Star Cheese: Star War's Evil Cousin
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DISCLAIMER: This is Tori's version of Star Wars, inspired by and for the Dark Writers. Most of it is Tori's work, but does use some elements from Rica and Michaela's version of Lord of the Rings. You can look up Rica's fanfiction.net ID by finding the author Frodo Princess of Darkness or going to my favorite authors and Michaela's ID is Anoriel. Oh yeah, and I don't own Star Wars. I wish, though.
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A ship was tearing through space near an orange planet. It was being pursued by a large ship with giant egg beaters firing twirling lasers. On board this fleeing ship .
"Impersonating a U.S.P.S. mailbox? Why that's the most absurd thing I've ever heard!" the golden robot C-3P0 exclaimed incredulously.
The short, blue and white robot, R2-D2 tooted back in reply insistently.
"You thought it would make a good Halloween costume! Well, if you get in any legal trouble because someone actually tries to put mail in you, don't come crying to me," C-3P0 said coldly.
R2-D2 made a sarcastic bleep.
"So what if you can't cry! You don't have to be so technical all of the time!" C-3P0 shouted furiously.
More beeping and yelling ensued and C-3P0 even karate-chopped R2-D2, which lead the small droid to try ramming C-3P0 in the legs. They had a nice fight going until the warning lights flashed in the ship and several armed soldiers hurried to the entrance of the ship. The droids just stood and gawked. Then R2-D2 sneakily left. C-3P0 suddenly noticed that his partner was missing and quickly went after him.
The entrance to the ship opened and a dark figure stepped in, followed by many white armored figures. The black figure A.K.A. Darth Vader, wore all black like he was a goth or something and wore a helmet with a built in respiratory mask. He was breathing heavily in a dorky sort of way. Then he began to cough violently and his loyal Storm Troopers presented him his inhaler. After this episode was over, he boomed, "Give us the plans!"
The soldiers looked dumbfounded. "Plans? What plans?"
"You know perfectly well what plans!"
"No we don't!"
"Yes you do!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
Then Darth Vader drew a crafty smile under his helmet (with a fine point Sanford Onyx pen, of course) and said, "No!"
However, the Rebels weren't nearly as dumb as they looked. They put on knowing smiles (from their costume chest) and laughed, "You can't trick us! That's like the oldest trick in the book! We watch Looney Tunes, stupid!" Then one of the Rebels from the back shouted "Yes!" So maybe they were dumb. All of the Rebels (except for the dummy) slapped their heads with their hands and then tried to strangle the dummy.
Meanwhile, C-3P0 had finally found R2-D2. He was down the hall with some person who was sliding something into his DVD-ROM drive. "R2, come back here! Now is not the time to be playing movies! We still need to finish our droid to droid fight!"
The person quickly hid back into the recesses of the shadows. R2-D2 let out something that sounded like an "Awww . " and tooted angrily.
"So what if you were going to watch The Lord of the Rings? You've seen that movie a zillion times and I've never seen it! Not once! Serves you right you greedy little - " C-3P0 started to complain.
R2-D2 started to slide over to where the emergency pods were. R2-D2 started to open one up and climb inside.
"What the heck are you doing?!" C-3P0 exclaimed.
R2-D2 beeped indignantly.
"Your horoscope told you to? Ha! My statistics program says that the odds that those things are correct are 52, 713, 290 to 1! You haven't been wasting our master's money on phone calls to Miss Cleo, have you?" C-3P0 went on annoyingly.
R2-D2 was inside the pod and tooted hospitably to C-3P0.
"Do I want to come along?" C-3P0 heard gunfire and quickly climbed into the capsule. "Well, if we get in trouble, it's all your fault!"
So they ejected the pod and pummeled to the surface of the vermilion planet below.
Two of the Storm Troopers were chatting in the corridors, "And then he said, I'm not a toaster, I'm an octopus!" They laughed at this uncomprehendable joke when they saw something moving in the shadows.
They got out their evil egg beaters and started them up. A twirling blue stun beam shot out of them and hit a person. A naughty word followed and then the sound of a body falling on metal. They picked the person up, who was a girl in long, white robes and had a yummy looking hairdo (it looked like a pastry on each side of her head). This would be Princess Leia. The Storm Troopers carried her to their master, where she wakened.
"Meanie," she hissed.
"Spare me the compliments. Now where are the plans?" Darth Vader demanded.
"Plans? What plans?" she asked quizzically.
"Now let's not start that again!" Vader moaned. "Bring her aboard the ship and lock her up."
"Yes, sir," the Storm Troopers saluted as they carried her aboard the ship. Everyone, including Vader, followed. Then they blew up the ship and sped away in their own colossal ship.
What of the droids? Well, they were on the desert-like planet below, surveying the wreckage of their pod. "Why did I ever go along with your idea, R2?!" C-3P0 whined.
R2-D2 whistled.
"What do you mean, let's go this way? It looks dangerous over there! I'm going in the opposite way!" C-3P0 complained stubbornly.
R2-D2 beeped in an arguing tone.
"Why do I always start my dialogue with a question? Well, I think . I think . I think you're ugly!" C-3P0 blurted out.
R2-D2 made a sad, questioning bleep.
"Yes, and you're fat! And see, I don't always start my dialogue with a question, so you're stupid, too! From now on, I won't open my dialogue with a question ever, just a pitiful reminder of how foolish you are, you little demonic - " C-3P0 watched R2-D2 hurry away, making a wailing sound.
"Humph! I'll find civilization first!" C-3P0 called after him. He tried to stick out his tongue, but then remembered that he didn't have one.
C-3P0 walked in the opposite direction of R2-D2 until he found a shiny thing. "It's a nickel!" he shouted triumphantly. But as he approached it, he found that it wasn't a nickel, but a rather small village made entirely out of foil wrap. Little people poured out of it and charged C-3P0 down, then brutally tied him to the ground (like in Gulliver's Travels). Then they quickly ran back to their little tin foil village.
R2-D2 was passing through a canyon by now and began to whistle courage boasting tunes, such as "Zippity Do Da." Then, all of the sudden, a huge mechanical arm came out of it, picked up R2-D2, and dumped him into the back of the garbage truck.
Soon, the villainous garbage truck found C-3P0, too, and did the same to him after some struggle, though, as the little people had tied him down pretty tight.
The two droids were reunited in the trash, and hopelessly wondered what in the world would happen to them next.
******
Did you like it? Tell me what you think! I'll *try* to write more soon, so please don't send e-mail or reviews that say that you'll be mean to me if I don't post more soon (in other words, no threats!). I do intend to finish this story!
******
DISCLAIMER: This is Tori's version of Star Wars, inspired by and for the Dark Writers. Most of it is Tori's work, but does use some elements from Rica and Michaela's version of Lord of the Rings. You can look up Rica's fanfiction.net ID by finding the author Frodo Princess of Darkness or going to my favorite authors and Michaela's ID is Anoriel. Oh yeah, and I don't own Star Wars. I wish, though.
******
A ship was tearing through space near an orange planet. It was being pursued by a large ship with giant egg beaters firing twirling lasers. On board this fleeing ship .
"Impersonating a U.S.P.S. mailbox? Why that's the most absurd thing I've ever heard!" the golden robot C-3P0 exclaimed incredulously.
The short, blue and white robot, R2-D2 tooted back in reply insistently.
"You thought it would make a good Halloween costume! Well, if you get in any legal trouble because someone actually tries to put mail in you, don't come crying to me," C-3P0 said coldly.
R2-D2 made a sarcastic bleep.
"So what if you can't cry! You don't have to be so technical all of the time!" C-3P0 shouted furiously.
More beeping and yelling ensued and C-3P0 even karate-chopped R2-D2, which lead the small droid to try ramming C-3P0 in the legs. They had a nice fight going until the warning lights flashed in the ship and several armed soldiers hurried to the entrance of the ship. The droids just stood and gawked. Then R2-D2 sneakily left. C-3P0 suddenly noticed that his partner was missing and quickly went after him.
The entrance to the ship opened and a dark figure stepped in, followed by many white armored figures. The black figure A.K.A. Darth Vader, wore all black like he was a goth or something and wore a helmet with a built in respiratory mask. He was breathing heavily in a dorky sort of way. Then he began to cough violently and his loyal Storm Troopers presented him his inhaler. After this episode was over, he boomed, "Give us the plans!"
The soldiers looked dumbfounded. "Plans? What plans?"
"You know perfectly well what plans!"
"No we don't!"
"Yes you do!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
Then Darth Vader drew a crafty smile under his helmet (with a fine point Sanford Onyx pen, of course) and said, "No!"
However, the Rebels weren't nearly as dumb as they looked. They put on knowing smiles (from their costume chest) and laughed, "You can't trick us! That's like the oldest trick in the book! We watch Looney Tunes, stupid!" Then one of the Rebels from the back shouted "Yes!" So maybe they were dumb. All of the Rebels (except for the dummy) slapped their heads with their hands and then tried to strangle the dummy.
Meanwhile, C-3P0 had finally found R2-D2. He was down the hall with some person who was sliding something into his DVD-ROM drive. "R2, come back here! Now is not the time to be playing movies! We still need to finish our droid to droid fight!"
The person quickly hid back into the recesses of the shadows. R2-D2 let out something that sounded like an "Awww . " and tooted angrily.
"So what if you were going to watch The Lord of the Rings? You've seen that movie a zillion times and I've never seen it! Not once! Serves you right you greedy little - " C-3P0 started to complain.
R2-D2 started to slide over to where the emergency pods were. R2-D2 started to open one up and climb inside.
"What the heck are you doing?!" C-3P0 exclaimed.
R2-D2 beeped indignantly.
"Your horoscope told you to? Ha! My statistics program says that the odds that those things are correct are 52, 713, 290 to 1! You haven't been wasting our master's money on phone calls to Miss Cleo, have you?" C-3P0 went on annoyingly.
R2-D2 was inside the pod and tooted hospitably to C-3P0.
"Do I want to come along?" C-3P0 heard gunfire and quickly climbed into the capsule. "Well, if we get in trouble, it's all your fault!"
So they ejected the pod and pummeled to the surface of the vermilion planet below.
Two of the Storm Troopers were chatting in the corridors, "And then he said, I'm not a toaster, I'm an octopus!" They laughed at this uncomprehendable joke when they saw something moving in the shadows.
They got out their evil egg beaters and started them up. A twirling blue stun beam shot out of them and hit a person. A naughty word followed and then the sound of a body falling on metal. They picked the person up, who was a girl in long, white robes and had a yummy looking hairdo (it looked like a pastry on each side of her head). This would be Princess Leia. The Storm Troopers carried her to their master, where she wakened.
"Meanie," she hissed.
"Spare me the compliments. Now where are the plans?" Darth Vader demanded.
"Plans? What plans?" she asked quizzically.
"Now let's not start that again!" Vader moaned. "Bring her aboard the ship and lock her up."
"Yes, sir," the Storm Troopers saluted as they carried her aboard the ship. Everyone, including Vader, followed. Then they blew up the ship and sped away in their own colossal ship.
What of the droids? Well, they were on the desert-like planet below, surveying the wreckage of their pod. "Why did I ever go along with your idea, R2?!" C-3P0 whined.
R2-D2 whistled.
"What do you mean, let's go this way? It looks dangerous over there! I'm going in the opposite way!" C-3P0 complained stubbornly.
R2-D2 beeped in an arguing tone.
"Why do I always start my dialogue with a question? Well, I think . I think . I think you're ugly!" C-3P0 blurted out.
R2-D2 made a sad, questioning bleep.
"Yes, and you're fat! And see, I don't always start my dialogue with a question, so you're stupid, too! From now on, I won't open my dialogue with a question ever, just a pitiful reminder of how foolish you are, you little demonic - " C-3P0 watched R2-D2 hurry away, making a wailing sound.
"Humph! I'll find civilization first!" C-3P0 called after him. He tried to stick out his tongue, but then remembered that he didn't have one.
C-3P0 walked in the opposite direction of R2-D2 until he found a shiny thing. "It's a nickel!" he shouted triumphantly. But as he approached it, he found that it wasn't a nickel, but a rather small village made entirely out of foil wrap. Little people poured out of it and charged C-3P0 down, then brutally tied him to the ground (like in Gulliver's Travels). Then they quickly ran back to their little tin foil village.
R2-D2 was passing through a canyon by now and began to whistle courage boasting tunes, such as "Zippity Do Da." Then, all of the sudden, a huge mechanical arm came out of it, picked up R2-D2, and dumped him into the back of the garbage truck.
Soon, the villainous garbage truck found C-3P0, too, and did the same to him after some struggle, though, as the little people had tied him down pretty tight.
The two droids were reunited in the trash, and hopelessly wondered what in the world would happen to them next.
******
Did you like it? Tell me what you think! I'll *try* to write more soon, so please don't send e-mail or reviews that say that you'll be mean to me if I don't post more soon (in other words, no threats!). I do intend to finish this story!