gTwenty Seven
Disclaimer: I do not own Jimmy uso nor do I own The Weeknd's Twenty eight. I hope you guys enjoy.
/This house is not a home to you./
I sat and stared out the large window as she laid in the bed sound asleep. The night was cold and the rain that fell ever so silently was frosted.
/But you decide to go ahead and lay down lay down./
The flash backs of all the nights we spent together played in my head as her phone vibrated on the night stand. I knew who it was that same blocked number that called almost every night she spent with me. At some point that night I fell asleep and when I woke up the next morning I over heard her conversation. " you know I love you but right now I have a lot going on with family baby, I will be back soon." I heard and almost couldn't believe my ears but at the same time I knew already.
/There no words to describe the depth your indifference cause I see your here to stay I should have known I picked my fate./
" So who was that?" I asked almost completely confused and she stammered ," baby you scared me."
I backed away from her cautiously and continued, " who's baby and what have you got going on with family because for the last week and a half you've been with me?" She tried to move closer to me and I kept backing away until the wall caught my back. " Its nobody and my closest cousin fell sick and I was thinking of visting," she said trying you caress me , "bullshit damn girl you must really think I am stupid huh?"
/I'm so wrong, I'm so wrong./
" I don't baby please don't be like this I swear they don't mean a damn thing to me please," She tried to plead but I just wasn't listening. " Man whatever I should've known."
/ (To let you in my) to let you in my home/
She looked like a lost puppy as I paced around the room, " go ahead and come up with more lies.". I said I was getting more upset by the second , " I'm not lying to you why won't you just believe me jimmy just look at me." Her eyes were welling with tears.
/ (you know where I sleep) Now you know where I sleep./
My head was spinning it was just so damn hard to believe. I would have given her anything and she knew it and I exposed myself to her, gave her things, showed her things, things I never thought I would give a woman. I stood in the corner of the room she was opposite of me and I thought of the day I met her. It was like clock work I'd never seen a woman so beautiful. Her hair was shoulder length dull burgundy with bleached roots. Her skin was golden brown and the first time I touched it god it was so soft and my heart almost stopped for her. I Let her inside my system thinking I had finally found someone who understood me on a different level but I guess not.
/ (Never felt so damn weak)/
I felt so feminist and weak all that kept running through my head besides all our memories was 'how could I be so weak how could you do it jimmy," I knew what it was the feeling that was brewing in my stomach but I was to macho to admit it at the time.
/ Hey there lonely girl did you have to tell your friends about the way I got you screaming my name./
"jimmy I love you don't stop," she moaned, I pulled her hair and thrusted in and out of her slowly as I got deeper with every thrust her moans turned into screams. I loved how I could get her to that point her legs started shaking and her head stared whipping back and forth, I drove her crazy.
/ Did you have to tell the world now your girls all wanna fuck girl you could've been the one./
Who knows what we could have been there was no telling what we could have accomplished together. She was like the better half of me, so perfect, so true, and so seemingly pure. All the things I would never be, although I sat and questioned if she was even any of those things.
/ Gotta change my number twice a month when you could've simply kept it on the down low/
But then again what could we have accomplished there was always a part of me that knew she didn't feel and that all I was really of good use to her for was my money and sex. I could tell by the she acted I just didn't want to see it. Even by the way her "friends" looked at me with flaming lust in their eyes, the kind you get when you almost know a person has what it takes to give you what you want. I even got late night to early morning calls when she wasn't around from friends of friends of hers and that was another thing I tried to push aside in my head.
/I'm so wrong, I'm so wrong/
"You gotta go", I finally said after god only knew how long. "w-what what are you saying?" she asked wide eyed and confused, " you heard me Aaliyah you gotta go. 'Get your shit and go," I said as patiently as my irritation would let me.
/(to let you in my) to let you in my home/
She kept pleading but the more she spoke the deeper I slipped into darkness of my mind where all the memories hid. It was like as I watched her speak the memories got more vivid and with each word she spoke they echoed with a deep drunken slur against my preoccupied mind. Flash Back "Jimmy over here," she called me I as I filmed myself talking about how beautiful the beach had been. "here I come," I projected and made my way towards the rocky part of the beach. " hurry up babe look don't miss them," I turned in the direction she was pointing and saw dolphin's springing from the clear water. " wow two dolphins, is that what you rushed me over here for?" I sighed. " Your such a man soften up will ya," I moved the camera from my face and looked at her like she'd damn near lost her mind and then shook it off. Flash Back Over
/(you know where I sleep) Now you know where I sleep/
My heart beat slow In my chest and I didn't know why. The room got dark by a couple shades and It felt like the floor beneath me had been pulled up. ' How could you have been so stupid jimmy,' played over and over in my mind and I heard her faintly as reality started to collide with my thoughts. Between her babbling and my random mind blurts I couldn't tell which was which anymore. All that I was definitely certain of was that I needed a fucking drink or two.
/(Never felt so damn weak)/
"Look I'm leaving and if and when I come back your still here I'm throwing your shit out for you, so I suggest you move quick," I felt light on my feet and the cool Cali air faised my brown skin. It was way to early to be for a drink so I just drove. As I drove the numbness of the events that took place only moments before hit me hard and the voices in my head returned.
/Baby if I knew you'd be living in my sheets. I wouldn't have shown you any love I would have left you in the club/
The months we spent together were like magic and I fell deeper into her with each passing day. There was something so intriguing about her besides her insurmountable beauty. I mean I guess you could've said it was my fault for falling for a woman who practically lived in the club, but damn it just felt so right from the moment I first spoke to her. It was like she had grace about her, a magnificence that I'd never seen in any woman other than the one who gave me life. But she was a stripper and it was her job to entice men hell she basically got paid to live a scandalous lie. " jimmy," I heard her voice say over and over in my mind as I visualized her soft body on top of mine. Her voice played over in my head like a home video recording, " I love you," I heard her moan. The thoughts were almost to much for me, so much so I had to pull over and get my thoughts together.
/You said you don't belong you keep saying you there's no one/
All the lies she told all the wasted time. I mean the whole time she was nothing but a fake and I couldn't believe I never seen it. She told me I was the only one.
/ And there's nowhere to go but who keeps calling on your phone/
But who was that blocked number, who was the one she apparently loved. If it was nobody important than why would she have to get up at nine am. to talk to them.
/ I'm so wrong, I'm so wrong, I'm so wrong /
All these questions lingered in my mind like the pieces to a unsolvable riddle. I sat on the side of the rode for a while and just evaluated.
/ I'm so wrong I'm so wrong/
The more I thought the more I began to realize that all that I'd had with her was indeed a lie. Everything the kisses, the love, the connection. The more I thought the more hurt and I upset got.
/(let you in my) To let you In my home/
" Fuck," I yelled out into the heat of that California day and punched the side of my car. My phone rang a couple of times but I never answered I just wasn't in the mood.
/(you know where I sleep) Now you know where I sleep/
I let her lay in my bed, drive my car and some more. But what made it worst was that I was almost sure she wouldn't leave me alone. " Shit," I sighed one last time.
/(never felt so damn weak)/
Later that night I made my way back home and she wasn't there, but her scent was everywhere. It was like before she left she cleaned my apartment down with a single bottle of her perfume as a parting gift. 'Shit baby girl could've kept that,' I thought and stripped down and hopped in the shower. I took such a long shower and scrubbed so hard you would've thought I was trying clean myself of her memory. But no matter what I did all I could do was think of her, damn I had it bad and the weakness started to creep back in.
/I'm so wrong, I'm so wrong,
To let you in my home Now you know where I sleep never felt so damn weak/
The End Thanks for reading guys!