By: Cecile Li
He waited for the darkness give way to light. He waited for the stars disappear into clouds. And he waited beside his bike on the bay he would show Gretchen if he lived.
Donnie didn't want to die. Of course he didn't want to, delusional as he was. He wanted to live. But he wanted Gretchen…or whatever her name was, to live.
"Donnie Darko…" He whispered to himself, waiting ever so patiently for his death to come.
He heard wheels whirring behind him and a girl's voice.
He froze. Could it be? Could this unexpected twist in his fate be Jesus's temptation?
"Hey, you!" called an out-of-breath voice, running towards him. Donnie didn't turn around. "I said you!" The feet stopped directly behind him, the girl bending down to touch him. He stood up quickly, sending the girl falling, causing her hair to fly into her face. Donnie turned slowly, praying she didn't have brown hair. The girl climbed to her feet, brushing her long brown hair away from her face. "What are you doing here, staring out at the ocean?" Her angry face softened when she saw Donnie's expression. "I'm Gretchen Ross. What's your name?"
Donnie couldn't move. The last time he had seen her, there were wheel marks over her lovely unseeing face and she was undeniably dead. And now, she was so close to him, unbelievably real and alive. "D-Donnie Darko."
She frowned then, tilting her head to a side. "Donnie Darko? Sounds like some superhero or something."
He could feel the tears coming up in his eyes. Swallowing the sob, he smiled at the memory. "What makes you think I'm not?"
She blinked. Then blinked again. She looked down at the ground, her face perplexed. "Funny…that phrase…"
Donnie felt a tiny glimmer of hope rise in his chest. "What?"
She looked up again, shaking her head. "Nothing." She cleared her throat, shifting slightly. "So why are you here so early?"
He had to force himself to keep still. He wanted to hold her so badly, to check that she was really breathing. "To see the sunrise." For the first and last time.
She smiled a little. "Really?" She sat down, closing her eyes. Donnie sat next to her, careful to keep his distance. She looked at him, her eyes yearning for something, something Donnie couldn't tell. "I feel like I know you, Donnie. I-I feel like we've met before, somehow, somewhere. I…." She laughed suddenly, a high-pitched laugh that mocked herself. Donnie hoped she wouldn't be able to see his tears in the dim morning light. "I'm crazy aren't I? I've felt crazy ever since I got into this town. I feel like…I feel as if I can keep running and running, but I'll never run away from him. I feel like I'm going to meet my doom here. I feel death in this town. I feel like I'm going to lose something terribly precious here, something I'll never be able to find again." She paused, feeling her tear-stained cheek. She covered her mouth to stop herself from saying anymore. "Am I crazy, Donnie?" Her dark eyes gazed into Donnie's, both full of unsaid feelings.
He held her as she collapsed, crying into his arms. He stroked her hair comfortingly, holding her slim figure in his arms. He wished this moment could go on forever.
Donnie watched as she slowly stopped crying and started to fall asleep. When he was sure she was asleep, he sighed regretfully. Why was he so doomed? Why did God decide to punish him by letting him fall in love only to realize he must die to save the world and the girl he loved? There was nothing he could do. He had done all he could and it didn't help much did it? If he didn't die…the world would end and she would be gone forever.
He smiled at the rising sun. "It's okay. If I die, everything will be okay. If I die, you can live and grow up to see how beautiful the world can be." He touched her hair gently, feeling her in his fingers. God, she was so beautiful. If only she knew that she made the world beautiful to him. If only she knew how much he loved her, how much he'd do for her. But it was all right. As long as she went on making the world beautiful, he'd do anything.
He wiped off a tear on her strangely peaceful face and caressed her cheek.
"There once was a boy who hated the world. He was stupid. Disturbed. Had emotional problems. But then one day, a girl came into his life. She told him how she wanted to see something that reminded her how beautiful the world could be. He never told her that she was the one who made the world beautiful to him, no matter how many times she cried and her stepfather scared her.
"Then, the girl died and the boy found out that it was all his fault. If he died, the girl could live. She could live and grow up and make the world beautiful for someone else. If the boy had died before he had even met her, everything would be all right. The world would be back in balance. Even if he never even knew her real name, he went back in time to meet the death he had cheated. The girl would live after his death and never know of anything that had happened. Never know how much he fucking loved her. Never know how much I fucking loved you. But she lived happily ever after." Donnie's voice started cracking and his fingers trembled.
"But, you know, that's okay. Because I'm not lonely anymore. I think I finally know why I lived those extra 28 days. It was so I could meet you and see how beautiful the world could be if I died. So I wouldn't be alone when I died. That's good enough for me." He kissed her forehead softly and set her down on the grassy ground. "So bye Gretchen. Don't ever forget, I love you so fucking much."
And he got up and biked home to prepare to meet his Maker.
Donnie waited in bed patiently. The note was in Gretchen's mailbox and deep down he hoped she would remember. Some childish part of him hoped that this wasn't real, that he wouldn't have to die. It hoped that this was just a big bad dream and mommy would come and save him. It wanted both himself and Gretchen Ross but he could only pick one. He picked Gretchen Ross.
He tossed and turned in bed, waiting for the telltale beep of Frank's horn. Please hurry, he thought. He just missed Gretchen too much. Please hurry.
He heard a rustling down in the rose bushes below his window. He froze. "Donnie. Donnie!" A voice called up to him. Stay still, he told himself. Don't move. It was Gretchen, he knew it was her. "Donnie! Please!" He'd just go to his window and see her one last time before he left. If he heard Frank, he'd hurry back to his bed.
He walked slowly to his window, cranking open the glass. "Gretchen." He whispered to himself. "Gretchen."
"Donnie!" She called out to him, her hand reaching up to him. "Donnie, I remember! I remember!" Donnie closed his eyes. He didn't move. Her hair rippled with the wind. He could smell her hair from the window. It was a bittersweet scent that brought nostalgia. "Please, come out! Get out of that room! Oh god, please Donnie!"
"No. No." He whispered, his voice carrying in the wind. "I can't, Gretchen. You know why."
Tears were streaming down her face now, the wind carrying them away. "I don't care! Just please get out and we can figure it out later! Don't die for me, Donnie! I'm not worth it!"
Donnie smiled. "You were more than worth it. Gretchen, go home. You might get hurt by the debris."
"No!" She screamed. "I won't leave! Donnie, please!" She collapsed; sobbing on the ground for the only boy that had cared for her.
"Do you remember what you said that day I tried to kiss you?" Donnie watched the road for Frank's car. "You said you wanted to wait until a moment where it reminded you how beautiful the world could be. You make the world beautiful to me." A pair of headlights appeared on the road. It had to be Frank. "Goodbye Gretchen. I love you so fucking much. Go and make the world beautiful for someone else." He slammed the window shut and lay on the bed. He could vaguely hear Gretchen screaming and yelling his name. Please make this quick. Please. I might back out if it takes too long to kill me. He giggled. If it takes too long to kill me, haha, that was funny. He giggled again, hearing the beep. Any second now. Any second now. Any—
The last thing he heard was Gretchen screaming his name.