I was nine when my best friend left me, ditched me, pushed me away. Whatever you want to call it he did it. He was excepted among a new group of friends that I was not. To him they seemed like the best people in the world and suddenly he was bored with me. The day Nathan walked out of my backyard was the day he walked out of my life

I was fourteen when my other best friend better known as my sister tried to desend down the path of suicidel insanity. I remember that day the pills were a flouresent pink color, much like the ribbons she used to tie in my hair whenever we would go somewhere new as kids. I of course out of everyone was the one to find her body. Cold and nearly lifeless. I remember feeling colder and number then I had ever felt. As the paramedics came I sat in my room and my window sill curled into a ball arms wrapped around legs crying. This would eventually become a routine.

I was nearly fifteen when I learned the reason for my sisters attempted suicide. I had just got back from the mail box, every week Taylor sent me a new letter from rehab. She'd been there for a year. She was getting better I knew it and so did my parents, they refused to let her come home tho. She had screwed up and in my family you don't screw up not if you want to stay a part of that family, Unless your my father. I had listened in on a conversation and found the shocking truth. Her name was Gail, my father had been secretly seeing her behind my mothers back for two years. The third year she found out. My mother is a women who prides herself on being the best and having the best which because of his money meant my father. She kept it to herself but then Taylor found out. They fought constantly the three of them. I remember sometimes after a big fight it would be days before i'd see Taylor again since she'd stormed out of the house. To this day I tried to pretend I imagined what really went on in most of those fights but I know it happened. They had hit her, my sister, there daughter they had hit her. I would hear the comments of keep your mouth shut, from my father, this is none of your damn business you little bitch, from my mother and then of course Taylors response your both fucking retarded that was followed by silence the sound of broken glass and a loud deafening sound of hand meeting face severel times.

Taylor hadn't been happy living in the house for a few years. I knew it. Growing up she was the one person in the family I could turn to, she was so fun and vibrent I wanted to be just like her. So when she changed I noticed big time. I think I blocked it out tho hoping normal Taylor would come back and the world would be normal again. So when she tried to overdose I think the reality brutely smacked me in the face screaming wake up.

Quinn tells me to forget Taylor, move on, mom and dads not bringing her home anytime soon and that writing her is a mistake. Quinns twenty in university and another reason my family sucks. Quinn needs to be perfect she yearns to be perfect in her very core the word perfect is burned into her. Taylors not perfect, i'm the outcast of the family so i'm not perfect, our parents are far from perfect the twins idea of a good weekend if when they don't get brought home by the cops yet still don't remember the events of the night before. Viv is the closest thing to perfect in our family Quinn has. That's probley why there so close and about the only one Quinn talks to. The only less then perfect thing Viv ever did happened when I was evelen and Viv was fourteen. A pregnancy test with the results of negative were involved.

I hate Viv. No matter how much Quinn pisses me off she is nothing compared to Viv. Simply put she's a bitch. If Quinn yearns to be perfect then Viv yearns for the world to praise her, Oxygen is our form of life supply well praises and compliments is Viv's. She's been in everything and been the best just for people to love her. That's probley why she doesn't like me either. I don't praise Viv and I don't love her and the last thing I said to Viv was nice seeing you don't let the door hit you in your fat ass on the way out. That was four months ago she hasn't returned since. Not like she has a reason. Viv is ninteen just graduated and is attending university and living with Quinn. Good those two deserve each other.

I think the hate grows from oldest sibling downward because I hate the twins Matt and Mark more then I hate Viv. Of course it stops at them because as much as Taylor messed up I love her, she's my guardian angel and without her i'd have no reason to still be part of this family. Matt and Mark are seniors this year at Tree Hill High. One more year and there gone. The group that I mentioned before that had so kindly chosen Nathan and took my best friend also ubducted what used to be my cooler older brothers. There jerks now. They party with the popular and "elite" of Tree Hill they get drunk they do drugs and they yell at me. They have a pure look of disgust everytime they see me. They call me names they swear on me and they have a nickname for me miny Taylor. They blame Taylor for everything wrong in our family and in there eyes i'm just like her. There just waiting for me to slip up like her. We fight everyday and everyday they let me know how worhtless I am and how Taylor would be proud. The things they say about me don't hurt but the things they say about Taylor cut me deep. Taylor tried to fix this family and they shut her out like she was never here.

I label my self as an outsider. I don't go to their parties or go to their games. I'm my own person and I don't need or care for anyone else in this wretched town. With the exception of two people. Peyton and Jake Sawyer. They are my soul my heart my world. There twins. They are my best friends. I was twelve when I met them. Walking down the road I would never lift my head which is how I smacked into the curly blonde hair with frowns. I knew Peyton from afar. She had been part of the group that Nathan left with. She had been best friends with a cheery brunette named Brooke. I apologised and went to leave when she asked me if I knew how to get to the cemetary. I thought it was an odd request but I showeed her anyways. When we got there she introduced me to the grave stone known as her mother. I remembered seeing Anna Saywer walk up the roadwhen I was little since they lived down the street. She was really nice and Peyton looked just like her. I sat with Peyton as she cried. She introduced me to Jake and the bond was formed.

She had left Brooke and for that Brooke has always resented me. She felt as if i'd taken her best friend and I guess on some level I had, but I never regretted it because I don't think I have it in me to be here without them. I spent almost everyday since I was twelve with those two. Jake had developed a crush on my sister. Taylor had recouperated the feelings she had been thirteen and we had been twelve they began dating. They broke up on mutual terms four months later and everything was good. Then Larry got remarried to the step monster. Her name was Ellena Peyton and Jake hated her and she hated them yet Larry was to in "love" to realise this. He is never home he's to busy bringing his new wife everywhere she's ever wanted to go. It doesn't matter Peyton and Jake have me.

The three of us aren't the most sociable people but that's because we hate our school. I see Nathan everyday. He's always with Brooke who I guess in some way is his new best girl friend. She's cheerleading captin. I feel a twinge in my heart everytime I see the sad look Brooke sends Peyton. Nathan also has a step brother now. His names Lucas he's okay still not someone i'd hang out with. Nathan is everything I hate. He's both the twins plus Viv and Quinn all rolled into one. He thinks he's so superior and I just wish someone would deflate his ego even the slightest. He's basketball captin and he has more hot air in him then the ball,

I take dance. Ever since I was little that's what I liked to do. Peyton as well so Peyton takes them with me. We met Shelly Rachael and Faith there. They live in Charlotte it's a town fifteen minutes away. They know some of our problems not all, but there still amazing friends. Sometimes we party over in Charlotte we've met people over there. It beats Tree Hill i'll tell you that.

I start grade ten tomorrow. With Peyton and Jake. Nathan Brooke and Lucas all start it to. Taylor would be in evelenth if my god damn parents would just bring her home. Her room is the same as it was when she left. Mom and dad tried to throw things out Viv and Quinn tried to claim things and the boys tried to move weights in there. I wouldn't let them. The door on the room now has caution tape everywhere and a sign saying off limits. I guess on some level of humanity they respect that.

My world revolves around all these people. Some I hate some I love and some it doesn't even matter. A new school year full of surprises is starting and I Haley James still have since I was fourteen years old a stright jacket feeling.