Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine and I haven't made any profit from this
Summary: Just about Cordelia's thoughts on her father and how she wished things had been different.
A/N: Sorry I haven't been around for a while but I've been sort of disillusioned with writing but I'm back so look out for me!
Dedicated: To the father I never knew
Dear Daddy,
I have sat down to write this letter so many times knowing each time that I won't even send it. I look back and wonder where things went wrong. I've decided that things were never right to start with. I know all I was a trophy to you and mother. I was a Chase and the name carried a vision of the best, the smart, and the untouchable. All I ever wanted in my life was a touch, a loving cuddle or a pat on the shoulder when I got a gold star at school.
I remember I was 12 years old and was in a gymkhana with my favourite horse Montana, we were in the last event and everyone was watching. Your company was sponsoring it. All your MD's were there and I was winning until I fumbled a jump at the end. I came second and as I went to show you the trophy, you knocked it to the ground and said nobody wants second best. I went to the stable the next day to find out that you had sold Montana. I came to you crying and you said that I was weak for crying and that it was my own fault because I came second. Do you I never cried for 8 years after that day.
I am a parent now and I could never imagine doing that to my son. I love him within an inch of his life. If he came second in anything I would make him feel like he came first. You just ran off and left me when I graduated from High School. I received offers from Yale, Harvard and NYC but instead I went to LA to use the two assets I had; my body and my ability to hid myself behind a mask. Instead I have ended up helping people with no where to turn. I came to LA and had my first self-less act.
Daddy why did you shut me out? Why did you leave me alone? I still get scared to be alone. All I ever wanted from you was for you to tell me that you're proud of my when I won the Sunnydale High swim comp. Or to tell me 'Well Done' when I graduated in the top 3 in my class. Instead I came home from my graduation ceremony, which went with a bang, to find two bags filled with what I had left and $50 in cash to get a bus ticket. You and mother just abandoned me.
Well I'm happy now and I can honestly say I have forgiven you but I will never understand why you were the dad you were because I could never imagine being like with Connor. I'm no longer alone, I have a family that mean more to me than my blood one ever did and they show me love in the smallest ways. Not in ways that involve Tiffany boxes or cars wrapped in a big red bow. One day you will wake up and realise just how you treated but it will be too late. I won't be there for you to say sorry to.
Faithfully
Cordelia Chase