This fire has destroyed everything. He was in there, he even tried to get out. Wilson said that he was reaching towards the exit when the floor above him collapsed. When he called me last night that was the last thing I thought I would hear. Wilson's voice sounded off, like he had been crying. He explained that the police were absolutely sure that he was gone, saying how nobody could survive that. I hung up the phone. I didn't want to hear any more of it. I got dressed and dropped Rachel off at my moms, and drove to Princeton as fast as I could.
The whole way there I kept thinking that this somehow was my fault. Maybe if I wouldn't have left and just has given him another chance he would still be alive. This was my fault, and I know it. Nothing that anyone says is going to change my mind.
Finally after driving for nearly an hour I reached my old home. I had kept the house in Princeton, just in case I ever wanted to come back. When I walked in everything looked the same. I still had someone cleaning it every two weeks. I went to my closet and pulled out a change of cloths. A pair of simple jeans and one of his shirts. I smelled it, just like I remembered. I went to the bathroom and I looked awful. My eyes were bright red and my cheeks were stained with mascara. I quickly washed my face, and grabbed my keys. I called Wilson. He answered on the first ring. He sounded concerned.
" Cuddy? Are you okay?" He sounded afraid that I wasn't going to make it here. He probably thought I was still in New York.
" I'm as good as I could be right now. I'm at my old house. Where are you?" All I heard on the other end was silence.
" I'm at the place where it happened. " I thought by now he would either be at the hospital or at home.
" Where? Wilson, I want to be there." He cleared his throat.
" Cuddy, I don't think you should." Of course he was just trying to protect me, but this is something I want to do.
"Send me the address, I'll be there in a bit." I hung up.
I hopped in my car and just then Wilson sent me the address. The place wasn't far from my house, it was only a few blocks away. I drove as fast as I could, and got there in about 3 minutes. When I saw the building I gasped.
Everything was smoldering. A good majority of the building was still standing, but some of it had caved in. I saw Wilson and Foreman standing next to two people that I didn't recognize. I immediately parked my car and ran to the sight. Wilson embraced me in a hug and Foreman did soon after. I turned my gaze to Wilson, who was standing looking at the sight, his mind seemed to be focusing on something other than my return.
" Have they found anything of him yet?" My voice sounded shaky. I felt like I could cry at any moment. Wilson responded a few seconds later.
" Not yet. They said it could take a while." A single tear rolled down his cheek, he wiped it away quickly. I can't believe that they haven't found him yet. I mean, Wilson said he was right by the door.
I turned and walked a few feet back and sat on the curb trying to process everything from the past night. I still couldn't believe that he was gone. Some part of me kept thinking that maybe he got out, maybe he is laying somewhere. He still could be alive, people have been found days after a fire.
No matter what Wilson or anyone else has to say I know that this is my fault. Things from our past together caused it. We were always going at each others throats, secretly trying to hide our feelings from each other. This went on for almost 14 years, we wasted that long for nothing. If one of us would have had 20 seconds of courage maybe things would have ended differently. We could have been together, maybe even married by now. All of these regrets will haunt me forever. I can't ever confide in Wilson or anyone else, they wouldn't understand the situation from my point of view. My thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of yelling.
It was a male, it seemed to be coming from by the door. It sounded like House, I immediately stood up and walked back to Wilson. " We got some one here!" It was a firefighter, not House. There were many officers and firefighters rushing to the spot where the one was standing. They all knelt down, and they were all shaking their heads. They all stood up, and grabbed a stretcher. No, this can't be happening.
They lifted the body bag on to the stretcher and started walking it towards the ambulance. One firefighter remained at the spot where they found the body. He glanced at the ground and bent down to get something. He picked up a burnt cane. No, this isn't real.
I immediately stood up and looked again at the cane, I immediately recognized it as his. The tears came running down my cheeks with nothing holding them back now. Wilson came and hugged me. Life as I know it is over. I felt the most emotion I have ever felt at once, and it was all pushing down on me, it was unbearable.
Eventually after sitting down for a few minutes I was able to compose myself. Wilson talked to the EMT and they said they were 90% sure it was him, but they needed someone to identify him. Wilson said he would, but this is something that I needed to do.