A/N: *wipes away a tear at my completely not-clever attempt at Mariah Carey pun* I slay myself, I swear.
I just wanted to write a Christmas story for these dorks. (Note: May and Drew are both in their early twenties.)
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, I don't own Mariah Carey, I own nothing, yadda yadda.
Drew burst into laughter when May came out of the bathroom.
"What in the world are you wearing?" he asked when he could finally catch his breath.
May smiled and twirled in a circle so her boyfriend could see her outfit in all its glory. From the waist down her outfit looked relatively normal— a flowing red skirt and a pair of ballet flats— but the top half was an atrocity. A green sweater two sizes too big hung off of her shoulders, a sweater adorned with a poorly stitched Skitty wrapped in multi-colored Christmas lights and sequins snowflakes stitched all around it. Just when Drew didn't think it could get any worse, May's right index finger and thumb pinched a button on the sleeve, causing all of the lights on the sweater to light up and flicker sporadically.
"It's my outfit for the party!" May said cheerfully, admiring her obnoxious sweater in the full length mirror set up in her room. "Do you like it?"
Drew sat up from where he lay doubled over on May's bed and wiped a tear from his eye.
"I think it's the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" He was never one to sugarcoat things, and May needed to know how awful it was if she was going to leave her apartment looking like that.
"Actually, this is the ugliest thing you've ever seen," May said with a strange smile, picking up a paper shopping bag from the floor. From it she pulled a second sweater, even worse than the one she was wearing. The entire front half was taken up by a large, very unhappy-looking Stantler with a bright red nose instead of the usual brown. The Stantler was surrounded in mound of gift boxes, varying in size and color. Instead of being a typical cotton or fleece blend, the entire thing was made of a material that made the sweater look like hair was sprouting out of it, and to make it worse, when she flipped the sweater around Drew could see the very unattractive backside of the Stantler as well.
The horrified face Drew was making made May giggle.
"And that's not even the best part!"
And then, similar to the sweater she was wearing, she reached down to the sleeve and pressed a small button. Instead of lighting up, the sweater began to play a very squeaky instrumental of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Stantler." Drew eyes widened in astonishment.
"You're right. That one takes the cake. It's definitely the ugliest sweater in existence." Drew paused. "Why exactly are you trying to win the award for 'World's Worst Dresser' again?"
May giggled once more. "It's a Johto tradition. It's called an Ugly Christmas Sweater party! Ash is hosting it with the winnings he got from the last league he entered. He invited all of his friends!"
Drew had never heard of such a party and was appalled that Johto actually had special occasions for people with terrible fashion sense. Nevertheless, May seemed to be having fun with it, and he got a kick out of watching her spin around the room in her Skitty-knitted monstrosity.
"So what's with the second sweater? You planning on switching outfits halfway through the night to keep people on their toes? Mew, I doubt anyone could anyone could become acclimated to either of those things."
The strange look was back on May's face again, the one that told him he clearly wasn't understanding something. She looked pointedly at the Stantler sweater in her hands then back to him. After a moment, Drew took note of the fact that this one was considerably too large to fit May.
His eyes widened. "Ooooh, no. There is no way—"
"Come on, Drew! Don't you want to go to this party with me! It'll be fun!"
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that, much less voluntarily put it on!"
May frowned, her brow pinching up adorably and her bottom lip jutting out. "You're really going to make me go to a Christmas party alone?"
"No, I'm making you go to an 'Ugly Christmas Sweater Party' alone. There's a big difference."
Suddenly May's jaw clenched. "Fine. Be that way. If you want to sit in my apartment while I go to a party with all of our friends, so be it. I'll have fun on my own." She stomped back towards the mirror to begin fastening a red ribbon in her hair.
Drew snorted. "You're terrible at guilting people, May. None of those people are my friends. They're your friends. I barely even know Ketchum."
May turned around to look at him, head tilting slightly to the side and a curious look on her face. "If you can't be guilted, can you be bribed?"
"And how do you plan on bribing me to wear that?" he asked, scrunching his nose at the offending piece of fuzzy clothing.
"Well," May almost whispered, suddenly sounding very timid. "With Christmas coming up, I thought I should give you a present." This seemed fairly obvious to Drew, so he didn't really see what she was getting at. "And I might let you unwrap it early," she continued softly, lifting her hand up to her shoulder, "if you come with me tonight."
Trying to be dramatic, May suddenly pulled the neckline of her sweater down to the side, revealing a thin strip of red lace on her shoulder. While the strap itself (and what May was implying) was certainly enticing, the moment was perhaps ruined by the sudden jerk of her sweater's neckline causing May to choke herself, causing her to let out an unattractive "urk!" at her self-strangulation. Her hair bow slipped from her hair at her sudden movement and fell in front of her eyes, and in trying to push it back up one of the lights on her sleeve snagged on her hair and became tangled.
May dropped her pretense of seduction in a desperate attempt to untangle herself, and Drew snickered at his girlfriend's antics. Despite how put-off she was at her failed attempt at being sexy, Drew couldn't help but love her because of it. The entire motion was so very May that he couldn't help but be won over by it.
"Oh, how you tempt me, Miss Maple," Drew said, standing up from her bed to help liberate her hair from her sweater. After a moment she was free, and Drew took the opportunity to kiss her sweetly on the lips.
"Fine, I give. I'll go with you to the Ugly People Party."
"Ugly Christmas Sweater Party," she corrected him quickly, then wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, "and thank you!"
He breathed out through his nose. "Alright, give me the awful sweater."
May handed him the Stantler sweater and pushed him eagerly towards her bathroom to get changed. "There's matching antlers on the counter!" she called out to him cheerfully.
Drew groaned.
Drew didn't find it odd when May headed to the bathroom when they first arrived at the rented hall where the party was being held. After travelling with May for years during their childhood, he knew how often she stopped to pee.
He also didn't find it odd when she told him to go on into the party without her. While that should have been slightly off-putting (since he didn't really know anyone there) he continued on his way without much thought, scratching his chest uncomfortably, right over the spot where the Stantler's droopy left eye was.
What he did find odd was that when he walked into the room where all of May's friends were gathered, none of them were dressed in ugly sweaters. In fact, all of them looked quite nice, with the men donning neatly pressed button-down shirts and slacks while the women were all wearing tasteful dresses and skirts.
Another thing he found odd was the camera being shoved in his face by none other than Max Maple, who began to snap photos of Drew's bewildered face in rapid succession while howling in laughter.
When the spots receded from his vision he took in a room full of vaguely familiar people snickering in his direction, and his girlfriend standing front of him (in a dress, no Skitty sweater to be found) accepting a crisp fifty dollar bill from her younger brother for making Drew Hayden the worst dressed person at the Christmas party.
Drew promptly chased Max around the hall in a vain attempted to retrieve that camera and break it, but the boy was a lot faster than he anticipated, and the antler headband Drew was currently wearing fell off of his head and in front of his face, impeding his vision and allowing the young teen to get away. He begrudgingly stayed at the party for the rest of the night, glaring at his cruel girlfriend while Ketchum's friends took great joy in complimenting his outfit.
Despite the fact that Drew was able to unwrap his "gift" that night, and the apology sex May owed him for her trick was amazing, Drew vowed to never again attend a Christmas party with May Maple.
Ever.
A/N: It is my new Christmas wish to see Drew in an ugly Christmas sweater.