Prince Elmo: And so, our favourite ADD-positive, emotionally disturbed witch returns! (showers everyone in rice and confetti) Hiei, come hither!
Hiei: (walks in, holding a sign) The first part of this story was written by Shadowess88 for Elmo's birthday. (Turns the sign around) And Elmo owns nothing even remotely related to Yu Yu Hakusho. (Sets the sign on fire and walks out
It's a true summer's day; warm and humid. Actually, it's warm and humid and soaking wet. It's raining softly outside the Minamino residence. Too many times had you looked up to the grey sky only to get a raindrop in your eyes.
"Ow, my eye. I think I should stop or else I'll go blind." You say to no one in particular.
"Jaiden, if you don't want to get rain in your eyes, come inside." The tall redhead has been coaxing you to come back inside for half an hour now.
"But I like the rain… What does it have against me to want to make me blind?" You protest. "Sure, I've done too many rain dances and stuff and thrown pointy objects at the clouds for mocking me, but I had good reason for that!"
"Get inside or stay out there." Hiei glares at you with his deep red eyes.
"B-b-b-but…" You pout.
Sure, he's the one who gives you naughty thoughts during those quiet moments. Sure, he's the main reason for your little hair fetish, with his psychedelic hairdo. And sure, he has about the hottest ass this side of the equator. But that doesn't give him the right to give you only those two options! It's not fair!
You glare right back at him. "You can't tell me what to do."
"Stay out there then." Hiei crosses his arms and regards you with a trace of amusement in his eyes.
"You can't tell me what to do! What about my choices that I really do have?!" You yell up to the clouds, only to have them flash and rumble in reply. With your mouth open, you continue to stare at the clouds. You have always wondered what it'd be like to get hit by lightning, but then again, you can make your own electricity. Why would you want to feel it?
"To cross it off the list of things to do, duh!"
"Well come inside before you get too wet. I don't want to have to clean the carpet again. I still haven't gotten that stain out from the time you challenged Yusuke to a mud fight." Kurama tells you before walking away from the sliding door.
"Yeah yeah, don't worry about your silly carpet." You wave him off.
How could carpets be silly? It's not like they told jokes or acted out of the ordinary… They just sat there, and vegged.
"That's a funny word: 'veg'. I'm going to create a whole new language where I shall be its sole understander person."
Swaying back and forth, you raise up your hands as the slight rain turns heavier. You open your eyes to stare at the clouds in surprise, only to get another raindrop in your eyes!
"Ow! Damn you! When I rule the world, you clouds are on the top of my to-ban-forever-list! Right before cheese and Britney Spears CDs." You shake your fist at them to emphasize your point.
"You're making a fool of yourself."
You twirl on the spot. You're starting to get really soaked now. "Say, Hiei?"
"Hn."
Stopping mid-twirl, you have to take a second to regain your balance. You smile at the demon. "Have you ever danced naked in the rain?"
You take his confused look and deepening scowl as a no. "You should try it. It's fun!"
You let this sentence linger in the humid air and start to dance on the spot to music only you can hear. "Cotton candy, free to go, let me see that Tootsie roll! And the rest of the words, I do not know!"
"Woman, get inside. Now."
"Why? Afraid I'll catch a cold? I'm touched." You place a hand over your cleavage... erm... heart.
"No, afraid you'll get struck by lightning and I have to sit in the stench of singed hair all day."
You strike a pose and scream up to the heavens: "If lightning wishes to strike me, then let it strike me!"
Just then, the brightest flash ever erupts from among the clouds, almost immediately followed by a bang louder than you can scream. And within the blink of an eye, Hiei finds you pressed tightly against him with your arms around his waist.
"I was just joking!!" You yell in response, with your cheek smushed against his chest.
"Hn. Serves you right." Despite himself, his arms come to rest around your cold shoulders in an almost comforting embrace. Just when you think he's actually hugging you, he begins to pull you inside and lets go of you to close the sliding door. You pout at the loss of contact. It actually felt nice! Without looking at you, Hiei walks out of the kitchen and into the living room.
A chill creeps up your spine and you start to shiver. You follow him into the living room, where Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara are playing a card game. You stop when three pairs of eyes turn to stare at you, and you offer them one of your patented wicked grins.
"If you're going outside, don't forget to bring your canoe!" You lift your arms briefly to emphasize your state of sogginess.
"Jaiden, you're dripping on the carpet. Don't move." Kurama immediately goes upstairs to get you a towel.
"You look like a drowned cat." Yusuke is standing with his arms crossed and a wicked grin on his face that's almost equal to yours.
You smile sweetly at him. "Oh well, I know you still love me, no matter what I look like. Don't I get a hug?" You spread your arms wide and approach him slowly.
His eyes widen and he takes one step back. "You stay away from me!"
Lunging for Yusuke, you screech: "Hug me!!" at the top of your lungs, before chasing him all through the living room.
Needless to say, Kurama was not amused. Not only did you manage to get water everywhere, you also knocked over almost all of the furniture and made the biggest mess in the history of mankind, in two minutes. Not to mention that the neighbours called the police thinking someone was getting murdered in cold blood.
After ensuring that everyone in the house was still very much alive, Kurama banished you to the couch. An insanely harsh punishment for someone as ADD-positive as yourself. Though you still kind of think it's worth it. In the end you had tackled Yusuke and managed to dry yourself off some on the shirt he was wearing. The string of profanities he blurted out made you giggle for fifteen seconds and learn a few new curse words.
Being banished to the couch has it's downsides though.
"I have to pee."
"No, you don't. You're just looking for an excuse to get off the couch."
You pout and watch the card game for a second. Kurama is winning. Again.
"I really have to pee!"
"No, you don't. You just went two hours ago and you don't drink enough to have to go again."
You gawk at the red-head. "Are you stalking me, Kurama? Because that'd be super."
When you only get a mysterious smile as a response, you continue to watch the amazingly boring card game. Not at all creeped out at the red-head or anything! After three more rounds of Kurama winning, you can't stand it anymore.
"I'm so bored! I swear, I going to tear this couch apart so I can play with the fluffy inside and make a mess!" You claw wildly at the couch, without any actual result.
"Do you want to play? I can teach you."
You stare at Kuwabara like he just grew a second head.
"Kuwa-kins. Seriously. I love you. I really, really do. But you're friggin' insane!"
Yusuke just shrugs. "Then don't play." He deals the cards again.
"But I'm bored! Can't I watch tv?"
"The thunderstorm took out the channels."
You glare at Kurama as if it's his fault. After another two rounds of that damned card game, you have reached your limit. You're going to have to entertain yourself. Yes, it has come that far.
"Hmm, but how? I already glued the lid of Hiei's ice cream shut, so that's just a matter of waiting until he finds it and standing back to watch the show. Not to mention the fact that I can't leave the couch until Kurama allows me to... All I have is my perverted and oddly entertaining thoughts...That's it!"
And so, you let your thoughts wander aimlessly like they always do. With a difference though: you voice these thoughts. All of them.
"Is the moon made of cheese? I think it is, cuz if you look closely, you can see holes made by the Giant Space Mice. But what kind of cheese? Gorgonzola or Limburger or Tesco's Extra Mature Cheddar or that type of Rennet cheese that vegans aren't allowed to eat?
If space were filled with air, would the moon stink? Would it smell so bad, that it drove away all intelligent, nose-wearing alien lifeforms from our galaxy? Would it be stale because someone left the mooncheese out too long? Or mouldy?! Imagine that; giant fuzzy green cheese.
Do you think anyone would invent a cheese slicer big enough to slice the moon? Everybody thinks cheese is made out of milk, but that's just a conspiracy! All cheese comes from the moon! They just don't take the entire thing down to solve world hunger, because that would look obvious.
Did Neil Armstrong bring along a bag of crackers on his mission? Did he nibble on the edges? How many mice would it take to eat the moon? Would the mice think it's tasty? Do mice know if the moon is made of cheese? Are they in on the conspiracy?
When I close the refrigerator door, where does the little light go? Is there a place where little lights like that go? Is there a secret colony of little refrigerator lights somewhere we don't know about? If so, why can't I find it?!
Why doesn't the sun sizzle when it sinks into the ocean? Does it think it's too good to sizzle?! One would think that the sun is hot, but what if it were made of cereal? And the ocean made of milk! Would it be tasty? Would it solve world hunger? Would the fish die? Or just get really, really fat?
Do fat fish sink or float?
Doesn't the sun get tired of moving around earth day in, day out? Does it have a moped or does it walk? Why isn't the sun getting thinner when it exercises so much? The moon is made of cheese, so it can't lose weight.
If the blind are leading the blind, why can't they get seeing eye dogs? Why is it called "seeing eye dogs"? That makes no sense.
How do they get the fortunes into the cookies? Why do those cookies taste so bad? Do they do that on purpose, cuz you also asked for a fortune?
Are clouds made of cotton candy? If that's so, why don't airplanes get all sticky? How do they make cotton candy? Do they pluck it from a purple sky with pink clouds, seeing as most cotton candy is pink? How did they get high enough to pick it? Does all cotton candy come from New York? They have buildings high enough!
Do the window washers bring along their lunch or do they just eat the cotton candy which comes floating by?
Whoever invented the word "pianist"? What was he thinking?! Did he think it was funny or something? Why do most cartoon characters get hit on the head with a piano? There are loads of things that hurt waaaaaay worse!
Like a nail bed or an SUV or the Eiffel tower or Albert Einstein or Harry Potter's cauldron or a hippo or a box filled with nails or that one fat lady who sings when it's over. Why must it be a piano? Do they love torturing innocent instruments?
Why is the sky blue? Is it feeling depressed? How would one give the sky anti-depressants? Do you put them in water and boil it? But how would that make the Almighty Watergods feel? Bet they'd go crazy over it. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me into a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats! Rats?! I hate rats! They drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me into a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats! Rats?! I hate rats! They drive me crazy!
Why can't the cabs in New York have a more socially acceptable colour?! Like blue or red or pink or purple with a golden edge.
Why doesn't Voldemort have a cool scar too? Why did Britney Spears shave her head? Why can't the Leaning Tower of Pisa be made out of pizza? And why am I asking so many questions? Why is no one answering me?!
Would you eat the moon? I would! With a big bowl of nachos..."
Pulling your gaze away from the ceiling, you feel hysterical laughter bubbling up as you take in their bewildered expressions. Even Hiei turned his head to gawk at you. With a bright smile that borders on insanity, you turn you a wide-eyed Kurama. "Can I get off this couch now?"
His mouth opens and closes once.
"Great, thanks!"
You bolt over the back of the couch to your room, where you burst out in loud laughter, their expressions still visible on your retina. After laughing so long you stopped making any actual noise, you collapse on your bed with a goofy smile on your face.
"I love them, I really do." You say to the ceiling and close your eyes.
A roar of anger lets you know that Hiei found his ice cream and your smile spreads even wider.
"Well... maybe one of them more than the others."
Prince Elmo: Yes, I'm very much aware of how that didn't make any sense at all.
Yusuke: Where the heck did that random rant came from??
Prince Elmo: Oh, it's mine. I wrote it when I was sugarhigh and hungry.
Entire YYH-cast: (stare)
Prince Elmo: Remember, reviews make me smile! :D