"It's raining again, honey,"
I said to my husband as we unloaded more boxes into our apartment.
"Well, darling, this is Seattle. I hear it rains all the time," he says with that adorable little smirk of his.
Seattle wasn't my number one pick of cities to move to, but I suppose it'll do. My husband and I moved here from New York because of his new job at some technology place that I have no clue about. Medicine is where I belong. It's always evolving and there's always something new. I worked in a hospital in New York alongside some of my best friends, Addison, Derek, and Mark. We went our separate ways, though, after they completed their internship and Mark and I had a failed relationship. I saw forever with him, but the feeling was anything but mutual. He wanted his space and the ability to do what he wanted when he wanted. So he went on with his life, and so did I, marrying my absolute best friend, Caleb. We met at a party a few years back and it was instant love. I saw forever in his eyes; there was just something about him. He's my soulmate.
"I really need to find a job. And it looks like Seattle Grace is hiring. They seem like a decent hospital," I told Caleb.
"You know, you don't have to rush into things, babe. You don't have to have a job right now," he said.
"I know, but you know how big of an OR junkie I am," I said.
"Yeah, I know," he said.
The OR is where I belong. Though I am only a scrub nurse, nothing beats the thrill of watching a surgeon save lives on a daily basis. It's the best drug there is. I love thinking about watching Addison save hundreds of babies' and their mothers' lives all day everyday. And don't even get me started on Derek. That man can do a craniotomy with his eyes shut. Of course, Mark is the "King of Plastics" as he says. They're the best surgeons I know, but they're also just a part of my past now.
"How can this possibly be my fault?!" I screamed at Caleb over the phone.
"Well maybe if you thought about someone other than yourself this wouldn't have happened!" He screamed right back.
"So freaking what if I drank all the milk. He doesn't even like milk," I mumbled to myself.
"Whatever, just be sure to get some on your way home. But I might be at work for awhile, I may even stay the night. See you in the morning," he said.
Fine by me. Who needs him anyways. So I head out from my interview at a clinic and go to the grocery store. I'm not exactly the safest person to be on the road while I'm mad. I go a little too fast, play the music a little too loud, and scream things no one should ever scream. I was almost to the grocery store when all I saw was a flash...a very bright flash.
"Where am I? Is this a hospital? What happened? Where is my boyfriend? What are these machines? And who the heck is that?" All questions I attempted to speak.
"There was an accident. You're ok, but you seem to have some brain injuries. Can you tell me your name?" the doctor said.
"I think it's Sara, yeah, it's Sara."
"Very good," the doctor said.
"Now, can you tell me who I am?" He said.
I knew he looked familiar, but I just couldn't seem to spit his name out.
"Well, if it isn't my favorite ex-girlfriend!" Another doctor said as he walked in.
"Mark, hold off, she's having trouble remembering things." The first doctor said.
"DEREK FREAKING SHEPHERD!" I shouted.
I knew who he was. I knew who they both were."My boys," I thought. I knew I was in good hands.
"Indeed, it is me, Derek freaking Shepherd," he said with a smile.
"No Mark freaking Sloan for me?" Mark asked.
"Well, I suppose I could say hello to my favorite boyfriend," I said with a smile.
"Oh, um Sara, I'm no-" Mark said but Derek interrupted. I heard Derek whisper something to Mark, but my head hurt too badly to try and read lips. Mark came back over to me, kissed me on the forehead, and asked if I needed anything.
"You're all I need," I replied. He smiled at me with that perfect little Mark Sloan smile of his. Everything seemed perfect; minus the brain injuries and fractured wrist. Thank goodness Dr. Torres fixed my wrist right away. A few hours later, Derek informed me I needed surgery.
"Only if you do it, McDreamy," I replied.
He chuckled, and nodded yes. So Derek's intern, Izzy, came to prep me for surgery. Blood work, blood pressure, the usual. "Izzy seems like she's really gonna go far," I think to myself. I'm halfway asleep when Derek comes into my room to take me to the OR. Coming right in after him was another familiar face- Addison Montgomery.
"Addison! How are you? Did you come to wish your husband and I good luck in surgery?" I ask with a smile.
"Well, not exactly," she says.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well, something came up in your blood work..." She said.
"Wait, what?" Derek and I both said.
"You're pregnant," Addison said.
"I'm having Mark Sloan's baby," I mumbled. A baby. Holy cow. This wasn't in mine and Mark's plan. He didn't want this. He didn't even really want a relationship. But let's be real, who could resist me? I have brain injuries, a fractured wrist, and a baby on the way. "What's Mark going to say?" I thought. He's going to dump me for sure. He's not the staying around type. He's also not the type to fall in love with a nurse, but he did. "Maybe he will stay," I thought. Maybe he will change. Maybe he's going to turn out to be the best baby daddy in the world. Maybe.
"How's my favorite patient?" Derek asks.
"You say that to all your patients," I say.
He chuckles and says, "Yes, but I mean it with you." Addison follows up to say that the surgery will go as planned, but she will be there also to monitor the baby's heart rate and such. This is all mumble-jumble because I can't take my eyes off of Mark. I wonder if he knows yet. The way he's looking back at me says no, but oddly says yes at the same time. Addison continues to mumble some medical stuff I can't recall, and I only catch the part of they are about to take me to surgery.
"I love you, Mark. See you on the flip side," I say with a smile.
"I love you too, my little nurse. See you in a few," he says back. He kisses me on the forehead and walks me to the OR.
Just before they put me under, I look up at Derek and say, "It's a beautiful day to save lives, right?"
He smiles, and says, "Yes, of course. Let's save a life, people."
Let me start by saying anesthesia sucks. It makes you super groggy and leaves you with a headache from heck. Waking up to your handsome boyfriend is a plus though. As I awake, Mark informs me that the surgery went well and I should regain my memory soon. "My memory?" I ask. As far as I was concerned, my memory was fine. Mark was my boyfriend, we were having a baby, and I just had surgery, right?
It all seemed right until a man walked into my room and said, "Sara, baby! I'm so glad you're okay! You had me scared to death!"
"Who in the heck are you?" I asked.
"I'm your husband, Caleb," he replied.
My husband?... Obviously my mind was not in a completely clear state at this point. And a complete stranger walking into my room saying he's my husband doesn't help either. "You're not my husband. I'm not even married. I'm dating Mark," I said.
"What's wrong with her? Why doesn't she remember me? And why is she hooked on Mark? How does she know him?" The stranger asked.
"Mark, get him out of here," I said.
I began falling asleep due to the anesthesia not being completely worn off. But before I went completely out, I hear Derek telling the stranger that I have a brain injury and I have went back to a different state of mind; back to 2009, before I met the apparent stranger. "A different state of mind?" I thought. How could that happen? I know for a fact that I don't know the stranger in the doorway. He's the one in a different state of mind because I love Mark, not my stranger "husband."
I wake up the next morning and my mind is clear. Or at least I think it's clear. I wake up to two men standing on each side of my bed; Mark and a man named Caleb who says we're married. My eyes lock on Mark. He's the one I love. I know it. I can feel it when I look at him, or when I glance down at my stomach and know our baby is in there.
"Good morning, beautiful," Mark says.
"Seriously?" Caleb says.
"Back off, man. She thinks I'm her boyfriend and if me being her boyfriend is going to make her better than so be it,". Mark replied.
"Well I'm her husband and it's seriously starting to bother me that she has no clue who I am. You're a doctor, right? Why don't you give her some meds or something medical as opposed acting as if you're in love with her!?" Caleb says.
"This isn't the place or the time for this, Caleb. Calm down. She just needs time and zero stress," Mark says.
I'm so confused. Everything feels like a dream. A really strange, just keeps getting worse dream. Mark and Caleb continue arguing and honestly making things worse. My head is constantly killing me and they aren't helping. But I know I can always count on Addison to save me.
"Good morning, sunshine. And baby sunshine might I add," Addison says with a smile. "Good morning, Addie. Who's this?" I ask.
"Oh, this is my intern for the day; Meredith," Addison replies.
"Nice to meet you, Meredith. Unless we've already met. Not like I remember or anything," I say.
"Oh, no, we haven't," she replied.
"Addie, what in the world is going on? I understand that I have had brain trauma, and I'm not remembering things supposedly. Please explain to me why there is a man claiming to be my husband even though I've never seen him before in my life," I ask.
"Well, Sara, you are married to him. You and Mark broke up five years ago. You're having Caleb's baby, not Mark's. Your mind has went back and basically deleted the last five years of your life. I know this is a lot, but our hope is that you will regain your memory slowly, but surely," Addison replied.
I sat in absolute silence. How could someone not remember they are married? How can I think I'm in love with one man when I'm married to another? My world has turned upside down. I don't know left from right, or up from down. All I know is I want Mark; which is exactly who I asked for.
"Go get Mark, please," I asked.
"No problem," Meredith replied.
I see Addison stop Mark before he comes in my room. She tells him something, while looking at me of course. I hope it's something good, and not that I'm crazy or something. Mark comes in, looking at me the way Torres looks at a broken bone, or the way Shepherd looks at a brain. "He loves me," I mumble.
"You really need to talk to Caleb, Sara. I know he's a stranger to you, but you're not a stranger to him. He loves you, Sara," Mark says in his serious voice.
"Shut up, Mark. We both know that I love you and you love me. Why is that such a problem?" I ask.
"Because you're married to him, Sara! That's why it's a problem! I know you don't know that, but he does. And I can't love you knowing you're married. I'm sorry." Mark replied.
I try to speak, but the only thing that comes out is tears from my eyes. All I can think about is Mark saying he is sorry. No he's not. He loves me, I know it. I'll just leave my so called husband and then Mark and I can be together. End of story, right? As long as I'm not married, Mark will love me.
I cannot stop thinking about everything. Mark isn't my boyfriend, I'm married, and I'm pregnant; with Caleb's baby, not Mark's. I had our whole life planned out. We were having a baby Sloan, and it was going to be precious. Mark was going to be the best daddy, playing catch or having a tea party; depending on what the baby is. I can't imagine a life with Caleb because I do not know him. Well, I can't remember him. I don't know his favorite color, food, movie, song; I don't know anything about him. Yet, I'm going back to our apartment tomorrow. Mark refuses to be with me. He says that he can't do this to Caleb. He says it's not his baby, it's Caleb's and he's not sure how to deal with that. I love Mark though. With every fiber of my being I love him. I can't love Caleb; I don't know how. So tomorrow I will pack up my things, say goodbye to Mark, Addison, and Derek, and go home with a man I do not want to go home with. And have this man's baby in 8 months.
"Ready to go home?" Addison asked.
"No, I'm not. It would help if I knew the man I was leaving with," I replied.
"I know, I know. But you said you're beginning to remember a few things," she said.
"Not enough. Not near enough," I told her with my best puppy eyes.
"Well, I've already signed your discharge papers and Caleb is going to get the car. You'll be fine. If you need me, call. You'll be back to being a scrub nurse in no time," Addison said with a smile.
I'm finally starting to really remember who Caleb is. I know we met at a party a few months after Mark and I first split. I remember thinking he was cute, and maybe he was ready to settle down unlike Mark. It's fuzzy, but I can recall talking to him all night, and continually talking to him every single day. I remember our wedding day. It was a gorgeous June afternoon on the beach and I was nervous. I remember being nervous not because it was my wedding day, but because it was my wedding day and I was marrying a man I did not love. I remember thinking that it should be Mark waiting at the end of the aisle; not Caleb. But I wanted a forever, and Caleb promised me one. He was my rebound. I settled. No one has ever known that I've always loved Mark. My only wish is that Mark is secretly still loving me. The only thing keeping me with Caleb is this baby. Otherwise, I'd have divorce papers signed and be with Mark.
"You sure you're ready to work?" Caleb asked.
"Ready as I'll ever be," I said.
"Well, good luck and here's some lunch. Have a good day. I love you," he said as I walked out the door.
I didn't say I love you back. I wouldn't have meant it, so what was the point? It's my first day of work at a small clinic. I'm not working as a scrub nurse, just an RN. You take what you can get. I'm not feeling well, either. I'm not sure if it's the new job feeling, or this two month old growing inside me. Either way, I wish I felt better.
I wake up in and out of consciousness. I can only make out bits and pieces but I apparently passed out and am losing a lot of blood. I try to ask several questions, but all that comes out is,
"What's wrong? Is my baby ok?"
"Ma'am, I need you to stay calm. You're going to be ok. We're almost to the hospital." The EMT said.
"Which hospital?" I ask.
"Seattle Grace," he replied.
I hear Mark asking what's happening and how much blood I've lost as I enter the ER. The EMT replies, but not clear enough for me to make out. I started feeling weak and unable to breathe, and I hear the monitor beeping rapidly.
"No! Stay with me here! You cannot die! Breathe!" Mark yelled. "Someone page Addison!"
I gasped for air.
"What's going on?" Addison asked.
"She's had a miscarriage and she's still losing a lot of blood. You've got to save her, Addison!" Mark replied.
"Get the OR prepped, I've got to get in there!" Addison said.
"I love you, Sara. I always have and I always will. You cannot die in there. I love you!" Mark says fearfully as they wheel me towards the OR.
"She's lost a lot of blood, you guys. and her BP is still way too low. I think she's going to be alright, but it's still a gamble. Hang another bag of o-neg please," Addison said.
"BP is starting to stabilize, Doctor," the nurse said to Addison.
"Alright, good. Hang with me, Sara, you're gonna be alright," Addison said.
"How is she?" Mark asked Addison.
"She's good. She's going to be weak for a while, but she's good. Did you call her husband? She asked.
"Shoot. No, I didn't. I was too worried about her." Mark replied.
"You love her, don't you?" Addison asked.
"More than anything. And watching her almost die made me realize just how much I do." He replied.
"You've gotta tell her, then. Because she loves you too." Addison said.
"I'm going to, trust me." Mark said with a smile.
"Hello?" A woman said as she answered Caleb's phone.
"Um, yes. Is this Caleb Fisher's phone? Or do I have the wrong number?" Addison asked.
"Crap. Caleb! Someone is calling you!" The woman said.
"Um, hello?" Caleb said.
"Caleb, this is Addison, and Sara is in the hospital. She had a miscarriage." Addison said.
"That's just freakin like her to end up in the freakin hospital. Good grief." Caleb said.
"She's your wife, Caleb. Have a little compassion." Addison said.
"Compassion? Really? Tell her that. She's the one who woke up telling me I'm not her husband and that she loves Mark and all that bull. I can't deal with that, Addie. Not anymore. Listen, I love Sara. But I just can't handle all her needs anymore. She only remembers me half the time and when she does, all I hear about is the stupid baby and how excited she is. I'm done, Addie," he said.
"Well, you need to tell her that. Not me." Addison said.
"And I suggest you not bring along you're mistress with you when you come," she added.
"Hey," Caleb said.
"Hi," I replied.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine, a little sore and weak, but alive." I replied.
"Sara, I love you. But I can't do this anymore. We used to be so fun and exciting and honestly, it feels like a chore to have a date night with you now." He said.
"Caleb, I love Mark. I remember everything about you and us, and I remember how the whole time we've been together I've wished I was with Mark," I said.
"Then why did you marry me?" He asked.
"Because you were there. You were someone to marry. I wanted a cute little house and someone to live with and you were there," I replied.
"You've never loved me, have you?'
"Not one minute." I said sadly.
"Well then. I guess this means we're through, huh?" He asked.
"Get divorce papers and I'll sign 'em," I replied.
"Haha. Alright. You know, in all honesty, I've been cheating on you for the past 6 months. We didn't move to Seattle for my new job. I wanted to move here for Abby," Caleb said.
"Just when I thought I couldn't dislike you more," I said smiling.
"Haha. Well I'll get divorce papers and bring them by sometime tomorrow," he said.
"Actually, just look in my dresser. There's some in there. I got them after my accident," I said.
"Just when I thought I couldn't dislike you more," he said with a smirk.
"They're just lacking your signature, sir," I said.
"Alright. I'm going home now. Feel better, Nurse Sara. We'll discuss dividing out property sometime next week. I wish you nothing but the best," he said with a smile.
"Bye. Take care," I said.
I know it seems like a crazy thing to get divorced like that, but it really wasn't. We didn't argue or disagree because we felt the same way. I love Caleb, but in a brotherly kind of way. There was never any chemistry, we had both just gotten out of relationships and were lonely. We were each others' rebounds and nothing more. I've only cried once over him, and that's because I know he's going to take ownership of the $2,000 coffee maker before I can. I loved that thing. But there's something I love more; Mark Sloan.
"Hey, beautiful," Mark said as he walked into my room.
"Hey, handsome," I said with a smile.
"I heard about you and Caleb, I'm so sorry," he said.
"Are you kidding me? That's the best thing that's happened in the past 6 months." I said laughing.
"What do you mean?" Mark asked.
"It means that I love you, Mark. And I'm saying that completely lucid. I've never loved Caleb. Ever since you and I broke up, I've dreamed of a day when we got back together. You're all I think about, Mark," I replied with tears in my eyes.
"Well you wanna know something? You're all I think about too. I love you, Sara, and I always have. I thought I wanted space from you but I didn't. I just want you, all of you, forever. And watching you almost die yesterday made me realize just how much I really care about you. I'm so in love with you," Mark said.
I tried to say something, but all I could do was kiss him, and thankfully, he kissed me right back.
"You about ready, babe" Mark asked.
"Just a minute, baby," I replied.
My life is finally where it's supposed to be. I'm married to the man I love, for over a year now I might add. I'm also his favorite scrub nurse at Seattle Grace. We live in a cute little house, just like the one I've always dreamed of, across the street from Meredith and Derek. Our life is literal perfection.
"What are you doing up there, writing a book?" Mark asked.
"No. Give me one more minute," I replied.
I'm actually waiting to see if this stupid stick says pregnant or not pregnant. We're not trying to have a baby, but what happens happens. I'm almost scared to be pregnant again, but Addison said my previous miscarriage was a result from the accident and my uterus isn't hostile or anything.
"Oh my gosh," I say aloud.
"What?" Mark asks standing in the doorway.
"I'm pregnant," I say.
"You're definitely pregnant," Addison says with a smile. "Congratulations."
"Oh my gosh baby, we're having a baby!" Mark says with that smile of his.
"This is for sure Mark's baby, right? Not some random husband I don't know about?" I say with a smile.
"Nope, you're lucid and it's his," Addison replies.
9 months later I deliver a gorgeous little girl. We named her Emily, after one of my best friends from high school. Mark chose the middle name and chose Calliope, after his best friend, Callie Torres. I love our perfect little family wouldn't change a thing. Mark is the best daddy in the world. Emily's got him wrapped around her finger. He loves her and protects her in any way he can. My life has been pretty crazy the past few years, but the way it has ended up has to be some kind of miracle because I never imagined it would be this way. But I absolutely love it.