Author's note: Hey guys, this is the first fanfic I've written in a VERY long time, two to three years I think. But I'm not asking for you to go easy on me, I would love it if you guys gave me brutally honest critiques in the comments. Thanks in advance.
-RarePepe
Chapter One
"Mission begins in five minutes!"
The New Mexico sun was rising to the top of the sky, beaming down on to the bases of the Reliable Excavation and Demolition and Builder's League United, two feuding companies, run by two idiot brothers who'd just recently gotten themselves some more idiots to fight in their pointless, endless war.
Redmond had managed to get his wrinkly hands on a psychotic ex-'veteran' from WWII, a talkative gangster wannabe from Boston, a large Russian weapons expert, an Australian sniper and a mysterious, extremely violent and dangerous pyromaniac.
However, Blutarch had hired an insane German surgeon, an amble and soft spoken Texan engineer, a drunken Scottish demolitions expert and a suave French spy.
It didn't matter how different they were, or why they joined Team Fortress Industries. They were mercenaries and some, assassins, trained to kill, and now hired to die, again, again and again. Under the watchful eye of the Administrator, of course.
The RED team prepared for the battle in their base, Soldier was ranting about nothing and at no one in particular, Pyro sat down in the corner of the room, while Scout sat at a desk, writing, something, Heavy has already left the respawn room as to get a layout of the map, he didn't want to get caught in an unfamiliar location, and Sniper had punched in that morning and perched himself up on a rooftop. It was going to be their first fight against the BLUs, all they had to do was to hold out and protect their 'control points' for a few hours and they'd get a break. Simple.
"I hope you sissies are ready to defend your country!" Screamed a large man wearing a helmet a bit too large for his head, the Soldier, his name was. "And remember when you're faced with those commie BLUs, you STAND YOUR GROUND DAMMIT!"
"Will ya just shut th' hell up already?! Some of us are tryna' get shit done." Grumbled a shorter, lankier man, the Scout. He was hunched over a desk, writing a letter, going to his mother to be more specific.
"Mrummph hurmmph mmph drrummph?!" 'Said' a person in a gas mask, and a large flame retardant suit. "Hrummph drph murmmmph?" It loomed over its companion, trying to get a look at the note he was writing.
Looking up at his murmuring team mate, he cracked an awkward smile. "Uh this? It's um… it's for my ma' . Ye' she wants me sendin' her these notes. It's really freakin' stupid, but ya know…"
"Hru-rmmph mmph mmrmph hurmmph." Said the gas mask wearing mercenary, as if it understood what its companion said before it returned to its corner to continue coloring.
The Soldier, feeling disappointed in his teammates lack of patriotism and hunger for the destruction of BLUs, loomed over the Pyro, sneering in disgust. "You little pansy! The BLUs are not our friends!" He screamed in a raspy voice, picking up the Pyro's (crude) drawing, one of them and the BLUs all holding hands and smiling, in a grassy, colorful pasture. He crumpled up the paper and threw it over his shoulder.
"Mrmmph…" The Pyro murmured, seeming annoyed
"Now what you need to be doing is splitting their heads with THIS!" The veteran quickly broke in a glass fire axe case with his elbow, pulling out the weapon and handing it to his masked companion.
The Pyro held the weapon in its hand, staring at it silently for a while, then chuckling to itself, before going into full blown laughter, spinning the axe and lifting it over its head, as if it had just won a brand new prize.
"Mmmrph hmph hmmph! Hahhhh Haahhh Hahhh Hahh!"
"Mission begins in two minutes!"
The Scout stood up from his desk, and pushed his seat in." 'Ey so we gonna head out now or what, don't we gotta like, get a head start on them BLUs? Ya know, prep and all?" He grabbed his old dented baseball bat, swung it around a bit and rested it over his shoulder.
"We will go out when I say so!" The Soldier spat, before securing his shovel to his belt and resting his Rocket Launcher over his shoulder. "NOW we go out! Chaaarge!" The bulky veteran ran out of the respawn doors, screaming unintelligibly, with the Scout and Pyro right behind him, shouting battle cries.
The Offense team trio ran across the dusty Badlands, heading towards their first checkpoint, one that they'd need to protect for the rest of their shift. It was right outside the BLU base, so they'd need to hold out for as long as possible.
"Mission begins in sixty seconds! Hurry!"
As soon as the Administrator had made the announcement through the barely functional speakers, the Heavy ran up to his teammates, as to be there when the fight started.
"Is Heavy late for fight?!" The large man exclaimed, toting his gigantic minigun.
"Almost." The Scout said, leaning back on a rock and crossing his hands behind his head. "That hag said we got about a minute left before I can showcase my talents." The younger man bragged.
"O slava bogu, Heavy cannot be late for the killing! Will be big dishonor." The Russian said, raising up his minigun and 'hugging' it tightly.
"That's the spirit my friend!" Soldier said, smiling and slapping his comrade's back. "It's time we got some real soldiers in this war!"
"Mission begins in ten seconds!"
The announcement got everyone on their feet, ready to fight. Soldier lifted up his rocket launcher, aiming it at the BLU spawn gates. Scout cocked his scattergun and got to high ground. The Heavy revved up his minigun as the Pyro bounced excitedly, flamethrower in hand.
"I want you to blow these suckers to hell men!"
"Five"
"Ya, ya. I got it gramps!"
"Four!"
"Mrmmph murmmph!"
"Three!"
"Two!"
"One!"
" The checkpoint is available! Get going!"
The metal gates opened up releasing the BLU team as the sounds of gunshots and explosions filled the air and all hell broke loose.