Trials of Tomorrow- chapter 2
Since I already think my heart is going to stop any second now, I straddle my lovely king on the bed. We make love while we wait until our hearts explode. Of poison and of love.
I love him more than anything. More than words can describe. I can tell he returns that love. That simple feeling we've shared since were very young. That simple feeling we've shared since fate even existed. If I could I would tell the whole damn world of my Alexander. Even in death.
Since I already am suffering in supplication, begging the gods to forgive Alexander, begging the gods to help my Alexander forgive himself. I need him to do it just as desperately as he needs it. If he isn't forgiven, I am not forgiven. If he doesn't forgive himself, I won't forgive myself. I feel our souls collide and clash as our sweaty chests connect, as our fingers entwine, as our mouths clinch. Our love making is only sweet and savoring. Not to rough and not to solid. It's just right. I feel just right, no matter how heavy I'm dying inside. No matter how heavy his heart is becoming, weighing all his options down. I promise him over that I'm by his side.
Since everything that just happened, our long moment on the balcony, our distant eyes reaching the moon and stars, I fear nothing at the moment. We never give each other the opportunity to remove from our embraces. We hold each other tighter. We kiss each other affectionately. We discuss sweet nothingness in each others ears. I give my life to him. My all.
He feels so good in me. "I have missed this."
"I've missed you."
Since he reassures me through tiny kisses, that I am not alone anymore. That I am not completely alone. He always had one problem in his vast life and that was losing me to the world, to his enemies, to my enemies. There was only one problem I had in my small life and that was losing Alexander at all. Now here we are getting lost in each other. Can a moment be more precious?
A light shines through as I hear the door creak open. I look over. I make sure my king is still lost in me. I see them peeking through. No I didn't betray them. I continue loving my Alex. My Alex continues loving me. I'm not caring whether they watch or not. What can they possibly do to ruin a moment that they have already ruined? Nothing. They can charge in with a sword and thrash at us and I would still be satisfied right here with the love of my life.
The feel of his hands on my thighs is bliss. The feel of his teeth on my neck is bliss. I smile and close my eyes against his chest after I sternly glare at the men.
They close the door.
I will tell the world someday that they will have to pay him back. "I don't think they realize how much they mean to you."
"I'm about to lose my mind, if we don't just die now. If it doesn't just end now. It hurts to struggle like this."
A tear falls from my eyes to his chest.
"If we live through this, they will suffer the trials of tomorrow."
I fall asleep into his strong arms. My head lying smoothly on his broad chest. I don't know if I'm dead or alive.
"I feel dead."
"Me too."
xxxx
"He's still alive. Hephaistion didn't give him the wine." Parmenion walked frustrated back and forth inside the room. "It isn't supposed to happen this way."
"Maybe it wasn't meant to happen." Leonnatus began hoping that was the case.
"What Now?" Cleitus asks.
"We kill them. We can't trust Hephaistion that he didn't tell the king of this." Parmenion was getting nervous.
The rest of the generals sat in silence. Some okay with it and some not okay with it but know they had gone far enough to never forgive themselves.
"Something must happen." Perdicas said. "I swear that poison is the strongest in all of Persia."
"Like I said, we kill them both. If we do not, we die. If we do, we live. It's your choice."
"Then we must do it quick before it's too late." Philotas said agreeing with his father.
"Cassander and Philotas come with me."
The three turn to leave.
"How are you all fairing?"
They see there king standing before them in a red Persian robe. Looking more exhausted than they ever seen him. More dull then they have ever known him. He almost looked like a different person. They could see the stress in his face, the depression in his body. But they didn't see hate.
They look frightened. They backed away.
"Alexander?' Parmenion said, trying to act casual. "What are you doing up?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Can we do anything for you my lord?"
Alexander smiled sadly stepping up to them. "You don't have to say anything. I know what you did. I know of the poison that sweeps through my and Hephaistions veins." He started to rub his arm in paranoia. Breathing deeply.
They looked shocked. They didn't think Hephaistion would drink it too. Parmenion shook his head in a disbelief laugh. I should have known he would do something like that. He thought. Curse that boy.
They couldn't think of anything to say to someone they just killed, to someone who hadn't died yet. If they were scared of Alexander mad, they were even more afraid of him calm.
"There's not much I can do right now. You've won. You've finally destroyed me." He smiled at them all. Tears grew in his eyes. "How selfish was I to try to take your families, your homes away from you. How selfish was I to continue on a journey and not let my men rest. I finally realized my mistakes. I am a horrible king and horrible friend. I have been running out of time. I've needed some miracle to bring me back to life. Just any miracle. I am not the god I thought I was. I am not as special as I thought I was. I am not as great as I think I am. My day's have been so grey and black lately. Sometimes I don't even know where I am at anymore. You don't see like I do. I see fire. You see light. I see now. I now understand how you are feeling. I really do. I am sorry."
His eyes found the ground.
"Even though I'm out of options, I was told to forgive myself for everything that happened between all of us. You've risked your lives for me. You have dawned on me. You have been my friends for longer than I can remember. You have been inspirations. I fear I haven't told you this enough. Maybe things would have turned out differently. I hope one day you can forgive me."
He looked back at them. "But this is my trial to myself. My own confession between the Alexander you once knew and the Alexander now. Even if I can't be brought back to life. I forgive you."
I can now forgive myself.