"No, Sora. I can't do this anymore." I watched as he slid to the edge of the bed and hung his head.
"Please. You're the only one that…" He suddenly cut me off with a harsh glare. I could see the hurt in his eyes, the pain in his voice, and it was all caused by me. By my selfishness and fear.
"You're so selfish! Have you ever thought about anyone beside's yourself!? I can't hold you anymore when you cry out another man's name…" His saddened voice trailed off.
How long had we been doing this? I had lost count of the months. I didn't realize the burden Axel had been carrying all this while. Did his heart throb more than mine? Was I the one hurting someone else because all I wanted was to get rid of my own pain?
There was no way from stopping the tears that fell from my eyes. I looked at him with longing as he gridded his teeth. I leaned over and grabbed on to his bare arm, trying to keep my sobbing to a minimum.
"Axel… Please… Stay by my side just a little bit longer." I whispered, by throat too dry to speak clearly. His hand massages his forehead in relief as he took one more look at me.
"Sora… I'm not your toy. I want to get on with my life. Get myself a lover, but I can't do that when I'm sleeping with you. You're going to toss me aside in the end anyway."
"No! I never said anything about that!" I clenched his arm tighter, hoping he wouldn't get up and leave the room. I didn't want to be all alone again. The aching pain hurt worse than knifes.
"What if he said yes? What if he said he liked you? Then what?! Would I just be the person who comforted you when you had a fight?" He turned his body around towards me, furious. I could see his own tears welling up. "I thought you knew what it was like to have that throbbing pain when you looked at the one you loved… knowing they didn't like you back."
He stood up, the bed faintly creaking as he did. He pulled on his pants and grabbed his shirt before making his way to the door. But he stopped at the last second, his hand on the doorknob. His head stayed down staring at his hand, waiting for it to move.
"I guess you don't know what it feels like. Because I do… and it isn't fun."
With that he opened the door and walked out. I continued to sit there until I heard the click of the front door closing as he left me there. I grabbed on to both of my arms, hugging myself tight.
"No… Please… Don't leave me alone." I felt my muscles give out and I fell on to my side. The tears poured down my face as I sniffled in to the bed sheets.
"Come back. Please… I don't know what to do… I'm all alone. No one wants me… Riku doesn't like me. My brother moved away. And now Axel hates me." My heart started to throb again like it always did when I was alone in my room. The darkness closing in on me, suffocating me.
I clawed at the skin on my arms violently. Blood started to seep from the new wounds. Over and over I raked my nails across my pale skin, making new marks over the old scars I had.
"No one understands me. No one will love me. Why…? Why…? Why?! Please… I want someone to touch me."
My eyes felt heavy, my cheeks soaked from tears. I could feel the blood oozing down my arms. My hands pulled away from hugging myself, disgusted with what they did to me.
My eyes slowly started to close as I was soon to drift in to sleep whispering:
"No one loves me…"