Happy birthday tardy! You're a great friend and an all around awesome person, and I'm so glad I met you. Hope you enjoy the crack! :D
"Um, Hal?" Kilowog approached the human's seat on the Interceptor's bridge, far more nervously than usual, "I've been thinking."
"Uh oh." Hal chuckled, spinning his chair to face his fellow Green Lantern, "Kilowog, you know that's dangerous."
The Bolovax Vikian rolled his eyes, "Ha ha, very funny. This is serious. It's about-" he grimaced, flapping a clawed hand at the pair across the room, "-them."
Hal arched an eyebrow, "Razer and Aya? What about them?"
"Um, well, you know." Kilowog wrung his hands, "They're getting- closer, and I just thought it would be a good idea if somebody talked to them. About… stuff."
Hal frowned. And frowned. Then both his eyebrows shot up as he realized what his friend was talking about.
"You- you want to give Aya and Razer the talk?" The Green Lantern chocked out.
Kilowog's brow furrowed, "The what?"
"The talk!" Hal cried, flailing slightly, "You want to give them- you want to talk to them-"
'Them' were too wrapped up in each other to notice the mild panic attack their captain was having.
"-About sex." The last word was hissed, nearly a whisper.
"Um." Kilowog shifted from foot to foot, "Yes?"
Hal gapped, mouth opening and closing as he struggled to come up the words to adequately explain why that was a Very Bad Idea. Yes, the capitals were necessary, thank you very much.
"Didin't- didn't Razer have a girlfriend before? Yeah, he did!" Hal chuckled nervously, "So I'm sure he knows aaaall about that stuff. No need to explain it to him!"
Kilowog wasn't really sure if he should ask the next question, as the human's voice was steadily climbing in octave, and had been since he'd initiated this conversation, but the issue needed to be addressed.
"…What about Aya?"
Yep, Hal's left eye definitely twitched a bit.
"She's a robot, Kilowog! I doubt she even has the right-" Hal gestured wildly at his groin area, "-parts!"
Hysteria did not look good on the Green Lantern. Kilowog almost regretted what he had to ask next. Almost.
"Sure, but she made her own body. Couldn't she just… construct the right parts?"
Hal stiffened. Full body freeze, deer in the headlights stare.
"Um, Hal?" Kilowog waved a hand in front of his friend's face, "You okay buddy?"
Razer glanced across the command deck from where he was chatting with Aya just in time to see Hal run from the room, shrieking something about parts and mental images and brain bleach, where do we keep the brain bleach?
The Red Lantern turned slowly to stare at Kilowog.
"What did you do?"
The Green Lantern shrugged helplessly, "I think I broke him."