Star Fox: A Threat Most Fowl

By OrangeKat and Ca'diem

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Chapter 1: Preparations of Doom

The only sound that could be heard in Princeton C. Gallus' office was the slow breathing of Princeton C. Gallus himself. He was the head honcho, the big cheese, the head honcho, that one guy who sits down the hall in the corner office and you hate him and throw donuts at him because he's better than you and gets paid more and has all the women. Yeah, that guy.

There he sat in his dim office, the corner office, eating a donut, and admiring himself in a hand-held mirror. The masculine rooster's face that stared back at him, those fiery yellow eyes, the lustrous black feathers, and his silky comb and waddles... it was enough to make his own heart race.

He stared at his waddles, knowing fully that, in the eyes of female poultry, they were lustful objects of raw desire. He smiled softly to himself. He knew he was sexy. Shaking his head gently from side to side, he watched as his waddles waddled back and forth, to and fro.

"That's right, waddle, you sexy waddles. Everybody stares when my waddles go waddling down the hall..."

He was abruptly cut off from his crooning as the door to his office burst open and two female felines ran in, out of breath, their ample chests heaving. Princeton was so startled by their entrance that he emitted an earsplitting squawk and dropped the mirror in shock. One of the felines, a pretty young thing with shiny pink fur, spoke up first.

"Like, we've got the latest news on the invasion," she gasped, still trying to catch her breath.

"Very good," Princeton said, his voice thick with intrigue. "And what would that be, Snowball?"

"Well, like, the first batch of troops like, are now like, fully trained. We have like, ten thousand pilots, like, ready for action." she replied confidently.

"It wasn't ten thousand strong," the other feline, who was a beautiful shade of purple with golden eyes that bewitched you, angrily interjected, "it was twenty thousand, you dumb pussy."

"Hey, Midnight, like, at least I brush my fur every day," Snowball snapped angrily back with an arrogant sneer.

"Oh, no you di'nt!" Midnight shouted, then immediately backhanded Snowball in the face with all her womanly might. Snowball recoiled and put a hand to her nose. It was bleeding. Her eyes came up, and fixed Midnight with demonic hatred that only women can provide.

"You're like, so dead!" she screamed, and lunged at midnight, knocking her to the ground. The two felines struggled like crazed weasels, desperately trying to claw each other's eyes out of their sockets to reach inside each others' heads and pull out their brains via the optic nerve, howling and spitting all the while. At this sight, Princeton frantically stood up, knocking his chair over.

"Oh dear, catfight!" he exclaimed, rushing over to attempt to break up the fight without getting his own face ripped off. At this point, Snowball was astraddle Midnight, trying to bludgeon the purple feline with a stapler she picked up off the ground. Princeton stepped in at the exact wrong moment, for as he knelt down to get between the fighting felines, Snowball swung the stapler wildly, making contact with the side of Princeton's head.

The scream that issued from Princeton was of high enough caliber to wake the dead. Luckily, it startled the frolicking felines from fighting (hmm that's good alliteration), and they both rushed to the side of the wounded rooster.

"Oh my goodness, are you all right?" Midnight asked, her eyes wide with fear.

"I'm like, so sorry," Snowball insisted tenderly, stroking his comb comfortingly.

"I'm fine," Princeton growled irritably. "Now I'm going to attempt to pull out this staple and hope the blood loss doesn't kill me."

The two felines watched with intense concern as Princeton gingerly placed two wing feathers on the staple imbedded in his head. With a grimace and a grunt, he pulled it out, and cast it to the ground.

"Now," he said, his voice filled with the pain of removing a staple that was imbedded in his skull. "Let's keep the fighting at a bare minimum, shall we?"

"S' cool," Midnight said smoothly.

"She like, started it," Snowball grumbled softly.

"That's more like it," Princeton said, rising to his feet. The two female felines did the same. "Now, Snowball, you say that we have ten thousand pilots ready?"

"Twenty," Midnight corrected.

"Whatever," Princeton snarled. "I'm tired of waiting. The planet of Venom is tired of waiting. I want results now! You two, alert our general. Tell them that my fleet is ready to invade Corneria and destroy the Star Fox team."

"Aight, yo," Midnight said, and the two foxy felines started for the door. Suddenly, Snowball turned around and spoke.

"Hey Prince, like, why do you hate Star Fox so much?" she queried. "I've always been, like, curious. What did they, like, do to you?"

Princeton frowned, his eyes narrowed, and his waddles contracted in anger. He was recalling events long past. He stared at Snowball for a few moments, then answered her, his voice filled with resentment.

"Why indeed, Snowball? It was because of events that passed so long ago..."

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Authors' Note: And that is chapter one, in all its hidden glory. What did you think of it? We need your opinions! So, like, review, yo!