"hey steven" crazy aunt pearl said "ima tell you the story of Testiclēs and the sack of rome in the ancient gem homeworld of gofuckyourselfistan"
in the ancient gem homeworld of gofuckyourselfistan there lived the king of all gems Testiclēs the third who gained his crown from a homeless guy moose tits in a big purple dildo duel. Testiclēs was sitting on his throne when suddenly his adviser walked into the room "sir you old enemy bigus dickus just called you a massive faggot, how will you respond?" his adviser said Testiclēs hmmed then he said "tell him he is a retard and he should back up his words with steel!" so his adviser ran over 9000 miles back to rome and got bigus dickusis response the he ran all the way back to gofuckyourselfistan where he told king Testiclēs "he says you are a vagina and you wouldnt dare fight him" and so Testiclēs gathered his finest seamen and he sailed all the way to rome.
but when Testiclēs finally got to rome he found the city already being sacked by some angry germans and when one of them saw Testiclēs he said "oi you what do you want?" to which Testiclēs replied "i am Testiclēs and i wish to be in the sack of rome" but the germans didnt like him so they told him to fuck off but he didn't and instead he broke down the gate then he killed everyone.
THE END
/authors note/
i wrote this for school and i decided to make it into a steven universe fanfiction