Howard opened his eyes and picked up his watch, squinting at the face in the darkness. Three am. Vince wasn't home yet. Well of course Vince wasn't home yet, he'd usually stumble in at half five and fall into bed. He was only ever home by three if he'd pulled. It was awful listening to him and some slapper of ambiguous gender moaning and abusing the bedsprings in the next room. Almost as awful as waiting up for him all night, not knowing where he was.
Sometimes he would imaging that it was him that Vince was in bed with. Him that he was kissing and holding and giving his temporary love to. Every other Camden dolly bird had been in that shabby box room with Vince at three am. Not him though, never him. He who loved Vince more sincerely than any of those barely legal tarts did. In his imagination Vince looked down at him with adoring eyes and his too long hair forming a curtain between them and the rest of the world. Like the rest of the world didn't matter.
But Vince needed attention like a plant needed light. He needed the shallow adoration that he got in the clubs and the parties that Howard never gave him. Without it, he thought that he didn't matter. He always had to be the prettiest, the funniest, the most interesting person that you had ever met. If he wasn't, if someone else held your attention when he couldn't, he thought that he was a failure. It was a wonder why he had stuck around with Howard so much in the first place. Maybe he was just waiting to strike him with awe before he could end their friendship and walk away.
Howard's heart was slowly breaking. He wouldn't let it show through the brash facade that presented, but all these late nights stretching into early mornings of not knowing where his best friend was, was hurting him more than he could say. He would scoff and mock Vince in the morning and pretend not to care what he did at night without him.
Did none of it matter? Did Vince care so little for him that he could just brush him off without a care in the world every night? He claimed to be his best friend, but he was ashamed to be seen with him in public. Could this friendship last on such an uncertain foundation for much longer? Probably not, sooner or later something had to give and it would just take one argument to change things between them forever.
Howard sighed and replaced his watch on the dresser. What they had might not last much longer and that just made it all the more important to make the most of it while he could.
He heard the door slam open and two sets of uneasy footsteps downstairs. Vince had pulled after all. Howard resigned himself to another sleepless night.