Uuuuuughhhh...what the fuck time is it...?? I stumbled around on the ocean floor, and clouds of dirt and God knows what else flies up. It was waaayyyy too early to wake up. I was only asleep for, like, 478,000,000,000 years. Seriously. I drank too much, and now I can't remember what the fuck happened last time era. My ass hurt, and I smelled like crap. Whatever...I'll pop some sharks, maybe a whale for breakfast...I'll feel like a whole new me.
I lazily walked toward shore, knocking some little silver thingy on wheels in my way into the water. It burst into flames. Cool. I sighed and continued on. There were these freakish little fucktards running around under my feet. They kept pointing at me and running for cover. Jeez, do I really look that bad in the mornings? I mean, sure, I have dark circles and my tail is in knots but hey. Give me a break.
I ran into some green thing sticking out of the water, and hit my knee. It hurt so bad I started to throw a tantrum and whack away at it, and the head flew off with an explosion. If anything, that made me feel a bit better. I laughed and kept walking up to the stupid things running around, screaming. Man, they were killing my ears! I shook off a few little alien buddies that stuck onto me last time era. Ha Ha! Look at them all run! I don't know what the hell the little things were doing to them, but it got them to shut UP! I walked straight into some tall things, and they collapsed. All this dust got into my eyes, and I got embarrassed when my eyes started watering. Then, out of the middle of nowhere, a bunch of fricken' fireballs come at me. Ahh, MOTHER...FUCK!! It got me in the eyes! YOU DOUCHE BAGS!
I started yelling at the little bastards, trying to kill them all with my ferocious morning breath, and they kept running at me shooting little darts covered in fire at me. What the fuck was their problem?! I shook off a ton of my buddies, and walked off. That will teach those little retards to mess with me. I kept knocking over their little towers, and watched them all freak out. Every one of the towers seemed to be sideways. Everything looked so stupid that I had to laugh inside my head. I was feeling better already, snacking on these jerks. Screw the whale, these lovely little appetizers are nutritious and delicious. There were a lot less of them though, as the day went on. Maybe its my little buddies...Jeez, little piglets. Or maybe it's me? Maybe I should go on a diet? My arms are looking flabby, and my tail was limp. I was in the middle of making my decision when I notice that there were a bunch of little things flying around in the air, making the most obnoxious noise... ever.
I felt the little darts at the back of my head again, and decided just to walk away. Then, I tripped over a bigger version of the silver thingy, straight into a tower, and to top it off, i got hit with a giant dart. I was so embarrassed, I just sat there, my face buried into the rubble. I waited while my cheeks stopped burning, but their was a little flying thing, laughing at me...SHUT UP, BITCH! Like you've never tripped before, I yelled, whacking it down to the ground. That just pissed me off. I started stepping on everything I saw, until everything was gone. I saw no more appetizer retards, and there were barely any towers left. Ha! Losers. Ow...Ah, dude, what is that...? There was some light thing in the sky, burning my retinas out. Then, I saw three little appetizers walking around. Mehehehehehehehehe...I snuck up to one holding a little black thing in its hand. It's friends were screaming. It finally turned around. I sniffed at it, and half expected it to run. Oh well. I grabbed it, and started to chew. EW! THIS ONE IS NASTY! I spit it out, and its friends started running to it. I was going after them when I saw a bunch of fire balls drop from the sky. What the fuck are you bastards doing? You can't hurt me! Jesus fucking LORD, you would think that they would figure it out.
I decided just to get the fuck back to bed. I was in no mood for these things anymore, and wanted to sleep for at least another 300,000,000 years. Or maybe some more...