Title: Bottom Up
Summary: JDCox, established relationship. The older man groaned and swiped a hand over his face because he didn't want to admit that Turtlehead and Barbie were right, and by gum, that meant they actually had something in common . . . And it was knowledge of JD's sex antics of all things.
A/N: Beta'd by kipli! You're awesome!
Perry let out a low growl when Turk and Elliot plopped down beside him as soon as he situated himself on the couch. The housewarming party was going well, JD was being the perfect hostess like the housewife that he was, the kids were bouncing with excess energy due to the gratuitous cake and juice, the adults were sneaking drips of cheap whiskey into their sodas . . . To sum it all up, Perry was going nuts.
"I hope you know that the couch is my island, you are the interlopers, and I am the crazy territorial lice-infested castaway who hasn't had human contact for over thirty years."
"Great party, Doctor Cox!" Elliot giggled bubbly, taking a sip of a newly poured glass of champagne.
"If you don't mind, Barbie, I'm busy," Perry said. As if to demonstrate, he lifted his tall glass of Guinness to his lips and drained it with methodical slowness. He sighed happily through his nose as he ogled the black vortex that was his thick alcoholic drink. A man could stay in that place forever.
All too quickly, the beer was finished and Turk and Elliot, their faces distorted by the bottom of the glass, were there waiting for him like the hounds of hell.
"You unpacked the place pretty quick," Turk remarked.
"It's all an illusion," the older man said, pulling his lips back in a grimace. "I moved all the unpacked boxes into an empty room while your girlfriend played interior designer in the kitchen." What he opted to leave out was that JD had simultaneously been looking for covert places to hide bottles of the strawberry flavored lube he'd bought for the real housewarming that would occur . . . After the cleanup. The second thought made Perry groan in annoyance.
As if on cue, JD flitted -- yes, flitted -- into the living room, taking Perry's empty glass. He grinned tipsily. "Hi, Per-Per!" he giggled, leaning in and kissing him on the lips.
Perry didn't know whether he should be annoyed or amused -- the former because Elliot's commentary was a high-pitched "awwwww" and the latter because Turk's was a noise of disgust. He licked his lips when JD pulled away. "You taste like margarita that my evil harpy of an ex-wife probably mixed, which is two parts sugar, four parts alcohol, and six parts hangover that I'll probably have to deal with at the ass crack of dawn." He also suspected Jordan found some of their stash and made it a point to make JD incoherently drunk and incapable of . . . Y'know, doing anything that required his motor skills. She would do that, seeing as how she was an evil harpy of an ex-wife.
JD pressed a drunkenly affectionate kiss to the side of Perry's neck before giggling and fluttering away.
Perry growled.
"He is such a tease when he's drunk," Elliot complained.
"Tell me about it," Turk huffed, earning a curious look from the blonde and an incredulous look from Perry.
"I don't want to know," the older man groaned and swiped a hand over his face, because he didn't want to admit that Turtlehead and Barbie were right, and by gum, that meant they actually had something in common.
. . . And it was knowledge of JD's sex antics of all things.
They were encased in a stunned silence where the truth was beginning to set in for all three of them, during which JD came back with a refill of Perry's beer and then proceeded to flit away to some unknown part of the house, Perry drained said glass of beer, Elliot blinked catatonically, and Turk fidgeted while making a noise that was like a mouse in a blender.
"But what I do want to know is why Newbie was watching Animal Planet and taking notes during a mating scene between two giraffes when I came home from work yesterday," Perry suddenly barked as he put down his glass with a thud.
Turk cradled his face in his hands and made a sound that was not unlike the onset of sobbing.
"Oh, JD literally has a binder of things he'd do if only you'd go bottom up for a night," Elliot said into her glass, not missing a beat.
Perry was sure Turk really was sobbing at this point. He himself let out an annoyed snarl and made it a point to search the house for that dreadful binder and destroy it . . . After fulfilling his morbid curiosity and giving it a skim-through.
Which is exactly what he did after everyone had gone and they decided that passing out sounded like a better idea than cleaning up. It was convenient, really, because Perry found said binder sticking out from under JD's pillow.
He'd been skimming through it with quiet incredulity when the bathroom door opened and JD wearily dragged himself to bed. He stopped in his tracks when Perry held out the binder to two particularly colorful pages filled with cutouts of various mating animals.
JD grinned sheepishly.
"I'm not sure if I should be worried, Lucille," Perry remarked disbelievingly.
They got into bed and under the covers, JD curling into Perry's side.
"You do know all of this has lessened any chance of my ever going bottom up," Perry muttered.
JD smiled into Perry's shoulder, giving it a kiss. "I'll get through to you one day. Then you'll never be able to resist my Unicorn Mount."
Perry's eyes shot open. "I'm sleeping on the couch."
The younger man giggled. "I'm just kidding, Per-Per." When Perry relaxed some, he muttered, "Mostly."