Title: Hope
By: Kasandra
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. Thanks.
Rating: T
Characters/ Pairing: Natalia Boa Vista, Calleigh Duquesne
Classification: Angst, Drama
Warnings: Mentions of drug use and violence. You've been warned.
Prompt: #1 Colorless
Words Count: 1,570
Spoilers: Pre Internal Affairs.
Summary: What she needed most didn't come from a bottle.
AN: This is story is for the MiamiFicTalk yahoogroup.
The clay was colorless, like the room she was in. It was soft and pliable; Natalia's hands moved easily over it, smoothing out any cracks and bumps there may have been. She threw herself into the vase she was creating. It for the moment, served as a distraction.
A soft knock on her door jarred her out of her thoughts. A man in a nurse's uniform came in, carrying a tray filled with small cups containing an assortment of pills.
"Good afternoon Miss Boa Vista," the man, whose tag read John greeted.
Natalia looked at him, sighing as she realized what time it was. "Oh good, my favorite time of the day."
John cocked an eyebrow at her and handed her a small cup filled with three pills. Natalia wiped her hands on the towel lying next to her project and wiped them clean. She hesitantly looked at the small cup before looking back at him. "Do you mind?"
"Natalia, you know we have to make sure after what happened last time," John replied frowning.
"How could I forget?" Natalia questioned before she opened her mouth and knocked back the pills, swallowing hard. She opened her mouth once move and lifted her tongue to show that she hadn't hidden any of the pills.
John nodded approvingly. He was about to respond when another knock at the door interrupted them.
A very familiar blonde poked her head in and greeted Natalia with a bright smile. Natalia offered Calleigh a smile in return, waving her in. John wished them both well before leaving.
"You look good, Natalia. How's tricks, hmm?"Calleigh questioned, taking a seat next to Natalia who shrugged in response.
"You really do look good," Calleigh repeated for good measure. "I spoke to the nurse and she said you're back on track and on-"
"Oh cut the crap, Calleigh," Natalia interrupted.
"Excuse me?" Calleigh questioned, flustered. "I'm just trying to make small talk."
Natalia rolled her eyes as she stared past Calleigh to the colorless wall behind her. "Calleigh, I know you mean well but let's face it – I'm in rehab. Life right now is pretty damn shitty if you ask me."
Calleigh's bright eyes probed her friend's dark eyes, searching. "Natalia, you act as if I haven't been through this before!"
Natalia lied on her bed, staring at the ceiling and closed her eyes. "You may know what it's like to be the outsider but you have no idea what it's like to be the addict."
"You've had a hard life Natalia," Calleigh replied quietly. "Most people would've…" she tapered off, unable to finish her train of thought. "You're brave." The last sentence was barely whispered but for Natalia it resonated louder than anything she had ever heard before.
Natalia was currently undergoing her second stint at The Shore Hills Drug Rehabilitation Center after relapsing once again to the anti-depressant/psychotics she had been prescribed. When Natalia had first learned that her ex-husband, Nick Townsend had gotten a job as part of the clean up crew, she didn't know what to do. It seemed as if all her hard work – escaping, living underground, creating a new life for herself was seemingly wasted.
She had become depressed, anxious and paranoid, especially after Nick had served her with restraining orders. Horatio insisted that she see the department psychiatrist and so she did. It was after a few sessions, she was handed a prescription for a pill which was a combination of lithium and diazepam. At 15mg twice a day, it seemed harmless.
Initially the effects wore off much more quickly than both she and the psychiatrist had hoped and her prescription was subsequently increased. One night, after an outing with the girls, Natalia found that drinking helped. So began a lethal combination of pills and booze which then only created a downward spiral for the formerly bright, bubbly, compassionate woman.
After not showing up for work one morning, Calleigh and Eric made the horrific discovery of their friend lying in a pool of her own vomit; Natalia had overdosed. Her pulse barely registered but she was alive. Her stomach was pumped and weeks later she was taken to The Shore Hills.
She did well during her first stint at the rehabilitation center; so well in fact, that it wasn't too long after that she was given a clean bill of health and sent back into the world. When she arrived home, Natalia had decided that since she was given a new chance at life, she would clean. It was then while scrubbing her bedroom floor, did she come across a very full bottle that had fallen from a previous encounter and had rolled underneath her bed.
"Oh hello lover," she whispered to the bright pink tablets in her hand. Without thinking, she opened the bottle and took two, swallowing them dry.
The feeling was glorious; she was as high as a kite.
It wasn't too long after that she went through the bottle and began to go through another bout of withdrawal. This time, it was worse than before. While working in the DNA lab, she had snapped at Eric and knocked over a case with test tubes. The tubes shattered as the hit the floor and she reached for a shard of glass.
"I can't do this anymore; I escaped because Nick controlled me and after all this time, he still controls me!" Natalia screamed. Shaking, she brought the glass to wrist and brought it to her wrist.
Eric grabbed her, stopping her in time. "No Natalia. You need to get help!"
"Screw you and your help Eric!" Natalia shrieked as she broke free. As Eric moved to grab her once more, she slashed him across the cheek with the glass. Eric yelped in pain; luckily she had only grazed him. As Natalia tried to escape, she was grabbed by both Horatio and Calleigh who had been walking by as the incident occurred.
That had occurred three months ago.
Now, without a job – or a home of her own, Natalia had been forced to call the rehabilitation center with its plain, colorless walls home. Horatio, had, as always, with a member of his team, foot the bill. He and Calleigh came by often; Eric used to accompany them but as time went by, his appearances became less frequent. Alexx came when she could; she was too busy raising her own family.
Ryan had visited once but never again; Natalia wasn't surprised. She once got a call from Nick who gloated that he drove her to the loony bin. That night was particularly rough on her.
"I'm not brave," Natalia replied, her voice cracking. "I'm weak."
"Natalia?"
Natalia looked over at Calleigh, who had a worried look upon her face. "Hmm?"
"You are not weak," Calleigh replied firmly. "Many people would've given up but you're fighting the good fight. You'll get through this." She stood as she spoke, and moved to lie next to her friend in bed.
"Everyone must hate me," Natalia whispered, as Calleigh enveloped her hand in hers.
"No one hates you," Calleigh answered. "You're doing much better. No one knew about the bottle at home. You couldn't help it; you're human; people make mistakes. But you're going to be OK. I went through this with my dad. I couldn't save him; but I'll do my best to save you."
"You don't have to do that," Natalia replied, turning her head to face Calleigh.
"Yes, yes I do," Calleigh replied. Suddenly a thought struck her and she leaped out of bed and towards the bag she had brought along with her. "I almost forgot! I had mentioned how plain your room was to Eric and he told me to give you this." She walked over and handed Natalia a large flat package covered in plain brown wrapping paper.
Natalia looked at Calleigh puzzled. "What is it?"
"Open it," Calleigh replied excitedly.
Natalia tore open the package and her mouth dropped at what stared back at her – framed was a reprint of a painting done by Frida Kahlo "Tree of Hope/Stay Strong." The painting was a self portrait of the artist – one half depicting her pain, the other depicting her strength; her true self.
"Eric said that it reminded him of you; what you were, what you've been through and what you will become," Calleigh replied.
Natalia looked up at Calleigh, tears streaming down her face. "Tell Eric I said thank you."
Calleigh smiled. "Of course. Now, let's go find a spot to hang this."
Natalia nodded and together they put up the painting across from her bed. And though Calleigh insisted that Natalia add more to brighten up the room, Natalia refused. Natalia was sure that many people didn't get third shots at life. And here it was – in the painting which immediately brightened the bare walls; it would serve as her focus, her drive to get better. If it weren't for those who cared for her, Natalia knew that she would probably be dead.
Natalia leaned on Calleigh's shoulder as the blonde wrapped her arm around her. They stared at the painting and both women knew that the painting, which distracted the colorless walls, brought Natalia what she needed most.
Hope.
FIN.