Title: Friendship and Feelings
By: blaineandsamevanderson
Paring: Blaine/Sam
Rating: PG
Warnings/Tags: Spoilers for the promo for 4x17
Summary: Based on the promo for Guilty Pleasures!
Notes: Sorry for any typos. My transcription software doesn't always understand what I say and I don't always catch the mistakes. I have trouble typing things by hand since I suffered an injury last year to my right hand and it seizes up if I try to do too much.
"I love you."
Sam looked over at Brittany and smiled warmly at her words. "I love you too."
She nodded, then took a breath and continued, "I'm not in love with you."
"Oh…." He really didn't know what to say to that.
"I tried," she said, voice sad and earnest. "I really, really did…but that's the tricky thing about love, right? You don't have to try, it just happens and it's confusing because how do you know if it's friend love or love love if it's friend love first…but I learned that with Santana, so I know how it feels…."
Nodding, Sam plucked at the knee of his jeans. "Thanks for telling me, I guess."
Her eyes filled with tears. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear!"
There was no way Sam could let her cry. "I know," he told her and reached out, pulling her into a hug. "I know. I always knew you still love Santana… You and her are like Kurt and Blaine…."
"No, Kurt has a new boyfriend," Brittany murmured. "Santana doesn't have a new girl."
Sam blinked at her. "But, at the wedding…."
"They became Facebook official last week," she told him. "He's cute. Tall, blonde and British."
Groaning, Sam said, "I hate Facebook. I don't even remember my password…Shit! Blaine knows then… Do I mention it… No, stupid, of course not! I'll just have to distract him…."
"Sam," Britney interrupted, looking at him like she was just realizing something, "Do you like Blaine?"
"Huh?" He blinked. "Of course! He's my best bro!"
"No," she shook her head, "I mean, if you're not with me, you're with him and when you're with me, you talk about stuff you do with Blaine and you get all bright and happy."
Unsure what she was getting at, Sam said, "Well, yeah, we do awesome stuff together!"
"Do you think about seeing him when you're not together?"
Sam frowned. "Yeah." Of course he did. They had so many things going on, glee, student Council and their plan to overthrow Sue Sylvester's reign of terror, it was normal to think about Blaine…and, earlier in the year, Sam had been so worried about him, then happy when he started smiling again….
"Do you think about hugging him?"
Blaine did give awesome hugs. Warm and strong and he let Sam hold on for as long as he wanted. Since he was smaller, he fit perfectly against Sam, but he never felt like he'd break it Sam got overenthusiastic….
"Do you think about holding his hand?"
One night, during a movie, their hands had brushed and Sam had unthinkingly wrapped his fingers around Blaine's. Neither ever talked about it, just enjoyed the contact, as they were both tactile people.
"Do you feel like smiling when you see him?"
Was it weird that Blaine made him smile? Sam didn't think so. Usually when Blaine arrived, it meant something (most often fun) was going to happen. He even managed to make studying less of a brain melting thing. Somehow, his friend had the ability to make Sam feel good even when he was at his worst.
"Do you think he's handsome… Sexy?"
Well duh, Sam could see. Blaine was a really gorgeous guy. Sam was totally secure enough to admit when another dude was hot and Blaine really was. He had a nice, firm body, a really spectacular butt and really, really beautiful eyes….
Sam liked pretty eyes.
"Have you ever thought about kissing him?"
Didn't everyone occasionally think about kissing their friends? Teenage hormones and all. So what if he'd wondered if Blaine's Cupid bow lips were soft as they looked or pictured the way his dark lashes would flutter closed as he let out a tiny gasp as Sam pulled him close….
Oh.
OH.
"Sam, did I break you?" Brittany asked, sounding nervous and patting Sam's cheek. "Are you having a stroke?"
She sounded worried, so Sam forced himself to choke out a strangled, "No."
"You're all red."
"I like Blaine," he said, then fell backward onto her bed to stare at the ceiling. "I like my best friend…in a more than friend way."
"I know," she agreed, laying beside him and resting her head on his shoulder. "I've been there."
Never one to put much stock into labels, Sam was still thrown by the sudden truths that he liked a boy. Passing thoughts that some guy was attractive, or man-crushes on celebrities… He'd always just dismiss them as anything a evolved straight dude would think, but this was on a whole other level… "I'm not gay…not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but I like girls."
"I like both," she told him gently. "Maybe you do too. Or maybe you just like Blaine. Artie told me I'm pansexual, but I don't like pans, so it was silly."
As an 18-year-old in the year 2013, Sam had some vague idea that pansexuality was one of the always evolving definitions of sexuality )and had nothing to do with actual pans). There were a lot of them, and he never really paid much attention, cuz he really didn't care. Everyone should be able to love who they wanted, however they wanted and not feel judged and stuffed into a narrow box.
As long as everyone involved was old enough to consent (and did), Sam had no problem with anyone doing whatever made them feel good…Of course, everyone's definition of what felt good was different.
Sam still had the occasional bad dream about the one night he picked up some hours at The Rack, another club owned by the dude who ran Stallions in Kentucky. He'd never felt as vulnerable and scared as he had that night, wrists bound and locked high above his head, gagged and wearing very brief leather underwear.
The pay was great, but he been paddled and smacked around and hit with lashes and the things people said…how they touched him… It hadn't been sex, he never went that far, but it had been far too sexual and he never picked up another shift there despite repeated offers.
Shaking his head, he pushed the dark memories off to a corner of his brain and said, "I don't think it has anything to do with pans. I think it means you can see that everyone is attractive in some way and be attracted to them."
"There's something beautiful about everyone," she replied easily and, after a moment's thought, Sam nodded.
"You're right. Even Coach Sylvester loves her baby and that's beautiful."
"Of course I'm right," she said, tapping him on the nose. "I'm a genius."
In some ways, Sam was pretty sure that was true.
Blaine was a man on a mission.
His phone had just buzzed with a status update as he was about to close his locker, ready for an afterschool glee choreography session. Glancing at the screen, he sucked in a breath.
Brittany S Pierce is in a relationship with Santana Lopez.
Well, that would explain why Sam had been acting so weird lately.
Striding across the locker room, he asked, "Sam, why didn't you tell me?! I had to find out from Britt's…."
"She told you!" Sam interrupted, eyes wide and mouth falling open in shock. "Oh God, I'm sorry! It's just me being stupid, dude. You're my best friend I can't help it, but I promise I know nothing is gonna happen… I didn't even know it was happening until Britt laid out some truths and…."
"Sam!" Blaine exclaimed, holding up his hands to stop the flood of words pouring out of his friend. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Brittany just updated her status to in a relationship with Santana. You didn't…tell me you broke up…."
His own words slowed as he processed what Sam had been saying…but it still didn't make any sense.
Not really.
"Oh," Sam replied, shifting uncomfortably and pursing his lips. "Um yeah, me and Britt are cool. I'm fine. Really. Nothing to worry about."
"What do you think you're being stupid about, Sam?" Blaine asked, needing clarification, feeling silly for reading obviously false meaning in Sam's muddled ramble.
Sam stared at him with those big, nervous eyes, biting his lips before he murmured, "I… I don't want to ruin us, Dude. I always mess up somehow…."
Blaine knew enough about Sam's bundle of self-esteem/relationship issues to read between the lines, but he had to ask, "Do you have feelings for me?"
He spoke quietly, as Jake, Ryder, Artie and Joe were just across the room, but also because he didn't want to spook Sam, who averted his eyes, gnawing on his lip again before giving an abrupt nod and whispering, "Sorry… I didn't mean to say anything…."
There was no way Blaine could ignore the troubled look in Sam's eyes or his defensive, cross armed body language. He was clearly afraid Blaine was going to be mad at him and that just wouldn't do.
Reaching out, he laid gentle fingers on Sam's forearm. "Come talk to me, Sam. Not here."
Sam glanced him from behind shaggy bangs followed him quite docilely to the Astronomy room, a place Blaine knew Sam loved. He hoped it would comfort him.
First things first. "I'm not mad at you, Sam, just surprised," he said, leaning against one of the desks and watching as some of the tension melted from Sam's shoulders.
"Me too," Sam told him honestly, giving him a tiny, rueful smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. "And I'm sorry, because I know I'm out of line. You and Kurt are…."
"Friends," Blaine cut him off, trying not to wince. He was dealing with this. "We are friends. He has a boyfriend. It's healthy. Moving on is healthy."
Frowning, Sam said, "I didn't know about the boyfriend until Britt mentioned him… Do you need to vent or something? We could play paintball this weekend and you could shoot stuff… Feelings aside, you're my best friend and I'm totally here for you, Bro."
Blaine smiled. "I know. Paintball sounds fun, but I am okay, really. Are you? I mean… This is got to be new for you."
"Yeah," Sam nodded, then heaved a sigh. "But knowing you're not freaked out makes it easier."
"I was talking about the fact that I'm a guy," Blaine said gently. "And you've never shown an interest in men before."
"Oh," he said, then shrugged. "I had a moment of freaking out, yeah... But it's the heart, right? You can't control who you fall for in my heart says everything's good… So I'm cool."
Blaine smiled when Sam mentioned not being able to control who you liked, biting back a laugh as he asked, "Want to hear something ironic?"
"Sure."
Taking a breath, barely able to believe he was about to admit this, Blaine said, "I've had a crush on you for months."
Sam's eyes grew comically wide. "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"I had no clue!"
"That was because I didn't want things to be awkward between us," Blaine told him. "But clearly I underestimated the level of comfort between us… And I also didn't want to be the guy who chases straight guys. I don't do that."
Nodding slowly, Sam said, "Okay, let me get this straight. I like you and you like me, but were both totally afraid of ruining our insanely epic bromance."
"Sounds right," Blaine agreed, "and it's not like either of us have exemplary romantic track records. I'm terrible with romantic gestures, except for public serenades, and sometimes I get the timing all along."
"I go too big, too fast and I'm totally needy. Ms. P thinks I have attachment issues," Sam admitted softly. "I just want to love someone who wants to love me back."
He sounded so sad that Blaine's heart broke a little and he wet his lips. "Best friends first, okay?"
Sam nodded. "It's for the best I guess, cuz I couldn't take losing you…."
"No," Blaine said, stepping over to stand in front of Sam. "No, I mean it if you want to give this…us a chance, I do too. But we have to promise to always be friends."
"Oh," Sam seemed surprised, but nodded. "I'm good at being friends. Right after Britt and I broke up, we cuddled and talked about her and Santana and me liking you."
Blaine smiled. He could picture them doing just that. "Can I take you to dinner tonight?"
"I'd like that," Sam replied, then surprised Blaine by reaching out and taking his hand.
It was nice, Sam's hand is warm and slightly rough as Blaine remembered from that night they held hands during the movie and he gave their joined fingers a gentle tug. "C'mon, we better go check in on the rehearsal. You know Britt and Jake get kind of intense about the choreography if we're not there to rein them in."
"One of these days, Kitty's going to discover she's Pyrokinetic will set them on fire with her eyes," Sam agreed in let Blaine drop his hand as they exited the room, though he stayed close enough for their arms to brush.
"Which is why we need to be around," Blaine grinned. "We get stuff done without death and chaos… Well, without too much chaos."
Returning his smile, Sam held up his fist and, when Blaine bumped their knuckles, they chorused, "BLAM!"