A/N Opinions expressed by the characters are not a direct reflection of my own, particularly regarding mental health. Warning: There are mentions of attempted suicide, in the context of misunderstanding what Lucy was doing.
Trust exercises
"Wow, that sure was brave of you Lucy."
The blonde jerked her head up, startled. The use of her name dragged her away from the dark spiral of blame and fear in her thoughts; the weight of it suffocated her but for the moment she wasn't descending deeper.
"What?" Her eyes were still wet with tears, but she didn't try to wipe them away, more were bound to come.
Happy popped his head up next to her. "I was just telling everyone how you fought with Master Jose even though it meant you fell out of the doorway trying to escape."
There were a number of appreciative murmurs and a low growl of, "What a dirty trick."
Lucy looked from face-to-face a moment, her voice soft and quiet as she said, "But…I didn't fall out…not unknowingly…I guess…I did but…I actually, sort of, jumped."
There was a moment of stunned silence, jaws hanging open, and then the hollering started.
"What? Are you crazy?"
"Was your Father that awful to you?"
"You can't just go throwing your life away like that!" The last one was Natsu. He knelt down in front of her and took her shoulders so she had to look at him. "I know its pretty bad, but you are worth more than that!"
Happy hovered over his shoulder, concerned. "Aye."
Lucy looked into his eyes, bewildered, still feeling weighed down. Grief slowed her thoughts and made them sluggish.
"I wasn't throwing it away," she replied, voice a thin thread. "I knew you'd catch me."
Natsu froze. "You…what?"
Again stunned silence fell, before voices exploded.
"What?"
"Now I know she's crazy."
"Her Father must have been really awful for her to take that risk."
Natsu was still holding her shoulders. Lucy looked around at the horrified reactions, confused, and back to Natsu. He was staring at her in stunned shock.
"You promised me, remember?" she said, her voice wavering from emotion but the words clear and confident. "You promised that you would always catch me."
It took him a moment and then he remembered. That job of Lucy's that they'd tagged along on. The one they'd just come back from when they'd found the guild destroyed…was that really only a couple of days ago?
"Seems I have the better memory, huh?" she tried to joke weakly, but he could see the hurt at his forgetfulness crumbling away at what was left of her.
"Hey!" He brought his face up close to hers. "I may not have a good memory, but I never promise something I won't do." She gave a little intake of breath, her eyes sheened again with tears. "I may not remember what I promised but that doesn't mean I won't do it." His face was solemn. "Actions, for me, are much more important than words." He drew back a little, seeing it sink in. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks again. He grinned. "As it happens though, I do remember making that promise. I think I've still got the bruises…"
Lucy plodded down the path, clutching the request to herself protectively, her face a mask of exasperation.
"I can't believe this," she mumbled. Behind her, Erza strode along confidently, the rumble of the cart wheels as background noise, carrying the luggage. In front of her, Gray and Natsu were bickering as usual.
She sighed. "Next time, remind me to sneak away," she told Plue. The spirit pottered contentedly next to her and didn't seem to notice her despondency.
"It's this way."
"No, it's this way."
"What the hell are you talking about? This is the quickest route."
"The sign says to go this way."
Lucy lifted her head to find a fork in the road. Gray and Natsu each stood on their chosen piece of dirt, squaring off.
"So…which way is it?" she asked.
"This way!" they both shouted in unison and then glared at each other.
"What do you know about short cuts?" Gray sneered. "You'll just get us lost."
"Look," Natsu fumed, "you're just gonna have to trust me on this one!"
"Trust you? Ha! I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you."
"That wouldn't be very far then."
"Its an expression you idiot!"
Lucy pinged her eyes back and forth between the pair, muttering.
"You said you knew the way. That's why I let you come."
"I do know the way!" they both yelled at her and gritted their teeth at each other.
Lucy heard a clank as Erza came up behind her.
"Actually, that's not a bad idea," she mused, finger resting lightly on her chin.
Lucy looked at her hopefully.
"Let's do some trust exercises!" Erza announced and Lucy deflated.
"I thought you were going to tell us the way," she mumbled.
"As the strongest team," Erza announced, completely ignoring Lucy, "we need to work better together and trust is an important part of that."
Natsu and Gray looked put out.
"You don't think she'd gonna make us do that stupid catching exercise, do you?" Natsu whispered.
"What an excellent idea Natsu!" Erza congratulated.
Gray glared at the culprit, "Idiot."
Erza pointed at them both. "We shall start by splitting you two up. It will be difficult for you to trust each other so you will start easy. Natsu, go with Lucy, and I shall go with Gray."
Gray paled. "No…" he whimpered. Natsu let out a boisterous laugh and grabbing Lucy's arm, bounded off before Erza could change her mind.
"Make sure you don't drop her," he taunted In Gray's ear as he passed. Gray glared.
"Let's go over here Lucy. Then they can't watch us and laugh."
Lucy let herself be dragged. 'I just wanted to go on a request,' she thought miserably to herself.
"Right, let's begin," Natsu announced when they were suitably hidden from sight.
Lucy held up her hands and shook her head.
"Whoa, whoa, wait. I don't even now what it is we're doing."
Natsu raised an eyebrow at her, unimpressed.
"You serious?" She glared. He shrugged. "All right, well, basically you have to fall backwards, and the other person has to catch you."
Lucy blinked. "Is that it?"
"Yeah," he grinned, "like this," and then he just fell. Lucy, several feet away, yelped "Wait!" even as he crashed to the ground. Natsu sat up, covered in dust, and pouted at Lucy's horrified expression. "You're gonna need to move faster than that."
Happy fluttered over Natsu's prone body and looked at him upside down.
"I'm not sure you're doing it right, Natsu. I think Lucy is supposed to stand behind you..."
"That makes more sense," Lucy whimpered.
"What good is that?" Natsu snapped at Happy. "That isn't going to be how it happens in a fight."
She could see his point but still…
"Maybe we could start off easy and build up to that?" she suggested.
Natsu looked up at her from the ground before dropping his eyes with a huff. "Fine."
She got there eventually. Turned out that Natsu was really heavy and occasionally she dropped him because she wasn't quite prepared for the weight to fall.
"Lucy!" he yelped after they both collapsed under his weight, again.
"Well, I think we've learnt that I can catch you," she said, trying to ease her legs out from under him. "Turns out I just can't hold you." She sighed, mentally berating herself. It must have come out in her tone because Natsu, not the most perceptive of individuals, gave her a look.
"Hey, you tried right? We just need to build your strength. The coordination is there. Unlike…" He quickly snapped his mouth shut and glanced over his shoulder.
'He was going to say Erza.'
She found herself smiling a little. If Fairy Tail's strongest female wizard could be a bit clumsy then maybe she'd be all right too.
"My turn then." She got up, brushing herself off, purely from habit. With all the time they'd spent on the ground it made little difference at this point.
"Ready Natsu?" she asked nervously. Now that she actually had to do this fear was fluttering in her stomach. Natsu made it look so easy to fall but she couldn't quite bring herself to.
"Ready when you are." She could hear the grin in his voice.
'You won't be falling for long,' she reassured herself. 'Natsu will catch you.'
"Right," she whispered and let herself fall. In the same instant there was a crash in the near distance followed by a yell. Natsu turned his head to look, and Lucy hit the ground hard.
"Sounded like Gray," he murmured, oblivious to Lucy's groans. "Sounded like he dropped Erza." Happy grinned. Natsu mirrored it. "Wanna go check it out."
"Aye, Sir." The winged cat fluttered off.
"Jerk," Lucy muttered, sitting herself up.
Natsu looked at her as though just realising she was there.
"Opps," he rubbed the back of his head and laughed self-consciously. "Sorry Lucy."
"Don't you 'sorry Lucy' me," she almost shrieked, "you did that on purpose to get me back. So much for trust."
"What?" he held his hands up placatingly, "No, no. I just…well…forgot you were falling."
The anger drained away abruptly, leaving her weak.
"You…forgot…" She felt it twist her insides. That old, stale insecurity. Being lost. Alone. Forgotten. Unneeded. Nobody even realising she was gone. Lucy lifted her eyes to him, frowning quietly and Natsu realised he'd said the wrong thing. Her eyes were shimmering like she was repressing tears, but he couldn't hear any in her voice when she spoke, just hurt and anger on a low burn. She got to her feet as she replied.
"Fine. Why don't you and Gray and Erza and Happy go fulfil this request on your own, since I am so easily forgotten." She turned on her heel to stalk off. Natsu was left in stunned dismay and confusion, not entirely sure what just happened.
"Wha – Lucy?"
She was determined not to listen, eyes resolutely focused on the horizon, stomping away…the tree root came out of nowhere. She felt the wrench on her foot, the sickening lurch of awareness that she couldn't right herself, the ground coming at her fast. If she'd had time she would have remarked mentally on the cruelness of life laughing at her expense, instead she only had the awareness to shriek.
She didn't hit the ground, well, not all of her. Natsu was suddenly there, his arms out in front of him. She took him out, momentum driving them both to the ground. Her knee hit the earth with a nasty thunk but Natsu took the majority of the force as she fell against his chest. It took her a long moment to process what had happened. Her knee throbbed.
Natsu groaned a little and she abruptly pushed herself off him.
"You…you caught me."
Natsu sat up and rubbed the back of his head ruefully. "Yeah. Do me a favour though, next time, and fall from higher. It'll give me more chance to catch you."
They sat almost side-by-side, propping themselves up on their arms, letting the bruises form.
"But…before…" Lucy whispered, feeling abashed at her earlier reaction.
Natsu levelled a serious gaze at her. "Its like I said – that stupid trust exercise. It isn't real. I might forget to catch you when it doesn't matter, when it's a game, but I will always catch you when you need me to."
Lucy's eyes shimmered with unshed tears, her insecurities smoothing out. "Really?"
"Hey," Natsu winked at her, "I'll even promise." He sat fully upright, as though the repeated falls had no effect on him, and shifted onto his knees so he could look her full in the face.
Lucy felt her heart speed up, her face flush a little. She didn't examine the reasons why.
"Lucy, I promise that I will always catch you." He grinned at her and she couldn't help but echo the infectious smile. "Good enough?"
"Yeah, I suppose," but the smile made her words a tease rather than a slap.
Natsu got to his feet and stretched.
"All right! Let's go finish that request."
They remained sat looking at each other, each remembering that day and how carefree it was. So much had changed. Their worlds felt darker.
Lucy's eyes were full of despair, deep and infinite, and Natsu realised with a nasty jolt that she was falling now, right in front of him. Her body was stationary but inside she had stepped off a cliff. His hands tightened reflexively on her shoulders and he saw her give a little start.
"I'm going to catch you this time too," he whispered, voice full of conviction.
"Natsu?" she murmured, a little confused.
"You're part of my team, Lucy. They will not take you. You will stop falling. I will make this stop."
She shook her head miserably and he watched her slip away a little more. He stood abruptly and took a step back.
"Hey! Look at me!" he insisted, and she weakly lifted her head to meet his burning eyes. "I will catch you. I will end this." There was a pause as he let his words sink in. "I promise."
That was when the first rumble shook the building.