Elena's radio alarm woke me up. I slapped in the general direction of it to no avail before covering my ears with my pillow. The volume went down to a reasonable level but the music played on. I looked up to find Elena dancing and singing along with Rihanna while making her bed. I smiled. It was so nice to have her back. It was exactly like having the old Elena back. There was something slightly shallow about it, but she was happy so I was happy. I let my eyes flutter closed again and took comfort in the soft music, the rustling of clothes, the water running in the sink and the jangle of keys.
"Bye, Care," Elena whispered.
I opened my eyes. She looked so cute and young and happy in her tossed-on hoodie and messy ponytail. I smiled as she let herself out and the door clinked shut softly behind her.
Once she was gone, the loneliness settled back in. I hadn't registered for my classes yet so I had nowhere to go. I had no one to talk to. I had nothing. And after several failed attempts, I found that I couldn't even get back to sleep.
Reluctantly, I tossed back my fluffy white comforter and climbed out of bed. I made my bed, smoothed Elena's bed which had not been made to my liking, cleaned the bathroom, straightened the blood bags in the mini fridge and reorganized my clothes before heading to the shower.
My mind raced in the shower. My heart seemed to pound, even though that was impossible. Things were so weird now. I almost preferred the brand of loneliness I experienced all summer to this new kind. Now I had some ghost of Elena past, and while it was so wonderful...I wish it was real.
And things with Stefan were so icky. I had said so much, more than I should have. I knew that I was being selfish but I just...couldn't stop. Couldn't stop my heart from just tumbling straight out of my mouth and landing with a dull thud on the forest floor. Where Stefan proceeded to take one look at it before stepping over it and walking away. And now I was lonely AND humiliated. I made some attempt not to cry in the shower, but it was, as with most things in my life these days, an epic failure.
I heard my phone ringing over the sound of water and sobbing. Probably Enzo. I wished he could take a hint. I try not to associate with brutal murderers. Even when they're basically all I have.
Feeling adequately scrubbed and all cried out, I finally stepped out of the shower. I wrapped up in a fluffy towel and looked at myself in the mirror. Thankfully because of vampire healing, my eyes didn't puff up for hours after having a good, long cry. A sound from our room startled me and I crept slowly out of the bathroom to see who it was.
"Elena?" I asked, as I entered the room.
I stopped in my towel-clad tracks. Stefan.
"Hey, oh, sorry," Stefan said awkwardly, turning around once he realized I was in a towel. I thought about how Damon had reacted after catching me in a towel. Stefan was the polar opposite. A gentleman. I remembered why I liked him. Why I wanted him to remember why he likes me.
I composed myself, attempting to not be an emotional mess this time around.
"It's okay," I said, casually, walking toward the closet to get something to wear.
"You want me to...?" he started, walking toward the door.
"What are you doing here, Stefan?" I interrupted, holding my towel up and my clothes in front of me.
"I should have called first, sorry," he kept apologizing. He should have called first? Was he here to apologize?
"You never have to call first, Stefan," I said, beginning to thaw my icy demeanor, "You're always welcome."
He smiled.
"So, Elena's in class then?" he asked, hands in pockets.
I froze back up immediately. He was here for Elena. And I was an idiot. Again.
Of course. He had now what he's wanted for years. His perfect Elena back. All shiny and new.
I pulled my towel more tightly around myself, unsure of how to act now. Don't act like a psycho. Don't act like a psycho. I kept reminding myself.
I pasted a smile on my face, "Yeah, she's in class until noon. Want me to have her call you when she gets out?" The smile felt so fake that it almost felt like someone had hooked a finger into each side of my mouth and was stretching it out for me.
Stefan sensed my awkwardness, which only made me feel more nervous.
"Yeah, that would be great...," he smiled, "I'll just walk around campus for a while, then. Thanks, Caroline."
I wanted to scream. My stomach was tight. Why was he doing this to me? Why was I letting him?
"No problem," I said, my face weak from holding a smile.
"Sorry again about..." he said, motioning toward me, struggling to hold both my towel, my clothes, and my smile.
It was beginning to offend me how horrified he was to be in the same room with me in a towel. That was as good a sign as any that I needed to somehow purge these pesky feelings I was having for him. He didn't have the decency to peek at me?!
I forced out a chuckle, "Don't worry about it."
He nodded with a sad smile and let himself out. My shoulders and face slumped with exhaustion as the door shut behind him.
I could suddenly barely remember a time when we were best friends. I dropped my clothes and sat on the edge of my bed, giving myself back over to the tears. When would this nightmare ever end? Maybe I should have Alaric erase my memories too? I heard that's all the rage these days.
I pulled myself together before Elena came back in from class. I had a message to deliver, and I had to find a way to do it as cheerfully as possible. When she scampered in, I made sure that she found me dressed and with dry eyes.
Her presence in the room immediately made me feel better. No wonder Stefan wanted to spend time with her instead of me. She was a ray of sunshine and I was a pit of tears.
She looked a little guilty and sad as I told her that Stefan had stopped by for her. I wasn't used to her caring so much about my feelings. It had been so long since she'd thought of anyone besides herself and Damon, honestly. I smiled to reassure her that I didn't mind her spending time with Stefan. She had asked me if I had feelings for him. I said that I thought I had. Not that I knew for a fact that I still did. And I wouldn't tell her. Because what good would that do?
I didn't let my face fall until she stepped out to the lobby to call Stefan back. I heard her laugh her beautiful laugh at one of his jokes as they made plans to go out tonight. I felt pathetic as tears stung my eyes once again.
Even after everything that's happened, I wasn't the one. I was never the one.