For leobrat
She shivers as she walks across the snow covered dirt. Last night's storm has left everything covered in the white fluff, clinging to the trees and settling peace over everything there.
But then cemeteries should be peaceful places.
She reaches her destination, brushes off the snow that covers the headstone.
Diego Alcazar
Beloved Son and Friend
She rests the rose on top and spreads out the small blanket she brought with her. Settling down she crosses her arms to block out the cold and smiles.
"Diego," she whispers, "Happy Valentine's Day." She sighs, "I'm sorry it's been so long. I know I promised to come at least once a year, but things have been…." She shakes her head, "No excuses. I should have come. I promised you I would always visit, I promised your father the same thing before he died."
She stops and takes a breath; she watches the air leave her body as she does.
"Your sister is doing great. She's only nine, but she is so smart, Diego you'd think she was twice as old. She looks a lot like you, she's got your eyes."
She reaches forward and presses her hand to the stone, "Skye talks to her a lot about your father. And I tell her stories about her big brother. I want you to know that. Skye wants your father to know. That little girl knows she's an Alcazar, knows how much her daddy and her big brother love her."
She stops herself before she loses it completely. She feels moisture on her face and when she goes to wipe it off realizes that her tears are mixing with the snow that's begun falling.
"I forgot to tell you last time that Lulu's a private investigator now. She's doing really well, and she's really happy. She's even dating a cop, her brother's partner, Cruz. You should see them together, she drives him crazy with worry, he's constantly trying to get her to join the force, but you know Lulu. She likes to do things her own way."
She stops and tries to remember what else she wants to tell him, "Maxie is actually going to be a surrogate mother…for Lucas and his boyfriend Guy. She's really excited about it and I think that it makes her feel like she's finally going to be straight with the world again. After all the trouble she cause Liz and Lucky, how Liz almost lost the baby, I think that doing this might help her let go of the guilt finally."
She tries to think of something else. There's only one thing, but she doesn't even want to say it, "And I'm….I'm getting a divorce. Dillon….he never wants to stay in one play. I thought after Antonia was born it might change, but…I guess be married to me and raising a baby isn't as exciting as chasing bad guys around the world. Its funny I promised myself I would never fall for a guy like my dad, like Frisco, because he was never around, and yet, that's exactly what I did. I guess girls really do look for men like their fathers, even though my dad's never been around and Mac is really the only father I've ever known. I'm not sure there even are men like Mac around anymore.'
She drops her head and tries to compose herself, "Look at me. Ten years later and I'm still coming to you with all my problems. And the worst thing is…I know if you were hear you'd listen to every single one. You'd listen, you'd tell me that I deserved better and the whole time….I'd never see that what I deserved…what I wanted was right in front of me." She paused, "I miss you Diego. I really, really miss you."
She touched the rose one last time before she stood up, "I'm glad I spent today with you."
She gathers up her blanket and begins to head back to her car. She turns back after a few steps and realizes that the falling snow is covering her footprints. Soon it will be like she'd never even been there.
"That's okay," she whispers, "I'll be back."