On moments
like these, while lying in a tangle of feeble limbs, hands
caressing
absent-mindedly skin where sweat had dried a long time ago
forming
invisible streams, his scent was like a smouldering campfire.
Controlled and captured. Glowing embers that had not yet
smothered
but waited, silently, for a moment to once again burst
into a fervent
dance of heat and brightness.
On moments
like these Roxas buried his face against Axel's skin,
smelling,
inhaling, devouring that captivating dusky fragrance. Never
getting
enough he needed to taste it, to eat it. Like a child who couldn't
believe what he saw and touched before tasting, ravishing it,
hiding the
very essence of that odour somewhere in the pit of his
intoxicated mind.
And when he slowly ran his tongue over the
salty slick skin, the only
sensation he could register in his
dazed state was the thick taste of
smoke and soot.
In his
dreams there was no fire nor smoke.
No swirling darkness and
faces hidden under shadows.
No.
There were salty
sea-wind gently laying caressing whispers on his face,
endless
blue sky and piercing sunlight. There were eyes as green as
ocean's
surface on that particular time of the day that was his
favourite.
Strong arms and warm sand underneath his back. There
was happiness
and such utter joy that it felt too unreal to be a
memory.
Roxas always woke up numb and cold, the dream feeling
like a door
being closed just before he had opened his eyes. And
whoever had left
the room, the left behind space always felt
strangling tight and unbelievably
vast at the same time.
Emptiness that slowly started to press back together.
So
sometimes at night Roxas nestled his small body against the narrow
back next to him, feeling the bumps of sharp spine and curves of
hard
shoulder blades under the pale, smooth skin. Wrapping bony,
adolescent
arms around Axel's chest he pressed his face into the
untamed flames of
red hair, letting them mix with his own
comparatively pale strands.
Eyes shut tight he was breathing,
living through Axel. Fusing his body
and mind with the man's he
forgot who he was and why, who he should
have been and
where.
Just him and that endlessly burning wild fire where he
dived. He yearned
for the heat that would drown him whole, make
him blind and deaf so
he could lose himself into its embrace for
ever and just feel.