He stood at the TARDIS' console staring at the buttons and knobs. He had infinite opportunities, yet he still wasn't sure where to go or when to go. He wasn't sure what to do. Any place he already attempted to go, had resulted in problems. He couldn't exactly drive the TARDIS correctly, so going anywhere he planned to might be difficult. In order to drive the TARDIS in the first place, you needed to have way more than one person. You needed more like six for it to function correctly and to have a smooth ride. He was attempting to drive the ship alone, one person wasn't even close to enough.
Along with not having nearly enough people to drive the ship, he didn't even have the proper experience. He once tried to get a license that would've proved that he could drive a TARDIS, but that didn't go so well. The Doctor ended up crashing through space and nearly taking out entire decades in a planet's timelines. It wasn't safe for anyone for him to have the power to drive a TARDIS.
Even having the TARDIS in his possession didn't mean it would cooperate with him. She didn't like the Doctor. She didn't approve of being kidnapped from a repair bay and stolen from her owners to now be stuck with a young renegade Time Lord. Anything she could do to make this spur of the moment trip just a little more of a pain was good for her.
To the Doctor, her moodiness just added to the level of stress that he was currently feeing. He really didn't need an angry TARDIS to add onto his current plate of reality. He had an angry government, an angry family and angry friends all that needed something from him. All that needed him to return. All that he was running from. He couldn't go home.
He was a wanted man by the Gallifreyan government for many reasons. For one he had stolen the TARDIS, which of course is a crime. For another he was from the House of Lungbarrow. This probably doesn't seem like much of a crime, but like most families, there are hidden complications and problems hidden deep inside.
The Doctor had disobeyed the head of the Household, by hurting their chances at a political career. To pay him back for his disobedience, the head of house, Quences, disowned him and decided to create a new family member to replace him. This however was against the law. The family already had forty-five members and wasn't allowed anymore, no matter whom they disowned.
The Doctor then informed the government of what his ex-family had done and knew he had to leave. When his family had found out what he had shared, they would surely have killed him. He needed to get out. The Doctor had to make his way to the repair bays and took the only unlocked TARDIS.
He flew as far and as fast as he could. He didn't stay to find out what happen to his family. He never found out that they were buried alive. It was just enough time to build up anger towards the Doctor and think of every possible way to hurt and kill him.
By now he had given up on trying to drive the ship. It seemed to have a mind of it's own and was taking him wherever she wanted to. The Doctor walked from the console to the window and peered out. Stars and galaxies. Billions of them. Some were dying and some were slowly growing out of nothing more than space dust and rock.
As the Doctor peered at the constantly changing space outside of my window, he thought back to the people he had left behind. Not the government who wanted him dead and definitely not the family that didn't care. It was the friends. The ones who loved him. Who wanted the Doctor back home to make sure he was alright and to see how they could help.
Rani. Drax. Koschei…poor Koschei. They had been the friends the longest. When he looked back into his memory, the Doctor had trouble finding a memory of his childhood when Koschei wasn't there. He was always there. Now, however, he was gone. It was the Doctor's fault.
They used to spend nights together outside under the stars, just lying in the grass and talking about the future. They had very simple views on the world. On what the future would bring to both of them. How no matter what, even when they left Gallifrey they would find a way to stay together. Even as they both grew up and began to lead their own lives, they always managed to find a way back into each others lives.
When the Doctor was on the cusp of having his own family, and couldn't handle it, Koshei was there. The Doctor had run away from his home and found his way to Koschei and the field that they used to spend their nights in as children. Koschei helped him through that tough time, reminding him that his family is what needed him and that it would all work out in the end.
The Doctor had an urge to go back to Koschei, return to that time when it was just them. That was impossible now. If they ever met up, he could be arrested. He could be killed. The doctor couldn't risk it. He wouldn't let that happen to himself. He wouldn't let his friend get involved.
The Doctor knew how badly he had hurt his friend. He understood the feeling of being left behind. That was why he tried to say goodbye to him in the few spare minutes that he had found himself with.
Koschei didn't understand at the time what was going on. All he could do was question why and ask what had happened. He wanted to know all the details. He wanted to help his friend, like the Doctor had helped him so many times before.
"But why?" Koschei kept repeating the same question over and over again. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea that his friend had to leave and couldn't talk to him about it.
"I told you. I need to. It will be so much safer this way," the Doctor said as his eyes darted around looking for anything suspicious.
"How is it safe? You'll be alone. You can't protect yourself. You need people by your side," Koschei said as he walked closer to the Doctor.
"I will run. I won't need to fight. I'll stay hidden."
"How can you just go? Leave everything here? Your family needs you here."
"I just have to…I can't be here anymore" he looked away from Koschei as he said this. There was no way he could say that sentence and look into his best mate's eyes. If there were anyway of staying he would do it. Staying would mean nothing but trouble for everyone that was involved in his life. If he stayed, everyone he knew was in trouble and the Doctor just couldn't handle that.
"None of what you told me makes sense though. Just explain one thing for me. Anything. Help me to understand. Will you miss us? Even miss anything? Any of us."
The Doctor began to recognise the look on Koschei's face. He was retreating into his mind with the furrowed brow; the headaches had returned and were worse than they had been since he was a child. He peered at the Doctor, the pain manifesting itself as tears began to form by the bottom lid of his eyes. Koschei rubbed his fists against his eyes and cleared them of any evidence of approaching tears.
"Of course. Never question that," the Doctor said as he grabbed Koschei's forearm and squeezed. "I'm going to miss everyone. You can't begin to understand how this is hurts. It is just better this way. Give it time, when I leave everything will settle back to normal."
Koschei grabbed the Doctor's hand in both of his. He tried to savor the moment, the feeling of the other man's skin on his own. The warmth that it was emitting. His best friend. This was the last time.
The Doctor quickly pulled his hand from Koschei's. "I have to go."
Koschei turned around as he saw the Doctor's gaze move from meeting his eyes to just past his head. He saw men running towards the Doctor and himself. Koschei turned back to the Doctor, who had already began backing away from him.
"I've got to go," he said taking a large step away Koschei and keeping an eye on the running men.
"Theta…Just don't…" Koschei tried to think of the right words, but nothing came. Maybe if he said the right thing, he could get him to stay. Just the right words. He saw the look in the Doctor's eyes and knew that he was no longer paying attention to the current conversation. The Doctor was only focused on the men that were getting dangerously close. Koschei was one of the furthest things from the Doctor's mind. It was visible in his eyes. Koschei lunged towards the Doctor to wrap him in his arms, but the Doctor took a step back.
"I've really got to go."
The Doctor shook his head and found himself with his forehead pressed against the window. He blinked and unstuck his head from the cold glass. He walked away from the window and the sights of the universe and back to the glowing console. There was still nothing he could do to pick a destination.
The Doctor sighed and sat on the metal of the control room floor. He stretched his legs out in from of him and hands behind him to prop him up. Tilting his head back, he listened. The only sound he could hear in entire universe, the TARDIS taking him somewhere beyond his control. Further and further away.