who are you" Folken asks expressionless.
"I am Katty!!! Queen of all I do! Who are you?" Katty jumps into Folken's throne-like chair.
"I am Folken, lord of--
"Hi Folky! Nice to meet you. Can I borrow the oil for a friend? It is vegetable oil right?"
Folky, as we will call him now, stares at the hyper young girl.
"Um, no it is car oil. What was is about a guy in my restroom?" Katty stopped staring at the wine bottles, and smiled.
"Yeah some guy was in there, and said not to tell you about him. He was an old fart, and looked almost like a roly-poly with those metal things all over him." Folken stared. Why was Dornkirk in his restroom?
Kat returned her short attention span to the wine bottle again. It was ruby red as were...
"Folken!" A silver haired commander yanked the door open. Katty gasped. His eyes were the same color as the beautiful wine!
"Why did you steal my wine?" Dilandau madly asked. Dilandau give little attention o the girl in Folken's chair, and grabs the wine off the table.
"Noooo!!!!!!!" Katty launches herself onto Dilandau. Dilandau looks at the attacker.
"So Folken has a girlfriend? Are you keeping her against her will?" Dilandau smirks. Katty snatches the bottle and holds it up to Dilandau's eyes.
"Wow, did you know your eye are the same color as the wine? And they are beautiful." Katty wide eyedly says.
"Uhh, did you know yours were blue?!?!?" Dilandau notices only because they are intently staring at him.
"I think I like you," she says as she hugs the startled Dilandau. Folken laughs inwardly to himself as the weird intruders hugs the rowdy officer.
"Folken get her off! Your girlfriend is hitting on me!!" Dilandau screams as Katty begins to notice all the shiny and red things on Dilandau's outfit.
"I am not folkies girlfriend!" she excited explained, "I am not a lunch lady! Who are you?"
"I am Dilandau, lord of the d--"
"Hi Dilly! Nice to meet you. I hope you didn't eat today's soup, or you're in for a nasty surprise."
"No I didn't..."Dilandau trailed of as Folken turned a unnatural shade of green. Folkie covered his mouth and rushed to the restroom. Few seconds later you hear...
"Folken that was gross! I will never get that smell out of my hair! Much less all of my future seeing machines."
"Well, what are you doing in my bathroom in the first place?"
"Seeing futures, in the great porcelain bowl, it doubles as a throne. But alas I can not use it any more for I wear old people's diapers."
"What, why you looking at futures in my rest room... eww I don't think I want to know." Katty looked at Dilandau for an explanation.
"I think doorknocker is gay." Dilandau shrugged." Folken I am leaving"
"Me too!" Katty followed Dilandau out the door. He gave a tentative glanced back at her every few seconds. "Don't worry, I am not a stalker, and I won't rob you, I have already got what I want." She points to the blue stone-encrusted tiara on her head. Dilandau reaches up toward his forehead. Katty smiled.
"What the hell? When did you do that?" Katty smiled.
"Just a few minutes ago, I am surprised that you didn't feel lighter." She prances around with Dilly's tiara.
"You shall feel my moon tiara's power!" She rushed down the hall, and disappeared out of sight.
"Dammit,' he turned to head the other way when.... "Shit she still has my crown!!!!" he rushes after the slender blond girl.
Heaving Dilandau opens the dragon slayer's main room. He was hot, sweaty and still didn't have his crown back. The embarrassing tan line was embarrassing. He cursed the girl; he hadn't found a trace of her.
"Shesta!" he screamed, he needed to beat someone up. Shesta appeared quickly out of the slayers locker room. His face was red and he was out of breath.
"Yes??" Shesta stared at Dilandau's bare forehead.
"Have you seen a strange girl running around the fortress?"
"No, she's been with us for over an hour now sir."
"WHAT???!!?!?" Dilandau rushed to the slayer's room in such fury that he forgot to hit Shesta, who felt forgotten by this. Before he opened the door, he could hear the rowdy laughter and a girls voice talking.
"Ohhhh! Guess who I am. I am so beautiful, bow down and worship me. Oh, I love myself. Van shall pay for his acts!! Die!!! Burn, hahahah burn!!" The girls voice sobbed into hysterical laughter. Dilandau barred into the room, to see the slayers sitting half dressed in a circle around the tiara wearing Katty.
"Dilly!!!! I have missed you soooo much!" she jumps on 'Dilly'. The slayers laugh, and most are obviously drunk. Guimel and Viole are making out in the corner. (This is the reason Guimel asks Katty if she is on Viole...)
"What are you doing women?"
"Kat! My name is Kat, but I like Katty so much better!" she stood a head shorter to the officer, but she was totally serious, as was Dilandau.
"Just leave me alone with the guys, and you can brood some more about it later." With that she drags Shesta in and pushes Dilandau out. Dilandau is stunned that he hasn't hit her yet and that he had no come back. So he did as she said. So he thought
And thought
And thought
And thought
And thought some more,
And he kept thinking till he hears shouts of laughter from the locker room again. He opens the door to see a spinning bottle of his empty wine that he didn't drink. It was spinning around in the middle of the circle of slayers. Most were holding a beer bottle, and Katty was sipping the last of Dilly's wine. (It was just as tasty as beautiful!) The bottle slowed as a few noticed their captain was watching. Katty and Miguel were chatting happily as Miguel wished the bottle would land on someone Katty wanted to kiss. The bottle slowed and stopped. All the men were aware now of Dilandau's presence in the doorway, but Katty stood happily ignorant. She checked the bottle, it pointed in between Shesta and Gatti. It pointed to someone standing, wearing red.
"You guys better have a good excuse for this," Dilandau gritted his teeth. Katty struggled to get up.
"We were practicing the correct wrist movements," Guimel lamely offered. Katty pulled Dilandau's face down to her level. Her eyes were totally focused on his.
"Dilly..."
"What?!...Umm???" Dilandau didn't try very hard as Katty pushed her lips on his. She tasted like his wine, which he likes. He wanted more of the wine taste, and he tried to stick his tongue into her mouth. His effort was reworded with a smack.
"How dare you! Miguel said that playing spin the bottle didn't have any emotional kisses in it!!" she stalked off, and once again got lost. Dilandau frowned, first the tiara, then the wine, the guys, the kiss, and her. He glared at his slayers, and they gulped. Something told them that they were not going to like this....
Katty was so lost, but she didn't care. She knew that her first kiss wasn't suspost to happen like that. She ran into her friend, though, and that was good.
"Rhee!" she squealed. She hadn't felt like herself after all that wine, but now it seemed to have left her as quickly as she had gotten it.
"Oh, hi Katty, I am so lost and confused."
"Where are you going in such a rush?" Katty strides along with her friend. She notices one of Dilly's officers. This officer didn't go to lunch, because Katty knew all the slayers so far. She couldn't see his nametag as the trio rushed down the hallway.
"I ate a jaw breaker that this guy, mallet, says was poisonous."
"It is an Enegrist, and my name is Dallet. And I have already told you this over five times at least."
"Really?? I don't remember that," Rhee confusedly stated. Katty shrugged and kept running.
"Look it is up ahead!" Dallet huffed, the hospital was oddly very far from the hanger, as if someone didn't want wounded soldiers to live.
"I can't take it any more, my bunions!!!!" Dallet gave a dirty glance at Rhee. "What I really do have bunions, want to see???"
"Hey, look the light at the end of the hall way! I have been here before!" Katty explained excited!
"Really?!?!?" Rhee totally focused on Katty. "What is at the end?? I need to know. Now I really need to take something apart!! Fingers twitching help!!!"
"Just get to the end of this tunnel, where the light is." Dallet roughly said, he had been with this nut for over five hours now.
"The light at the end of the tunnel?? I must be dead, that's why you're here, Katty, you've died too!" Rhee pants out. "I am going straight for the light, so I will win first. BwhwhhHHhhahahahah. And I will never see you again. Finally freedom!!" The later half of Rhee's good-bye speech was wasted on Katty. Katty stood blankly at the light.
"I-I-I-I-I'm died!" she tumbles over as she faints, making a soft thud as she hits the ground. Dallet looks at the blond who is crumble on the floor.
"What the hell is wrong with these people," he murmured.
"Actually it is quite easy. Reverse psychology is very effective. Now I am going to win," Rhee rushes off, pulling unsuspecting Dallet which her. Dallet bumps farer away from the unconscious blond, and cannot unbind himself from the trench coat that he was stuck to.
Folken, coming out of his daily check ups, is rushed by some odd looking stranger with.
"What was that, was that one of Dilandau's men? Has Dilandau found this new way of tourcher for his men? I think that one was named mullet. I shall pray for poor the poor slayer named mullet." Folken proceeded down the hallway. There was an odd shaped object up ahead. He though he heard it moan. Folken's eyes widen, gasp his face changed by one whole line, as he recognized the body of the amazingly cheerful girl. He touched her arm slightly. She withdrew from his touch.
"I am died, I am died, leave me alone!!!" she cried out un-consciously.
"Poor girl, I shall pray for you too." Folken shakes his head. Katty jerks awake.
"Hi folkie, are you dead too? What are you doing?"
"I am praying for you poor soul."
"That's not going to help, you're evil, and do you think god is going to listen to some one who is evil? Oh no if you're here I must be in hell!! I didn't mean to eat so many devils' food cookies, they were just so sinful!! I am so truly sorrow!" Katty gasped as Folken pats her head.
"You're not dead."
"Oh, but Rhee said I was!" Folken guessed this Rhee was an older sister or someone.
"You are not. You must have bumped your head, here come back to my room."
"Is that guy still in your bathroom?" Folken shuttered as he picked up the light girl.
"No he isn't, what is that...," a shimmer of gold flashed off Katty's head.
"Oh, this is Dilly's tiara, I am being him, and sailor moon with it on!" Katty exclaimed. Folken inwardly laughed and carried the chattering girl to his dreary room.
"Let me gooooooo!!!!" Dallet cried as Rhee rushed towards the informatory.
"Huh? Oh sorry I didn't know that you were still following me!"
"I was not following you, you were dragging me!!" Dallet hushed as Dilandau appeared in the medical ward. He was thoroughly pissed, and the whole unit of dragon slayers tramped in behind him. They looked all beaten up and distorted. As we said, it was a good thing they had nametags or what would the nurse do? Dallet surprised a giggle as he viewed Dilandau with out his tiara, and his master's skin was an even lighter shade than the rest of his skin.
"Dallet were have you been!" the lord growled at the only unbeaten up slayer.
"My Guymelef was dismantled, and she ate the Enegrist." Dallet nodded towards Rhee that was fighting with the doctor about what the little numbers meant.
"Who is that?"
"That is a transsexual, named Rhee. She, or is it a he? knows this hot blond girl who is quite ditzy."
"she isn't ditzy it is just an act," Dilandau sneered," she is a little riot maker and she knows all the rules. And she breaks everyone while acts like she doesn't know it..." he spits.
"I ate a jaw breaker that he claims was toxic and expensive. Are there any more..?" Rhee pestered.
"I can't believe that someone was that stupid to eat an Energyist," Dallet whispered to Dilandau. Dilandau slugged Dallet in the face.
"never say tha.." Dilandau trailed off as his looked at the door. First, we all should know that Dilandau has eaten an Energist too. Second Dilandau put two and two together to make four. Dallet had seen Katty, and Dallet was coming from the hanger, and that narrowed down the six hundred stories to one, and the millions of passages to about six. Dilandau grinned, he would have his crown back soon, and have his revenge. "BHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAaa" Dilandau frantically rushed out the ward. Dallet watched his crazed master rush off after something, but he wasn't sure what.
"see I really do have bunions!" Rhee's foot entered Dallet's view.
"urgg, okay get it away!" Dallet crawled to the rest of the purple blisters that we call shall slayers.
"hey who has the vegetable oil??" Rhee squealed.
"I do!" one of the blisters replied.
"who are you?"
"I am Guimel!"
"which one is Guimel?" Rhee asked the nurse. The nurse shrugged.
"he isn't registered as in the ward. But he could be the one with out a tag that we can't identify." She points to the middle blistered slayer.
"hand it over," Rhee stared to drool as the slyer slowly removed the oil from his jacket. "hahaha, it is all mine" Rhee happily laughed. The bottle disappears into the giant trench coat. She hands Guimel a lava lamp.
"what is this?"
"idounno, I think it is called a lava lamp. Katty plugs it into the wall and it blobs around. Just don't touch it, it is hot. Or eat it, it is made out of monkey lard."
"what's a monkey?"
"I donnuw that either..." Rhee rushes out to find Dilly, who she thinks is looking for her friend, Katty.
Katty jumps on Folken's lumpy bed.
"hey! This bed is lumpy! It reminds me of the mash potatoes in the cafeteria!! I added a surprise to those too!!" Katty yells over her thumping on the bed. Folken's expression doesn't change. Good thing he didn't eat those potatoes. "but, the biggest surprise was in the muffins!!" Katty gleefully said as Folken's face dropped.
He had more than a few of those...
RENCH
"Dornkirk what are you doing in my bathroom again?!" Folken angrily shouts.
"I see two people running in the toilet. One is that little monster we call Diland—"
"you mean Dilly!!!!" Katty bounces into the elegant bathroom.
"respect you elders, raga muffin!" Folken turns a green again.
"another is entwined with this girl, actually both shadows are over this girl." Dornkirk looks at the girl who is examining her ends.
"good no split ends! I just got my hair cut" she stated.
"were you even listening?" Dornkirk demanded.
"Huh?? Not really, but go on."
"Well, Diland-"
"Dilly!!"
"And the other's shadow are overlapping yours." Katty looks behind her.
"You've got it wrong, my shadow isn't interrupted expect for the sink. Plus Dilly is somewhere in the maze of a fortress." Katty sighs.
"I wish he was here right now. He is kinda fun to be around." Folken lifts a mental eyebrow. Maybe this girl could be the chosen one, the one to free him of Dilandau by throwing his crown into the towel which it was made in...
"Well, all this running around has made me thirsty, where is the water storage?" Katty asked patting her tummy.
"It is down the hall on your left, three doors down. It has stairs that lead down."
"Ok!" Katty bounced out the door down to the wine cellar. This time she followed the instructions unlike when she made the fruit punch...
She found herself surrounded by millions of wine bottles. She gasped with glee as she began her search for the pretty garnet colored wine that Dilandau had a taste for. She first picked up a white wine.
"Not it," she tosses it over her head. Next bottle is a yellow.
"Not you either." She picks up the dark purple one as the yellow wine crashes to the floor.
"Nope," and speeds up her search. "No, no, no, no way, nope, not you, or this one, almost, but no, no, nah, duck, duck, duck, goose! Oh wait false alarm, nope, nope not you!"
Meanwhile....
Dilandau rushes into Folken's hallway. The wine cellar's, which Folken insisted would be in his hall, not Dilandau's (no surprise), door stood wide open. Ominous crashes came from the room. It almost sounded like someone smashing glass... Dilandau's eyes widen.
"not the wine! Anything but the wine!" Dilandau hoarsely screams as he rushes to save the wine. He sees Katty examined each bottle before she tosses behind her. Dilandau manages to catch one of the tossed aside bottles.
"my precious, my precious, I won't let anyone hurt you again," he turns to Katty, "what are you doing???!?!?!?!?!?"
"hi Dilly! I didn't know you were here! I am looking for the wine!" Katty explained happily as the pryo grasped for another falling bottle.
"You mean my wine?? It isn't in this rack. Stop throwing the wine! My precious!" Dilandau cried as Katty stopped in mid throw.
"Where is your wine?" her eyes widen.
"Over here,..." he said, and to make sure she didn't destroy any more bottles, "I'll show you. Follow me." Katty stuck close to Dilandau as he led the way to a vending machine in the back of the cellar.
"it is this one," he points to the Code Red icon on the cola machine. Katty jams the button down.
Clunk.
A wine bottle appears.
"Might as well get one for me while I am here." Click. .....
"Huh? Why didn't one come out?" Dilandau puzzled over the missing wine.
"Watch and learn," Katty kicks the machine, then shakes it. It buzzes and another bottle comes out.
"There you go!" she smiled as she turned to leave. She turns to show a foolish grin.
"ummmm, .. I don't know how to get out...." Dilandau gulped. He didn't know either.
Meanwhile...
Folken misses the peppy girl, and goes after her to make sure she isn't lost or stolen. You never know what could happen to you on the poop ship. He is slightly relieved as he sees the wine cellar's door open. She had found that, but did she find the water? He floats down the stair to find himself in a pool of liquid.
"What is this?" he asks himself as he bends over the mixed wine. He puts it to his nose and sniffs. "Oh-no. My poor wines. I shall pray for you..."he breaks down and starts to cry. He knows not to cry over spilled milk, and he wasn't. This was his wine, he had tended to the vines and watched the seeds spilt the soil, the vine gain leaves and then tiny grapes.... okay, he didn't. He just didn't like alcohol to go to waste. Someone lands on Folken, and Folken face paints himself with the wine.
"oh, good. Thanks to this odd-looking rug. Good thing I fell on it, or I would have kept running. My brakes were cut." Rhee brushes her/ himself off. Folken, whose hair has changed to a lovely color of burgundy, heaves the unwanted intruder off himself. "who are you?" Folken's voice wavers as he licks his lips. The mixed wine wasn't that bad tasting, amazingly.
"who are you, and why were you laying on the floor? You and your lovely cloak were slopping up this mixed alcohol, right?" Rhee inspects Folken's dreary cloak. "my, did you get that at cloaks are us? I always get mine there. And I love your black leather un-outfit! My what awesome fashion taste you have. Unlike Katty, she insists that I have no taste, but you most definitely do!!"
"why thank you, most people saw that I am so dreary. I just think this is so me. A lot of people don't understand." Folken connects with this trench coat wearing stranger.
"I am Rhee. I know. It is one and a million who understand the true potential of a cloak or coat." Rhee sympathized with Folken.
"I am Folken. I am lord of this crappy tooth-like floating ship. I am glad to you."
"here" Rhee offers her left hand. Folken takes the hand with his true hand, which of you know is it easier to get up with the same hand. Folken's left hand is actually his true hand. Rhee pulls Folken foreword, and the master of the poop ship heads to his room. "aren't you going to clean this up," Rhee gestured to the wine. Folken stares a while.
"no, I am going to my room to call a servant to clean it up and order some more. If you wish you can come too..."
"okay, I lost Dilandau in here. He was chasing after Katty..." Folken stared at the cellar. He shuttered. He didn't want to know what was going to happen in the dark cellar.
Meanwhile....
"we will just end up going in circles, so.." Dilandau tried to think about how to solve the problem.
Crash.
"what are you doing?" he yelled at Katty, who was smashing wine again. She looked up at him.
"we can use broken wine bottles instead of bread crumbs! And when we find the way out, we can drink instead of eating the poor granny's candy house!" Katty cheerful screwed up one of our childhood memories of the story Hansle and Grettal. Dilandau nodded. He had heard of that weird folk tale From the mystic moon. He frankly thought the children where little pigs and diverse to burn. But that was another story; Dilandau burns fat children from the mystic moon. And in America, there where higher death tolls than any other country. Poor fat, pudgy children.
But again, that is another story. We are talking about the joyful blond, and the crazy silver haired pryo.
Dilandau gives in as Katty begins to smash bottles at a faster rate. Hugging his wine, he chases after her. Katty's eye widen, and she begins to laugh evilly.
"break, bwahahahahahah! Die wine, die!!!!! BwhHhhahahahhahha! You shall pay!!!" Dilandau is a little creeped out about this, but since we see Dilandau do it all the time, it is nothing to new for us. He just didn't think any one else did. He thought he was special. Now he knew he wasn't. he had met his match.
"well, you can give me back my tiara now." He growled as Katty pause to breath heavily.
"no."
"give it now!.....ouch what was that for?" Dilandau rubbed his smarting cheek.
"you were going to raise your hand against your superior. I saw you raise your hand. I want to see twenty push ups now!" Katty commanded Dilandau. Dilandau jumped to the floor and began to do his punishment. When he reaches about fifteen he realizes what he was doing.
"you can't command me! I am my own lord!"
"insubordination again, is it? Twenty more push ups!" Katty leaned over to give off the intimidating stance. Dilandau's tiara stared Dilandau down. Katty sneered and furrowed her brows, giving an ominous look. He felt belittled and rushed to comply to the wishes. He began to do his punishment. A servant walks by to see Dilandau kissing the feet of a girl...? No wait he was doing push-ups. Why was he doing that here? Why were they in the cellar in the first place? Oh, the servant sees to bottles of wine on the ground. Dilandau was going to get drunk again. Better alert all staff members. When this young lord got drunk, he ended up abusing the staff into little black lumps. The girl yawns, and catches the sight of the servant.
"my hero! Do you know the way out??" Katty kicks Dilandau as he finishes his last push up. "we are saved, no thanks to you." She sneered. Dilandau gulped.
"wait! I am the lord!" he tries to snatch the tiara again.
"silly Dilly! I was joking! I can't believe you! You actually did what I said!" she hugs Dilandau, and then proceeds to pull the stunned pryo after the servant.
"wait! The wine!"
"oh yeah!" Katty drags Dilandau back and snatches the bottles. The servant was shocked how the lord kind of put up with the girl's antics.
Then nothing happens for about three days... So we will fast forward though the boring parts.
Zzzzziiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp....
Shouts were could be heard from the slayers' locker room. The slayers were no longer big bruises, and they decided to celebrate. They invited Katty, Rhee, Folken, and Dilandau (if they didn't invite Dilly, they would be back in the medical ward). The boys had decided to play a tournament game of bullshit. But it began to get confusing about who was winning. So Viole volunteered an interesting idea.
"we could play strip bull-shit!" the gay guys agreed, well because they were gay. Do I need to spell it out? They wanted to see each other un- secretly. The ungay guys wanted to see Katty undress. If I forgot to tell you, during the three days Shesta, who was gay, ended up with his face in Katty's bust. That's why he isn't gay, and the guys wanted to see what size she wore. Most bets were on double D's.
So the straight guys agreed. Katty agreed, totally unaware of the drooling men with perverted ideas were watching her. The transsexual agreed. Folken and Dilly agreed, because they didn't have any better ideas. In the first round Dallet, Gatti, Guimel and Viole lost. Dilandau insisted that they not take off their boxers, but once that was the last item and they lost, they were out. Katty went against a servant, she won only losing her top. Dilandau won by only losing his boots and his shirt. Folken and Rhee were still at it. Folken had about a million socks, and Rhee had about a million shirts. Miguel won by his shorts, and Shesta was crying because Katty wouldn't face him because she didn't want him to strip. She just couldn't do that to someone so much like her little brother. So she had pulled a servant aside. The second round was not much more interesting except that Dilly seemed to be cheating. Miguel and Shesta lost to Katty and Dilly. Rhee and Folken had made little progress if any. Katty had lost her shoes in this round, but Dilly had lost his under shirt, and his shorts.
So that left Katty and Dilandau in the strip bullshit finals. And things began to pick up intensity. The gay guys wanted Katty to win, and the straights wanted Dilandau. But they were all cheering for Dilandau, other wise...they might not live to tell the tale of how Katty won the final game. Katty was first to guess wrong, and forfeited her socks to the giant pile of discarded clothes. Dilandau then lost his socks. So if you were to come in the locker room totally unaware of the whole party, you would see a bunch of boxer-wearing slayers circled around a boxer wearing Dilly, and a miniskirt bra wearing Katty, and in the middle of this was a pile of the slayers clothes.. The straight guys loved to watch as Katty would stare at her cards, for she was un-consciously pushing her boobs together.
"how about we make a deal?" Dilly offered Katty. She looked up from her cards.
"what would it be??" she was intrigued.
"next one to lose loses everything, and has to decide what to do with the slayer's clothes. Either to burn them, or something else..."
"hey! That isn't fair, that is an advantage to you!"
"so what? What are you going to do about it??? Boys..." the slayers crowed Katty. Katty frowned.
"okay. Bull-shit." Dilly gasped, and then pouted.
"I am not playing anymore!" he declared. Kat bounced up.
"I was right, wasn't I!"
"no! I for-fit!"
"but that still means I won!" Katty claimed the pile of clothes. She handed the slayers back their clothing. An angry Dilly pulled Katty's top out of the pile.
"haaahahahahah, say I won and I'll give back your top." Katty pouted. She thought and grabbed the next piece of clothing, Dilly's shirt.
"I'll just wear this!" she swung it on her person. She nearly collapsed under the weight at first, but then after regaining her balance started to zip up the leather shirt. The zipper got up to Katty's boobs, and then refused to go any higher. She struggled with it for about a minute, gaining about an inch, and gave up.
"look at me I am Dilly! I have his tiara and shirt." Katty gleefully pranced around the slayer's locker room. Just then Dornkrik hobbles into the room.
"I am lost, which way is Folken's bathroom?" Katty stopped to look at the old geezer.
"I am not telling you!!!" Katty snarled. Dornkirk stared to cry and left the locker room. Katty smiled as Dilandau yanked her back off the bench. He kissed her, and she smacked him. She happily ran out of the room wearing Dilly's tiara and shirt. The slayers and Dilly didn't see her for a very long time. But Rhee stayed with them. Rhee cleared up the confusion about Dilly's girly-ness.
"I am your father, Dilandau."
Enough said.
Oh, yea Rhee won the game after Folken ran out of socks. Rhee laughs, she/ he still had two shirts left.
After many months, Dilandau's tan line disappeared, and he was fitted in to a new armored shirt. Dilandau never forgot how a girl out smarted him though. Not that it would be very hard to do.... But once again that is another story, Dilly is outsmarted by chipmunks that live in a laundry chute. But we are here at the end of our stupid little story that has taken up valuable memory on my crappy Escaflowne ridded hard drive. Needless to say, I won't miss the empty space. I have moved it from my computer to my head. I need to say good-bye, but I just can't.
Sob
"Did you know that contrary to popular belief, peas porridge that has been in the pot nine days old grows mold?" Dilandau lifts his face from the slop to meet the familiar not a lunch lady's blue eyes. She smiled.
"I really don't recommend that you eat that, Dilly. And that taste test isn't going to settle to well...."
The end!
Adventures of Dilly, Katty, Rhee, and Folky in the giant poop ship tooth- thingy that floats.
"Lunch, men. Line up according to hair color." The Zaibach soldiers scramble into a line much unlike you would scramble an egg, contraire to popular belief. "You can't flip an egg more than three times because the centripetal force with pull it apart." Katty, a blond very pale girl, stated from behind the counter. Guimel noticed the new lunch lady.
"Who are you? When did you start being a lunch lady?" he asked.
"Oh I am not a lunch lady. I am not even wearing those stupid hairnets, see?" she rumples her hair. "But if you do that to her..." Katty de- hairnets the closest lunch lady. Katty rumples her hair much like she did with her own. "And look!! Snow!!" The 'snow' lands in the already inedible soup that was supposed to be lunch.
"When what are you doing here, and how did you get on Viole?" Asked Guimel. Katty looks at him for a second.
"First off, I am not on Viole, he's the guy behind you. Second I don't know why I would want to be on him." Guimel looks behind him at the long brown haired slayer.
"How did you know his name was Viole?"
"It says it right here" she points to the nametag. "Hi, I am Viole." Katty smiled after she read it out loud. Guimel looks at Viole's blue- bordered nametag. "Don't tell me you can't read."
"How come I don't have a name tag?!"
"How should I know, I am just not a lunch lady!" Guimel looks hurt and runs off crying. "Next" Katty smiles as she plops the snowed on soup on to Viole's tray. Viole doesn't notice and move to the cashier. Gatty was next. "Hello Gatty!" Katty smiled brightly.
"How did you know my name?" Gatty asked the chirpy not a lunch lady.
"It says it on your name tag, are you illiterate too?" Gatty mumbles something about Dilandau having insisted on having them sewn on so he could remember which of his men he was beating up. Because after all everyone knows that once you've started beating them up they all look the same. Gatty then notice the soup.
"What is that?" he points at the white flecks in the soup.
"Sprinkles!" Katty excitedly explained to the idiot slayer, who believed her. Next was Shesta. Shesta remaindered Katty of her younger brother. She smiled and handed him a sandwich.
"I want soup, with those sprinkles," he timidly stated.
"Oh, you don't want those sprinkles." Kat smiled and waved off the on- the –verge-to-crying slayer. Miguel was last in line.
"Hi Michael!" Miguel looks at her.
"I am Miguel, not Michael."
"Well your name tag states that you are Michael."
"Dilandau got it wrong" Miguel blushes and looked at his feet.
"Poor baby." She lands him another sandwich.
"What about the soup?" Katty looks at the sludge.
"Umm I added something that you won't want to eat. And I wouldn't want to make your life any more miserable, sweetie." Katty smiled. Miguel wondered why the girl instated on acting like an older person. She was his age, he just could tell. He was good with that for some odd reason. Katty smiled and stated out loud. "I wonder what my friend is doing."
Meanwhile...
Bang "What the hell are you doing to my Guymelef?!?!!?!?" Dallet shrieked. A really tall white haired transsexual looked down at the shrieking slayer.
"What is a Guymelef?" The transsexual asked bluntly.
"A Guymelef is the thing you just destroyed, and that one happened to be mine!!!" the stricken slayer cried. The transsexual looked at the Guymelef.
"Oh, I though it was a mobile suit. So where is the cockpit on this thing?"
"It won't help, you have already destroyed it." Dallet points out. The transsexual inspects the cockpit.
"Oh, good I saved you. This is definably a suicide cockpit. If you want I can give you one of my mobile suits."
"Guymelef!!" the brown haired slayer angrily corrects the transsexual.
Insert--- a transsexual is a person with the features of both a women and a man. Not to be confused with a hermaphrodite, which is a person with both of the privet property.
"Are you sure?" the transsexual questioned.
"Who the hell are you and what are you doing in the hanger?" shrieked the stunned Dallet.
"I am Rhee, and someone told me to go to work. They pointed me in this direction. So I came here. I saw this giant mobile suit thing you claim its name is guacamole. I took it a part to see what make it tick. And I found a pink round jawbreaker, it wasn't that tasty." Dallet screams.
"That was a Engerist, and do you know how expensive those are? I can just say good-bye to my mid-life crisis!" Rhee jumps down to Dallet.
"Do you mean I ate something toxic? Don't worry, I have eaten Katty's food more once, and I have a good immune system. But quick get me to the infirmary." As Dallet rushes with Rhee to the infirmary, Rhee states. "Don't worry about your midlife crisis, you're still sixteen and you won't live for much longer." Dallet stares at Rhee.
Mean while...
Katty has heard nature calling, and is searching for the bathroom. She is lost, and has found herself in dimly lit hallway with bunches of doors. There is a light at the end of the hallway. Katty, who we all can tell chose to ignore her common sense thinks.
"If the a light at the end of the tunnel is bad, then a light at the end of the hallway must be good!" Katty excitedly rushes towards the door. She busts into the room, and give the international sign for toilet.
"What the?" a man turns as Katty enters the room. Katty starts jumping up and down.
"I need to go bad!" she says to the dreary guy wearing a cap. "Why are you hugging yourself?" As we all know Katty has stumble onto Folken's lair. Folken points to his bathroom with the metal arm, hoping to frighten her off. She notices the door he is pointing at and rushes to it.
"Thanks," she calls back as she slams the door.
Few minutes later...
"Why do you keep a guy in the restroom?" She asked the mullet man.
"Who are you" Folken asks expressionless.
"I am Katty!!! Queen of all I do! Who are you?" Katty jumps into Folken's throne-like chair.
"I am Folken, lord of--
"Hi Folky! Nice to meet you. Can I borrow the oil for a friend? It is vegetable oil right?"
Folky, as we will call him now, stares at the hyper young girl.
"Um, no it is car oil. What was is about a guy in my restroom?" Katty stopped staring at the wine bottles, and smiled.
"Yeah some guy was in there, and said not to tell you about him. He was an old fart, and looked almost like a roly-poly with those metal things all over him." Folken stared. Why was Dornkirk in his restroom?
Kat returned her short attention span to the wine bottle again. It was ruby red as were...
"Folken!" A silver haired commander yanked the door open. Katty gasped. His eyes were the same color as the beautiful wine!
"Why did you steal my wine?" Dilandau madly asked. Dilandau give little attention o the girl in Folken's chair, and grabs the wine off the table.
"Noooo!!!!!!!" Katty launches herself onto Dilandau. Dilandau looks at the attacker.
"So Folken has a girlfriend? Are you keeping her against her will?" Dilandau smirks. Katty snatches the bottle and holds it up to Dilandau's eyes.
"Wow, did you know your eye are the same color as the wine? And they are beautiful." Katty wide eyedly says.
"Uhh, did you know yours were blue?!?!?" Dilandau notices only because they are intently staring at him.
"I think I like you," she says as she hugs the startled Dilandau. Folken laughs inwardly to himself as the weird intruders hugs the rowdy officer.
"Folken get her off! Your girlfriend is hitting on me!!" Dilandau screams as Katty begins to notice all the shiny and red things on Dilandau's outfit.
"I am not folkies girlfriend!" she excited explained, "I am not a lunch lady! Who are you?"
"I am Dilandau, lord of the d--"
"Hi Dilly! Nice to meet you. I hope you didn't eat today's soup, or you're in for a nasty surprise."
"No I didn't..."Dilandau trailed of as Folken turned a unnatural shade of green. Folkie covered his mouth and rushed to the restroom. Few seconds later you hear...
"Folken that was gross! I will never get that smell out of my hair! Much less all of my future seeing machines."
"Well, what are you doing in my bathroom in the first place?"
"Seeing futures, in the great porcelain bowl, it doubles as a throne. But alas I can not use it any more for I wear old people's diapers."
"What, why you looking at futures in my rest room... eww I don't think I want to know." Katty looked at Dilandau for an explanation.
"I think doorknocker is gay." Dilandau shrugged." Folken I am leaving"
"Me too!" Katty followed Dilandau out the door. He gave a tentative glanced back at her every few seconds. "Don't worry, I am not a stalker, and I won't rob you, I have already got what I want." She points to the blue stone-encrusted tiara on her head. Dilandau reaches up toward his forehead. Katty smiled.
"What the hell? When did you do that?" Katty smiled.
"Just a few minutes ago, I am surprised that you didn't feel lighter." She prances around with Dilly's tiara.
"You shall feel my moon tiara's power!" She rushed down the hall, and disappeared out of sight.
"Dammit,' he turned to head the other way when.... "Shit she still has my crown!!!!" he rushes after the slender blond girl.
Heaving Dilandau opens the dragon slayer's main room. He was hot, sweaty and still didn't have his crown back. The embarrassing tan line was embarrassing. He cursed the girl; he hadn't found a trace of her.
"Shesta!" he screamed, he needed to beat someone up. Shesta appeared quickly out of the slayers locker room. His face was red and he was out of breath.
"Yes??" Shesta stared at Dilandau's bare forehead.
"Have you seen a strange girl running around the fortress?"
"No, she's been with us for over an hour now sir."
"WHAT???!!?!?" Dilandau rushed to the slayer's room in such fury that he forgot to hit Shesta, who felt forgotten by this. Before he opened the door, he could hear the rowdy laughter and a girls voice talking.
"Ohhhh! Guess who I am. I am so beautiful, bow down and worship me. Oh, I love myself. Van shall pay for his acts!! Die!!! Burn, hahahah burn!!" The girls voice sobbed into hysterical laughter. Dilandau barred into the room, to see the slayers sitting half dressed in a circle around the tiara wearing Katty.
"Dilly!!!! I have missed you soooo much!" she jumps on 'Dilly'. The slayers laugh, and most are obviously drunk. Guimel and Viole are making out in the corner. (This is the reason Guimel asks Katty if she is on Viole...)
"What are you doing women?"
"Kat! My name is Kat, but I like Katty so much better!" she stood a head shorter to the officer, but she was totally serious, as was Dilandau.
"Just leave me alone with the guys, and you can brood some more about it later." With that she drags Shesta in and pushes Dilandau out. Dilandau is stunned that he hasn't hit her yet and that he had no come back. So he did as she said. So he thought
And thought
And thought
And thought
And thought some more,
And he kept thinking till he hears shouts of laughter from the locker room again. He opens the door to see a spinning bottle of his empty wine that he didn't drink. It was spinning around in the middle of the circle of slayers. Most were holding a beer bottle, and Katty was sipping the last of Dilly's wine. (It was just as tasty as beautiful!) The bottle slowed as a few noticed their captain was watching. Katty and Miguel were chatting happily as Miguel wished the bottle would land on someone Katty wanted to kiss. The bottle slowed and stopped. All the men were aware now of Dilandau's presence in the doorway, but Katty stood happily ignorant. She checked the bottle, it pointed in between Shesta and Gatti. It pointed to someone standing, wearing red.
"You guys better have a good excuse for this," Dilandau gritted his teeth. Katty struggled to get up.
"We were practicing the correct wrist movements," Guimel lamely offered. Katty pulled Dilandau's face down to her level. Her eyes were totally focused on his.
"Dilly..."
"What?!...Umm???" Dilandau didn't try very hard as Katty pushed her lips on his. She tasted like his wine, which he likes. He wanted more of the wine taste, and he tried to stick his tongue into her mouth. His effort was reworded with a smack.
"How dare you! Miguel said that playing spin the bottle didn't have any emotional kisses in it!!" she stalked off, and once again got lost. Dilandau frowned, first the tiara, then the wine, the guys, the kiss, and her. He glared at his slayers, and they gulped. Something told them that they were not going to like this....
Katty was so lost, but she didn't care. She knew that her first kiss wasn't suspost to happen like that. She ran into her friend, though, and that was good.
"Rhee!" she squealed. She hadn't felt like herself after all that wine, but now it seemed to have left her as quickly as she had gotten it.
"Oh, hi Katty, I am so lost and confused."
"Where are you going in such a rush?" Katty strides along with her friend. She notices one of Dilly's officers. This officer didn't go to lunch, because Katty knew all the slayers so far. She couldn't see his nametag as the trio rushed down the hallway.
"I ate a jaw breaker that this guy, mallet, says was poisonous."
"It is an Enegrist, and my name is Dallet. And I have already told you this over five times at least."
"Really?? I don't remember that," Rhee confusedly stated. Katty shrugged and kept running.
"Look it is up ahead!" Dallet huffed, the hospital was oddly very far from the hanger, as if someone didn't want wounded soldiers to live.
"I can't take it any more, my bunions!!!!" Dallet gave a dirty glance at Rhee. "What I really do have bunions, want to see???"
"Hey, look the light at the end of the hall way! I have been here before!" Katty explained excited!
"Really?!?!?" Rhee totally focused on Katty. "What is at the end?? I need to know. Now I really need to take something apart!! Fingers twitching help!!!"
"Just get to the end of this tunnel, where the light is." Dallet roughly said, he had been with this nut for over five hours now.
"The light at the end of the tunnel?? I must be dead, that's why you're here, Katty, you've died too!" Rhee pants out. "I am going straight for the light, so I will win first. BwhwhhHHhhahahahah. And I will never see you again. Finally freedom!!" The later half of Rhee's good-bye speech was wasted on Katty. Katty stood blankly at the light.
"I-I-I-I-I'm died!" she tumbles over as she faints, making a soft thud as she hits the ground. Dallet looks at the blond who is crumble on the floor.
"What the hell is wrong with these people," he murmured.
"Actually it is quite easy. Reverse psychology is very effective. Now I am going to win," Rhee rushes off, pulling unsuspecting Dallet which her. Dallet bumps farer away from the unconscious blond, and cannot unbind himself from the trench coat that he was stuck to.
Folken, coming out of his daily check ups, is rushed by some odd looking stranger with.
"What was that, was that one of Dilandau's men? Has Dilandau found this new way of tourcher for his men? I think that one was named mullet. I shall pray for poor the poor slayer named mullet." Folken proceeded down the hallway. There was an odd shaped object up ahead. He though he heard it moan. Folken's eyes widen, gasp his face changed by one whole line, as he recognized the body of the amazingly cheerful girl. He touched her arm slightly. She withdrew from his touch.
"I am died, I am died, leave me alone!!!" she cried out un-consciously.
"Poor girl, I shall pray for you too." Folken shakes his head. Katty jerks awake.
"Hi folkie, are you dead too? What are you doing?"
"I am praying for you poor soul."
"That's not going to help, you're evil, and do you think god is going to listen to some one who is evil? Oh no if you're here I must be in hell!! I didn't mean to eat so many devils' food cookies, they were just so sinful!! I am so truly sorrow!" Katty gasped as Folken pats her head.
"You're not dead."
"Oh, but Rhee said I was!" Folken guessed this Rhee was an older sister or someone.
"You are not. You must have bumped your head, here come back to my room."
"Is that guy still in your bathroom?" Folken shuttered as he picked up the light girl.
"No he isn't, what is that...," a shimmer of gold flashed off Katty's head.
"Oh, this is Dilly's tiara, I am being him, and sailor moon with it on!" Katty exclaimed. Folken inwardly laughed and carried the chattering girl to his dreary room.
"Let me gooooooo!!!!" Dallet cried as Rhee rushed towards the informatory.
"Huh? Oh sorry I didn't know that you were still following me!"
"I was not following you, you were dragging me!!" Dallet hushed as Dilandau appeared in the medical ward. He was thoroughly pissed, and the whole unit of dragon slayers tramped in behind him. They looked all beaten up and distorted. As we said, it was a good thing they had nametags or what would the nurse do? Dallet surprised a giggle as he viewed Dilandau with out his tiara, and his master's skin was an even lighter shade than the rest of his skin.
"Dallet were have you been!" the lord growled at the only unbeaten up slayer.
"My Guymelef was dismantled, and she ate the Enegrist." Dallet nodded towards Rhee that was fighting with the doctor about what the little numbers meant.
"Who is that?"
"That is a transsexual, named Rhee. She, or is it a he? knows this hot blond girl who is quite ditzy."
"she isn't ditzy it is just an act," Dilandau sneered," she is a little riot maker and she knows all the rules. And she breaks everyone while acts like she doesn't know it..." he spits.
"I ate a jaw breaker that he claims was toxic and expensive. Are there any more..?" Rhee pestered.
"I can't believe that someone was that stupid to eat an Energyist," Dallet whispered to Dilandau. Dilandau slugged Dallet in the face.
"never say tha.." Dilandau trailed off as his looked at the door. First, we all should know that Dilandau has eaten an Energist too. Second Dilandau put two and two together to make four. Dallet had seen Katty, and Dallet was coming from the hanger, and that narrowed down the six hundred stories to one, and the millions of passages to about six. Dilandau grinned, he would have his crown back soon, and have his revenge. "BHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAaa" Dilandau frantically rushed out the ward. Dallet watched his crazed master rush off after something, but he wasn't sure what.
"see I really do have bunions!" Rhee's foot entered Dallet's view.
"urgg, okay get it away!" Dallet crawled to the rest of the purple blisters that we call shall slayers.
"hey who has the vegetable oil??" Rhee squealed.
"I do!" one of the blisters replied.
"who are you?"
"I am Guimel!"
"which one is Guimel?" Rhee asked the nurse. The nurse shrugged.
"he isn't registered as in the ward. But he could be the one with out a tag that we can't identify." She points to the middle blistered slayer.
"hand it over," Rhee stared to drool as the slyer slowly removed the oil from his jacket. "hahaha, it is all mine" Rhee happily laughed. The bottle disappears into the giant trench coat. She hands Guimel a lava lamp.
"what is this?"
"idounno, I think it is called a lava lamp. Katty plugs it into the wall and it blobs around. Just don't touch it, it is hot. Or eat it, it is made out of monkey lard."
"what's a monkey?"
"I donnuw that either..." Rhee rushes out to find Dilly, who she thinks is looking for her friend, Katty.
Katty jumps on Folken's lumpy bed.
"hey! This bed is lumpy! It reminds me of the mash potatoes in the cafeteria!! I added a surprise to those too!!" Katty yells over her thumping on the bed. Folken's expression doesn't change. Good thing he didn't eat those potatoes. "but, the biggest surprise was in the muffins!!" Katty gleefully said as Folken's face dropped.
He had more than a few of those...
RENCH
"Dornkirk what are you doing in my bathroom again?!" Folken angrily shouts.
"I see two people running in the toilet. One is that little monster we call Diland—"
"you mean Dilly!!!!" Katty bounces into the elegant bathroom.
"respect you elders, raga muffin!" Folken turns a green again.
"another is entwined with this girl, actually both shadows are over this girl." Dornkirk looks at the girl who is examining her ends.
"good no split ends! I just got my hair cut" she stated.
"were you even listening?" Dornkirk demanded.
"Huh?? Not really, but go on."
"Well, Diland-"
"Dilly!!"
"And the other's shadow are overlapping yours." Katty looks behind her.
"You've got it wrong, my shadow isn't interrupted expect for the sink. Plus Dilly is somewhere in the maze of a fortress." Katty sighs.
"I wish he was here right now. He is kinda fun to be around." Folken lifts a mental eyebrow. Maybe this girl could be the chosen one, the one to free him of Dilandau by throwing his crown into the towel which it was made in...
"Well, all this running around has made me thirsty, where is the water storage?" Katty asked patting her tummy.
"It is down the hall on your left, three doors down. It has stairs that lead down."
"Ok!" Katty bounced out the door down to the wine cellar. This time she followed the instructions unlike when she made the fruit punch...
She found herself surrounded by millions of wine bottles. She gasped with glee as she began her search for the pretty garnet colored wine that Dilandau had a taste for. She first picked up a white wine.
"Not it," she tosses it over her head. Next bottle is a yellow.
"Not you either." She picks up the dark purple one as the yellow wine crashes to the floor.
"Nope," and speeds up her search. "No, no, no, no way, nope, not you, or this one, almost, but no, no, nah, duck, duck, duck, goose! Oh wait false alarm, nope, nope not you!"
Meanwhile....
Dilandau rushes into Folken's hallway. The wine cellar's, which Folken insisted would be in his hall, not Dilandau's (no surprise), door stood wide open. Ominous crashes came from the room. It almost sounded like someone smashing glass... Dilandau's eyes widen.
"not the wine! Anything but the wine!" Dilandau hoarsely screams as he rushes to save the wine. He sees Katty examined each bottle before she tosses behind her. Dilandau manages to catch one of the tossed aside bottles.
"my precious, my precious, I won't let anyone hurt you again," he turns to Katty, "what are you doing???!?!?!?!?!?"
"hi Dilly! I didn't know you were here! I am looking for the wine!" Katty explained happily as the pryo grasped for another falling bottle.
"You mean my wine?? It isn't in this rack. Stop throwing the wine! My precious!" Dilandau cried as Katty stopped in mid throw.
"Where is your wine?" her eyes widen.
"Over here,..." he said, and to make sure she didn't destroy any more bottles, "I'll show you. Follow me." Katty stuck close to Dilandau as he led the way to a vending machine in the back of the cellar.
"it is this one," he points to the Code Red icon on the cola machine. Katty jams the button down.
Clunk.
A wine bottle appears.
"Might as well get one for me while I am here." Click. .....
"Huh? Why didn't one come out?" Dilandau puzzled over the missing wine.
"Watch and learn," Katty kicks the machine, then shakes it. It buzzes and another bottle comes out.
"There you go!" she smiled as she turned to leave. She turns to show a foolish grin.
"ummmm, .. I don't know how to get out...." Dilandau gulped. He didn't know either.
Meanwhile...
Folken misses the peppy girl, and goes after her to make sure she isn't lost or stolen. You never know what could happen to you on the poop ship. He is slightly relieved as he sees the wine cellar's door open. She had found that, but did she find the water? He floats down the stair to find himself in a pool of liquid.
"What is this?" he asks himself as he bends over the mixed wine. He puts it to his nose and sniffs. "Oh-no. My poor wines. I shall pray for you..."he breaks down and starts to cry. He knows not to cry over spilled milk, and he wasn't. This was his wine, he had tended to the vines and watched the seeds spilt the soil, the vine gain leaves and then tiny grapes.... okay, he didn't. He just didn't like alcohol to go to waste. Someone lands on Folken, and Folken face paints himself with the wine.
"oh, good. Thanks to this odd-looking rug. Good thing I fell on it, or I would have kept running. My brakes were cut." Rhee brushes her/ himself off. Folken, whose hair has changed to a lovely color of burgundy, heaves the unwanted intruder off himself. "who are you?" Folken's voice wavers as he licks his lips. The mixed wine wasn't that bad tasting, amazingly.
"who are you, and why were you laying on the floor? You and your lovely cloak were slopping up this mixed alcohol, right?" Rhee inspects Folken's dreary cloak. "my, did you get that at cloaks are us? I always get mine there. And I love your black leather un-outfit! My what awesome fashion taste you have. Unlike Katty, she insists that I have no taste, but you most definitely do!!"
"why thank you, most people saw that I am so dreary. I just think this is so me. A lot of people don't understand." Folken connects with this trench coat wearing stranger.
"I am Rhee. I know. It is one and a million who understand the true potential of a cloak or coat." Rhee sympathized with Folken.
"I am Folken. I am lord of this crappy tooth-like floating ship. I am glad to you."
"here" Rhee offers her left hand. Folken takes the hand with his true hand, which of you know is it easier to get up with the same hand. Folken's left hand is actually his true hand. Rhee pulls Folken foreword, and the master of the poop ship heads to his room. "aren't you going to clean this up," Rhee gestured to the wine. Folken stares a while.
"no, I am going to my room to call a servant to clean it up and order some more. If you wish you can come too..."
"okay, I lost Dilandau in here. He was chasing after Katty..." Folken stared at the cellar. He shuttered. He didn't want to know what was going to happen in the dark cellar.
Meanwhile....
"we will just end up going in circles, so.." Dilandau tried to think about how to solve the problem.
Crash.
"what are you doing?" he yelled at Katty, who was smashing wine again. She looked up at him.
"we can use broken wine bottles instead of bread crumbs! And when we find the way out, we can drink instead of eating the poor granny's candy house!" Katty cheerful screwed up one of our childhood memories of the story Hansle and Grettal. Dilandau nodded. He had heard of that weird folk tale From the mystic moon. He frankly thought the children where little pigs and diverse to burn. But that was another story; Dilandau burns fat children from the mystic moon. And in America, there where higher death tolls than any other country. Poor fat, pudgy children.
But again, that is another story. We are talking about the joyful blond, and the crazy silver haired pryo.
Dilandau gives in as Katty begins to smash bottles at a faster rate. Hugging his wine, he chases after her. Katty's eye widen, and she begins to laugh evilly.
"break, bwahahahahahah! Die wine, die!!!!! BwhHhhahahahhahha! You shall pay!!!" Dilandau is a little creeped out about this, but since we see Dilandau do it all the time, it is nothing to new for us. He just didn't think any one else did. He thought he was special. Now he knew he wasn't. he had met his match.
"well, you can give me back my tiara now." He growled as Katty pause to breath heavily.
"no."
"give it now!.....ouch what was that for?" Dilandau rubbed his smarting cheek.
"you were going to raise your hand against your superior. I saw you raise your hand. I want to see twenty push ups now!" Katty commanded Dilandau. Dilandau jumped to the floor and began to do his punishment. When he reaches about fifteen he realizes what he was doing.
"you can't command me! I am my own lord!"
"insubordination again, is it? Twenty more push ups!" Katty leaned over to give off the intimidating stance. Dilandau's tiara stared Dilandau down. Katty sneered and furrowed her brows, giving an ominous look. He felt belittled and rushed to comply to the wishes. He began to do his punishment. A servant walks by to see Dilandau kissing the feet of a girl...? No wait he was doing push-ups. Why was he doing that here? Why were they in the cellar in the first place? Oh, the servant sees to bottles of wine on the ground. Dilandau was going to get drunk again. Better alert all staff members. When this young lord got drunk, he ended up abusing the staff into little black lumps. The girl yawns, and catches the sight of the servant.
"my hero! Do you know the way out??" Katty kicks Dilandau as he finishes his last push up. "we are saved, no thanks to you." She sneered. Dilandau gulped.
"wait! I am the lord!" he tries to snatch the tiara again.
"silly Dilly! I was joking! I can't believe you! You actually did what I said!" she hugs Dilandau, and then proceeds to pull the stunned pryo after the servant.
"wait! The wine!"
"oh yeah!" Katty drags Dilandau back and snatches the bottles. The servant was shocked how the lord kind of put up with the girl's antics.
Then nothing happens for about three days... So we will fast forward though the boring parts.
Zzzzziiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp....
Shouts were could be heard from the slayers' locker room. The slayers were no longer big bruises, and they decided to celebrate. They invited Katty, Rhee, Folken, and Dilandau (if they didn't invite Dilly, they would be back in the medical ward). The boys had decided to play a tournament game of bullshit. But it began to get confusing about who was winning. So Viole volunteered an interesting idea.
"we could play strip bull-shit!" the gay guys agreed, well because they were gay. Do I need to spell it out? They wanted to see each other un- secretly. The ungay guys wanted to see Katty undress. If I forgot to tell you, during the three days Shesta, who was gay, ended up with his face in Katty's bust. That's why he isn't gay, and the guys wanted to see what size she wore. Most bets were on double D's.
So the straight guys agreed. Katty agreed, totally unaware of the drooling men with perverted ideas were watching her. The transsexual agreed. Folken and Dilly agreed, because they didn't have any better ideas. In the first round Dallet, Gatti, Guimel and Viole lost. Dilandau insisted that they not take off their boxers, but once that was the last item and they lost, they were out. Katty went against a servant, she won only losing her top. Dilandau won by only losing his boots and his shirt. Folken and Rhee were still at it. Folken had about a million socks, and Rhee had about a million shirts. Miguel won by his shorts, and Shesta was crying because Katty wouldn't face him because she didn't want him to strip. She just couldn't do that to someone so much like her little brother. So she had pulled a servant aside. The second round was not much more interesting except that Dilly seemed to be cheating. Miguel and Shesta lost to Katty and Dilly. Rhee and Folken had made little progress if any. Katty had lost her shoes in this round, but Dilly had lost his under shirt, and his shorts.
So that left Katty and Dilandau in the strip bullshit finals. And things began to pick up intensity. The gay guys wanted Katty to win, and the straights wanted Dilandau. But they were all cheering for Dilandau, other wise...they might not live to tell the tale of how Katty won the final game. Katty was first to guess wrong, and forfeited her socks to the giant pile of discarded clothes. Dilandau then lost his socks. So if you were to come in the locker room totally unaware of the whole party, you would see a bunch of boxer-wearing slayers circled around a boxer wearing Dilly, and a miniskirt bra wearing Katty, and in the middle of this was a pile of the slayers clothes.. The straight guys loved to watch as Katty would stare at her cards, for she was un-consciously pushing her boobs together.
"how about we make a deal?" Dilly offered Katty. She looked up from her cards.
"what would it be??" she was intrigued.
"next one to lose loses everything, and has to decide what to do with the slayer's clothes. Either to burn them, or something else..."
"hey! That isn't fair, that is an advantage to you!"
"so what? What are you going to do about it??? Boys..." the slayers crowed Katty. Katty frowned.
"okay. Bull-shit." Dilly gasped, and then pouted.
"I am not playing anymore!" he declared. Kat bounced up.
"I was right, wasn't I!"
"no! I for-fit!"
"but that still means I won!" Katty claimed the pile of clothes. She handed the slayers back their clothing. An angry Dilly pulled Katty's top out of the pile.
"haaahahahahah, say I won and I'll give back your top." Katty pouted. She thought and grabbed the next piece of clothing, Dilly's shirt.
"I'll just wear this!" she swung it on her person. She nearly collapsed under the weight at first, but then after regaining her balance started to zip up the leather shirt. The zipper got up to Katty's boobs, and then refused to go any higher. She struggled with it for about a minute, gaining about an inch, and gave up.
"look at me I am Dilly! I have his tiara and shirt." Katty gleefully pranced around the slayer's locker room. Just then Dornkrik hobbles into the room.
"I am lost, which way is Folken's bathroom?" Katty stopped to look at the old geezer.
"I am not telling you!!!" Katty snarled. Dornkirk stared to cry and left the locker room. Katty smiled as Dilandau yanked her back off the bench. He kissed her, and she smacked him. She happily ran out of the room wearing Dilly's tiara and shirt. The slayers and Dilly didn't see her for a very long time. But Rhee stayed with them. Rhee cleared up the confusion about Dilly's girly-ness.
"I am your father, Dilandau."
Enough said.
Oh, yea Rhee won the game after Folken ran out of socks. Rhee laughs, she/ he still had two shirts left.
After many months, Dilandau's tan line disappeared, and he was fitted in to a new armored shirt. Dilandau never forgot how a girl out smarted him though. Not that it would be very hard to do.... But once again that is another story, Dilly is outsmarted by chipmunks that live in a laundry chute. But we are here at the end of our stupid little story that has taken up valuable memory on my crappy Escaflowne ridded hard drive. Needless to say, I won't miss the empty space. I have moved it from my computer to my head. I need to say good-bye, but I just can't.
Sob
"Did you know that contrary to popular belief, peas porridge that has been in the pot nine days old grows mold?" Dilandau lifts his face from the slop to meet the familiar not a lunch lady's blue eyes. She smiled.
"I really don't recommend that you eat that, Dilly. And that taste test isn't going to settle to well...."
The end!