Disclainer: I only own the story.
"You're really gonna to leave, aren't you?"
He didn't have to look up. He knew who it was.
Logan sat on his bed. He pulled tight the strings of his right boot before he paused. He took a quick breath. "I have to." It came out a quiet, deep-voiced mumble.
He undid the ties of his left boot and redid them tighter, not that they were loose to begin with. He finished with his shoes but still wouldn't look at her. He couldn't. He rest one arm on each knee and slouched slightly. His neck arched down as he looked at the pattern of the wood between his feet.
She stood at his doorway like she had so many times before. How many times had she come to this room? But not this way. She wasn't supposed to be coming to him this way again. She just stood there, unmoving, watching.
She tried hard not to look away. She hated seeing him this way. She wanted the Logan that stood tall, above the others, despite his lack of physical height. She wanted the one that looked in her eyes even if all he was saying was hi, and managed instead to tell her that everything would be alright and that she was cared for, needed. She wanted the one that never let anything stop him. The one that wasn't afraid.
"Why?"
He finally looked up. He owed her at least that much. No. He owed her so much more, but they both knew he could never give her all that she deserved.
The dark from his room contrasted with the bright streaming in from the doorway. All he saw of the person standing there was a slight shadow of a figure. If he hadn't known who it was already, this shadow would've been enough. It stood the way she does. It held onto the doorframe the way she would. It waited for his answer the way she was.
Jubilee.
What could he say? How could he explain to this girl why he was leaving her yet again?
Wait. He had to correct himself. She wasn't a girl anymore. In age maybe, but that was where it stopped. She hadn't been a girl in a long time.
He looked at her now, seeing her as the woman she was. He stared into the dark, which should've been her face. He could see what he was doing to her. He'd seen it so many times before. She had gotten better at hiding it, pretending she didn't care, but he knew better. It hurt more now than it ever had before, and the next time, if there was a next time, it would hurt ten times more than it hurt now.
He couldn't handle it when his Jubilee was hurt, but he was the one hurting her now. Now, and the last time, and the time before that. He had hurt her more than anyone else ever had. More than anyone else ever could. There would never be an explanation good enough for her. There would never be a reason good enough to make him leave her.
Yet, here they were. He was leaving. Again.
He stood up and slowly walked over to her. He gently put his hands on her shoulders. She responded to his touch by stiffening. She hated what he was doing to her. Hated him for doing it, but it was Wolvie. Her Wolvie. She couldn't pull away from his touch. It didn't matter how badly she wanted to.
She looked at his face, into his eyes, but quickly lowered her gaze. She tried so hard not to show what he was doing to her. She thought she had been doing well, but one look into his eyes and her resistance wavered. And still she stayed there, still waiting for her answer. "Jubes…I have to." She didn't expect anything more. Never did. Wasn't even sure what she really wanted.
She raised her head and looked at him one last time. He could see himself in her eyes. She turned quickly and loosened herself from his grip as she felt her face begin to obey the new pain she felt.
Each time she thinks there is no pain worse than that she feels, and each time she is sadly mistaken, as Logan takes a larger and larger part of her heart from her.
She told Logan before that she understood. And she genuinely thought she did, but he never believed it. He could see in her now that he was right. That's what made it so much harder.
She turned completely around now and began to walk back to her own room, her head once again facing the ground. At three steps she stood directly under one of the hallway lights. It was here that she took a deep breath, raised her head, and walked with the air that was Jubilation Lee, as if nothing had happened at all. If he didn't know any better Logan would've thought everything had been forgiven. But he did know better.
He took a few steps back until he knew he was hidden completely in darkness. From here he watched her. He knew he wouldn't see her again before he left. Maybe, he wouldn't see her again, at all.
He reasoned with himself. She would be fine without him.
Better.
But somewhere in the back of his mind he asked himself how he was going to handle without her.
I don't know a whole lot about the comics and I wrote this a while ago. I hope that's not obvious. Please tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it. But if not, thanks for reading anyway.