~~When It Seems Gone~~
He had known it would be bad.
The whole day had given him a weird vibe that he just couldn't shake. From the moment Rick had come to him with his plan to deal Michonne to the Governor and told him he needed Merle's help, Daryl knew the day would not be ending well.
But he never expected this.
"No, no, no."
Daryl lay in the grass where he had fallen after killing his brother. He had killed so many walkers since this had all started and he'd never felt anything but relief after. But this one...this...was...had been...
His brother.
He had killed his older brother. Merle, his last surviving close relative. Dead.
In a daze, Daryl watched as a walker staggered into the clearing. He propped himself up on his elbows and curiously followed the slow movements of the once young female. She tipped her nose up, then turned towards Daryl with a jerk as she started shambling towards him. Daryl sat up and swiped the back of his blood covered hands across his face. His brother's blood. He drew in a hiccuping breath. Merle was dead. The walker moved closer, reaching out to his leg. Daryl kicked her away and then scrambled to his feet. As the fog slowly lifted in his brain he realized there were several walkers still gorging on the fallen bodies scattered around the clearing. Daryl scanned the ground for his crossbow and knife, one abandoned during the struggle with his brother and one dropped after he had killed him with it. The walkers, alerted by the noise that there was living flesh nearby, turned to him one by one.
Daryl kept his eyes on the walkers and scuffed his feet along in the dirt, hoping in vain that he would connect with a weapon. As they closed in on him, Daryl had only one choice. He turned to his brother's body, taking a brief moment to close his eyes, remembering Merle as he had been. He took a deep breath before bending to rip the blade attachment from his brother's lifeless arm. With a quick motion, Daryl twisted and plunged the blade into the forehead of the nearest walker. The remaining walkers were quickly dispatched with his brothers sharp blade. Daryl glanced around and then sank to his knees. It was quiet for now but he had to find his weapons before more wandered to the clearing, drawn by the sounds of the scuffle. He found his crossbow in a clump of weeds. His knife lay near where he had fallen in his grief. Daryl gathered them up and surveyed the scene.
It was fairly obvious what had happened. Merle had known this was where the drop off was to happen. The place where Rick and the Governor had their meeting and Rick had decided to deliver Michonne to the sick bastard. Daryl walked towards the barn. Merle's rifle in lying in the dust and signs of a fight near the door. Inside, near the window...more fighting, blood, Merle's fingers...Daryl shook his head. In all the madness of discovering his dead brother, Daryl hadn't noticed that somehow Merle had lost some of the fingers on his hand. Merle never had a chance, he must have been overpowered. Daryl surmised that Merle was holed up and firing on the Governors men, probably trying to take out The Governor himself when something went wrong. Goddam Governor didn't even have the decency to kill Merle flat out. He shot him and let him turn, knowing that someone from the prison would eventually find him. Merle had to have known he wouldn't get out of this alive. Merle knew the Governor and his men, what kind of firepower they had. He'd still been able to gun down some of the attackers, reducing the number of people able to attack the prison later and then sacrificed himself – for his little brother or the whole group, Daryl would never know. Daryl stifled the sobs that were threatening to overtake him again. It didn't matter. It was enough for Daryl to know that for once in his life, Merle had done the right thing.
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It was dark when Daryl strode up to the gates of the prison. Rick had been anxiously watching for him and quickly slid the fence back to allow him to pass.
"Daryl?"
Daryl kept on walking, refusing to acknowledge Rick's unspoken question. Rick would be able to figure out the answer.
"Michonne was back hours ago. Did you find Merle?"
Daryl stopped, but kept his back to Rick. "Yeah, I found him." He started walking again, not looking back. Not wanting Rick to see the tears welling in his eyes.
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Long before sunrise the next morning, Daryl crept down the stairs and quietly made his way through the prison. He couldn't sleep, unable to get the vision of Merle feeding on one of the fallen men out of his head. Sliding the gate to the prison yard back as quietly as he could, Daryl slipped out to patrol the grounds. After what went down yesterday, the Governors men could be out there right now, just waiting for one wrong move from the prison group, one small opening to attack.
"Who's out there?"
Daryl turned with a jerk at the sounds of footsteps on the gravel. He jumped as someone touched his elbow.
"Shit!"
Carol stood quietly beside him, her face tilted up to him. "I couldn't sleep," she said simply.
"What the hell are you doin' out here?" Daryl whispered, menacingly as he lowered his crossbow. "You scared me half to death!"
"Never thought I'd get you to admit something like that," Carol whispered.
"Well, ya did," Daryl mumbled. "I coulda killed you, for Christ's sake."
They walked together in comfortable silence as Daryl checked the fences and that the entryways were all secure.
"What happened out there Daryl?"
Daryl shrugged. "Don't wanna talk about it. We got Michonne back, that's the important thing."
"Your brother wasn't important?" Carol looked shocked. "Daryl, you spent all that time looking for him. You finally had him back. What did Merle do to you?"
"What is wrong with you people?" Daryl turned to her, his face set as stone. "Why can't you just leave me the hell alone?"
Daryl stomped back to the prison door, ready to pull the gate open and then paused. Carol was still standing where he left her, staring after him.
"C'mon. I can't leave ya out here alone." Daryl waved to her. "It ain't safe."
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Daryl tossed and turned on the thin mattress in his cell. He refused to call it his room, as the others did. It was a cell and nothing was going to change that. He had been trying to fall asleep since he had come back inside after blowing up at Carol. But every time he was on the verge of sleep he saw Merle walking toward him, his dead eyes staring at him.
Carol gingerly sat on the edge of the bed and touched his shoulder with the palm of her hand. Daryl flinched slightly at her touch.
"Merle didn't do nothin' to me." Daryl whispered, keeping his back to her.
"Didn't he want to come back?"
"I saw you talkin' to him, before, earlier in the day." Daryl twisted on the bed, pulled the sheet up to his shoulders and lay facing her. "What did he tell you?"
Carol crossed her arms over her chest. "He didn't tell me anything. I told him something." Daryl raised his eyebrows. "I told him that if he did anything to mess with you, I would slit his throat in his sleep."
Daryl stared at Carol's determined face. "Why would you tell him something like that?"
"I didn't want him to put you down again." Carol looked turned her face away and then looked back. "I remember how you were when you first joined the group. Merle overpowered you. I know what that's like. You came into your own once he was gone."
Daryl nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I guess I could say the same thing about you."
"But Ed's not coming back, Daryl. I'm not going to be the person I used to be ever again." Carol offered him a small smile.
Daryl turned his back to Carol as he pulled the sheets tightly around him. "Me neither."
Carol leaned over him, "What did you say?"
"Merle's not coming back." He was barely able to get the words out. "Ever again."
"What?" Carol's eyes widened in shock. "Daryl, what on earth happened yesterday?"
Daryl let his head fall back against the pillow. Then, propping himself up on his elbows, he studied the woman sitting beside him. Carol looked down at him, the sorrow plain on her face. Daryl thought carefully, then finally, he patted the bed beside him and stretched out one arm. Carol lifted her legs onto the mattress and stretched out, careful to maintain a small distance between their bodies as Daryl folded her into his embrace.
"I don't wanna talk about it right now." Daryl said quietly, the emotion threatening to creep into his voice once more.
Carol reached out. His left hand was laying on his stomach and she tenderly placed her hand over top it. "You don't have to." She let her head relax into the crook of his neck. "Tell me what you want to share when you are ready to share."
Daryl looked down at her, a tiny smile crept across his face. Carol. He couldn't figure her out. All the horrible things she had seen, the terrible way he had sometimes, most of the time, trust be told, treated her, she was still strong enough to be there and help others through their troubles. She was always there for him, though he couldn't figure out why. Daryl let his fingers interlock with Carol's as he breathed out a deep sigh. Tonight, for once, he was glad she was here. He didn't want to be alone.