Warnings: One use of bad language, reference to mental illness
Disclaimer: Don't own Thor or Doctor Who
If anyone were to pass Loki's cell, they would see the would-be king sitting on his bed, a book in his hand and a smirk on his lips.
Yet this was nothing more than an illusion.
In reality, Loki sat in the corner of the room, huddled into a loose ball with his knees drawn up to his chest. He was trembling from head to toe, his eyes flickering from blue to green and back again in the middle of his pale, sweating face.
It was a growing heat in his back pocket that distracted from his suffering; he nearly gasped as it burned him through the fabric. His finger shook as he reached into his pocket, plucking from it the one object he had managed to sneak into his cell: a seemingly piece of blank paper.
Loki turned it over in his hands, his eyes scouring the familiar handwriting that appeared upon it.
I'm coming for a visit. Make sure there's an illusion in place to hide me. I'll see you soon.
No sooner had he read the words than a familiar wheezing sound filled the cell. Loki tucked the psychic paper back into his pocket and prepared an illusion.
He winced as the illusion fell into place, leaving his consciousness vulnerable to attack from the forces he had been fighting ever since he had been thrown in this cell. He simply didn't have the energy to maintain a fight on two fronts.
As he looked up, he caught his reflection in the glass: his eyes had shifted once more from green to blue, and a heavy, oppressive sensation had once again settled itself into his mind. It mattered little, however; he would soon have help.
He was ripped from his reverie by the sound of the TARDIS doors opening with a creak. He schooled his features into a smile, only for it to falter when he saw the look on his Doctor's face, hidden though it was behind his messy fringe as his head was dipped towards the floor.
His dress reminded Loki of when he had seen him with Amy and Rory, though the colours were dulled: he no longer wore his jacket, and his braces were black rather than red. His hands were buried in the depths of his trouser pockets.
"Doctor?" Loki asked.
At the sound of his name, the Doctor looked up from the floor and gave Loki a small smile. It didn't reach his eyes.
"Hello, Loki."
The Doctor's heels scuffed on the floor as he made his way over to the wall against which Loki was leaning. With a thump, he threw his back against it and slid down to the floor, his long legs stretching out before him.
Loki looked from the Doctor to the TARDIS and back again.
"I hope you did not come all this way merely to sit in silence. What is it you want?"
The Doctor huffed, his lips quirking into a humourless smile. "What do I want? I want to go back."
"You are the one with the time machine."
"Time can't always be rewritten."
Loki made to reply, but all that came out was a sharp gasp as a sudden pain shot through his very mind. His illusion shimmered around them, and he had to quickly force it back into place.
When he had recovered, he asked,
"Why are you here, Doctor?"
The Doctor lifted his head, and fixed Loki with a serious expression. A beat passed, then:
"New York."
Loki grit his teeth and pushed himself to his feet, his hands balling into fists at his sides as he glared down at the Doctor. "I have been in here for months, and you only now deem it necessary to come to me? Where were you at my trial before Odin? Where were you when he clapped me in irons?"
The Doctor held up a hand, and Loki silenced.
The Doctor lowered his hand. "You are not the only one to have made a mistake in New York."
Loki scoffed. "What, when you sent me down to Earth instead of taking me with you? Leaving me to be caught by Earth's Mightiest Heroes and then brought back here so I could spend the rest of my days rotting in the dungeons of the man I most despise?"
"Loki-"
"So I am forced to accept that Thor no longer cares for me, and I will never see my mother again except in illusions that she sends me against the Allfather's wishes?"
"Loki…"
As the trickster's voice rose, the image of him idly reading on the bed began to flicker in and out of existence.
"All because you left me in the Sanctuary in the first place-"
"Loki!"
Loki gasped as though he had been struck. His legs suddenly weak beneath him, he stumbled back until he collided with the wall. He rested his trembling form against it, his palms splayed out either side of him to keep him upright.
The illusion had faded completely during his rant. He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and schooled his magic to recast the illusion.
When he opened his eyes, the Doctor was glaring up at him, a fury in his eyes such as Loki had never seen.
Loki suddenly had to remind himself that he was not the oldest person in this room.
"This is not about you, Loki!"
Loki narrowed his eyes. "So I am to act as a balm for whatever injury you have sustained, without being afforded the knowledge of what it is that troubles you?"
The Doctor sighed, exasperated. "It's not entirely about you."
"Then why are you here?"
The Doctor's expression wavered, his eyes glistening. "Because I lost people in New York too."
Loki winced, remembering the girl who had breathed her last on the floor of the TARDIS control room hundreds of miles above her home. "Clara?"
The Doctor's brow furrowed. "Clara?"
Loki's eyes widened. "Shit. I'm sorry. I don't think that's happened for you."
The Doctor waved it away. "I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. But I'm not talking about your attempted invasion. I'm talking about eighty years before that." The Doctor bit his lip. "Amy," he croaked. "And Rory."
"The warrior who bested me?"
The Doctor looked away, his eyes clouding over and his shoulders tensing. "I was supposed to protect them. I told Rory's father…"
The Doctor trailed off into silence.
Loki stood by the wall, unsure of what to do. As slowly as he dared to move, he took his seat by the Doctor's side again, huddled in the very corner of his cell. He looked over at the man beside him, opened his mouth, and then closed it again.
The Doctor took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. A tear escaped, running down his cheek; he wiped it away. "Believe it or not, Loki, but you are the only friend I have at the moment."
"You think me a friend?"
The Doctor looked over at Loki, his brow furrowed. "Of course."
A strange prickling sensation irritated at Loki's eyes, and he suddenly found it difficult to breathe. He let out a loud, slow breath, trembling lightly from head to toe. "Do not toy with me, Doctor," he whispered.
The Doctor's expression softened. "Oh, Loki. I am sorry."
The illusion around them flickered once more. "Then get me out of here." Loki turned to the Doctor, resting his palm on the floor between them. "Take me with you. Release me from this cell."
"I can't do that."
"Why not?"
The Doctor paused. "Because I can't," he whispered. "I can't travel with anyone else. I can't lose anyone else."
Loki blinked. "You would prefer to travel alone?"
"If you're here, I know you're safe. It would be completely different if you were to come with me."
"If I'm here, I rot!" Loki exclaimed, waving a hand in the direction of his bed. The fake him turned another page of his book. "With you-"
"You will face extraordinary danger."
Loki chuckled, though his laughter grew until he had to wrap a hand around his thin torso as his frame rattled with mirth.
"I have an Infinity Stone in my head," he breathed, once he could. "I have been the plaything of the Other and of Thanos. What danger could you possibly show me that would be extraordinary?"
"I have met you out of order. Surely you must know the dangers of doing so."
The smile melted from Loki's face. "The timelines. Knowing the future."
The Doctor nodded slowly. "I know your future, Loki. I cannot take you from this cell. Not yet."
"So you do take me from this cell?" Loki asked.
The Doctor cringed. "I didn't say that."
"Then what are you saying?"
The Doctor didn't answer straight away: he sat there, staring at the ground by his feet. He blinked once. Then he spoke.
"I am saying that I am in pain, Loki. I have lost two of my friends. I have lost my wife. And I am saying that I wanted to spend time with the one friend I have left."
Loki scowled. "Then you visit me now? Why not visit me as a boy? Why come to this broken shell of a Laufeyson-"
"Loki."
Loki clamped his mouth shut. He fought to keep a straight face despite the burning behind his eyes.
"I think you need me as well."
"Like you thought I needed you when you took me to Gallifrey?" Loki spat.
The Doctor winced. "I was young then. I still believed that I could… change things. Things that should never be touched. I could never stop what happened to you, nor could I change the part that I played in it myself. Back then, I was acting arrogantly; I thought that you needed me because of me. This time, I come with no such intentions. This is a two-way street."
Loki bit his lip and tried to avoid meeting the Doctor's eyes. When he spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper.
"The only thing I need from you, Doctor, is to get me out of this cell."
The Doctor smiled. "That I can do. But only temporarily. You need to maintain an illusion over your cell so that no one sees that you are gone, and I will return you here."
Loki gulped, disappointed at being offered nothing more than a mere taste of freedom: but it was a taste that he was too weak to deny himself.
"Where can we go?"
"Anywhere you want."
"And anywhen?"
The Doctor pursed his lips. "No. This has to be in real time. And I'm afraid you can't ask why."
Loki nodded in understanding.
Dropping his gaze to the floor, he wracked his brain for a destination. He had passed by so many worlds when he had been floating in the Void: so many planets and populations. He had wanted to set foot on every single one of them, even if for nothing more than a break in the monotony into which he had literally thrown himself.
As he thought, his head began to ache. The illusion flickered once or twice, and it took all of his concentration just to keep it in place.
He sighed. This was no use. He couldn't think straight.
Loki looked up. "Take me out of my head."
The Doctor nodded. "I have just the place." He extended his arm so that his sleeve was shunted up his arm, revealing a gold-strapped watch. He peered at the watch face and smiled. "And it's the perfect time, too."
He pushed himself eagerly to his feet, suddenly having regained his usual energy. He marched over to the TARDIS, placing one foot inside. While still half-hanging out of the ship, he gestured for Loki to follow him in.
Loki wasted no time in making his way over to the TARDIS and following the Doctor inside. He was surprised to see that the console room was no different from the last time this Doctor had seen him.
The door closed behind him, and the Doctor began to flick levers and push buttons on the controls.
"Right! Have you got an illusion in place over your cell?"
Loki closed his eyes, working his magic out of the TARDIS and into his cell beyond, strengthening the illusion already in place. When it was secure, he opened his eyes and nodded at the Doctor.
"Excellent!"
With a flamboyant flourish, the Doctor flicked the last lever up, and the time rotor began to move.
They were flying for about five minutes before the ship landed with its usual thump.
"Where are we?" Loki asked, eyeing the door.
The Doctor smirked, something like mischief glinting in his eyes. He gestured towards the door of the TARDIS with a sweeping gesture of his arm. "Go outside."
Loki grit his teeth in impatience, though he found the Doctor's enthusiasm infectious. He made his way over to the door, pulling it open and stepping outside.
The world beyond was a simple landscape of trees and rocks, the same as places he had seen on Earth. Yet he knew immediately that this was most certainly not Earth. His shoulders sagged as all of the tension left his body. With each breath he took, he found himself being flooded with an overwhelming sense of peace.
His eyes and limbs suddenly felt heavy, and yet he felt as though he was floating, a similar and yet opposite sensation to the one he had experienced in the Void.
He started, opening his eyes again, when the Doctor threw an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to his side. He was surprised to find that the sensation was not unpleasant.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the Doctor grinning.
"What… what is this place?" he stammered, his tongue feeling strangely heavy in his mouth.
"Welcome, Loki, to the Eye of Orion. The most peaceful place in the galaxy." The Doctor explained, his voice low. He leaned into Loki's ear. "I thought we both needed that."
Loki nodded in agreement. He had no sooner blinked away the blurriness than the Doctor was removing his arm from around his shoulders and slotting his hand into the crook of his elbow, pulling him to the right.
"It's nearly time," the Doctor told him. "We have to find a decent place."
"Time for what?"
The Doctor looked over his shoulder and flashed Loki a wide grin.
The Doctor pulled Loki through a small copse of trees, the occasional leaf cracking underfoot, though no sound was loud enough to disturb the intense calm that seemed to completely envelop them.
They had been walking for a mere five minutes or so when they emerged from the treeline onto a large stony path. The path reached ten feet from the treeline out to a sheer cliff, dropping down into a valley below.
The view was breath-taking.
The cliff was high enough to see the land as it stretched outwards to the horizon, blocked only by the occasional hill. Above the peaks, the sky stretched on endlessly.
The sky which was just beginning to turn pink.
"It'll be sunset soon." The Doctor pulled Loki nearer to the cliff edge and sat down with him. "Have you ever watched a sun set, Loki?"
Loki took a deep breath, still finding it difficult to speak. "I did once. A long time ago, on Asgard. Back when Thor and I…"
He trailed off, biting his lip at the intense sorrow that grew within his chest at the thought of those happy times which were now nothing more than a distant memory.
The Doctor brushed his hand down Loki's forearm and intertwined his fingers with the trickster's. The Mind Stone awoke within him, ordering him to pull his hand away. Yet the overwhelming calm of the Eye helped him fight back with almost no effort.
It took all he had not to burst into tears with relief.
Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw the Doctor observing him. Loki kept his gaze fixed on the view before him and the changing sky, too emotionally exhausted to do much else.
"I'm so sorry, Loki." The Doctor spoke with little more than a whisper, but in the intense quiet, he might as well have been shouting at the top of his voice. "I never realised how hard you would have to fight the Stone."
Loki swallowed thickly, feeling a lump beginning to form in his throat. "It's easier here. Can I stay here?"
There was a pause. "You'll have to go back to your cell eventually."
"Because of the future?"
The Doctor nodded. "Because of the future."
Loki grit his teeth, forming a fist with his free hand and slamming it down on the ground.
"Damn the future!" he exclaimed. He rounded on the Doctor, his eyes blazing.
The Doctor's eyes widened and he recoiled slightly, but his grip remained tight around Loki's hand.
"The future that has already been seen is only one possibility. It can be changed. I have a choice."
The Doctor stared at him, his eyes sad.
"It doesn't work like that. Once the future has already been read, it has to happen."
"And you have read my future?"
"Effectively."
Loki fought back the tears threatening to spill. The Doctor stared at him sympathetically. Normally that would have angered Loki, but today, he just couldn't find it in himself to care. He was just too tired.
"Can you at least fix my head?" he murmured.
The Doctor nodded. "I can try."
The Doctor slipped his hand from Loki's, and reached both of his hands up to Loki's head. He pressed his fingers into the trickster's temple and told him to close his eyes.
"Are you ready?"
"I am."
"If there's anything you don't want me to see, just hide it."
Loki nodded, but the action was cut short when he felt a presence within his mind. It was not an unpleasant sensation, but it was strange to suddenly become the minority in his own mind, sitting on the back bench while the Doctor fought the Mind Stone for him. A bright blue light danced on the inside of Loki's eyelids, and his head pounded with every attempt by the Stone to maintain control over him.
The battle raged for a few more minutes before the Doctor pulled back with a scoff.
Loki opened his eyes as the Doctor lowered his hands from his head.
"What happened?"
The Doctor pursed his lips. "The influence is too strong. You've been under its control for too long. I'm not sure the connection will ever be fully broken."
Loki blinked. "But… I feel better."
The Doctor nodded. "I managed to get rid of most of it. But you'll never be able to go completely back to the way you were."
Loki frowned. "So I am without hope?"
The Doctor didn't answer, and that was all Loki needed to know.
Loki turned from the Time Lord to stare out at the view before them. He took two deep breaths, forcing the tears to stay where they were.
He jumped when an arm wrapped around his shoulders. The Doctor pulled Loki down until his head was resting on his shoulder. He shifted slightly, making himself more comfortable, and didn't protest when the Doctor reached up to his head and began carding his fingers through his hair.
"Why didn't you come back for me?" he asked quietly. "Why did you leave me with them?"
"I told you. Your future had already been written. There was nothing I could do to change it. What happened in… New York… was a fixed point in time. Bad things happen when you change fixed points."
Loki shifted his head so that he could see the Doctor's face. The Doctor was staring resolutely ahead, his eyes dark.
"How do you know that?"
The Doctor's lips quirked. "River."
"River?"
The hand on Loki's head stilled. The Doctor refused to turn away from the view.
"You're yet to meet her," the Doctor mumbled.
"I meet her?"
The smile grew on the Doctor's face.
"Oh, you'll meet her."
"Who is she?"
The smile faltered.
"She was my wife."
Loki frowned. "Was?"
The Doctor's lips wavered before he spoke. "She's… gone."
"Dead?"
"Sort of."
"How can you be-"
The Doctor's eyes flashed, and for a moment, Loki felt something like terror.
"It doesn't matter! I've lost her. I lost Rory. Then I lost Amy. And then I lost River."
"And now all you have left is a Jotun runt."
The Doctor looked down at him, fury burning in his eyes.
"Do not call yourself that."
"Is it not true?"
The Doctor pursed his lips. "It doesn't matter where you've come from. How other people see you. It matters what you become. Your choices."
Loki scoffed. "I only make bad choices. The Mind Stone keeps it that way. And it seems it will continue to do so for the rest of my days."
The Doctor shook his head. "You may be influenced by the Mind Stone, but it by no means controls you. You have changed, Loki, and that is something that no one can do anything about. Everyone changes. How many of my faces have you seen by this point? Everyone becomes more than one person throughout their lifetimes; it is only Time Lords whose changes are reflected on the outside."
Loki gulped. "But I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to make bad decisions. I don't want to be… evil."
Loki pushed himself up from the Doctor's shoulder, splaying one palm on the ground between him and the Doctor. He stared down at the ground. The Doctor reached over to him, placing his palm against his cheek and turning his head to face him.
"You're not evil, Loki."
Loki scoffed, making to pull back from the Doctor's hand, but the Doctor held him in place.
"I could sense that even in the middle of battle, even before I knew you. There is a reason I saved you that day. I could have left you to die when that missile was heading for the Chitauri ship. But you are not evil. I have met evil. And I have destroyed evil. I did not destroy you. I saved you because you are worth saving."
"How can you say that?" Loki rasped.
The Doctor sighed. "I can't tell you."
"Then what am I supposed to do?"
The Doctor looked to the side. He dropped his hand from Loki's face.
"Watch the sunset."
Neither of them spoke in the hour and a half it took for the sun to finally fully dip beyond the horizon, leaving the sky dark and glinting with stars. The questions racing through Loki's mind were slowly silenced, one by one, as he watched. Even the whispering of the Mind Stone fell quiet in those moments, and he almost felt as though he was being taken out of himself. If not for the fact that he could still see the Doctor out of the corner of his eye, he would have believed that there was nothing else in the entire universe but him.
It was a sensation dangerously close to that which he had felt in the Void. Yet somehow it was peaceful, rather than terrifying. Maybe it was because he knew that whatever situation he was in, the Doctor would pull him out of it. He just had to wait long enough for the Man in the Blue Box to show up.
"That was beautiful," Loki whispered, when it was all over.
"It was indeed." The Doctor shifted, turning to Loki. "But we really should be getting back."
Loki had known that it was coming, but he couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that settled in his stomach at actually hearing the words.
"Must we?"
"We must."
Loki held back a groan as he pushed himself to his feet and made to follow the Doctor back to the TARDIS. As they approached, Loki spotted the ship's light on the roof, glowing like a beacon of hope against the night.
The light of the console room seemed cheap and artificial in comparison.
They didn't speak as the TARDIS travelled back to Loki's cell on Asgard. At the thought of being in a place with a bed – albeit a dungeon bed – Loki suddenly felt extraordinarily tired. He hadn't realised just how much of an effect maintaining an illusion over such a great distance for so long would have on him, and now he desired nothing more than to sleep.
The TARDIS landed. The door creaked as the Doctor pushed it open. He looked over his shoulder at Loki, who was still standing by the control panel. The Time Lord's eyes softened, and Loki followed him wordlessly back into his cell.
Once they were both outside, the Doctor placed his hands on Loki's shoulders, holding him out in front of him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you, Loki. You didn't deserve any of the things that have befallen you."
"You seem so sure, Doctor."
The Doctor's lips quirked into a sad smile. "That's because I am."
The Doctor raised himself to his toes and pulled Loki down to press a soft kiss on Loki's temple. Then, without another word, he turned and went back into the TARDIS.
"Doctor-"
But the door was already closing, and the TARDIS was already taking flight.
Loki sighed, and looked over his shoulder at his illusion, nearing the end of his book. He took its place and dissolved the illusion, before lying back on the bed.
Yet as stared up at the ceiling above him, he couldn't help but think that had it sounded an awful lot like the Doctor had been saying goodbye.
UPDATE 30/05/16: The next part of the Loki and the Doctor series, The Babe in the Bundle, has been uploaded.